Well, friends. This has been a crazy week. I've had a lot of time to think, reflect, pray, cry and change. And even though it's been hard, I am grateful for the blessing that I have.
Last Monday, Hod had a rough day. He's been through a lot in his life. Things that have scarred him. When I married him, I knew that he struggled with depression. Soon after we settled into our first apartment he was diagnosed with PTSD. We were unable to get him the help he needed for a while, and because of different events I now have Secondary-PTSD. Last summer Hod and I were both put on antidepressants. And life seemed to get better.
After a few months Hod was having a hard time again. So the Dr upped his dose. And life seemed to get better.
A few months later Hod was having a hard time again. So the Dr. once again upped his dose.
But it just didn't seem to be working.
On Monday, he knew he was loosing control. He couldn't stop the anger and rage, and the overwhelming hurt that was threatening to destroy him. So he came to me, and asked me to call his sister and to take him to the hospital. There he was checked in to the Adult Psychiatry unit.
Last week, I was a single mom, having to rely on loved ones to help take care of #1 so I could visit Hod. I was allowed to call him 3 times a day for 10 min each, and see him for 90 minutes every evening. Because he was a self-admit he was able to see #1 after the first 24 hours.
While there, we discovered that the medication he was on was wrong. Apparently there are 2 common chemicals that go wrong in your brain if you have depression. 1 is the chemical that most people have wrong, and that is what his medication was treating. The other is the chemical most likely to be messed up if you have fried your brains on drugs. Hod has never done drugs. However, while he was serving his mission for the Church he had some medical problems, the Dr's pumped him full of morphine, and then he discovered that he was allergic. It actually messed up the chemicals in his brain. So, all this time, he was on medicine that was giving him too much of one chemical, and not enough of the other. This is why he would lose control.
And now, after a very hard week where I was driving back and forth (Oh, did I mention that the hospital Hod was in was 45 min away?) and trying to take care of things that were beyond what I thought my capabilities were, Hod is back home. We are a family again.
#1 did really quite well with the crazy week. She seems to have grown up a lot. She is crying less (big shout of joy!) and she is actually learning to cope with her life. In fact, today, for the first time, she put herself to sleep. I hope she will keep that up!
Hod has since told me, that out of all of the married people in the hospital with him, he was the only one who had a supportive spouse. He saw multiple divorce papers signed. I just don't understand that. Yes, life with Hod has been less than ideal, but how could I leave a man who was ill, when we hadn't ever gotten him the proper help? I knew that even though it was so hard having him gone, that he could get better. Having him away from me helped me to know how much I truly value him in my life. Things aren't perfect yet, but I finally feel real hope that we can have a healthy relationship.
I am so very blessed to have Hod and #1. They both have caused hardships in my life, and I'm sure I don't always make their life easier. But, this morning, looking at Hod and #1 sleeping next to each other, I realized that I have the greatest blessing in the entire world.
I don't say this to brag. I realize that sometimes I have been negative. There have been times that I have complained about things that some of my loved ones would do anything to have. I just want you all to know that I am really realizing that I have it pretty good.
*And as a random side note, Hod just went back to check on #1 while she naps. She must be having a crazy dream, cause her arms are making her look like she is a Flamenco Dancer. It's pretty great!*
Showing posts with label Hod. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hod. Show all posts
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Aw, Man!
Hod is pretty fashionable. And being stylish is quite important to him. Apparently a very popular stylish look for men is jewelry. Specifically leather bracelets. As long as I have known Hod, he has had a leather "cuff". (I guess that's a thick leather bracelet? I don't really know.)
Now, something you should know about me, if you don't already, is I didn't really grow up with boys. My dear brother L1, has lived 1500 miles away my entire life. I was raised with 3 great sisters... but they are severely lacking in man-ness. My Dad didn't even wear his wedding ring while I was growing up. That would be the construction man in him. It just wasn't safe. Then in high school I started to become friends with some boys... and my best guy friend then was totally into mechanics and such. So, he didn't wear any sort of jewelry either.
As a result of all of this, the idea of a guy wearing bracelets was just strange. But Hod loves his cuff. I used to REALLY hate it. I mean, it was masculine and all that, but it's so big! I don't do big jewelry, so why should he? But he wears it with attitude, and pulls it off. However, Hod is quite aware of my dislike of this cuff.
Today, Hod was running late for work. Right after he got to work, he called me to tell me that he lost his cuff somewhere outside, and he wanted me to go look for it. So I did. And I didn't find it. And now I have guilt. I just need to learn to never complain about something I don't like. Cause now that it's gone, I feel like it's my fault. And I should be sad about it, cause Hod loves it, and yet... I'm kind of glad.
But now, it could look like I "lost" it. That is such a bummer. Blast!
Now, something you should know about me, if you don't already, is I didn't really grow up with boys. My dear brother L1, has lived 1500 miles away my entire life. I was raised with 3 great sisters... but they are severely lacking in man-ness. My Dad didn't even wear his wedding ring while I was growing up. That would be the construction man in him. It just wasn't safe. Then in high school I started to become friends with some boys... and my best guy friend then was totally into mechanics and such. So, he didn't wear any sort of jewelry either.
As a result of all of this, the idea of a guy wearing bracelets was just strange. But Hod loves his cuff. I used to REALLY hate it. I mean, it was masculine and all that, but it's so big! I don't do big jewelry, so why should he? But he wears it with attitude, and pulls it off. However, Hod is quite aware of my dislike of this cuff.
Today, Hod was running late for work. Right after he got to work, he called me to tell me that he lost his cuff somewhere outside, and he wanted me to go look for it. So I did. And I didn't find it. And now I have guilt. I just need to learn to never complain about something I don't like. Cause now that it's gone, I feel like it's my fault. And I should be sad about it, cause Hod loves it, and yet... I'm kind of glad.
But now, it could look like I "lost" it. That is such a bummer. Blast!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Tales From A Drug Clouded Mind
Oh, my dear Hod. How I love you.
*Warning this post will include some bodily function details*
As previously mentioned, Hod had surgery on Thursday. He has had a problem in the past with anesthesia shutting down parts of his body. Like his bladder and bowels. And this time was no exception. Because of this, Hod was on an larger than normal dose of drugs. He had the normal pain medication (though narcotics, making things quite exciting.), some supplementary pain medication, an antibiotic, something to help the bowels start working, and something to help the bladder start working. In his crazy, drug clouded mind, he said some pretty funny things. Being the sensitive, loving wife that I am, I have decided to share my favorites with you.
(2 AM out of nowhere, and I have only been asleep for about 45 min)
"Knock, Knock"
(I'm tired enough that I can't get my mouth to work, so I respond with a "mmnnhhuunnhhusnai")
"Who's there?"
(This causes a panic, cause I don't have a clue where he was going.)
*Long Pause* "Oh... I forget"
(One afternoon as he is rolling over in his sleep)
"Tarantula!"
(Quickly followed by)
"Water-lanche! You know, when the rocks and water fall?"
(Uh... do you mean Avalanche?)
"No, Water-lanche. Like Tarantula!"
(As a get well soon gift, I bought Hod some slippers made of fabric that looks like you skinned a Muppet)
"Where are the Velcro Muppets?"
(Do you mean your slippers?)
"No, I need the Velcro Muppets, the ones that you throw at the bed!"
(Seriously this was very important, the bad guys were going to kill him if he didn't give them our Velcro Muppets.)
"I'm not Jewish!"
"I hate drugs. I'm already going through detox! I'm addicted!"
(He had taken a pill 45 minutes before)
(We have a friend who is an EMT and was helping us with a few medical needs at home.)
"Can you call (this friend) and tell her I need her to come tell me I'm not crazy?"
"Whoah! Did you feel that earthquake?"
(There had actually been a small earthquake the day before. However, Hod was sitting in a rocking chair.)
"The blanket is attacking me! The blanket is attacking me!"
And one story that I find quite humorous. Saturday night, Hod was HOT. As in he was going to die because the heat was so great. I had helped him take off his outer clothes, so he was wearing less layers. His hernia surgery incision was located right at the waist band of his underpants. Because of the heat, he had pulled the elastic away from his skin trying to get a breeze. This concerned me, because I could see his hand easily slipping, thus causing the elastic to snap against his skin and the incision. I expressed my concern. Hod was feeling a little vindictive or something, so with a smug look on his face, he stretched the elastic further. And, yes, it did snap. It hurt him pretty bad, and though I had sympathy, it was humorous.
Also, about my start in Urology. I actually have no interest in that field. I don't do bodily fluids. Especially while pregnant. This is why I take great pride in the fact that I removed Hod's catheter. Oh, did I mention that he had one of those? Yeah. And when he was done with it, it was on Sunday, and we called the hospital, and I was told how to get it out. I did most of it with my eyes closed, and almost died when some liquid got on me, until I was informed it was just water. Those are my mad skills.
*Warning this post will include some bodily function details*
As previously mentioned, Hod had surgery on Thursday. He has had a problem in the past with anesthesia shutting down parts of his body. Like his bladder and bowels. And this time was no exception. Because of this, Hod was on an larger than normal dose of drugs. He had the normal pain medication (though narcotics, making things quite exciting.), some supplementary pain medication, an antibiotic, something to help the bowels start working, and something to help the bladder start working. In his crazy, drug clouded mind, he said some pretty funny things. Being the sensitive, loving wife that I am, I have decided to share my favorites with you.
(2 AM out of nowhere, and I have only been asleep for about 45 min)
"Knock, Knock"
(I'm tired enough that I can't get my mouth to work, so I respond with a "mmnnhhuunnhhusnai")
"Who's there?"
(This causes a panic, cause I don't have a clue where he was going.)
*Long Pause* "Oh... I forget"
(One afternoon as he is rolling over in his sleep)
"Tarantula!"
(Quickly followed by)
"Water-lanche! You know, when the rocks and water fall?"
(Uh... do you mean Avalanche?)
"No, Water-lanche. Like Tarantula!"
(As a get well soon gift, I bought Hod some slippers made of fabric that looks like you skinned a Muppet)
"Where are the Velcro Muppets?"
(Do you mean your slippers?)
"No, I need the Velcro Muppets, the ones that you throw at the bed!"
(Seriously this was very important, the bad guys were going to kill him if he didn't give them our Velcro Muppets.)
"I'm not Jewish!"
"I hate drugs. I'm already going through detox! I'm addicted!"
(He had taken a pill 45 minutes before)
(We have a friend who is an EMT and was helping us with a few medical needs at home.)
"Can you call (this friend) and tell her I need her to come tell me I'm not crazy?"
"Whoah! Did you feel that earthquake?"
(There had actually been a small earthquake the day before. However, Hod was sitting in a rocking chair.)
"The blanket is attacking me! The blanket is attacking me!"
And one story that I find quite humorous. Saturday night, Hod was HOT. As in he was going to die because the heat was so great. I had helped him take off his outer clothes, so he was wearing less layers. His hernia surgery incision was located right at the waist band of his underpants. Because of the heat, he had pulled the elastic away from his skin trying to get a breeze. This concerned me, because I could see his hand easily slipping, thus causing the elastic to snap against his skin and the incision. I expressed my concern. Hod was feeling a little vindictive or something, so with a smug look on his face, he stretched the elastic further. And, yes, it did snap. It hurt him pretty bad, and though I had sympathy, it was humorous.
Also, about my start in Urology. I actually have no interest in that field. I don't do bodily fluids. Especially while pregnant. This is why I take great pride in the fact that I removed Hod's catheter. Oh, did I mention that he had one of those? Yeah. And when he was done with it, it was on Sunday, and we called the hospital, and I was told how to get it out. I did most of it with my eyes closed, and almost died when some liquid got on me, until I was informed it was just water. Those are my mad skills.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Bummer.
*WARNING SUPER LAME-NESS AHEAD*
So. Hod and I have been married 7 months on Sunday. Because of changes in our life I am currently living with my sweet parents, and Hod is staying with friends back in our old town until he finishes his last week of classes. This saves us an entire month's worth of rent. Great for the wallet. Not so good for the heart. In the past 7 months, Hod and I have never spent a night in separate houses. And here we are, 3 hours away, and part of me feels like it's the end of the world. I'm so pathetic! I mean, really, I have a niece who's husband did a tour in Iraq. (and another niece who's husband did Iraq before they were married.) She had to deal with sleeping alone. And then there is my sister, L6. Her hubby is a pilot and is gone for days at a time. She is a single mom for half of her life. And THEN there is sister L3 who's husband died of cancer and she spent YEARS alone before she found her current hubby (whom we all love).
And yet I'm here, being super lonely. I may have cried a bit. I AM SO LAME! This is stupid. Then again, when you have a husband as hunky as Hod, you tend to miss him.
So. Hod and I have been married 7 months on Sunday. Because of changes in our life I am currently living with my sweet parents, and Hod is staying with friends back in our old town until he finishes his last week of classes. This saves us an entire month's worth of rent. Great for the wallet. Not so good for the heart. In the past 7 months, Hod and I have never spent a night in separate houses. And here we are, 3 hours away, and part of me feels like it's the end of the world. I'm so pathetic! I mean, really, I have a niece who's husband did a tour in Iraq. (and another niece who's husband did Iraq before they were married.) She had to deal with sleeping alone. And then there is my sister, L6. Her hubby is a pilot and is gone for days at a time. She is a single mom for half of her life. And THEN there is sister L3 who's husband died of cancer and she spent YEARS alone before she found her current hubby (whom we all love).
And yet I'm here, being super lonely. I may have cried a bit. I AM SO LAME! This is stupid. Then again, when you have a husband as hunky as Hod, you tend to miss him.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Tender!
True Love:
When Hod buys me a super cute polka-dotted cup with straw to aid me in my water drinking goals.
I love him.
When Hod buys me a super cute polka-dotted cup with straw to aid me in my water drinking goals.
I love him.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Learning To Share
I love married life. Hod is one of the greatest things to happen in my life. Adjusting to married life has been fairly easy for Hod. This is in part because Hod is really good at the whole, "what's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours" thing.
Me.... Not so much. You see, when I married Hod he had lived on his own for about 18 months. I had lived on my own for about 8 years. I was very used to "this is mine, not yours, so stick it" kind of mentality. I'm not sure why I'm not good at sharing. Growing up with 3 sisters, and a lot of nieces and nephews, I was often given the opportunity to share. And I think I did ok with it. I don't actually remember, and I'm sure my sisters will all correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I was a share-er. And then I kind of stopped.
I think that happened when I started living on my own. Back when Mom and Dad paid for things it was much easier to give. When I started paying the bills I suddenly became very attached to my boxes of Mac n' Cheese. I had worked hard for the money to buy it. I became a stickler. I didn't mean to become a jerk of sorts, but I guess I did. This new selfish lifestyle fit me. I liked having my stuff. I really liked knowing that if I had 2 pieces of candy left, they would still be there when I returned. It made me happy to sit something down and know it wouldn't have moved when I came back to it.
Then I married Hod. He is SO good at sharing. If I wanted to wear his cloths, he'd probably let me. No matter what he has, he is willing to let me have/use it. The only problem with this is: I haven't gotten to that point yet. Sometimes Hod will use my stuff, and it bothers me. Really, it's all ours. Not mine. (Ok, the feminine supplies are mine. But really, that's about it.)
This situation is best illustrated in a story. One day, Hod decided he needed a new toothbrush. He threw his away, and then discovered he couldn't find our spares. Not a problem for Hod. He just grabbed my toothbrush, and 2 minutes later, all clean! I could see his logic. I mean, really, we've kissed. I should have no problem at all with his spit. And yet, I can't get over it. Twice Hod has used my toothbrush and twice I have given it to him to keep. Am I crazy? Are you ok with sharing EVERYTHING with your spouse? Or if you have not yet entered the spouse world would you share?
I promise Mom taught me to share. But apparently 8 years of singleness broke me of the habit.
*BUT as a side note, while packing I just found the spare head to my toothbrush... I'm taking it back! :) *
Me.... Not so much. You see, when I married Hod he had lived on his own for about 18 months. I had lived on my own for about 8 years. I was very used to "this is mine, not yours, so stick it" kind of mentality. I'm not sure why I'm not good at sharing. Growing up with 3 sisters, and a lot of nieces and nephews, I was often given the opportunity to share. And I think I did ok with it. I don't actually remember, and I'm sure my sisters will all correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I was a share-er. And then I kind of stopped.
I think that happened when I started living on my own. Back when Mom and Dad paid for things it was much easier to give. When I started paying the bills I suddenly became very attached to my boxes of Mac n' Cheese. I had worked hard for the money to buy it. I became a stickler. I didn't mean to become a jerk of sorts, but I guess I did. This new selfish lifestyle fit me. I liked having my stuff. I really liked knowing that if I had 2 pieces of candy left, they would still be there when I returned. It made me happy to sit something down and know it wouldn't have moved when I came back to it.
Then I married Hod. He is SO good at sharing. If I wanted to wear his cloths, he'd probably let me. No matter what he has, he is willing to let me have/use it. The only problem with this is: I haven't gotten to that point yet. Sometimes Hod will use my stuff, and it bothers me. Really, it's all ours. Not mine. (Ok, the feminine supplies are mine. But really, that's about it.)
This situation is best illustrated in a story. One day, Hod decided he needed a new toothbrush. He threw his away, and then discovered he couldn't find our spares. Not a problem for Hod. He just grabbed my toothbrush, and 2 minutes later, all clean! I could see his logic. I mean, really, we've kissed. I should have no problem at all with his spit. And yet, I can't get over it. Twice Hod has used my toothbrush and twice I have given it to him to keep. Am I crazy? Are you ok with sharing EVERYTHING with your spouse? Or if you have not yet entered the spouse world would you share?
I promise Mom taught me to share. But apparently 8 years of singleness broke me of the habit.
*BUT as a side note, while packing I just found the spare head to my toothbrush... I'm taking it back! :) *
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Becoming a Morning Person
As many of you know, I don't really do mornings. Seriously. The 2 weeks of the summer where I had to get up at 6:00 to pick raspberries (actually I had to get up earlier, we had to "be in the bush by 6") were pretty much torture. AND some years, we'd have such a great crop that it would go over 2 weeks. I tell you what, getting up at the I-can-barely-see-it's-still-so-dark crack of dawn to go stand in a wet bush (stupid dew) gingerly picking red berries, and keeping your eyes out for the multitude of spiders, leaf bugs, and grasshoppers that were just waiting to attack you, thus causing you to jump and spill some of your berries, that then caused a panic, because if Dad saw them, you were surely in trouble, and then you REALLY wished you were still in bed and this nightmare was just a dream, was not something this bucketeer enjoyed.
L5-L7 can all tell you stories of me getting up for scriptures, not really paying attention while we were reading (but I got very good at my 6 times tables) and then going back to bed, and not surfacing until after 8. Yes, you heard me, after 8. That was some major sleeping in at my house growing up. My Dad was a really big fan of the whole "early to bed, early to rise" thing.
How I got through 3 years of early morning drama rehearsals, I will never be able to tell you. But I did, armed with pop tarts, or sometimes a Popsicle for breakfast, I would walk on stage and pretty much dance in my sleep. I wasn't popin' but my breakfast was! (I know, super lame joke, it just had to be made)
I remember one morning during my short stay at the MTC, of my alarm going off. I rolled over to press snooze, it was 6:10 AM. I wasn't thinking about how great it was to be a missionary, and that I got to preach the Gospel. I was thinking, "I have to wake up this early every day for the next 18 months. WHY did I do this to myself!" I then started to wonder if it was really worth it. And it was, but that morning, I wanted to become apostate and run far, far away!
Fast forward a few years to last summer. Hod and I both had a not fun job that paid well. I was on a rotating shift where every 3 weeks it was my turn to be to work by 6:30. Pretty lame. And then it happened, Hod got moved to the early shift. Now, Hod, bless his super attractive heart, is not a morning person. I personally believe that some little gremlin comes in the night and super glues his back to the bed. That is how hard it is for him to get up. As a result, when Hod had to be to work at 6:30, I had to wake up at 6:10 and call him to get him out of bed. Roughly translated, this means I never got to sleep in. But I did it, for Hod.
And it set a pattern. Now, every morning, my alarm goes off, so I can wake my dear husband up, to help him get the last of his homework done, or to get him to work on time. (As a side note, I am SO glad that I didn't let him take a 7:30 class. I would have wanted to spit on him every morning.)
I have friends that get up during the 6:00 hour every day. I don't know how they do it. 7:30 is being our earliest. Every day, the alarm goes off and I have to shove Hod out of bed. Every day it is a struggle. "Just 10 more minutes? Just 2 more minutes?"
I'm not really a morning person yet. I feel like I'm just acting. And so it goes. Every day. Probably for the rest of my life. I know once I have kids I'll be lucky to get to 7:30. Maybe someday I will actually make the transition to the ever elusive "Morning Person".
L5-L7 can all tell you stories of me getting up for scriptures, not really paying attention while we were reading (but I got very good at my 6 times tables) and then going back to bed, and not surfacing until after 8. Yes, you heard me, after 8. That was some major sleeping in at my house growing up. My Dad was a really big fan of the whole "early to bed, early to rise" thing.
How I got through 3 years of early morning drama rehearsals, I will never be able to tell you. But I did, armed with pop tarts, or sometimes a Popsicle for breakfast, I would walk on stage and pretty much dance in my sleep. I wasn't popin' but my breakfast was! (I know, super lame joke, it just had to be made)
I remember one morning during my short stay at the MTC, of my alarm going off. I rolled over to press snooze, it was 6:10 AM. I wasn't thinking about how great it was to be a missionary, and that I got to preach the Gospel. I was thinking, "I have to wake up this early every day for the next 18 months. WHY did I do this to myself!" I then started to wonder if it was really worth it. And it was, but that morning, I wanted to become apostate and run far, far away!
Fast forward a few years to last summer. Hod and I both had a not fun job that paid well. I was on a rotating shift where every 3 weeks it was my turn to be to work by 6:30. Pretty lame. And then it happened, Hod got moved to the early shift. Now, Hod, bless his super attractive heart, is not a morning person. I personally believe that some little gremlin comes in the night and super glues his back to the bed. That is how hard it is for him to get up. As a result, when Hod had to be to work at 6:30, I had to wake up at 6:10 and call him to get him out of bed. Roughly translated, this means I never got to sleep in. But I did it, for Hod.
And it set a pattern. Now, every morning, my alarm goes off, so I can wake my dear husband up, to help him get the last of his homework done, or to get him to work on time. (As a side note, I am SO glad that I didn't let him take a 7:30 class. I would have wanted to spit on him every morning.)
I have friends that get up during the 6:00 hour every day. I don't know how they do it. 7:30 is being our earliest. Every day, the alarm goes off and I have to shove Hod out of bed. Every day it is a struggle. "Just 10 more minutes? Just 2 more minutes?"
I'm not really a morning person yet. I feel like I'm just acting. And so it goes. Every day. Probably for the rest of my life. I know once I have kids I'll be lucky to get to 7:30. Maybe someday I will actually make the transition to the ever elusive "Morning Person".
Thursday, January 20, 2011
A Little Laugh From Date Night
(While watching "Return of the Jedi")
Paily: The Ewoks are SO cute! I want one!
Hod: I'm pretty sure it's illegal to own a midget as a pet.
The best part to me, is that he said this so matter of factly. Apparently I say stupid things on a regular basis and it no longer surprises him.
Paily: The Ewoks are SO cute! I want one!
Hod: I'm pretty sure it's illegal to own a midget as a pet.
The best part to me, is that he said this so matter of factly. Apparently I say stupid things on a regular basis and it no longer surprises him.
Monday, November 22, 2010
A Little Bit of Everything
Hey, Yo's.
So, firstly, some serious stuff. I was perusing around the internet today (Perusing... that is a great word that I never use, I may have to integrate it into my world.) and I found an article. It can be seen here. I think this kind of best describes how I feel sometimes. I think my favorite part is when the author asks "Why do we have to put a spin on it?" I totally feel that way! I mean, yeah, I know I've said some of the things that she says not to say. I've said them this past week. About myself. But I don't really believe them. My favorite thing though, is how SO many people like to quote statistics to me. Great. I know that miscarriages are common. But honestly, just because Jr didn't get to come visit me in real life, doesn't make him any less real. I loved him, and he will always be part of my heart. And telling me it's common doesn't make it any easier. I mean, really, lots of people have had their mom die. (I LOVE YOU MOM!!) Are you going to tell someone that to make them feel better? "Oh, your mom died? Well that's sad. But it happens a lot." Wow... Feeling so much better.
It's snowing a lot. I actually like snow for the first month. The problem here is though, all of the wind! I mean, really, if the snow wasn't blowing all over the place, there probably wouldn't be that much. But it's blowing. And blowing. As in, we could give Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery day a run for ... his? its? their? Whatever's money. So I'm not really excited to drive to work tomorrow. On clear days it's a 35 min drive. Tomorrow, it may be the drive of eternity. Pack your water folks, and don't forget the potty break, it's going to be a long one! (For example, it took Hod 90 min to drive home today... then again, I have mad snow driving skills, so I bet I can blow his time out of the water!!!! ... Not that it's a contest...)
It's late. And I should be asleep. And yet I'm wide awake and actually feeling happier right now than I have for weeks. Apparently exhaustion makes me happy. Which is strange, cause normally it just makes me beastly. Seriously. I'm an ornery tired person. I also think I would be an ornery drunk. Which is why we are SO glad I'm active LDS and happy about it. There is a severe lack of drugs in me. Well, actually that's a lie right now. The Dr put me on all sorts of meds. And I'm taking them. What is it about a D&C that makes you feel fine for the first few days and then feel like someone has reached up inside of you and is trying to rip you apart using the dullest knife ever invented for the next few days. Hmm... sharing penalty?
So, I like juice. We have it a lot. It's a healthy choice and good for... my insides. (What, it totally is!) But I'm strange. I like cold things. Milk must be cold. Ice cream, must be cold. My pillowcase must be cold. Juice, must not be cold. Which doesn't really work, cause once you open it, you have to keep in in the fridge. As a result, every time I drink juice I pour it and then wait 20 min for it to warm up. It's a hard life.
Hod just accidentally mixed milk and juice. That's gross.
I'm fish sitting this week. Hello fishy friend! (HERE FISHY FISHY FISHY! I always wanted to go fishing and see if that actually works.)
And on that note... I think I better go bed. (I almost typed back to bed, and then I realized that I haven't made it to bed yet. I have issues.)
So, firstly, some serious stuff. I was perusing around the internet today (Perusing... that is a great word that I never use, I may have to integrate it into my world.) and I found an article. It can be seen here. I think this kind of best describes how I feel sometimes. I think my favorite part is when the author asks "Why do we have to put a spin on it?" I totally feel that way! I mean, yeah, I know I've said some of the things that she says not to say. I've said them this past week. About myself. But I don't really believe them. My favorite thing though, is how SO many people like to quote statistics to me. Great. I know that miscarriages are common. But honestly, just because Jr didn't get to come visit me in real life, doesn't make him any less real. I loved him, and he will always be part of my heart. And telling me it's common doesn't make it any easier. I mean, really, lots of people have had their mom die. (I LOVE YOU MOM!!) Are you going to tell someone that to make them feel better? "Oh, your mom died? Well that's sad. But it happens a lot." Wow... Feeling so much better.
It's snowing a lot. I actually like snow for the first month. The problem here is though, all of the wind! I mean, really, if the snow wasn't blowing all over the place, there probably wouldn't be that much. But it's blowing. And blowing. As in, we could give Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery day a run for ... his? its? their? Whatever's money. So I'm not really excited to drive to work tomorrow. On clear days it's a 35 min drive. Tomorrow, it may be the drive of eternity. Pack your water folks, and don't forget the potty break, it's going to be a long one! (For example, it took Hod 90 min to drive home today... then again, I have mad snow driving skills, so I bet I can blow his time out of the water!!!! ... Not that it's a contest...)
It's late. And I should be asleep. And yet I'm wide awake and actually feeling happier right now than I have for weeks. Apparently exhaustion makes me happy. Which is strange, cause normally it just makes me beastly. Seriously. I'm an ornery tired person. I also think I would be an ornery drunk. Which is why we are SO glad I'm active LDS and happy about it. There is a severe lack of drugs in me. Well, actually that's a lie right now. The Dr put me on all sorts of meds. And I'm taking them. What is it about a D&C that makes you feel fine for the first few days and then feel like someone has reached up inside of you and is trying to rip you apart using the dullest knife ever invented for the next few days. Hmm... sharing penalty?
So, I like juice. We have it a lot. It's a healthy choice and good for... my insides. (What, it totally is!) But I'm strange. I like cold things. Milk must be cold. Ice cream, must be cold. My pillowcase must be cold. Juice, must not be cold. Which doesn't really work, cause once you open it, you have to keep in in the fridge. As a result, every time I drink juice I pour it and then wait 20 min for it to warm up. It's a hard life.
Hod just accidentally mixed milk and juice. That's gross.
I'm fish sitting this week. Hello fishy friend! (HERE FISHY FISHY FISHY! I always wanted to go fishing and see if that actually works.)
And on that note... I think I better go bed. (I almost typed back to bed, and then I realized that I haven't made it to bed yet. I have issues.)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
A Few Pictures
As all ya'll know, I got married just over a month ago. Our amazing photographer is still working on photoshopping our photos, but I thought I'd share a few of my favorite un-shopped photos.
It was an AMAZING day! Thanks to everyone who helped. You rock my knee highs!!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
So Much To Do!
I think I may be getting the slacker-iest blogger award. I'm going crazy!! Here's a small update on my life.
Wedding: It's in 12 days. 12. As in if I was a freak and was like the 6-fingered-man only double I would be able to count it out on my fingers. I haven't even started to think about packing. And I have to pack from 2 houses. I still have wedding announcements that I need to deliver. Oh, and let's just make life crazy, listen to this. So Hod and I had decided where we were moving for him to go to school. It's about a 90 min drive from were we currently life. THEN 7 days ago, there was a big shift. We are now moving a 2 1/2 hour drive the opposite direction. Why? Because God said so. I really wish he would tell me things further in advance. The good news is, we already have an apartment in the new location, some of my very bestest of friends live there, and Hod can still transfer for work. I still don't have a job, but I didn't have one before either. Good gravy!
Yesterday we went and took my bridals. That was a lot of fun. I had an entire entourage following me. There was the photographer (L5), her assistant L7 in charge of the reflector, my roomie in charge of my bouquet, the friend who is doing my hair in charge of the veil, another friend who was in charge of posing me, cause I had NO idea what I wanted or should do, and her husband who was watching their baby, and may have joined me in a picture because I needed some manly influence. I know, it's strange. Just go with it. I would post pictures, but Hod reads this blog, and that is not something he is allowed to see.
I still have 5 days left of work. It's a pretty lame job, and though I was SO grateful to get it, I will be glad to leave it. I am totally only working here for the money. But getting this job was a gift, I am very much so done.
My parents get home in 2 days!! I can't even tell you how happy I am about this. At first, I kind of wanted to plan my wedding by myself. Then I figured I would get exactly what I wanted because my Mom wouldn't be around to disagree with me. This is all based on a small disagreement we had about my wedding reception when I was 15. Well, I've grown up, and I don't think we would have fought anymore, and I am now just INSANE because I didn't wait for my Mom. I mean, really. What was I thinking! L2 and L3 have been SO great to help me get things done, but there is only so much they could do. They are crazy busy with their families. L5 has been busy being my photographer, so she hasn't been able to do too much more, L7 has been traveling around the world and moving classrooms so she hasn't been here, Hod is working 52 hours a week, so he's not around to help. As a result, I have probably done 87% of my wedding all by myself. I am SOOOOO glad to have a Mom that I can throw some of the last minute things at. I have to keep working and I have to move, and there is so much to do. But she is coming home so soon from her mission mostly to help me. Mom's are the best, and I sure do love mine! And, I think I just need the rational mind of my Dad. So, Mom and Daddy-o, Please drive safely, and come join me! I only have 10 days with you before I'm a married woman, so let's do all of the fun things we can think of in between wedding stuff!
So, yeah. There's my life. It's crazy, and I'm barely holding on. But it's all going to work out!!
Wedding: It's in 12 days. 12. As in if I was a freak and was like the 6-fingered-man only double I would be able to count it out on my fingers. I haven't even started to think about packing. And I have to pack from 2 houses. I still have wedding announcements that I need to deliver. Oh, and let's just make life crazy, listen to this. So Hod and I had decided where we were moving for him to go to school. It's about a 90 min drive from were we currently life. THEN 7 days ago, there was a big shift. We are now moving a 2 1/2 hour drive the opposite direction. Why? Because God said so. I really wish he would tell me things further in advance. The good news is, we already have an apartment in the new location, some of my very bestest of friends live there, and Hod can still transfer for work. I still don't have a job, but I didn't have one before either. Good gravy!
Yesterday we went and took my bridals. That was a lot of fun. I had an entire entourage following me. There was the photographer (L5), her assistant L7 in charge of the reflector, my roomie in charge of my bouquet, the friend who is doing my hair in charge of the veil, another friend who was in charge of posing me, cause I had NO idea what I wanted or should do, and her husband who was watching their baby, and may have joined me in a picture because I needed some manly influence. I know, it's strange. Just go with it. I would post pictures, but Hod reads this blog, and that is not something he is allowed to see.
I still have 5 days left of work. It's a pretty lame job, and though I was SO grateful to get it, I will be glad to leave it. I am totally only working here for the money. But getting this job was a gift, I am very much so done.
My parents get home in 2 days!! I can't even tell you how happy I am about this. At first, I kind of wanted to plan my wedding by myself. Then I figured I would get exactly what I wanted because my Mom wouldn't be around to disagree with me. This is all based on a small disagreement we had about my wedding reception when I was 15. Well, I've grown up, and I don't think we would have fought anymore, and I am now just INSANE because I didn't wait for my Mom. I mean, really. What was I thinking! L2 and L3 have been SO great to help me get things done, but there is only so much they could do. They are crazy busy with their families. L5 has been busy being my photographer, so she hasn't been able to do too much more, L7 has been traveling around the world and moving classrooms so she hasn't been here, Hod is working 52 hours a week, so he's not around to help. As a result, I have probably done 87% of my wedding all by myself. I am SOOOOO glad to have a Mom that I can throw some of the last minute things at. I have to keep working and I have to move, and there is so much to do. But she is coming home so soon from her mission mostly to help me. Mom's are the best, and I sure do love mine! And, I think I just need the rational mind of my Dad. So, Mom and Daddy-o, Please drive safely, and come join me! I only have 10 days with you before I'm a married woman, so let's do all of the fun things we can think of in between wedding stuff!
So, yeah. There's my life. It's crazy, and I'm barely holding on. But it's all going to work out!!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The Beginning of All Things Ultimately Lame
Greetings fellow Bucket-eers.
If you check the countdown in my right hand side bar, you will see that I have just over 2 months before Hod and I will be married for eternity. I am SO stinkin' excited. I am also very attached. Seriously. Monday night, I had this horrible dream. Hod died, and there was a bad man coming after me trying to do bad things. It was no good and I woke up in a very foul mood. Well, part of that was the dream, part of that was the fact that I was getting up so stinkin' early cause a girl at work quit, so I had to cover her shift, but it's also good, cause now Hod is working my shifts, and we get to work together, and now we may actually have enough money that some days we can eat food other than Ramen. Uh... Yeah, I digress.
Because in my dream dear Hod died, I realized that I love this man more than I thought I could. It's kind of crazy. Really folks, this is some super lame, crazy intense kind of love. Not like a creepy kind of crazy. I haven't blown up pictures of him and taped his face to my teddy bear. I just really love him. I assume that all of you married friends understand what I'm saying. As for the rest of you... just trust me.
Where was I going with this? Yeah, I'm not sure either. I guess to show my true devotion... or not really for that reason, here are some of our favorite engagements. They were taken by L5. She has some serious skills.
If you check the countdown in my right hand side bar, you will see that I have just over 2 months before Hod and I will be married for eternity. I am SO stinkin' excited. I am also very attached. Seriously. Monday night, I had this horrible dream. Hod died, and there was a bad man coming after me trying to do bad things. It was no good and I woke up in a very foul mood. Well, part of that was the dream, part of that was the fact that I was getting up so stinkin' early cause a girl at work quit, so I had to cover her shift, but it's also good, cause now Hod is working my shifts, and we get to work together, and now we may actually have enough money that some days we can eat food other than Ramen. Uh... Yeah, I digress.
Because in my dream dear Hod died, I realized that I love this man more than I thought I could. It's kind of crazy. Really folks, this is some super lame, crazy intense kind of love. Not like a creepy kind of crazy. I haven't blown up pictures of him and taped his face to my teddy bear. I just really love him. I assume that all of you married friends understand what I'm saying. As for the rest of you... just trust me.
Where was I going with this? Yeah, I'm not sure either. I guess to show my true devotion... or not really for that reason, here are some of our favorite engagements. They were taken by L5. She has some serious skills.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Romantic Words
So, I'm sick. Or I have food poisoning. I'm really not sure. But I do know that last night during dinner, I became very nauseous, and Hod was perfectly fine. I lay down for a bit trying to get my stomach to settle. Hod was sitting close, but not too close, cause he knew I didn't feel well. After fighting it for 2 hours, I suddenly stood up, walked towards the bathroom and told Hod that I was going to lose it. It's pretty awkward. I really didn't want him to see me like that. There is nothing attractive about puking. Anyway, on my way to the bathroom Hod asks, "Would you like me to hold your hair?"
My hair was in a pony tail, so I didn't need it. Still, the fact that he would offer was sweet. I don't think I would ever offer to hold someone else's hair. I mean, really, that's gross. I don't want to be there.
So, lame line of the week, that for some reason I find very cute and romantic: "Would you like me to hold your hair?" That's real love. ;)
My hair was in a pony tail, so I didn't need it. Still, the fact that he would offer was sweet. I don't think I would ever offer to hold someone else's hair. I mean, really, that's gross. I don't want to be there.
So, lame line of the week, that for some reason I find very cute and romantic: "Would you like me to hold your hair?" That's real love. ;)
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