Fighting The Animal Within

I remember, way back in the day, one of my sisters teasing me about my sleeping habits.  I was a crazy sleeper. (She would know, I kicked her in the nose once.)  She told me that she felt sorry for my future husband, because I was such a wild sleeper that I couldn't even keep a stuffed animal in my bed.  As a result I started sleeping with a stuffed animal just so I could prove her wrong.  After a while, I succeeded!

Many years later I married my wonderful husband.  It was then that I discovered how crazy people can sleep.  Dear Hod is tall and slender.  He likes to sleep curled up, and when you're 6' that means you're going to take up a lot of the bed.  Along with this, I have discovered that he likes to sleep in a cocoon of blankets.  He wants the blanket completely around him.  He has an interesting way of accomplishing this.  I have coined this technique "The Flying Squirrel".

While sleeping, Hod's inner squirrel will realize that he is not properly cocooned.  To remedy this, he flips to his stomach, and propels his entire body up into the air.  Then assuming a spread eagle position he grabs the blanket with both hands and feet, quickly pulling as much of the blanket as he can under his body.  He then lands on top of his hands, and continues to dream.  This leaves me without a blanket.  After we had been married about 9 months I figured out how to combat this.  The flip to the front would wake me up.  I would then use both hands to hold the blanket, roll to one side and hold the corner under me, thus effectively ruining the Flying Squirrel and keeping some of the warm blanket.

However, adding #1, and my current lack of sleep has destroyed my awareness.  I can no longer vanquish the foe that is The Flying Squirrel.  When Hod flips to his stomach, I MUST react very quickly.  As I am now coming out of a dazed sleep, my reaction time has drastically dropped.

We now sleep with two quilts.

Falling Into Place

Yesterday was my birthday.  Sunday was Mother's Day.  For the first time in 5 years this made me perfectly happy.  I had a specific plan for my life.  Like... well, probably everyone, my plan didn't quite pan out.  I was going to serve a mission at exactly 21, come home at 22, be married by 24, and have a baby by my late 25s.

Instead I served a mission at almost 22, got home at 23, married at 26, miscarried at 26, and blessed with #1 at 27.  This made me dread my birthday.  And Mother's Day as well.  It just showed me over and over how I wasn't where I wanted to be.

But this year, at 28, everything was how I wanted it to be.  (Ok, I guess I figured I'd have more than one kid at 28, but whatever.)

It was a hard trip getting here, with ups and downs.  There were times I thought it would never happen.  But here I am.

I realize that some people have wanted these things for longer than 5 years, but I'm glad that I don't have to want this anymore.  For now, I can enjoy it.

Living Through the Unexpected

Well, friends.  This has been a crazy week.  I've had a lot of time to think, reflect, pray, cry and change.  And even though it's been hard, I am grateful for the blessing that I have.

Last Monday, Hod had a rough day.  He's been through a lot in his life.  Things that have scarred him.  When I married him, I knew that he struggled with depression.  Soon after we settled into our first apartment he was diagnosed with PTSD.  We were unable to get him the help he needed for a while, and because of different events I now have Secondary-PTSD.  Last summer Hod and I were both put on antidepressants.  And life seemed to get better.

After a few months Hod was having a hard time again.  So the Dr upped his dose.  And life seemed to get better.

A few months later Hod was having a hard time again.  So the Dr. once again upped his dose.

But it just didn't seem to be working.

On Monday, he knew he was loosing control.  He couldn't stop the anger and rage, and the overwhelming hurt that was threatening to destroy him.  So he came to me, and asked me to call his sister and to take him to the hospital.  There he was checked in to the Adult Psychiatry unit.

Last week, I was a single mom, having to rely on loved ones to help take care of #1 so I could visit Hod.  I was allowed to call him 3 times a day for 10 min each, and see him for 90 minutes every evening.  Because he was a self-admit he was able to see #1 after the first 24 hours.

While there, we discovered that the medication he was on was wrong.  Apparently there are 2 common chemicals that go wrong in your brain if you have depression.  1 is the chemical that most people have wrong, and that is what his medication was treating.  The other is the chemical most likely to be messed up if you have fried your brains on drugs.  Hod has never done drugs.  However, while he was serving his mission for the Church he had some medical problems, the Dr's pumped him full of morphine, and then he discovered that he was allergic.  It actually messed up the chemicals in his brain.   So, all this time, he was on medicine that was giving him too much of one chemical, and not enough of the other.  This is why he would lose control.

And now, after a very hard week where I was driving back and forth (Oh, did I mention that the hospital Hod was in was 45 min away?) and trying to take care of things that were beyond what I thought my capabilities were, Hod is back home.  We are a family again.

#1 did really quite well with the crazy week.  She seems to have grown up a lot.  She is crying less (big shout of joy!) and she is actually learning to cope with her life.  In fact, today, for the first time, she put herself to sleep.  I hope she will keep that up!

Hod has since told me, that out of all of the married people in the hospital with him, he was the only one who had a supportive spouse.  He saw multiple divorce papers signed.  I just don't understand that.  Yes, life with Hod has been less than ideal, but how could I leave a man who was ill, when we hadn't ever gotten him the proper help?  I knew that even though it was so hard having him gone, that he could get better.  Having him away from me helped me to know how much I truly value him in my life.  Things aren't perfect yet, but I finally feel real hope that we can have a healthy relationship.

I am so very blessed to have Hod and #1.  They both have caused hardships in my life, and I'm sure I don't always make their life easier.  But, this morning, looking at Hod and #1 sleeping next to each other, I realized that I have the greatest blessing in the entire world.

I don't say this to brag.  I realize that sometimes I have been negative.  There have been times that I have complained about things that some of my loved ones would do anything to have.  I just want you all to know that I am really realizing that I have it pretty good.

*And as a random side note, Hod just went back to check on #1 while she naps.  She must be having a crazy dream, cause her arms are making her look like she is a Flamenco Dancer.  It's pretty great!*

He's Great

This morning, Hod had to run to work to give his manager some keys.

He came home, and I heard him banging around in the kitchen.  He made me breakfast.  It was so sweet.

Then, he picked up #1, and said, "We're going to go lay down for a while.  Do whatever you want, I'll take care of #1 for you."

What??  I get all morning to myself to do whatever I want?  I'm pretty sure that means I should be productive, but instead I'm blogging.  I don't really know what to do with myself... but it's glorious anyway.

I love Hod.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Well... it's been about 5 months since I talked about big changes.  So of course that means its time for more changes in my life!

Here is where we are now:

Hod got a promotion!  This is great!  We should actually be able to be contributing members of society now.  With this promotion comes a move.  Yep, for the 3rd time we are moving.  Only this time, we are moving with a newborn.  That is a bit stressful.  Want to hear what makes it more stressful?

Hod is moving tomorrow.  I don't get to move til Dec 15th.  That means I am packing up the entire apartment by myself.  Well... myself and any poor sap who I can convince to help me.  So much to do!

But this is good.  We have been hoping for this for a very long time.  And now it is here!  So crazy!

But #1 is doing pretty well.  She has some GERD, but we're taking care of that.  And she's super cute.. so who can complain!

Aw, Man!

Hod is pretty fashionable.  And being stylish is quite important to him.  Apparently a very popular stylish look for men is jewelry.  Specifically leather bracelets.  As long as I have known Hod, he has had a leather "cuff".  (I guess that's a thick leather bracelet?  I don't really know.)

Now, something you should know about me, if you don't already, is I didn't really grow up with boys.  My dear brother L1, has lived 1500 miles away my entire life.  I was raised with 3 great sisters... but they are severely lacking in man-ness. My Dad didn't even wear his wedding ring while I was growing up.  That would be the construction man in him.  It just wasn't safe.  Then in high school I started to become friends with some boys... and my best guy friend then was totally into mechanics and such.  So, he didn't wear any sort of jewelry either.

As a result of all of this, the idea of a guy wearing bracelets was just strange.  But Hod loves his cuff.  I used to REALLY hate it.  I mean, it was masculine and all that, but it's so big!  I don't do big jewelry, so why should he?  But he wears it with attitude, and pulls it off.  However, Hod is quite aware of my dislike of this cuff.

Today, Hod was running late for work.  Right after he got to work, he called me to tell me that he lost his cuff somewhere outside, and he wanted me to go look for it.  So I did.  And I didn't find it.  And now I have guilt. I just need to learn to never complain about something I don't like.  Cause now that it's gone, I feel like it's my fault.  And I should be sad about it, cause Hod loves it, and yet... I'm kind of glad.

But now, it could look like I "lost" it.  That is such a bummer.  Blast!

Here's A Little Secret

Back in the day, sometime when L1-L4 were young, my parents were financially strapped.  As a result, for their Christmas Eve treat they could only afford hot chocolate and toast.  The next year, things were better, and my Mom tried to make a fancier treat.  However, the damage had been done, and my older siblings revolted asking for the "tradition" of hot chocolate and toast.

And thus the tradition was born.

Every Christmas Eve, this is something I look forward to.  (Yes, I know Christmas isn't here yet... just go with me.)

When Hod and I were married, we were given a gift card to a kitchen specialty store.  We decided to use that gift card on pure fluff.  We just wanted something fun.  We narrowed our choices down to an ice cream maker, and a Coco-Latte.  The Coco-Latte won.  It is pretty much amazing.  Though, I do think it makes the hot chocolate a little too hot.

Enter something I learned from my Mom.  On Christmas Eve, she would have evaporated milk* for us to use to cool down our hot chocolate.

Today, Hod and I tried the evaporated milk trick.  And this is what I learned.  1st, if your evaporated milk isn't chilled, it doesn't cool off the hot chocolate.  2nd, evaporated milk makes even really cheap hot chocolate extra creamy, thus making it seem gourmet for a poor girl's budget.

Who knew?  I will now no longer be sad when I buy cheap hot chocolate, cause I can make it taste great!

*(why is it called evaporated milk, when it is still liquid?  I've never understood that.)

Here Fishy Fishy Fishy!

About a week ago, Hod and I were at Walmart, and we found out that the fish were half off.  Hod loves fish.  So much that when given the choice between new cloths and a fish, Hod chose a fish for Christmas.  (Those of you who don't know Hod won't understand what a big deal this is, but trust me, it's a big deal.)

Sadly, that fish died last April.  Rest in Peace, Mordecai.  Life has been stressful lately, so when given the chance to get a new fish, Hod jumped at it.  After fretting about a name for our newest family member, Hod settled on Mike Chang.  Yes, this is a character on the fairly popular TV show "Glee".  Oddly enough this really fits our fish.  He's a red colored Beta.  He also looks a little Asian.  Ok, that sounds racist.  He looks like the guys on Thoroughly Modern Millie.  Anyway... I'm probably digging myself in a hole of sorts.

Uh... We got a fish!

Last Sunday, I noticed that Hod was pretty busy, so I decided to feed Mike.  Now, way back in the day, one of my dear friends had Hod and I fish sit.  She had a fairly particular way of feeding her fish, New Jeffery Wilbur.  This involved holding his food over his bowl and just opening it a little bit.  Then some food would come out.  I honestly don't have a lot of experience feeding fish, so I copied that method.  As I opened the food just a little bit, nothing came out.  Well.. thought I, maybe I just need to open it a bit more.  So I did.  And about 30 days worth of food came tumbling out right into the fish bowl.  Mike Chang looked at me like I was an idiot.  I stood there for a second, wondering what to do.  And laughing.  I thought it was funny.  I finally decided that I had to try to get some of the food out of there.  I turned to the silverware drawer to get a spoon... and noticed that I hadn't emptied out the dishwasher yet and the only spoons in the drawer were slotted.  Well that's not going to work.  I finally got a regular spoon, and a small cup to pull out the excess food.  By now, 2/3 of the food had fallen from floating around the top the bowl to raining down on the plastic Roman like columns decorating the fish bowl.

Mike Chang is set for life!

Ok, Hod was very kind and cleaned the bowl out even though it was my mistake.  And Mike is doing fine.

And for those of you who were hoping for a little movie to go with the title of this blog post... Here you go!

I Should Have Been A Doctor

Hey, Yo's.

Here's another boring update on my life.  For those few readers who don't know me... well you probably don't really care.  For the rest of you, who is mostly family, I've been told you like this sort of thing, so here we go!

Here's my story:  My job was extended through the month of September.  This is very good, cause I like having money.  Along with this, for the past two weeks, I have been working every day, instead of every other, because my coworker has a very sick daughter who is in a very special hospital 2 hours away.  I'm finding that working every day makes it very hard to clean my house.  My days are currently spent working and taking care of my dear husband.

Now about Hod: He was supposed to have surgery last Friday.  He didn't.  This is because of a Dr who never saw him who said the surgery was optional, and he wanted to leave early, so he canceled it.  In the process Meany-pants-heartless-Dr ticked us off, and we ticked him off, so we will never be going to see him again.  Tuesday Hod went to a new Dr.  We discovered that Hod has a massive infection that is attacking the whole of his digestive system. New-nice-man Dr thinks Hod has had this for 3 years.  It is also attacking Hod's prostate.  (Sorry if this is TMI, but some people would want to know.)  This infection is caused by being put on too many antibiotics, thus killing all good bacteria in your body, and then letting the bad bacteria take over.  Ok, so this massive infection is a yeast infection.  And it's bad.  However, right now Mr. Nice Dr. is very worried about saving Hod's prostate, as he is only 22, and wants to have more kids.  So, Hod is on a SUPER strong antibiotic.  Mr. Nice Dr is aware that this will make all of the infection symptoms worse.  But it is kind of a last resort to saving Hod's prostate.  Hod is taking his medication, and is in a lot of pain.  He has a fever that is bouncing up and down, and his kidneys are starting to bother him.  Hod has been put on Dr. ordered bed rest. Our job is to watch his fever, and pain level.  If either becomes extreme, he is going to be admitted to the hospital, and possibly go in for emergency surgery.  If none of that happens, then we will see if the antibiotic can save his prostate.  If it doesn't, then he'll be having a procedure anyway, (though we aren't yet sure of what one) and we may get to consider the adoption option much sooner than we had planned.  They are worried that he may have Prostate Cancer.  However, we have been assured through multiple blessings that he'll be healed.  So that is helpful in getting through this.

Baby:  She's growing strong.  I'm not gaining weight, so we have an ultrasound scheduled to make sure everything is cool.  But she is very active, and she moves all the time, so I'm not super worried.  Last week I got my Rogam (or however you spell it) shot.  And it actually wasn't too bad!  I've had the shot twice before, and it is just a giant needle they stick in your behind.  The two I had before were similar to getting a Novocaine shot, they took FOREVER!  But this one was less than 10 seconds.  It was pretty sweet!

And that's all for the Bucket family.  I'm wishing I knew more about how to take care of my hubby, but we'll trust the Dr's and it will all work out.

Our Goings On

Oh life.  How you keep trucking on.  Because I think that I'm interesting enough that you all want to know the every day stuff in my life, I thought I'd fill you all in. :)

I am working part time at an Ice Cream manufacturing plant.  I work 2 days a week, for the most part.  The other secretary is a long time friend, and I pick up shifts for her when she needs a day off for one reason or another.  And it's a blessing.  My job ends around Labor Day, but if/when my friend needs a day off she'll still call me!  So that's cool.  For the next year I am quite likely going to have some random income at random times. Oh, and even after baby girl is born they will let me take her to work.  Pretty much the perfect situation?  I think so!

Hod is a working machine!  Because we don't want me to work after baby is born... well except for a random day here and there, Hod has been working 2 jobs to make enough money to support us.  Between the 2 jobs, he is at work for around 70 hours a week.  Yeah, sure, he's clocked out for breaks for part of that, but he's not home.  It's been rough.  I miss my hubby!  But then, something exciting happened!

Hod applied for a manager job with a different company a few months ago.  This would be a training job, where they teach you how to be a head manager, train you for a year, and then move you to some random part of the country where you are in charge of your own store.  During his first interview he was told that he would be given a call for a second interview in about a week.  After a week, we heard nothing.  This company e-mails you to give you the bad news, and we didn't get the e-mail either.  We waited, and waited, and Hod applied for other jobs, and we waited a bit more.  Then almost 2 weeks ago, Hod was called in for a second interview.  We were shocked!  We had given up on this job.  He went to the interview, felt it went well, and was told that he should hear back by Wednesday if he got the job.

During all of this, he has been miserable working his full time job.  It is not a good job.  It is lousy, and they are not nice people.  He had given up hope of ever getting out of there.  While I am so grateful that he is willing to work a lousy job to support us, it has been hard watching him be so miserable.

Wednesday came and went.  No call, no e-mail.  Then Thursday, while we were on our way to go see Hod's sister he got a call!  He was offered a job.  Not quite the job he had applied for.  We are a little bit nervous.  This current job is a little bit special.  It doesn't make quite enough to support us.  However, it is kind of a 30 day audition.  Because Hod has never worked for this company (which has some commission type stuff, which Hod has never done) they want to make sure he's the right fit for the manager training job.  Hod is pretty amazing, so we're not super stressed about him not passing the audition.  But if he doesn't, then life is going to be really hard once I stop working in September.  But when he does, he'll be salaried!  SALARIED!  We don't have to stress every time he needs a day off because that includes a pay cut.  AND he'll be back to working only 40 hours a week.  I get my husband back!

Baby is doing great!  She is measuring right on schedule.  Both ultrasounds she has been super active, but then again... I drank some juice so she was probably on a sugar high.  Everything with my pregnancy is looking good.  I have this random infection that you are either born with or not, so I'm on an antibiotic.  It's not a big deal, but if it is left untreated it can cause pre-term labor.  I take a pill twice a day, and it's all good!  I have an anterior placenta, meaning it will still be a while before I can feel regular movement.  This is also not a big deal at all, unless I need a c-section.  Then it can cause complications, but not really, because you're already in surgery, so any complications would be somewhat expected and they will be able to fix them all.

Hod and I are very excited to have Baby here!  And now it's fun that we can start getting the nursery ready.

Overall, life is going great!  We are happy and life is only getting better!

You Have Not Been Missed

I've had a lot of jobs in my life.  I guess when you move every 6-12 months, you are bound to have to get new jobs.  My last two jobs didn't deal with the general public.  It was blissful.  Seriously.  What is it about the general public that causes such a strong struggle?

I work at a factory that makes ice cream type products.  I'm one of the secretaries.  I get to share the job with one of my best friends.  She works 3 days a week, I work 2, unless one of us has a need to have an extra day off, then we cover for each other.  It really is a great situation.  Along with basic secretarial duties, we also have a small store where we sell our product.  I am the cashier.  Normally, that's fine.  I see lots of people some are great.  But many, many are not.  Let me vent a bit.

We sell seconds.  SECONDS as in, they have issues, so we won't sell them at full price.  However, if you are just after flavor, and not looks or perfection, then they are great.  (I'm all about the seconds, personally.)  The seconds are super popular, because they are $.10 - $.23 cheaper a piece.  Because we are a business, we don't try to make mistakes.  We always aim for firsts.  This means a few things.  1st - you CAN NOT order seconds. We don't have an employee who's job it is to work in the back and mess things up so you can buy them at a cheaper price.  That would be stupid, and said person would probably be fired.  2nd - Because these are mistakes, we can't promise to have a certain amount, a certain flavor, or anything like that.  Sometimes we run out.  If you wanted them, you should have gotten here sooner.  Not my fault.  3rd - When I tell you that we are out, we really are out!  I'm not some mean person who enjoys toying with the public's ice cream needs.  Sarcastically offering to go in the back to check for me just makes you a jerk.  4th - We sell seconds individually.  This means, you need to count as you are throwing them into a bag.  You see, I work in an office.  I have about 1 foot of clean space on my desk, because we had to make room for the cash register that is about as old as I am.  Passing me 2 bags full and saying, "why don't you count them" once again makes you seem rude.  Ok, so a lot of places don't trust their customers.  We do, and we'll let you count for us.  You had to put them in the bag, why didn't you count a little?  Could it be because you are wearing shoes, so you couldn't look at our toes to help you?  Ok, that was mean.  But really, when you have 45 in a box, and you hold the box up, do you really think I can magically count them just by looking?  This isn't a carnival game, where we get a prize for the closest guess.

Our store is small.  As in, I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that it is about 8ft X 8ft.  And this includes 3 chest freezers, 2 chairs, and a small table.  On top of the largest freezer, we have a bunch of plastic bags.  At least 3 times a day, I have someone ask me if we have bags.  PLEASE open your eyes!  Really, you have 64 square feet to look through.  Can't you glance around?

We sell about 10 flavors.  10.  Not 1,000, TEN.  So, WHY does it take you 20 minutes to pick one?  Heck, we even have 2 different multi-flavor packs to make it easier to be indecisive.    AND if you're indecisive, please don't come in 3 minutes before we close.  Some of us have family, who have to leave for work 10 minutes after I get home.  I would like to see my husband.  If you really are sorry, then make a choice!

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to have this job.  I just sometimes wish the general public would be a little bit easier to work with.

Life Goes On

Today, at work, when I finally figured out what day it was, I had this little bell go off in the back of my mind.  I worried that I was supposed to do something today, and I had forgotten.  But, I was at work, so I just pushed that to the side.

Around 7:00 this evening, I remembered.

Today was supposed to be my due date.

Part of me says that's totally fine, because I'm pregnant now.  As far as I know, everything is great with this baby.  I'm so glad that I have this today, so I'm not as sad.

The other part of me says that I'm a jerk for forgetting.  How could one forget her own child?  I feel like a bad mom for forgetting about my angel baby.

For those of you who don't remember, I actually miscarried for about a month before we knew for sure.  I bled for a month before we had an ultrasound.  There I was able to see my baby's heartbeat.  But it was slow.  The Dr. suggested we wait a week to see if things would be ok, and then make a decision.  The next week the heartbeat was gone, and I went into surgery the next day.  Because I had been bleeding for so long, and because there was a large mystery spot on the ultrasound, the Dr. wonders if I miscarried twins.  Just that I had miscarried one so much earlier that almost all signs of that baby were gone.  It's hard not knowing for sure.

A few days before the first ultrasound, I was very worried.  Part of me knew something was wrong.  Hod didn't believe me.  I'm not sure if that is just because he didn't want to, or if it was because he just thought I was paranoid.  Either way, he bought me a gift to make me feel better.  We are big fans of the Willow Tree figurines.  Hod gave me this:

It's called "Cherish"

It really means a lot to me.  This is the one way I was able to hold my baby.  To my knowledge, in this life at least, this is the only way I will ever hold my baby.  Though that was one of the hardest things I had ever gone through, I will always cherish that pregnancy.  I learned a lot from it.  It helped Hod and I to communicate better.

I've heard a lot of things about what happens when a woman miscarries, and what happens to that child.  I don't doubt at all the revelation some friends have received when they have gone through it.  However, I have not received any of the same.  So, I just don't know.

But life goes on.  I'm pregnant again.  I am positive that this baby is not the child I miscarried.  Right now, I am the mother of 2 (or maybe 3) children.  I pray every day that in 2 weeks when I have my next ultrasound that everything will be great.  I saw this baby's heartbeat at 7 weeks, and everything looked good.  I hope it still is.  

I guess it really is ok to go days at a time without thinking about my first baby.  But I will always love that child.  And I am grateful to have another baby coming, so I could spend the day working, and being happy and productive.  I will always cherish the short time I had with my first.  However, I am excited for the time I have had, and will have with my second.

Tales From A Drug Clouded Mind

Oh, my dear Hod.  How I love you.

*Warning this post will include some bodily function details*

As previously mentioned, Hod had surgery on Thursday.  He has had a problem in the past with anesthesia shutting down parts of his body.  Like his bladder and bowels.  And this time was no exception.  Because of this, Hod was on an larger than normal dose of drugs.  He had the normal pain medication (though narcotics, making things quite exciting.), some supplementary pain medication, an antibiotic, something to help the bowels start working, and something to help the bladder start working.  In his crazy, drug clouded mind, he said some pretty funny things.  Being the sensitive, loving wife that I am, I have decided to share my favorites with you.

(2 AM out of nowhere, and I have only been asleep for about 45 min)
    "Knock, Knock"
    (I'm tired enough that I can't get my mouth to work, so I respond with a "mmnnhhuunnhhusnai")
    "Who's there?"
    (This causes a panic, cause I don't have a clue where he was going.)
    *Long Pause*  "Oh... I forget"

(One afternoon as he is rolling over in his sleep)
   "Tarantula!"
(Quickly followed by)
   "Water-lanche!  You know, when the rocks and water fall?"
   (Uh... do you mean Avalanche?)
   "No, Water-lanche.  Like Tarantula!"

(As a get well soon gift, I bought Hod some slippers made of fabric that looks like you skinned a Muppet)
   "Where are the Velcro Muppets?"
   (Do you mean your slippers?)
   "No, I need the Velcro Muppets, the ones that you throw at the bed!"
(Seriously this was very important, the bad guys were going to kill him if he didn't give them our Velcro Muppets.)

"I'm not Jewish!"

"I hate drugs.  I'm already going through detox!  I'm addicted!"
(He had taken a pill 45 minutes before)

(We have a friend who is an EMT and was helping us with a few medical needs at home.)
"Can you call (this friend) and tell her I need her to come tell me I'm not crazy?"

"Whoah!  Did you feel that earthquake?"
(There had actually been a small earthquake the day before.  However, Hod was sitting in a rocking chair.)

"The blanket is attacking me! The blanket is attacking me!"

And one story that I find quite humorous.  Saturday night, Hod was HOT.  As in he was going to die because the heat was so great.  I had helped him take off his outer clothes, so he was wearing less layers.  His hernia surgery incision was located right at the waist band of his underpants.  Because of the heat, he had pulled the elastic away from his skin trying to get a breeze.  This concerned me, because I could see his hand easily slipping, thus causing the elastic to snap against his skin and the incision.  I expressed my concern.  Hod was feeling a little vindictive or something, so with a smug look on his face, he stretched the elastic further.  And, yes, it did snap.  It hurt him pretty bad, and though I had sympathy, it was humorous.

Also, about my start in Urology.  I actually have no interest in that field.  I don't do bodily fluids.  Especially while pregnant.  This is why I take great pride in the fact that I removed Hod's catheter.  Oh, did I mention that he had one of those?  Yeah.  And when he was done with it, it was on Sunday, and we called the hospital, and I was told how to get it out.  I did most of it with my eyes closed, and almost died when some liquid got on me, until I was informed it was just water.  Those are my mad skills.

I May Have Gone A Little Crazy

Life.  It's been busy!  Let me share with you:

May 28th we moved.  I was SO grateful for the help we had.  I was very nervous about this move, because you see, we were moving into a second floor apartment, which isn't too bad.  However, when you add in the fact that I'm pregnant and I'm not supposed to lift anything over about 20 lbs, and my husband had a surgery scheduled for the next week to repair a hernia so he wasn't supposed to lift, and my Dad is great and pretty strong, but he is over seventy, I was just really worried.  However, with 3 great guys from our new ward, and L5 and L7 we got it all moved in just under sixty minutes!  It was great!

Then I should have unpacked, but instead I went with my sisters to a baby *edit for accuracy, I guess I really am crazy* bridal shower.  My dear Mom took her moving job seriously so when I got home that night I had a bed all set up and made for me to sleep in!  (Thanks Mom!)

Sunday I didn't unpack.

Monday was a holiday, so I didn't unpack.

Tuesday I worked, so I didn't unpack.

Wednesday Hod and I spent a lot of time shopping to get things for our apartment, and things he would need for his surgery the next day.  I'm pregnant and tire easily, so I didn't unpack.

Thursday Hod had his surgery.  MAN do I have some funny stories about that.  These will come later.  But for the sake of this post, just know that there was still no unpacking.

Friday was another day of trying to take care of my heavily medicated husband, so I didn't unpack.  Then my dear friend came to visit and spend the night.  She was kind enough to not complain about sleeping amongst boxes.

Saturday, more taking care of hod.  Still no unpacking.

Sunday, I started my potential career as a urologist.  And I didn't unpack.  OH, but then my dishwasher flooded so we had to clean that up and all of my dishes were still dirty.

Today, more Dr stuff for Hod, and still no unpacking.

Pretty much I need to get busy!  Today I am crazy.  Really.  Ask Hod.  He was crazy for 3 days and it's like I felt left out or something.

And that is my life!  More details to follow:)

Pregnancy Perk #3

As previously mentioned, I'm a squishy type girl.  This is something I have been self-conscious about most of my life.  I've been working on it slowly but surely.  Then I was blessed with pregnancy, and i am no longer working on it.  And yet, there is something really cool going on.  You see, I am showing freakishly early.  Yes, I am aware that it could be bloat, or water weight.  Whatever it is, I look pregnant.  Normally, squishy girls take longer to show, and for some strange reason, that's not the case with me.

I've always been the type to kind of avoid looking in the mirror when I get out of the shower.  I wasn't happy with what I saw, so I just didn't look.  The other day, I decided to take a glance, and this is what I found:  I felt beautiful.  Here I am, looking larger than I ever have in my life, and yet, I feel pretty.  Right now, it's not some horrible thing that I need to try to get rid of.  It's something that I have wanted for months.  Well, years really.  I just knew I needed to get married first.  Sunday is Mother's Day, and though I haven't yet met my baby, I am a Mom!  I am a mom, with a beautiful pregnant looking body.  Pretty much life is rockin' my knee-highs!

Can I Please Plan?

About a week ago, Hod and I made a decision.  You see, we have been living with my parents to save on rent.  We are so grateful to them.  However, we kind of want our own place.  Mom and Dad have been so good to us, and they have let us take over the basement so we can have our own space.  But, we still have to coordinate with my parents a lot.  That really isn't a big deal, I just don't love having to do it.  I guess maybe that's part of being an adult: I just don't want to have to depend so much on my parents.  So, even though I've loved spending time with my parents, we're ready to move on.

Hod and I decided that it was time to move out.  We decided to stay in this area.  Hod got a new job so he could support our family, and I got a part time summer job.  We both started working this week.  Yesterday we went and found an apartment, filled out the application, payed the fee, all that jazz.  I was SO excited!  We had a plan!  We knew what we were doing for the next 12 months at least.  There was joy in my heart.

Then while I was at work, Hod got a call asking him to come interview for a job about 50 miles away.  Hod REALLY wants this job.  It would be in a great environment (which he may or may not have now... he just started his new job today), it would be something he would enjoy (unlike the job he took to support our family), and he would never have to work on a Sunday (also something not currently an option).

Why must this happen just when I'm planning?  I mean, really!  A month ago, I was moving to Florida.  Then in the course of 48 hours we discovered that we weren't supposed to go.  We had no where to live, so my parents kindly took us in.  So we made a new plan, and less than 4 hours later, that plan my be over.  I'm all about trying to follow the Lord, but I'm getting tired!  I want to PLAN!

Ok, sorry to complain.  But there are some things I need to figure out.  For example, I would really like to get a Doctor.  Jr is growing.  I can tell cause my tummy is growing and I'm losing weight.  Not a lot, don't be worried.  I've lost about 5 lbs in just over a month.  I just get nervous.  I don't know what is normal for me.  I've never been this pregnant before.  I would love for a doctor to tell me that everything is fine.  Part of me knows that it's all good, but I still get nervous.  If you don't know where you're going to live, it makes it really hard to get a doctor.

Overall, life really is good.  I just have this intense need to plan!

I Never Thought I'd Say This...

I grew up in a house with 4 other women.  This means that for about 1 week a month, my Dad tried to work extra hours cause his house was full of crazy hormonal females.  And we were all very different.  One sister cried a lot, one sister yelled a lot, one sister just looked ticked all the time, and my dear Mom tried to be patient with all of us while she was feeling a bit emotional as well.  (Ok, it probably wasn't that bad, but as a young teen, it was rough!)  I was always the snappy one.  I'd be all happy and fine, and then someone would tell me they liked my blue shoes better than my red ones and I'd snap!  It was no good.

Not every month was bad.  Sometimes I was totally fine.  And after almost 16 years of this monthly occurrence  (yeah, do the math, don't you feel bad for me?)  I feel like I had all PMS symptoms fairly under control.  I'm sure Hod would admit some months weren't the best, but comparatively, I thought I did well.

I'm sad to say, I want the PMS back.

Oh, did I mention that I shouldn't have PMS for another 33 weeks?  That's because my family is growing!  Hod and I are very excited.

However, through this, I really would like the PMS back.  And let me tell you why.  When I realized I was being ornery and dumb, I knew it was going to be over in a few days.  This hormonal orneryness is going to go on for quite a while.  Don't get me wrong, after the last pregnancy that ended in heartbreak and surgery, I am SO glad to be going through this.  That is why I have been able to smile while I am throwing up.  This is such a blessing.  But some days I just plain can't control the ornery!  And it's over the dumbest things!  For example, Hod called me tonight to tell me he was off of work.  I like to talk to him, and I like to know when he leaves so I can know when he should be home so I can start worrying.  We are currently not living in the same house (but only for 3 more days!!!!!!!!) but I still like him to call me.  I am living with my parents, and they live in a black hole of really bad cell phone service.  So, Hod calls me, and I can't hear him.  I hang up, and grab my parent's home phone.  It has free long distance, and then I don't have to worry about losing contact with my dear hubby.  Before I could start dialing, Hod called me back on my cell. 

There is nothing wrong with that.  I mean, really, Hod was trying to talk to me, because he knows that I miss him.  And yet, the anger that welled up inside of me because he hadn't waited for me to call him on the land line (which I hadn't told him I was going to do) is completely crazy.  The good news is, I calmed down quickly.  But why am I angry?  Because of all of the STUPID (and by stupid I mean hard for me to handle, and yet SO great because that means I am making a baby, and if you listen to the old wives tales it means Jr is healthy) hormones raging through my body.

All I know, is after November, Hod should get some sort of reward for dealing with me.  I hope I get this under control.  Seriously, friends.  It's bad enough that I tick myself off when I get mad.  That's just asking for a never ending cycle of annoyance.  So, thanks Hod, for dealing with the crazy that is your wife.  Hopefully the normal Paily will come back in about 7 more months.

Bummer.

*WARNING SUPER LAME-NESS AHEAD*

So.  Hod and I have been married 7 months on Sunday.  Because of changes in our life I am currently living with my sweet parents, and Hod is staying with friends back in our old town until he finishes his last week of classes.  This saves us an entire month's worth of rent.  Great for the wallet.  Not so good for the heart.  In the past 7 months, Hod and I have never spent a night in separate houses.  And here we are, 3 hours away, and part of me feels like it's the end of the world.  I'm so pathetic!  I mean, really, I have a niece who's husband did a tour in Iraq.  (and another niece who's husband did Iraq before they were married.)  She had to deal with sleeping alone.  And then there is my sister, L6.  Her hubby is a pilot and is gone for days at a time.  She is a single mom for half of her life.  And THEN there is sister L3 who's husband died of cancer and she spent YEARS alone before she found her current hubby (whom we all love).

And yet I'm here, being super lonely.  I may have cried a bit.  I AM SO LAME!  This is stupid.  Then again, when you have a husband as hunky as Hod, you tend to miss him.

Opening My Eyes

I've always considered myself to be a pretty observant person.  I don't notice everything, but I often notice things that others don't.  Then something happens that makes me realize how wrong I am.

I present to you exhibit A:

Do you see the little red circle?  This is my winter coat that I got in December.  That is a fairly large envelope holding the spare button hanging from the side seam.  Would you like to know when I found it?  Last week.  Crazy, right?  How could I not notice that?  Just wait, it gets worse.

I present to you exhibit B:

I have been wearing these pants for a year now.  The little tag-holder piece of plastic is much smaller, but I've been WEARING my pants for a YEAR!  I found this little friend about 3 days after I found my button envelope.

A normal person would have cut it right out.  But I didn't.  I'm not sure why.  It's like I am attached to my little pants friend who I just met.  Yeah, I probably need to get out more.

In other news, I'm packing.  Hod and I are moving in with my parents for a month.  We have to be out of our apartment on the 31st.  Hod is working basically 30 hours a week, and going to school full time.  And, can I just share, some of the teachers here are crazy!  Hod has one specific class, that is 2 credits.  Now in a normal world, that would mean from that class you could expect 4-6 hours of homework a week.  Nope.  This teacher expects you to devote 12 hours a week to their class.  This all means that Hod is crazy busy, and that Paily is doing all of the packing.  We have SO MUCH STUFF!!!!  When Hod and I got married and moved up here, we were super busy.  We didn't sort through all of our belongings, so we are doing it now.  Busy, busy Paily.

Tender!

True Love:

When Hod buys me a super cute polka-dotted cup with straw to aid me in my water drinking goals.

I love him.