Anxiety, Diabetes, Pain, and Advice

Today Hod wanted #1 and I to meet him for lunch. We went to a little burger place and discovered #1 needed a diaper change. They didn't have any sort of changing station. Hod went to change her in the front seat of the car. As I waited for our food he called me in a panic. #1 had MAJOR diaper rash (she had been in the diaper for less than 25 min, I'm really not a major slacker. She had been fine then.) And she had managed to get urine all over the seat. She was actually getting blisters it was so bad. She doesn't have a dr yet so we went to the local urgent care. While there I was in some pretty intense pain. Not labor, but not right. The dr saw #1 and talked to me, telling me I needed to go to labor and delivery.

We called some friends to watch #1 for us and headed over to the hospital.  This is what we now know: I am borderline diabetic. After the three hour glucose test my Dr's nurse called me and told me I was fine. No other details, just "fine". Today I learned that if my numbers had been just one higher I would be listed as diabetic. I'm that close, and you couldn't tell me to limit my hot chocolate? No wonder I have felt so lousy.

Along with this I have "floating anxiety". Basically I am so stressed out that I am hurting myself. This is why I can't sleep and why I am in so much pain. It is bad enough that if I don't figure out how to change something I will have to be medicated or it could harm #2.  Oh, so you mean all the times I tried to talk to my dr about how I was feeling and he quickly told me "your baby has a normal heart beat, you're fine." He was actually wrong? Lame-o. I have been thinking of getting a new dr for a while, and today was the final straw!

After finding all of this out, I talked to the nurse in labor and delivery about doctors. She told me that in an emergency she would love to have my current dr, but if she wanted to be listened to, she would find someone else. So she gave us a recommendation. We asked for the phone number. She just had the dr come in and give it to us. I am very excited to try this new dr! Even just the 5 min we talked I felt like she has learned more about me than my current dr did in a month.  So glad to have a dr I can feel confidence in!

A Letter

Dear #2,

We need to have a bit of a chat.  I know your big sister is amazing, and if you turn out much like her I will be a very happy mom (but no pressure, you can be yourself too!).  However, just because she decided to put me in labor for three weeks does not mean you need to do the same thing.  ESPECIALLY since she started it three weeks later than you have.  Now, trying to rise above and do your own thing is an admirable trait.  This is a time that over-achieving is not something we should be aiming for.  You are not supposed to come out for another 8 weeks.  If you do this to me for another 7 we will be in a fight. I do not enjoy regular contractions 15 min apart for 9-24 hour segments.  We have been doing this for a week now, and I am impressed with your determination and persistence.  But now that I know how determined and persistent you can be would you mind it if we took a break for about a month?  Your big sister is a very active kid.  Chasing her around all day is hard enough while I am almost 8 months pregnant.  Chasing her around all day, getting ready for Christmas, and having contractions all the time is about to do me in!

Also, do you think you could give my ribs a break?  By break, I mean let them have time off from the constant kicking.  I am NOT asking you to break them.  It seems you think this would be a wonderful, and exciting thing to do.  I'm telling you that you are wrong.  Breaking Mommy's ribs is not a kind thing to do.  I know you are a kind girl who wants to make your Mom happy, so please just lay off a bit.

We are very excited to meet you, and for you to join our family.  Just remember these 3 rules:

1.  Stop it with the regular contractions before Mommy goes crazy.
2.  Stay in there for at least 4 more weeks.
3.  Stop trying to break Mommy's ribs.

If you could manage those three simple things we will all be much happier and healthier.

Thanks so much!  Love you!

Your Mom,

Paily

Molding Young Minds

#1 is growing. The top half of our Christmas tree is starting to look crowded as we keep having to raise the low ornaments.

She is also strong. Things are starting to get broken, and the bulk of my day is following her around watching what new items she can reach and destroy today and taking them from her.

She is also determined. Large objects that I can't take away (like the dishwasher) are her favorite toys. The other half of my day is spent trying to help her forget that these objects exist... I'm not very good at it.

These are all great qualities. I just need to figure out how to teach her to use them for good, instead of her current use of driving her mother insane. But man is she cute!

It Had To Happen Sometime.

Before #1 was born, I heard many horror stories of moms hurting their kids while cutting their fingernails/toenails.  Many a mother has cut her child trying to keep the nails short.  I was pretty terrified.  Then I heard from multiple people the easiness associated with biting the fingernails.  With your tongue you can feel exactly where to bite so you don't hurt the baby.  And it worked.  For over a year now I have been biting #1's fingernails, and we have never had a problem.  I have been so grateful for that advice, and grateful for the success it has given me.  It made me so happy to know that I had never accidentally hurt my baby girl.  Today I even decided to try clippers and we still managed to cut her fingernails without any sort of incident.

About an hour ago, I decided that I was going to fix something in my house.  We have Christmas lights up around our main room, because we don't have overhead lighting.  These lights are 2 years old and have been moved 6 times, and have been put up in 4 of those places.  They have been through a lot.  In the past few weeks, half of the lights have turned black and burned out.  We decided to get some new ones a few weeks ago, and haven't gotten around to changing them out yet.  But the darkness is driving me nuts!  Hod has been meaning to help me change them, but he is a busy man.

So, I decided, today was the day.  I got the lights out, pulled out my amazing step stool, and got ready to switch them all out.  I started right above the tv.  I had put on a movie for #1, and here we go!  I climbed up on the step stool, but then had to stand on the TV stand as well to reach the lights.  #1 was holding onto the stool and talking like a cute girl.  As I climbed back onto the stool she started screaming.  I looked down, but couldn't see anything wrong.  She has been a bit ornery lately so I didn't really stress.  I had to get off the stool to move it so I jumped down.  It was then that I realized the stool had shifted just enough to be on top of two of her little toes.  No wonder she was screaming!  I am not a skinny woman.  Oh my goodness it broke my heart!  She cried as I held her, and I cried too.  She is fine.  She is still using her foot like normal, all of the toes bend, you wouldn't even know something had happened.  But I feel so bad!  Yes, it was an accident, but no mom ever wants to cause her baby pain.  Such a bummer!

Love It!

Not long after we moved to our current place, I often found #1 looking at books. (I posted a picture, but I'm doing this from my phone so I don't know where the picture will be.) I love that she loves books!  Her current favorite is to grab a book, crawl over to me with it, pull at many arm till I give her my hand, put the book in my hand and then stare at it expectantly. It is so cute, how could I turn her down? Though I am sick of "Moo, baa, la la la" it is fun to watch her face light up as we read the story. For some reason the last page always makes her laugh a little.  I don't get it, but it sure is cute!

I Always Wanted A Little Pup..p...p

I quite like dogs.  I think little puppies are the cutest ever.  However, fully grown dogs that are the size of puppies are not so cute.  That is the only kind of dog Hod has ever been OK with.

But I found another way to sneak a pup into our lives.  Alright, really, I have discovered PUPPP. 

Turns out it isn't the dream I thought it would be.

PUPPP is a really lame-o rash that some pregnant women develop.  It usually develops in the first pregnancy (This is my 2nd to go this long), normally develops around 35 weeks (I'm only 28), 70% of cases are women pregnant with boys (I'm having a girl), and is most common if you are having multiples (I've only got one in there).  It is safe for baby and mom, so that is good, but that is where the positive ends.  This rash starts out on your stomach, and if you scratch it it can spread over your entire body, only excluding your face.  It is only a little bit itchy at first, but then it gets worse and worse until you get to the point that every place that has been touched by it constantly feels like millions of needles are pricking you.  It is irritated and aggravated by heat, clothing, stretching, any applied pressure, and looking at rainbows.  (OK, I made that last one up.)  It usually clears up about 2 weeks after delivery.  That is the current fix for the problem: have the baby.  That works a lot better if you develop it around 35 weeks.  You only have 2 weeks before you are technically full term.  If you are only 28 weeks, it makes the next 2 1/2 months sound like pure torture. 

Not a whole lot is known about PUPPP.  Some say there is no treatment, some say some prescriptions will help.  Some say it is just freaky hormones that cause it, some say it is actually a problem with the liver.  Most say it really doesn't cause any problems at all, however some doctors say that they have never met a woman who developed it who didn't deliver in the next 3 weeks.

I'll be honest, we aren't 100% sure this is what I have.  I have an appointment next week and we will find out for sure, but from my research this is the most likely.  (I've spent hours looking at pictures of rashes and this is the closest match.)  The second most likely is that I am developing shingles.  But I'm pretty sure that isn't it, because it isn't really growing.  I am exercising great will power and not scratching. 

PUPPP is not widely known about.  Not unless you have experienced it.  Pretty sure I had no desire to join that club.  Ignorance really is bliss.

It's Alive!!

When I was about 16 weeks pregnant with #1, I was informed that I had an anterior placenta.  Not a big deal, it would just make it much harder to feel movement.  (There is some debate as to whether or not an anterior placenta more often leads to a posterior birth - which #1 had - but that is not the point of this.)  Seeing as it was my first pregnancy to go past 9 weeks, I had no idea what movement felt like anyway.  I didn't feel #1 until well after 20 weeks.  Then during the pregnancy, there was a time that I hadn't been able to feel her for way too long, so we went to the Dr, hooked me up to a machine, and I got to listen to her heartbeat for 30 min.  Well, 30 min on and off.  She kept wiggling, so it was hard to stay right on her heartbeat.  But wiggling was fine, we were just checking to make sure she was doing well, and wiggling was a great sign of that.  As a general rule, the only way Hod could feel #1 moving was when he would squish my stomach.  Basically we had to get her ticked off in order to feel movement from the outside.

Well, with #2, it couldn't be more different.  Around 11 weeks I thought I could feel her moving.  (I know, that is super early, but there was something moving around inside of me and it wasn't a normal feeling.  It was new.)  Hod has been able to feel her for a few months now.  She is a wiggler and a kicker!  Most of the time that is just fine with me.  It makes me giggle when I get a minute to sit down and read, and I rest the book on my tummy only to have #2 kick it off.  I have been amazed at how it feels when she kicks.  It is so different than with #1. 

Part of me thinks that #1 and #2 are already friends.  Well... maybe friends is the wrong word.  Every time I am sitting with #1 and #2 kicks, #1 gets a concerned look on her face and hits my stomach.  Then #2 kicks back and they go on for a bit.  I think this is how they communicate their plans for the night time.  They have this awesome schedule where every 45 min #2 will kick my bladder as hard as possible, thus waking me up and often making me run to the restroom.  Along with this, every 4 hours #1 is waking up and wanting to play.

This makes for a pretty tired Paily.  But it is a lot of fun feeling all of the kicking going on!

It's Venting Time!!

I am now going to complain.  A lot.  If you are looking for something happy, keep moving friend.

We are currently in a fight with the USPS.  They've messed up with things before (Like sending my wedding announcement to my own parents instead of the person up the street with the same last name.)  But this time, they have really messed us up.  We had lived in our new apartment for just a few days when we filled out the happy pink card provided by the USPS found in our mailbox to say that yes, we lived here.  We also filled out all of our change of address forms so everything could be forwarded.  The mail started coming.  We were getting everything we expected to get... almost.  However, the 2 things that we were missing were coming from people who may or may not have actually put things in the mail.  Because we were getting so much, we had no reason to assume that there was a problem with our mail.  After getting mad at other people for messing us up so much, today we discovered the truth.

The USPS has sent back our debit cards (twice) and Hod's last paycheck (twice).  They just didn't know if we really lived here, so they sent those back.  Don't you worry, they let all of our bills, and our personal checks (that have all of our account information on them) come through, but the debit cards that have our faces on them, thus making it hard for strangers to use them, and the paycheck that you have to sign for and is only made out to one person, those they sent back.

How in the world were we supposed to know that there was a problem?  Our bank didn't actually have a record of sending out our cards so we just assumed that they hadn't.  Today we found out that our cards had just been sent back and had arrived on Friday.  Hod knows that his boss is really slow at sending checks, and even though he asked her to send them, and she claimed she did, that didn't mean anything.  Except she did send them!  And we could really use the $600 that she was sending us.  But of course USPS says that it isn't their fault.  Um... exactly how is it not your fault?  We filled out all of the paperwork you gave us.  Why do you get to pick what mail we get and what gets sent back?  If people send mail, you deliver it.  That is how it goes.  We pay for stamps, so we aren't asking for free services.  We told you we lived here.  You just decided that we were... kidding???

In other things I can complain about:

When we first moved into our apartment, we discovered that the carpets had never been cleaned.  Actually besides what the previous tenants did, nothing had been cleaned at all.  We got the carpets cleaned, but since all of our furniture was already here, they didn't clean under it.  We just can't ever rearrange our house.  Kind of a bummer, but fine.  (Well, except for the random day that we weren't allowed to be home for 7 hours because they were cleaning our carpets.  That was a bummer.)  We have lived here for 1 month, and already had 4 problems.  And some of them were pretty big... like the gas leak because of their faulty water heater connector that could have killed my daughter.  The smaller problems... well, they have both become a bit bigger.  The lame maintenance man who has come twice (we quite like the other guys) doesn't seem to know how to clean up after himself.  We work very hard to keep this house safe for #1.  She is still putting everything in her mouth, so we are very aware of choking hazards.  The first time he came to fix something, I caught her as she found a loose pointy, sharp, screw and tried to put it in her mouth.  Yesterday he came, and we assumed he had cleaned up, but no, later I had to pull a washer out of #1's mouth.  Wow... I didn't know that by having you come fix something at my apartment I was putting my daughter's life at risk.

Then, today, they turned off our water.  It was a scheduled thing, but they decided not to tell anyone because it would only be off for 20 min.  Of course those were the 20 minutes that Hod was getting ready.  Guess he'll just bust out the super scruffy look because without water he couldn't shave.  Luckily he had just finished washing himself in the shower when they turned it off.  And also lucky, that we have 2 bathrooms, thus making so we could use the bathroom twice.  As a pregnant lady, I need to know if you are going to make it so I can't use the toilet.

What in the world is going on here?  Why is everyone crazy?  I can only do so much, but when others are stupid and I get messed up because of it, I get a little ticked!!

Party Poopers

Greetings friends!

Please, come and take a journey with me.

Imagine you have been invited to a party.  By the time this party occurs you have been anxiously looking forward to it for months.  Why are you looking forward to it?  Because of the party favors.  Seriously, this thing is going to be intense.  What would be your dream party favor?  For me, it would be... a free piano?  That sounds great.  Or, if you have a hard time thinking of this, imagine that you have been invited to attend Oprah's Favorite Things show.  (Yeah, I know it doesn't exist anymore.)  Now, you come to this party/show with a bunch of other adults knowing that there is enough for everyone.  It isn't some Black Friday sale, this is for everyone who was invited.  The moment arrives, the party favors are laid out/the magic door opens showing you what you have been waiting for.  All you have to do is go and get it.  Exciting, eh?

Now, as the door opens, there are about 3 out of the 50 people attending that run frantically and take as much as they can for themselves.  They get as much as they can, put it in their car, and then frantically run for more.  They push others to the side and are only thinking of themselves and how great it is going to be.  What will they do with all of the extras?  You don't know.  All you know is they are taking from everyone else there because they are selfish.  Are you angry?  Are you disappointed?  Are you sad?  Do you get in and fight at their level, or do you stay with you friend with the broken leg who can't get in there as fast as everyone else?

It sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it.  What adults would actually act that way?  I mean, I'm sure there are some.  Would you clap for them?  Would you be disgusted and complain?  What do you do in this kind of situation?

Even though that story seems a bit ludicrous, let's change the setting a little bit.

Maybe you are at a 4th of July parade.  And it's not you that is excited, it is your son or daughter.  You have worked very hard to teach them manners.  When the candy starts flying, they look to you for reassurance.  You tell them, that yes, that piece of candy 18 inches away from them is theirs for the taking.  As a wide smile spreads across their face, and they move to reach for the candy, they are pushed out of the way by other kids.  This exciting time becomes a sad day.  They wanted some candy too.  (And let's be honest, to the average 4 year old candy is as big of a deal as a piano would be to me.)  Instead of being a happy, joyous day, they leave feeling sad, dejected, and possibly physically hurt.  (Some of those kids push hard!)  As a parent (or aunt, or good friend) how do you feel?  What do you want to do about it?

This may seem pretty random, seeing as it is October.  However, Saturday my Ward had a Trunk-or-Treat.  We attended.  I didn't plan on getting much for #1, she's too young for that.  But it was fun to go and watch all of the kids.  Some of those little 4 year old kids were so cute!  There were probably about 40 kids, and about 15 cars.  Totally enough for everyone.  But there ended up not really being enough.  As the kids started going for candy, the older kids ran from car to car.  Their greedy hands excitedly took handfuls out of the offered bowls.  If you were lucky enough to catch one, you could make them put some back, but it was obvious that many of these kids had this down to a science.  Then they made the rounds again.  And again.  While trying to take care of #1, I was not as able to police my bowl of candy as I hoped.  Soon, I realized that most of my candy was gone, and all I had left was a meager offer.  When this happened all of the cute small kids were just making it around for the first time.  I happened to have the right kind of candy for some, but not for others.  How sad I was that I couldn't make all of the kids happy.  Something that bothered me the most was this conversation I heard between a mother and daughter:

Mom:  Darling, how many times have you made it around this circle?
Daughter:  (While holding a bulging bag of candy)  Oh, this is my 3rd or 4th.
Mom:  (Laughing now)  Wow, you are sure busy.  How fun.

WHAT?  Are you encouraging your kid to act this way?

As a Mom, this really troubles me.  What am I supposed to teach my kids?  I know that I should teach them to share, to not be selfish, to make sure you care about others.  But, if Saturday night is the norm, then it taught me that by having well behaved children they will be stuck with a plastic pumpkin full of Smarties.  Not that Smarties are bad, but seriously, a little variety is nice.  I realize that my kids don't need a ton of candy, but the event is half of the fun.

I won't teach my kids to be selfish.  I will stop the bad behavior that I see.  But I am seriously saddened by what I have witnessed.

Shouldn't we all teach our kids to be kind and to share?

This and That

What is it about pregnancy that makes me SO klutzy?  I can totally understand running my ever growing stomach into things.  That is moving and changing every day.  But my elbows?  Same place they were 2 months ago.  Shins?  Haven't moved since I stopped growing.  The number of bruises on my appendages, is pretty intense.  And I never have a good story to go with them.  "Oh, that one?  That is where I hit the door frame cause I have no idea where my body is anymore."  Yeah, pretty lame.

In other news:  #1 has her first birthday on Saturday!  It was this Thursday last year that I was finally able to meet her.  What a sweet girl!  And I have been AMAZED how much she has changed in the past week.  She is so close to walking.  She is also just seeming much more mature.  It is like something just switched on in her comprehension center.  Now when I take her empty cup and tell her that I am going to give her more, she doesn't scream, she just looks at me excitedly.  It is quite wonderful.  She is also exploring the option of pushing boundries.  As bad as it is, it just makes me laugh when I tell her no, and she gets a big smile and moves to do it all again.  I'm having to work very hard on my serious face.  Her giggles may be cute, but we do need to learn here.  But it's so hard to be serious with that sweet smile and laugh!  She is also finally sleeping for longer stretches through the night.  I think with all of the craziness of our life she has had a really hard time.  This has been evident in her sleep.  It has not been uncommon for her to wake up every 2-3 hours.  That is way to often for a one year old.  But this past week she is normally waking up once around midnight and again around seven.  (Most people would count waking up at 7 as morning, but she is still tired and with a little coaxing will go back to sleep.)  Naps still leave something to be desired, but I blame that on all of the random people stopping by my apartment.  Seriously, friends.  You do not need to beat down my door.  And your knack for stopping by approximately 3 minutes after my daughter falls asleep would be laughable if it wasn't so darn inconvenient. 

Anyway, life is good.  But I better run.  #1 is chewing on the coffee table again.  "Dear, you aren't a beaver.  If you're hungry, I'm happy to get you some food!"

Perfect

I've never been too much of a morning person.  Well, compared to most of my friends growing up, I was a morning person.  That was mostly because of my dad.  We were expected to be up by at least 8:00 every day.  If we missed that, and he happened to be home, we were often roused with words like, "Get your bod out of bed!  People die in bed!"  To help with this, my Mom would usually give us an early rise scripture study time of around 7:30.  But just because I was up, doesn't mean I liked it.

Enter my dear Hod.  Anything before 9:00 is too early to him.  Right before we were married Hod was living with my parents (long story).  One of the first mornings I got a call from my sister around 9:30 asking me if Hod was dead because he hadn't surfaced yet.  For much of the beginning of our marriage I would wake up around 8, and then wait around for an hour or so before forcing him out of bed just because I was bored.  But slowly over time, he has converted me to sleeping in.  Now, I can happily sleep til at least 8:30.

However, the days that #1 sleeps past 7:30 are few and far between.  To allow me to continue my laziness I just pull her into bed with me and give her a bottle.  Some mornings she goes back to sleep, some mornings she doesn't.  Either way, when she really does decide to wake up after some quite enjoyable snuggling, she is just full of smiles.  She likes to play with my hair, and my lips, and make cute noises, and her eyes sparkle, and she does my heart good.

Even though it is earlier than I would like, it is pretty much the perfect way to start the day.  I hope I can find a way to continue it after #2 gets here.

Sniff, Sniff

This morning around 8:00, #1 woke up.  I went in to get her, decided I wanted to lay in bed a little longer and had her come join us.  I gave her a bottle and wondered if she would fall back asleep.  She didn't, but was happy to just sit there quietly.  That's not normal.  She has pretty much always been either moving constantly, or asleep.  This whole "lay by mom perfectly still just moving my eyes and smiling for 30 minutes" though cute was out of character.  That is about the time my brain turned on.  Thinking back, I realized that when I went to get her out of bed there was a strange smell.  Putting on my detective hat, I went to analyze the situation again.

I entered #1's room, and yep, there was a smell.  I woke up Hod and asked him to go smell #1's room.  After being reassured that there wouldn't be any smeared baby droppings on the wall, he went to go check.  He quickly returned, informing me that is smelled like natural gas.  That is what I was afraid of.  Hod called the gas company, I quickly showered and put together the diaper bag.  We were told to get out of the apartment.  After one more quick shower we got out.  Hod went off to work, and #1 and I played outside while the gas company guy checked everything out.

Turns out, we had a bad connector in our water heater.  After playing outside in the nice breeze, #1 was acting much better!  They fixed it all up, and now everything is ok again. 

I should probably go buy a carbon monoxide detector.

On The Road Again

Well, friends, we have officially moved!  It was a bit of an adventure.  Monday, Oct 1, we finished packing up our cars, locked up our old apartment, realized I had left my laptop there and cried a lot, and got on the road.  (Still waiting to see if the landlord will give me back my laptop, or if they are claiming it as abandoned property.)

First thing you should know about this trip:  #1 did AMAZING!  (#2 did just a little bit better, but that is because she is just hanging out inside of my uterus, so nothing was really different about her life.)  We drove 8 hours the first day, 8 hours the second day, and 3 hours the last day.  I would say that in the car #1 cried maybe 90 min total.  That is stinkin' awesome.  I credit it mostly to her enjoyment of sleeping in the car, the advice we got from some friends to just put her forward facing for the trip (don't guilt me, we made it safe, and it made life SO much better!), and her newly discovered love of Teddy Grams.

Second fact:  The Hyatt has AMAZING hotels.  Because of a connection, we were able to get an amazing discount and stayed in the Hyatt House.  It had 2 separate bedrooms (kind of important when we have an 11 month old and people who enjoy their own space.  (Did I mention that my kind parents were with us?)  It also had a complete kitchen, that we didn't use.   But seriously, SUCH a nice room!  And that bed!  Wow.  It was amazing.  We also got to see one of my favorite people and meet her cute daughter.  The first leg of our trip was just wonderful!

Then comes day two.  Dad got a head start because he was pulling the trailer that was CRAZY full of all of our belongings.  Hod, #1 and I were all in the Mazda, and Mom was hanging out by herself, following us in the Buick.  (She kind of had to follow us, cause I had put the maps in my laptop case and that was stuck in Utah.)  We're driving around, looking at a whole bunch of nothing (though we did pass "Jesus with Corn"  It was probably the most exciting thing we saw that day.)  When suddenly my car starts feeling funny.  I couldn't figure out if the road was just really bumpy or if something was wrong.  Another car passed us, and I could tell their car wasn't being bumpy so we pulled over.  (Right as I pulled over Mom was about to call me cause she could see there was something wrong.)  We totally had a flat.  Hod was a little concerned (he's never changed a tire... or watched someone change a tire.  We need to teach him a few things.)  I wasn't worried at all.  I knew where the spare was, and sure, we had to pull about 6 things out of the car to get to it, but that's not so bad.  We got the spare, I reached for the jack.... and it wasn't there.  The lame pole that you use to make the jack work, we totally had, but the actual jack, nothing.  Mom called Dad cause he has AAA so we could get some help.  And we waited.  And waited.  And people just drove past.  And State Troopers just drove past.  (Really?  Isn't that their job, pull over and see the problem?  We just needed a jack, then we could put on the doughnut and drive the 10 miles to the next city.)  I got on the phone with a great friend and had her look up tire places in the closest city, Hod called them to make sure they had a tire for us, and we waited.  After about 2 hours of sitting on the side of I-70, I was getting really bugged!  #1 was still being amazing, pretty sure she had angels with her.  I lost it and cried.  Lame pregnancy hormones.  Then I had a great plan.  I went and took #1, and leaned against the back of the car, poking my pregnant belly out the best I could and tried to wave someone down.  Surely people would stop for a pregnant lady holding a baby, right?  WRONG!  Kansas is on my list of unkind places.  Finally a State Trooper stopped.  He was all, "Oh, yeah, I can help you change your tire".  We told him that AAA was supposedly sending someone.  Then he was all, "Oh, then I probably shouldn't help... let me find out where they are."  After he spent some time in his car we found out that they were about 20 min away.  So he left and we waited some more.  Finally the guy showed.  He had been looking for us for about an hour.  We wanted to follow him to the next town so he could show us where the tire place was, but he had to go the opposite direction for a dentist appointment.  Ok, fine.  We got on the road, got lost finding the town, got lost in the town finding the tire place, finally found them all, got a new tire and were finally back on the road.  This whole thing took over 3 hours.  That really throws off your schedule, especially when you were already loosing an hour that day because of time changes.

Dad was WAY ahead of us at this point, so I gave him directions to the fancy hotel we had for a night.  According to Priceline, it was a suite with a separate bedroom for the queen sized bed, and a queen sized hide-a-bed in the sitting room.  Also with a complete kitchen.  Finally around 10:00 we pulled in.  We were the victims of false advertising.  It wasn't two separate rooms.  It wasn't a queen sized hide-a-bed (more like a double sized piece of cardboard.)  And it wasn't a non smoking room.  Whatever.  We were all so glad to be there that we made it work.

The next day was pretty uneventful.  We drove through a ton of small cities and they were just cute.  We finally got to our apartment, signed all of our papers, 8 guys from our local congregation showed up to move us in, we discovered that our apartment was never cleaned, and we went to bed.

The next day was a flurry of unpacking, assembling things, and having a bit of fun.  I can't imagine how we would have made this without my dear parents.  Thanks again!

We've had some adventures since getting here, and I'll have to share those another day.  But we're here!  Missing family, but glad to be where the Lord wants us.

Love you all!

Opinions Of The Masses

Today Hod and I were able to find out the gender of #2.  Pretty much everyone and their pet dolphin has been guessing that this little one is a boy.  I'm carrying this pregnancy different, my morning sickness has been completely different, and everyone just has this feeling.  One of Hod's Aunts has even started telling everyone that we are having a boy.

Well, the results are in!

Everyone (including me and Hod) was wrong!  We are very surprised.  I'm not sure why we all thought it was a boy, but this kid is very much a girl.  Hod is now having nightmares about the teen years when we are all PMS-ing at the same time.  I think he and my Dad could bond a bit.  Pfft, let's be honest, I'm not looking forward to the teen years.  I was raised with 2 sisters who are just under 12 months apart, and that was a bit scary.  One sister was just mad at the world, and the other cried a lot.  It was a bad combination.  But it didn't last too long, and now they are great friends.

Hod's Mom is very excited.  My Mom... well she isn't answering her phone... I'll keep trying, but just in case, "Hey, Mom, it's a girl!"

At least we don't have to put a boy in our very girly car seat :)

We better find some girl names.  Good thing we have another 20 weeks to pick one... well, at least narrow it down.

Here We Go Again.... Again!

Exactly 11 days ago, Hod had a phone interview for a job.  The manager wanted to meet Hod in person and offer him the job.  We flew the 1200 miles (well a few more than that because of a layover) to meet with him.  After a pretty ghetto hotel, our first (and second) taxi ride, and an impossible game of "find a replacement shoelace" we pretty much had a job.  As for finding the shoelace, we searched every store in one airport and asked around and searched a ton of stores in another airport.  No shoelaces anywhere.  How does that make sense?  There are a ton of business men who need to fly, and they could always lose a shoelace.  However, it was not to be.  Hod flew on 2 flights without a shoelace.

Anyway, we are moving within 3 weeks.  I haven't even really started packing, cause we got back, Hod had surgery, we went to a viewing and funeral, and after all of this I just needed a day off for a break.  Today was glorious.  It's sad that tomorrow I have to get going.  I need to learn how to pack with a 10 month old baby.  We still have to live, but we need to box it all up.  With Hod's surgery he is unable to lift anything over 10 lbs.  Lucky for me #1 weighs about 18 lbs.  My muscles are getting pretty awesome :)

So, here come the changes again.  This time it is going to be bigger than ever.  A new city hundreds of miles away from anywhere we've ever lived.  Finding an apartment online is entertaining.  Well, and frustrating.  However, my super nice Dad has found a trailer and offered to make the drive with us so we don't have to pay tons-o-cash to get our stuff to our new place.  Mom is going to make the drive too, and then they are going to party it up in their old mission grounds.  Family is pretty much amazing.

So, even though I have been pretty much absent in the blogging world, it is probably going to get worse before it gets better.  If I find something hilarious to tell you all about, I'll make an appearance.  Otherwise I'll say hello from my new place!

Missing From My Life

Today I drove my sister L5 to the airport.  On the way home I was listening to my iPod with her transmitter.  As I rounded a corner I heard an OLD commercial.  I figured that I had just hit an actual radio station for a second. However, upon further inspection, I discovered that I actually owned this song.  Hidden under the title of "Me and My Shadow" by Frank Sinatra was this:




I couldn't believe it.  What was even stranger was when I discovered that I have supposedly listened to this "song" 13 times on my computer.  I have no memory of hearing it once.  Well, not since the 80's.  So, if any of you have some Zestfully Clean needs, I can hook you up with the song.

Probably one of the most random discoveries in my life.

What's A Mini Van?

*My brain thinks of very strange things late at night.*

Most of my family knows that I hate going to the bathroom.  (Probably didn't see that one coming, did you?)  There are just SO many things I would rather do with my time.  I mean, think about it, what do you get out of it? (I mean, besides the obvious physical benefits.)  But you go, you sit there a few minutes, and then you leave.  How boring.  I am so bugged about this that at one point my sister L7 and I figured out how much time I had wasted on the pot.  That was a few years ago, so with my recalculations of 4 times a day, 2 minutes per time (and I think that is a pretty low estimate), taking away 3 years because I wasn't toilet trained the first few years of my life, I have spent 51 days of my life on the toilet.  FIFTY-ONE!  And I'm sure that number is a lot higher, especially since I have spent roughly 15 of the last 24 months as a pregnant lady, and we all know they are making more than 4 trips.  I want that time back.  What would you do if you suddenly had 51 free days to spend?

So, I have this opinion, but I really know that God knows what he is doing.  There has to be some way to get stuff out of our bodies.  If there wasn't we'd all be roughly the size of the Goodyear blimp.  That would pretty much make it impossible to do anything that we need to do.  We would all look so funny, cause if you were that wide and we were still only the heights we currently are.... we'd all look like footballs.  Can you imagine how large our houses would have to be?  And what about cars?  Large families would not be able to have a mini van, there would be no such thing.  Just a bus that is as wide as a football field.  And interstates?  A 4 lane highway would be a mile wide.

Guess this whole going to the bathroom thing is good.  But I still wish there was another way.

Good, Better, Best?

I kind of don't love it when I have to choose between good things.  Bad vs good, I'm all over that.  Good vs good, that is a bit harder.

For example:

Last week, Hod had to work during church.  #1 didn't nap at appropriate times, so I knew church would probably be a challenge.  But we went, got there early, enjoyed sacrament meeting, and then went off to Sunday School so I could teach the young teens.  #1 lost it.  I had to spend so much time taking care of her that I wasn't able to be a good teacher.  Class was a mess, the boys that always struggle were a complete battle, I don't know that anyone learned anything, and if it wasn't for one random boy that shared an AMAZING insight the entire class would have been a giant waste.  After class, I knew that there was no way #1 would make it through Relief Society, so we went home so she could sleep.  I don't love missing parts of church.

Fast forward to this week:  #1 woke up 90 min earlier than normal.  This made her morning nap early.  That means to get to church on time she would have to be awake forever, or I could choose to miss the first hour of church, give her a nap, actually be able to teach my class without a screaming baby (cause Hod is working again, so I'm on my own and I need #1 to be happy.) and hopefully teach with the Spirit.  This week I also plan on going to Relief Society.

But is that a good choice?  What is better, having a screaming and tired baby, or missing part of Church so the rest of Church goes well?

I don't love options like this.  I really need to find someone who likes sad babies and wants to take #1 when Hod is working.  Either way, #1 just fell asleep, so I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make it to Church in 15 min.  But when I do get there, I will have a happy baby!

Doing Research

I'm taking a quick poll to see if I'm crazy.  (That is code for there is a right answer and I'm making sure you are all as cool as I am.  OK, not really.)

Would you rather:

1.  Have all of your canned goods plunked into one bag, but then because it is so heavy everything gets double-bagged.

OR

2.  Have your canned good spread across multiple bags making them lighter but giving you more individual bags to carry.

Either way you end up with a ton-o-bags.  How would you like to get them?

Sleep!

A few months ago, we "sleep trained" #1.  We did a modified Ferber method.  It really worked pretty well for us.  She got SO good at putting herself to sleep for naps and bedtime.  She didn't even come close to sleeping through the night.  However, as she was in my room that didn't surprise me.  Hod and I are enough to keep her awake.  (The flying squirrel is not a quiet move.)

Last week I spent 3 nights at my Mom's while family was visiting.  The first night was a living terror.  The second night was really good.  The third night left something to be desired but it could have been worse.  I was excited to come home so she could return to decent sleep in our home.  (Well... kind of decent.  She never sleeps for more than 3 hours in a row, but I needed her to get back to that.)

I don't know what happened, but she lost it.  It is like we never sleep trained at all.  When we put her to bed she SCREAMS for anywhere from 10 min to 70 min.  She does this for naps, for bed, always.  She has also started waking up at midnight and wanting to play.  No matter how much I haven't played with her she has still taken 2-3 hours to get back to sleep.  She has also learned how to pull herself up really well.  Last night I caught her as she jumped up while flinging her head forward and trying to get out of the crib.  So she spent the rest of the night with me, cause I was too tired to fix her crib.

Hod and I talked this morning.  We lowered her crib again and now I can not pick her up unless she is standing.  This makes night time feedings a problem.  Before, when she would wake up, I would help her lay down and then prop a bottle in her mouth.  (I know, you're not supposed to do that... it leads to ear infections.  I've been doing it for 6 months and she has never had an ear infection.)  I can not prop a bottle anymore.  So, this is what we did.  We spent the day rearranging one of the spare rooms, and moved her.  Tonight I will feed her once, but it must be after 1.  I am expecting a rough night with a lot of screaming.  I warned our downstairs neighbors and I'm a bit nervous.  But it just has to change!  Wish us luck!

In other news, for a bit of venting.... I really hate drivers sometimes.  Let me tell you probably my biggest driving pet peeve.  Imagine with me, cause I'm sure you've had this happen, that you are sitting at a stop sign and want to turn... let say right.  While you are waiting for a time you can go, another car pulls up next to you because they want to turn left.  However, they can't see past you, so they pull up further than you, thus blocking your view. Oh, do you not have this problem?  Are you in a van?  Cause I'm in a car.  I drive a cute little Mazda wagon. Me and my little "Zoom, Zoom" (or "swimsuit" if you know that story) car are short.  Vans, Jeeps, SUV's, large trucks, they are all a few feet taller than I am.  So, not only are they blocking my view with their length because they pull so far into the intersection, but with their height.  Many of them could look over my car, but they seem to forget that.  Then we can do the struggle of I pull out further, they pull out further and we are both going to get hit by cross traffic because we end up so far into the intersection, OR I can just be ticked and wait.  That is what normally happens.  But I was there first!  It also happens to me when I'm trying to turn left.  Why can't they wait their turn?  Or, look over my car.  Or look through my windows, they aren't tinted.  (I've looked through the windows before so I don't ruin their view.)  Really, please, do Paily a favor, and don't do this to people!  It is just rude.

*And, lest anyone think it is just a dumb thing where I am from, in the 4 states that I have lived in and driven in for over 6 months all have had this problem.*

Let us all be nice, and let us all hope that my daughter will sleep!

Better, But Not So Much Fun

In the past few weeks, I have been tracted into by 2 different sets of Missionaries.  The first was a set of Elders from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  It was a very hot day, and as Hod was at work, all I could do was offer them a drink of water.  They were kind, we chatted for a minute, but seeing as I go to their Church services every week, they didn't have too much to say to me.  After a brief chat they went on their way.

This morning I had another set of missionaries come to my door.  They were not of my religion.  Now, having served an 18 month, all day, every day, mission for my Church, I understand a bit about these ladies.  They wanted to share an article from their magazine, "The Watchtower" with me.  These ladies belonged to the Jehovah's Witnesses.  I found their wording quite interesting.  During my time as a missionary, I spent quite a bit of time talking to JW's.  I accidentally stumbled upon a way to trick every one of them up, and "prove" that I had no need for their religion in my life.  I am sad to admit that I used to "Bible Bash."  And I was good at it.  However, fighting with someone by quoting different verses of the Bible to try to prove someone wrong is not a good thing.  I didn't do it much on my mission, though I really wanted to.  But here is the problem:  You will not convince someone that they are really wrong.  You will not convince someone that they should stop what they are doing and join your church.  When you go about with a spirit of contention, then the Holy Ghost leaves.  It is the Holy Ghost who testifies of truth.  So then, if you do say something true, they can't feel the Spirit telling them that it IS truth, because you kicked the Spirit out a long time ago.  But, I so enjoy it.  It is not Christ-like, but it brings me some joy.  Especially because I figured out how to box JW's in the corner.  When I realized what religion they belonged to, the child inside of me started to salivate and gear up for a good "bashing" session.  The adult in me took over.  When they asked me if I was "confused as to why the hearer of prayer allows bad things to happen," instead of letting that be my opening to insult them, I just calmly said, "Actually, I feel like I know God's plan, and I understand."  This seemed to surprise them.  They didn't have much else to say, so they offered me one of their magazines, which I declined, and left on their way.

I guess it's a really good thing that I was nice.  They were nice too, so they deserved it.  But it wasn't nearly as much fun.

What's With The Haters?

I quite enjoy the internet.  I love how it can be used to share goodness all around the world.  However, there is one thing that really bothers me.

It is a breeding place for haters!  I guess it may be because they can be anonymous, but there are so many people that are so mean!  Why do they have to put others down?  Why do others assume the worst of everyone?

Two recent examples:

1.  I LOVE The Piano Guys.  They recently put out a video that can be seen here .  It makes me happy.  But then I read comments about how it's so lame, and it doesn't take any talent to hit a piano (though I will say that doing so in time, including busting out some triplets when there is a basic eighth beat going on, does take talent.)  WHY?  Why must you be a hater?  Is the video hurting you?  Is it offending you?  Is it taking away some of your freedoms?  No?  Then you should probably get over yourself.

2.  I am a follower of the NieNie Dialogues.  She is a good woman who is doing her best.  She has been through horrific experiences and chooses each day to find good in the world, despite her hardships.  I have never heard (or I guess read) a mean word from her.  (Unlike myself cause I am now using my blog to complain about others.)  Yet, instead of always being met with love and respect, she is often criticized.  For what?  Rising above challenges?  Persevering through hardships?  Doing her best to be a kind and loving mother?  I guess people are critical because she advertises on her blog thus making her a "money searching jerk who is exploiting her children for her own benefit."  EXCUSE ME?  She brings hope to people every day!  I'm sure her medical expenses are insane.  If she can make a few dollars because I am choosing to read her blog and be uplifted, then good for her.  I call that being resourceful, not being a jerk.

Why has society become so hateful?  Why has it become the norm to say hurtful things?  Since when is it considered OK to say whatever you want and be inconsiderate?  Is that what people are teaching their children?  If I said things like that when I was a kid I would have been punished and then I would have had to go apologize.  Why has the internet taken that away?  It truly makes me sad.  I wish we could all be kind.  Yes, it is true, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  But I was taught that if I didn't want to say anything nice, it was best to keep my mouth shut.  Some seem to have forgotten that important lesson.

(And yes, I realize that I just said mean things so maybe I should take my own advice and keep my mouth shut.  But I'm angry, and in my defense... I didn't criticize a specific person.... does that make it a little bit more OK?)

So... JUST BE NICE!

Here We Go Again

Well... The Bucket Family is Growing again.

Can I just say, "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Yeah, that's about how I feel about it.

And also, "WoooooooHoooooo!!!!!"

With a little bit of "goodgravyIcan'tbelievethisishappening.Wecan'tbedoingthisyet,IthinkI'mgoingcrazy,thisisthecoolestthingever,Ireallyamnevergoingtobeabletosleepagain,Ilovebabies!" thrown in.

Surprised?  Yeah, me too.

There really is no such thing as 100% effective birth control.  No, really, think about it.  I've heard a very popular story about a girl named Mary who tried the abstinence thing and still got pregnant.  When Heavenly Father has plans for you, it doesn't matter what you try, he can still make it happen.

Now, I'm no Mary, but I still didn't think it could happen when it did.

Around midnight on May 31 I turned to Hod and told him that I thought I was pregnant.  That next Sunday I took a test.  It came back negative.  I was very surprised how sad that made me.  I mean, #1 doesn't even come close to sleeping through the night 95% of the time, why would I want to add to that?  I must be crazy! But I was still sad.

We had purchased 2 tests, so 2 days later I tried again just to make sure.  This time it came back positive.  Whew.  Yeah!  What?  Seriously!  I feel like Rapunzel right after she leaves the tower.  So happy but so worried at the same time.

When Hod and I found out we were pregnant, we decided to wait a bit to tell people.  About 10 days later we found out that a dear family member was pregnant.  We were super happy for her and her husband because they lost their last baby at ... I want to say 32 weeks.  (Sorry that I don't know for sure.)  We found this out the first day of our family reunion.  We told our parents, but after finding out about her pregnancy I was even more sure that I wanted to wait.  I thought she deserved to be "in the spot light" for a bit.  I don't know where I got that idea from... but that is how I felt.  She is due the end of December.  Great!

Later on in the reunion, we found out that another family member is pregnant.  How great!  She is due in Jan.  If anyone was paying good attention to Hod, then they may have figured out that we are also pregnant.  He has no poker face.  He kept looking at me as if to say, "See, she's pregnant too, we may as well tell people".  But still we waited.

So, this is my family:  One sister is due beginning of August.  One niece is due in mid September.  Another niece is due.... I think mid November if I'm doing my math right.  Then comes a niece in late December, and another niece in January.  Bringing up the rear is ME in early February.

Looks like we have a family baby boom.


UPDATE

6/6/12 - Today's Craving: Honey Wheat Pretzel Sticks with Nutella.  YUM!

6/7/12 - Already getting super emotional.  Watching Fireproof 20 min in, almost cried twice.

6/22/12 - Watching chick movie.  The sounds of people kissing is really grossing me out.  My nauseous stomach can't handle it.  Kissing is gross.  (Don't tell Hod I said that.  Normally it's great, but today... GROSS!!)

7/3/12 - I am surprised by the amount of Corn Dogs I am eating.  Corn dogs???  What?  And yet, I've had 5 in the past 2 weeks.  Wow... just admitting that kind of freaks me out.  But if you take a frozen corn dog, and broil it on low for about 15 min it comes out all crispy and mmMMM good!  (But not good any other time of my life.)

7/8/12 - I teach a class for 12-14 year olds at church.  Every week I get super stressed and emotional about it.  I think about my kids and hope that I can teach these tween/teens as well as I would want mine to be taught.  No pressure... :P

7/17/12 - Had our first ultrasound today.  Bucket #2 is doing great!

So Not OK

The other day I was feeling a bit stressed.  I decided to take a nice relaxing shower while #1 was napping so I'd feel better.  It was lovely.

After a substantial time letting the warm water calm me down I decided I needed to get out.  I started drying off with my towel when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye.  Suddenly the calm feeling was gone.  The relaxation was gone.  My sanity was threatening to be gone.

Dang earwig had climbed onto my towel and taken up residence.  First bug I've seen in this apartment and it had to be on my towel?  All of the surfaces it could have picked and that is what it went for?

Let it be known, all creepy crawlies of any sort that feel the need to trespass on my property will promptly be killed.  You have been warned.

Ugh.  Really, my skin was crawling all day.  Maybe I'll get to feel relaxed tomorrow.

Even, Red, VT

In 2008 I moved to TX.  I was blessed to live with my brother and his family.  They are great.  But I didn't really feel like I had friends.  Don't get me wrong, family can be amazing friends, but we weren't exactly hanging in the same circles.  I felt lonely.  Then one night I was with a bunch of people my age at a church thing and I made a friend.  Super nice girl with red hair.  She was my sanity while I was in TX.  When I was super poor, she fed me.  When I was emotional, she listened to my rants.  When I just needed to get away, she let me spend the night.  Such an amazing person.  Later, she was asked to be my Visiting Teacher.  (Don't know what that means?  Go here)  Today, we are still friends.  Well... our lives have gotten busy, we both have moved multiple times, had kids, gotten busy, had lives, so we don't really communicate that much, but she is still amazing, and I know if she lived down the street we would still be tight.

2010 I moved to ID.  My first week going to church, I met a girl who introduced herself to me because I sound just like my sister who lives in MO.  This girl was from MO, and being the kind girl she is, invited me over for dinner with some friends.  There I met a girl with red hair.  We both had husbands who worked nights.  We both wanted a friend to spend time with.  And we had each other.  We would get together and talk about nothing and everything.  We'd laugh, we'd have fun.  It was perfect.  We'd go shopping together, cook together, drive the other person around when one person was locked out of their house, and share our problems with each other. We became good friends.  Later she was asked to be my Visiting Teacher.  Even though I have moved from ID we still find times to see each other.  (It helps that I live on the way to her sister's house.)  She is a blessing in my life and I am glad to know her.

2012 I moved to my current location.  My first week at church I met a kind lady with red hair.  She invited me to play group the following Wed.  Then she invited me to come visit her at home.  She often feeds me, tells me jokes, and keeps me informed on the goings on in our city.  She has become a great friend.  Recently, she was asked to be my Visiting Teacher.  And again, I feel blessed.

Something about this pattern of even years, red hair, and visiting teaching is too much to be a coincidence.  I am so glad that I am being looked after.  I am so glad that Heavenly Father has put people in my lives to bless me.  I'm not sure why they are all red heads (though one was from a box) but it's a fun little trait.

It makes me happy.

Fat Lip

The last few days at our house, we have had a lot of this:

TOO CLOSE, A LITTLE TOO CLOSE!!

#1 has been getting around.  She doesn't crawl on all fours.  She doesn't really army crawl either.  It's more like... a super army crawl?  Yeah, let's go with that.  She does a push-up onto her hands and toes, then stiffens her entire body, and pulls herself forward with her hands (not her elbows like a normal army crawl) until her entire body smacks onto the ground and she has moved forward a few inches.  It's really super cute.  And she is really fast!  I'll have to see if I can get a video.  There is just one problem with it though.  She doesn't seem to realize when she has arrived at her destination.  She just keeps going.  Today she gave me a fat lip with her head cause I thought we were close enough, but apparently I was wrong.  There was still enough space between us to see light through.  Don't you worry, she took care of that.

It's great to be close... but unless I can find myself a helmet I'm going to need to figure out how to keep a bit of distance.  At least I'm feeling the love!

My Choices

*WARNING* I am about to get VERY opinionated.  This is my blog, and I have that right.  If you are easily offended, then I would advise moving on.

I am a parent.  Hod and I have made a lot of choices about hot topics.  I would like to explain why.

1.  We are PRO vaccination.  I am not going to dispute that there is a small percentage of children that have adverse affects to vaccines. (affect or effect?  That always confuses me.)  The idea of vaccinations has so much to do with the "herd" mentality.  If you are in the small percentage that has a child that had problems, then that is difficult.  Right after Hod and I got married, I had a religious leader who had a special needs daughter.  He felt that it was caused because of a bad MMR that she had been given.  I cannot dispute that.  However, I do feel that she was not given her trials because her parents tried to do what they felt was best.  This leader told us once that his daughter being as she was had helped at least one of his children stay in the Gospel.  I believe that even without an MMR she would have somehow had these same problems.  She has been a great tool that the Lord has been able to use to teach people kindness, love, and charity.  She is one of the most amazing people I know.

Because of the "herd" immunizations, there are some diseases that have been eradicated.  For example, Polio. I personally know someone who had polio as a child.  She is still going through problems related to that.  There is also a religious leader in the LDS Church who had polio as a kid and now has to sit down for his talks during General Conference.  But as a whole, we don't know people that were hurt by the diseases that we now immunize for.  I feel that is because, often, they are now dead.

I have done a lot of research.  I have talked to pro and anti vaccination people.  I have been told that if I am vaccinating I am choosing to live in fear, and they are choosing to live in Faith.  I disagree.  They are choosing to have faith that if their child gets one of these diseases that it won't be very bad.  I am choosing to have faith in the vaccines (that aren't 100%) that they will protect my family.  We each have faith in something different.  To me, this is the big difference, me choosing to vaccinate will not hurt your children.  You choosing not to vaccinate could hurt mine.

I've heard that "those diseases don't exist anymore anyway."  They may not in your small town, but they do still exist.  People travel, and they will come.  I've heard that "if everyone else vaccinates then my kids will be safe anyway."  This makes me feel that you are putting the responsibility for keeping your children safe on me.  That's not very responsible.

I can not guarantee that by vaccinating #1 that no one in my family will ever get sick.  But I feel that I must do my best to protect my daughter from diseases that do much more harm than good.

This is the one topic that, try as I might, I just can't really see the other side.  Please forgive me for that.  I have really tried.

2.  We choose to take advantage of modern medicine.  This includes delivering our children in hospitals whenever possible.  It has often be said to me, "women have been giving birth for thousands of years.  They are naturally built to do it.  You don't need a Dr messing that up."  This is often true.  But there can be exceptions.  Just because you have successfully given birth before doesn't mean you may not have an emergency later.  (And just because you needed a Dr before doesn't mean you have to have it every time.)  For example, my sweet mom had 8 children.  The first 6 were all very normal textbook deliveries (well, some were faster than normal).  Then comes L7.  My mom went into labor at around 32 weeks.  L7 was not ready to be born.  She was too small, she was underdeveloped.  It ended up being an emergency c-section.  It saved L7's life.  From an outside perspective my mom was the perfect candidate for a home birth.  I am so grateful that she decided to deliver in a hospital, as I quite like my sister.  I have another sister who's body cannot deliver.  She doesn't dilate.  Ever.  She now has planned c-sections.

Not everyone is like that.  My labor experience was hard.  Maybe that is because of the medical interventions that I chose to have.  But I do not know how my body will react to each delivery.  As a result, Hod and I have chosen to take every precaution possible to ensure the best for our child.  This means we have to have a Dr who is open to our ideas.  That can be hard to find, but this means a lot to us.

I am related to multiple ladies who have successfully given birth at home.  That is GREAT for them.  What I appreciate, though, is they are supportive of the choice that I have made.  They understand that everyone is different and what works for them doesn't have to work for me.

We also believe in medication.  Now, I was not raised in a family that went to the Dr a lot.  From the ages of 10-19 I can count on one hand how many times I went to the Dr.  I do believe that many people are over medicated.  I also believe that God has given people knowledge.  I choose to take advantage of that.  (Yes, some people use their knowledge for bad, but many use it for good.)  Just as I choose to use electricity, the internet, and my cell phone, I choose to use medications appropriately.  AND as a wife of an amazing man who struggles with Bi-Polar disorder, I can't even tell you how grateful I am for medication.  Also, as I am apparently part of the 10% of women who get crazy depressed DURING pregnancy, I am grateful for the medication that made me feel safe when I was around sharp objects.  This leads me to...

3.  We chose to bottle feed #1.  Our original plan was to breastfeed.  After all, "breast is best!"  Well, we found that wasn't always the case.  The medication that I was on during my pregnancy with #1 was a very low dose.  It shouldn't have bothered #1.  But it did.  I was told that I had 3 options once we found this.  I could just stop taking my pill, possibly making me suicidal again and probably a lousy mom.  I could change medications, that would probably take about a month, and could result in the same problem.  For that month, #1 would be on formula and I would be "pumping and dumping".  Or, we could just put #1 on formula and I would work on stopping my milk.  Hod and I talked about it and decided that more than breast milk, #1 needed a healthy mom.  Since we made that decision, #1 has been very healthy, grown well, and I have been able to be a good mom.  I have also been judged a lot.  I have been called selfish for choosing my medication over breastfeeding.  I have been told that it was all in my head and I just needed to get a grip.  I have been told that if I really loved my baby I would have done anything to make sure she got the very best.  Actually, because I love my baby we made this choice.  I hope that next time I will be able to choose to breast feed.  I feel that anyone who takes care of their baby and feeds them can be a good parent.  I am glad you were able to breast feed.  Please be understanding of people who have different circumstances.

4.  I am actually a little bit of an "Attachment Parent".  Most of this happened by accident.  For example, we have been Co-Sleepers in our family.  Now, at 8 months, #1 spends most of her night in her crib by herself, but it didn't used to be like that.  When we first got home from the hospital, we put #1 in our room with us.  This is because I am paranoid and I wanted to make sure she was fine.  I hadn't been able to have her with me as much as I wanted because she was in the NICU.  She was also still on oxygen so I wanted her close.  In our room, we didn't have a chair.  This resulted in me sitting on the bed for nighttime feedings.  After a week or so, I found that I was falling asleep while feeding her.  I could just see myself dropping her.  No matter how hard I tried, I just kept falling asleep.  I made the choice to lay down instead of sit up.  I needed #1 to be on the bed so I couldn't drop her.  Then I would fall asleep, and often not wake until #1 was ready to eat again.  She spent many nights in our bed.  Even now, she spends about an hour in our bed each night.  I didn't even know that Attachment Parenting was a thing, but as I have learned more about it, I have found that many of the ideas there are things that Hod and I had already talked about and agreed on.  It's not for everyone, but it works for us.

This is my opinion: When it comes to parenting, there is very little that is right for everyone.  I feel that as long as the child is fed, cleaned, loved, and developing properly then the parents can't be all wrong.  What works for me, may not work for you.  What works with #1 may not work with any future kids.

There has been a big push to get back to the way it used to be.  There are a lot of self proclaimed "Hippie" or "Granola" moms.  That is just fine.  I just have one problem with it though.  I am not going to claim that they have never been judged.  And on behalf of everyone else out there let me apologize for that.  However, I have found that the most vocal people in judging me are those all natural "hippie/granola" friends.  Maybe that is because we have the least in common, so they have the most to say.  I don't know.  This is what I want to say to them.

Dear Hippie/Granola friends,

I think it is great that you have found a way of living that works for you.  I am glad that you children are healthy, happy, and learning to be good members of society.  So are mine.  Our methods may be different, but the outcome can be the same.  Thank you for being wiling to talk to me about your methods, as I find them utterly fascinating.  It's fine that you don't care about my methods.  Please remember that what works for one, is not always what will work for others.  Agency is a divine, eternal principle.  I would appreciate it if we could all exercise it in peace.  Again, I am sorry for anyone who may have judged you.

Sincerely,

Paily

I love differences.  The more I learn about parenting, the more I learn that nothing beyond the need to feed, love, clean, and teach good principles, is going to be the same for everyone.  There are exceptions for every other rule.  Making statements that include "never" and "always" shows ignorance and intolerance.  We can show respect and caring while having different opinions.

So, yeah... there is my spheel.  Did you actually read through the whole thing?  Quite impressive.  I hope, even if you disagree with me, that we can still be friends.

Jail Time

#1's crib is an important thing in our life.  I love that I can put her in it and leave the room, letting her soothe herself to sleep (something she is getting really good at), and know that she is safe.

About 10 days ago, we had my family reunion, then I had a friend stay with us.  All of that time really threw off #1's schedule, so she's been struggling with the whole putting herself to sleep thing.  Tonight, however, she went down very nicely.

Then, about half an hour after she fell asleep, she started crying again.  That's never happened before.  But the neighbors downstairs just slammed the door.  I bet that was it.  I hate hearing her cry, but I knew it would only be for a minute.

Then her cry turned into a whimper.  It was the saddest thing in the world.  I tried to be strong, I really did, but I just had to go give her a hug and tell her that I loved her.  Hod put her to bed tonight, and I am so grateful for his help, but I've found it makes it harder for me if she starts to cry.  So, I tell myself, "Man up, Paily!  It's all good!"

The self talk didn't work.  I went in to give her a hug.  As I picked her up, I discovered that I couldn't.  Her foot was stuck between the crib and the wall!  She was whimpering, and reaching for me, and I couldn't reach her, and I couldn't get her foot to turn, it was so sad!  Then I remembered that the crib is on wheels.  I pulled it away from the wall and was able to save my daughter!

She's no worse for the wear.  Her ankle still moves and she doesn't even act like it bothers her!

But now I feel like the worst mommy in the world.

Being Deceived

Being deceived is a bummer.  It's hard when you think you are getting one thing, but then get another.

Most of the time.

Tonight I was playing with #1 when a foul stench entered the room.  I knew where it was coming from and was prepping myself for changing a pretty messy diaper.

Deep breath, get ready, and....

Nothing.  It was just wet.

Sometimes I love being deceived.

Lazy Bones

I love my kid.  She is awesome.  She is also lazy.

Seriously.  Back in the day I told you about her lack of wanting to reach for anything.  It wasn't that she couldn't, she just didn't.  We worked, and worked, and then she finally started reaching.

She doesn't sit.  She loves to stand.  She loves tummy time.  Heck, she even likes time on her back.  But, sitting?  Nah, she'd rather flop onto her tummy.

She can get around.  She can scootch, she can kind of crawl, she can roll, she's awesome.  However, if I'm in the room she just doesn't care.  She'd rather put her head down and cry til I get her toy for her.  I'll tell her that she can get it herself, but she just keeps looking at me with her super pitiful face as if to say, "Hey, Mom, why won't you help me?"  Somehow, though, when I'm in the shower she manages to keep all of her toys with her and she is perfectly happy.

I have a sweet girl who wants to be Miss Lazy Bones!

On another note, she has started giggling more.  I love it!

Fighting The Animal Within

I remember, way back in the day, one of my sisters teasing me about my sleeping habits.  I was a crazy sleeper. (She would know, I kicked her in the nose once.)  She told me that she felt sorry for my future husband, because I was such a wild sleeper that I couldn't even keep a stuffed animal in my bed.  As a result I started sleeping with a stuffed animal just so I could prove her wrong.  After a while, I succeeded!

Many years later I married my wonderful husband.  It was then that I discovered how crazy people can sleep.  Dear Hod is tall and slender.  He likes to sleep curled up, and when you're 6' that means you're going to take up a lot of the bed.  Along with this, I have discovered that he likes to sleep in a cocoon of blankets.  He wants the blanket completely around him.  He has an interesting way of accomplishing this.  I have coined this technique "The Flying Squirrel".

While sleeping, Hod's inner squirrel will realize that he is not properly cocooned.  To remedy this, he flips to his stomach, and propels his entire body up into the air.  Then assuming a spread eagle position he grabs the blanket with both hands and feet, quickly pulling as much of the blanket as he can under his body.  He then lands on top of his hands, and continues to dream.  This leaves me without a blanket.  After we had been married about 9 months I figured out how to combat this.  The flip to the front would wake me up.  I would then use both hands to hold the blanket, roll to one side and hold the corner under me, thus effectively ruining the Flying Squirrel and keeping some of the warm blanket.

However, adding #1, and my current lack of sleep has destroyed my awareness.  I can no longer vanquish the foe that is The Flying Squirrel.  When Hod flips to his stomach, I MUST react very quickly.  As I am now coming out of a dazed sleep, my reaction time has drastically dropped.

We now sleep with two quilts.

Growing

As many of you know, pregnancy was hard for me.  I felt so sick, and gross.  And I wasn't happy.  I wanted a baby, I wanted to experience pregnancy, but I didn't like it.  I was sad.  I was hurting.  I was pretty messed up.  I remember sitting on my couch during my second trimester (the one that everyone says is the best) and just hurting inside.  I hurt so bad.  I wanted my insides to match my outsides.  I wanted to hurt myself.  It was a strange thing for me.  I hadn't ever felt that so strong.  But I didn't want to hurt my baby.  This resulted (multiple times) in Hod finding me laying on the floor in our walk in closet.  I went there because everything there was soft and safe.  There wasn't anything to hurt myself with.

We went to my OB and told him about it.  He informed me that 10% of pregnant women just get depressed.  Seriously depressed.  Something about how the hormones and chemicals change in their body during pregnancy just make them a little crazy.  So I was put on medication so I would stop wanting to hurt myself.

It worked, and I was very grateful.

However, women who have this problem are pretty much guaranteed to have postpartum.  Breastfeeding helps with that.  But #1 had a problem with my medication so we had to stop breastfeeding.

It's been a little bit of a struggle.  #1 has such a great smile and I love her so much.  However, some days... I just didn't care.  I didn't want her to die or anything, but I just didn't care that she was here.

Can I just tell you the guilt that comes with that?  While I was pregnant (and not loving it) I think I offended at least one family member when I didn't say that it was the greatest thing ever.  I had multiple people in my life who desperately wanted to be pregnant.  I was pregnant and didn't like it.  That would hurt.  Then I had a beautiful baby.  I had friends and family who wanted a beautiful baby.  I had multiple friends and family who lost their babies through miscarriage and stillbirth.  But I wasn't happy.  And then I just had more guilt.  I had everything that they wanted and I didn't cherish it always.

It has been a long struggle.  Some days I had so much love.  Some days she was just a fun kid that I watched.  Some days I just didn't care.  But now, I think I'm there.  I can't even explain the amount of love I have.  Something about this girl just makes my heart melt.  I wish there were words to really describe how I feel.  I just want to squeeze her and kiss her all the day long.

Being a Mom is becoming a great thing.

And in case you are wondering, Marionberry Yogurt is good.  It's by Tillamook, and delicious!

Enjoying Life

We've been going on around here.  #1 is growing like a weed.  For example, look at this:

This is #1's favorite face to pull.  At some point I'm going to have to teach her not to stick her tongue out... but for now it's just cute!  This is a dress we got from my sis, Laree.  It's almost too small.

Along with being tall, #1 is also up to things like this:

*aw, I'm not up to much.  Just sitting around reading a book.*

We are currently working on sleep training.  #1 is really good at going to bed... but not so good at staying there.  However, before we started training she would wake up 5-6 times a night.  Now she usually wakes up 2-3.  That is major progress.  I feel like a new woman!

The only real problem we have now is ... everyone thinks #1 is a boy.  I really don't understand this.  If she is in public and dressed in some sort of overalls, everyone thinks she's a boy.  I try to put headbands in her hair, but she hates it.  Oh well.

Falling Into Place

Yesterday was my birthday.  Sunday was Mother's Day.  For the first time in 5 years this made me perfectly happy.  I had a specific plan for my life.  Like... well, probably everyone, my plan didn't quite pan out.  I was going to serve a mission at exactly 21, come home at 22, be married by 24, and have a baby by my late 25s.

Instead I served a mission at almost 22, got home at 23, married at 26, miscarried at 26, and blessed with #1 at 27.  This made me dread my birthday.  And Mother's Day as well.  It just showed me over and over how I wasn't where I wanted to be.

But this year, at 28, everything was how I wanted it to be.  (Ok, I guess I figured I'd have more than one kid at 28, but whatever.)

It was a hard trip getting here, with ups and downs.  There were times I thought it would never happen.  But here I am.

I realize that some people have wanted these things for longer than 5 years, but I'm glad that I don't have to want this anymore.  For now, I can enjoy it.

Be A Good Tennant

Please.

As previously mentioned, Hod and I moved a few weeks ago.  This is the story of the place we were moving to: Old renter trashed the place.  So, we got all new flooring, new toilet, new sink, new ceiling fan.  Sounds great, right? I don't have to worry about #1 learning to crawl on a gross floor, cause it's all brand new!

However, not only was she a very messy person, she was also irresponsible.  Three examples:

1.  We moved in on Saturday.  Monday morning we had a loud knock on our door.  It was someone from the Gas company telling us that he was turning off our Gas because of lack of payment.  WHAT?  We quickly got on the phone and told them that we have a 6 month old baby and we can't live without hot water.  They said it would take 24-48 hours to turn it back on.  We prayed, and somehow the gas kept going.  Whew.

2.  We called to get the internet.  I went to pick up all of the pieces and found out that because of lack of payment, there was a hold on our apartment.  Because of this we had to wait a few more days before they could come and take our hold off.  That's just lame.

3.  Today we got home and we have a package from Direct TV.  It's for the previous tenant.  Sent Fed Ex.  So now I have to figure out how to return it.  (I have no idea where the closest Fed Ex place is.)

So, moral of the story is: be a good tenant so you don't seriously inconvenience the person moving in after you.

In other news:  I got a new phone.  That's cool.  Except I still haven't figured out where my alarm clock is.  So we use our phones.  Except if we use Hod's it wakes up #1.  (I know there are ways to prevent this... but they aren't an option.)  The nice people at the phone store told me that it was very important that I let the battery die before I start charging my phone.  Just this one time.  But it won't die!  It's been telling me it's about to die for an hour.  I just want to go to bed.  Dumb phone.

Being Selfish

As most new Moms would tell you, the days of selfishness are over.  Really.  You don't get to do anything just for you.  Even the things I do for me, I tend to do so then I can be a better mom.  (Like making sure I remember to eat.)

However, today, I found something that I am doing just for me.  #1 is teething.  She only kind of likes her teething ring or any other toys.  Her choice would always be to chew on my finger.  And I let her.  It's not a big deal.  I wash regularly.  Today I took that privilege away from her.

Now that the top of her front right tooth has broken through her bites hurt a lot more.

From now on, my fingers are for me only!  ... Not that I chew on them, but you get the point.

Yeah teeth!

So Blessed

#1 is sick.  I was sick, but I am getting SO much better.  Hod has been sick too.  I'm not sure why, but I just thought that #1 was at the same point in this sickness as I was... meaning that she was getting a lot better.  However, today, I learned that I was wrong.  It's been a long day.  We missed church, cause she is SO sick.  She hasn't been able to breathe well, cause she was so congested.  Her diapers made me very concerned about dehydration.  She hasn't been able to sleep, so she's kind of just been a beast.  I've felt so bad for her!

#1 doesn't cry herself to sleep yet.  But we're getting close to that.  During the time that we've lived in this apartment (a whole 8 days!) this has been our bedtime routine:  We get on pj's, read, sing songs, pray, and then have a last bottle.  She normally falls asleep during the last bottle.  (I know, you're not supposed to let that happen... but it works for us.)  Now, it used to be, that after I took the bottle out of her mouth, I'd wait another... 15-20 min until I was SURE she was very deep asleep, then I would move her the 1 1/2 ft to her own bed.  However, in this apartment, right after I take the bottle out of her mouth, I stand up, and put her in her crib.  She wakes up during this, but I just leave the room and she goes back to sleep.

We tried that today, but as I was giving her her bottle, instead of the long, relaxed breathing that normally accompanies sleep, there were very short, laborious breathes.  When I put her in her crib, and she woke up, she didn't go back to sleep.  She was so sad.  And crying... loud.  As I listened at her door, I realized that not only was she sad, but I could hear her struggle to breathe.  It has been such a long, hard day, and I wondered if we just needed to run to the Emergency Room.  My poor baby couldn't breathe!

I said a little prayer, asking for guidance, and was reminded of something.  I have, in my house, a man who has been given power from God to heal.  He has the Priesthood, and can use it to bless those around him.  I ran to my hubby and told him my concern.  Then I asked him, "Will you please give her a blessing?"  This was done.  As I cuddled #1 close afterwords, and got her back to sleep, I noticed a change.  As she calmed down, I could literally hear her nasal passages clearing up.  Instead of short, laborious breathes, she was taking long, calm ones.  I was able to put her in her crib and leave my sweet baby in the room with just a cute, quiet snore letting me know that yeah, she's still a little sick, but she is breathing.

What a blessing this is in my life.  How great it is, that a loving Heavenly Father has given worthy men the power to bless others.  I know that #1 is still sick, but she finally resting.  Her little body is getting the rest, and air, that she needs to heal.  I am so glad to have Hod in my life and for his dedication to living a Christlike life so he can bless us.

My life is pretty great.

6 Months Later

Exactly 6 months, 2 hours, and 7 minutes ago I was driving myself to the hospital to deliver my girl.  Seventeen hours later I met her.

The delivery was a difficult one, and though in many ways she was beautiful... the stress of what she had just been through kind of did a number on her.  It was rough on all of us involved.

I realize that her 6 month birthday is tomorrow, but I honestly thought that she was going to be born on the 26th.

This girl has been through a lot. 2 weeks in the NICU, another 2 weeks on at home oxygen.  3 weeks after that we moved.  And on Saturday we are moving again.  Her Dad spent a week in the hospital, our family has changed for the better, and she has one of the sweetest spirits.  Strangers are always telling me how cute, alert, and aware she is.  I agree.

*Why, Yes, I did eat some good food.  Shall I pose with it all over my face?*

(I'm SO glad the swelling from the birthing process was temporary.)  She loves life, loves her food, and loves her family.  What a blessing this girl is!

On an unrelated note, have you seen this blog?  It makes me cry a little.  Daughters are pretty amazing, and Dads of daughters are just cute.