Monday, November 22, 2010

A Little Bit of Everything

Hey, Yo's.

So, firstly, some serious stuff.  I was perusing around the internet today (Perusing... that is a great word that I never use, I may have to integrate it into my world.) and I found an article.  It can be seen here.  I think this kind of best describes how I feel sometimes.  I think my favorite part is when the author asks "Why do we have to put a spin on it?"  I totally feel that way!  I mean, yeah, I know I've said some of the things that she says not to say.  I've said them this past week.  About myself.  But I don't really believe them.  My favorite thing though, is how SO many people like to quote statistics to me.  Great.  I know that miscarriages are common.  But honestly, just because Jr didn't get to come visit me in real life, doesn't make him any less real.  I loved him, and he will always be part of my heart.  And telling me it's common doesn't make it any easier.  I mean, really, lots of people have had their mom die.  (I LOVE YOU MOM!!)  Are you going to tell someone that to make them feel better?  "Oh, your mom died?  Well that's sad.  But it happens a lot."  Wow... Feeling so much better.

It's snowing a lot.  I actually like snow for the first month.  The problem here is though, all of the wind!  I mean, really, if the snow wasn't blowing all over the place, there probably wouldn't be that much.  But it's blowing.  And blowing.  As in, we could give Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery day a run for ... his?  its?  their?  Whatever's money.  So I'm not really excited to drive to work tomorrow.  On clear days it's a 35 min drive.  Tomorrow, it may be the drive of eternity.  Pack your water folks, and don't forget the potty break, it's going to be a long one!  (For example, it took Hod 90 min to drive home today... then again, I have mad snow driving skills, so I bet I can blow his time out of the water!!!! ... Not that it's a contest...)

It's late.  And I should be asleep.  And yet I'm wide awake and actually feeling happier right now than I have for weeks.  Apparently exhaustion makes me happy.  Which is strange, cause normally it just makes me beastly.  Seriously.  I'm an ornery tired person.  I also think I would be an ornery drunk.  Which is why we are SO glad I'm active LDS and happy about it.  There is a severe lack of drugs in me.  Well, actually that's a lie right now.  The Dr put me on all sorts of meds.  And I'm taking them.  What is it about a D&C that makes you feel fine for the first few days and then feel like someone has reached up inside of you and is trying to rip you apart using the dullest knife ever invented for the next few days.  Hmm... sharing penalty?

So, I like juice.  We have it a lot.  It's a healthy choice and good for... my insides.  (What, it totally is!)  But I'm strange.  I like cold things.  Milk must be cold.  Ice cream, must be cold.  My pillowcase must be cold.  Juice, must not be cold.  Which doesn't really work, cause once you open it, you have to keep in in the fridge. As a result, every time I drink juice I pour it and then wait 20 min for it to warm up.  It's a hard life.

Hod just accidentally mixed milk and juice.  That's gross.

I'm fish sitting this week.  Hello fishy friend!  (HERE FISHY FISHY FISHY!  I always wanted to go fishing and see if that actually works.)

And on that note... I think I better go bed.  (I almost typed back to bed, and then I realized that I haven't made it to bed yet.  I have issues.)


Leann Nelson said...

Oh dear Paily! What a funny woman you are! Sure do miss you!

Laree said...

you make me laugh! Thanks for the randomness.

I didn't click on the article, but I know one of the biggest tragedies about miscarriages is our society does not treat them like death. But that's exactly what happened!

love you girl!

Anonymous said...

I read the article and your post. I remember feeling the same way through my miscarriages. My mother was particularly annoying about it. It has been 7 years since my first miscarriage, 4 since my last, and I am the grateful mother of two, but I still think about and miss those other children. It doesn't hurt as much, eventually, but it still hurts. Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

yes you can drive better in the snow, but does it have to be a contest? Every thing else is very true though.

MillerNews said...

This is what I came to realise with my miscarriages...what your feeling right now about it is how your suppost to feel. Even if it changes daily or hourly. Its perfectly 'normal' Just take one day at a time and feel. xxx Love you Nelson!

Lynn said...

I'm Sorry that you have had this very tough thing going on, and that you have been hurting physically and emotionally, I have been hurting for you, not that it can fix anything but just to say I have been thinking of you and aware that its been hard, Hugs and I'm glad that you are recovering! I totally agree that well meaning people should let you feel your feelings and not try to talk yo out of the hurt, (yes you will be ok, but first it would be best for others to go with us for a time to the hurting place and hurt with us, then be a support as the healing happens) I am excited to see you and your hubby at family things during Dec. be safe as you travel for the upcoming events!! Hugs!!

jutnmal said...

hey im so sorry! we love you and miss you lots! tell hood hello and that we love him too!