Thursday, May 31, 2012

Fighting The Animal Within

I remember, way back in the day, one of my sisters teasing me about my sleeping habits.  I was a crazy sleeper. (She would know, I kicked her in the nose once.)  She told me that she felt sorry for my future husband, because I was such a wild sleeper that I couldn't even keep a stuffed animal in my bed.  As a result I started sleeping with a stuffed animal just so I could prove her wrong.  After a while, I succeeded!

Many years later I married my wonderful husband.  It was then that I discovered how crazy people can sleep.  Dear Hod is tall and slender.  He likes to sleep curled up, and when you're 6' that means you're going to take up a lot of the bed.  Along with this, I have discovered that he likes to sleep in a cocoon of blankets.  He wants the blanket completely around him.  He has an interesting way of accomplishing this.  I have coined this technique "The Flying Squirrel".

While sleeping, Hod's inner squirrel will realize that he is not properly cocooned.  To remedy this, he flips to his stomach, and propels his entire body up into the air.  Then assuming a spread eagle position he grabs the blanket with both hands and feet, quickly pulling as much of the blanket as he can under his body.  He then lands on top of his hands, and continues to dream.  This leaves me without a blanket.  After we had been married about 9 months I figured out how to combat this.  The flip to the front would wake me up.  I would then use both hands to hold the blanket, roll to one side and hold the corner under me, thus effectively ruining the Flying Squirrel and keeping some of the warm blanket.

However, adding #1, and my current lack of sleep has destroyed my awareness.  I can no longer vanquish the foe that is The Flying Squirrel.  When Hod flips to his stomach, I MUST react very quickly.  As I am now coming out of a dazed sleep, my reaction time has drastically dropped.

We now sleep with two quilts.

Thursday, May 24, 2012


As many of you know, pregnancy was hard for me.  I felt so sick, and gross.  And I wasn't happy.  I wanted a baby, I wanted to experience pregnancy, but I didn't like it.  I was sad.  I was hurting.  I was pretty messed up.  I remember sitting on my couch during my second trimester (the one that everyone says is the best) and just hurting inside.  I hurt so bad.  I wanted my insides to match my outsides.  I wanted to hurt myself.  It was a strange thing for me.  I hadn't ever felt that so strong.  But I didn't want to hurt my baby.  This resulted (multiple times) in Hod finding me laying on the floor in our walk in closet.  I went there because everything there was soft and safe.  There wasn't anything to hurt myself with.

We went to my OB and told him about it.  He informed me that 10% of pregnant women just get depressed.  Seriously depressed.  Something about how the hormones and chemicals change in their body during pregnancy just make them a little crazy.  So I was put on medication so I would stop wanting to hurt myself.

It worked, and I was very grateful.

However, women who have this problem are pretty much guaranteed to have postpartum.  Breastfeeding helps with that.  But #1 had a problem with my medication so we had to stop breastfeeding.

It's been a little bit of a struggle.  #1 has such a great smile and I love her so much.  However, some days... I just didn't care.  I didn't want her to die or anything, but I just didn't care that she was here.

Can I just tell you the guilt that comes with that?  While I was pregnant (and not loving it) I think I offended at least one family member when I didn't say that it was the greatest thing ever.  I had multiple people in my life who desperately wanted to be pregnant.  I was pregnant and didn't like it.  That would hurt.  Then I had a beautiful baby.  I had friends and family who wanted a beautiful baby.  I had multiple friends and family who lost their babies through miscarriage and stillbirth.  But I wasn't happy.  And then I just had more guilt.  I had everything that they wanted and I didn't cherish it always.

It has been a long struggle.  Some days I had so much love.  Some days she was just a fun kid that I watched.  Some days I just didn't care.  But now, I think I'm there.  I can't even explain the amount of love I have.  Something about this girl just makes my heart melt.  I wish there were words to really describe how I feel.  I just want to squeeze her and kiss her all the day long.

Being a Mom is becoming a great thing.

And in case you are wondering, Marionberry Yogurt is good.  It's by Tillamook, and delicious!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Enjoying Life

We've been going on around here.  #1 is growing like a weed.  For example, look at this:
This is #1's favorite face to pull.  At some point I'm going to have to teach her not to stick her tongue out... but for now it's just cute!  This is a dress we got from my sis, Laree.  It's almost too small.

Along with being tall, #1 is also up to things like this:
*aw, I'm not up to much.  Just sitting around reading a book.*

We are currently working on sleep training.  #1 is really good at going to bed... but not so good at staying there.  However, before we started training she would wake up 5-6 times a night.  Now she usually wakes up 2-3.  That is major progress.  I feel like a new woman!

The only real problem we have now is ... everyone thinks #1 is a boy.  I really don't understand this.  If she is in public and dressed in some sort of overalls, everyone thinks she's a boy.  I try to put headbands in her hair, but she hates it.  Oh well.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Falling Into Place

Yesterday was my birthday.  Sunday was Mother's Day.  For the first time in 5 years this made me perfectly happy.  I had a specific plan for my life.  Like... well, probably everyone, my plan didn't quite pan out.  I was going to serve a mission at exactly 21, come home at 22, be married by 24, and have a baby by my late 25s.

Instead I served a mission at almost 22, got home at 23, married at 26, miscarried at 26, and blessed with #1 at 27.  This made me dread my birthday.  And Mother's Day as well.  It just showed me over and over how I wasn't where I wanted to be.

But this year, at 28, everything was how I wanted it to be.  (Ok, I guess I figured I'd have more than one kid at 28, but whatever.)

It was a hard trip getting here, with ups and downs.  There were times I thought it would never happen.  But here I am.

I realize that some people have wanted these things for longer than 5 years, but I'm glad that I don't have to want this anymore.  For now, I can enjoy it.

Be A Good Tennant


As previously mentioned, Hod and I moved a few weeks ago.  This is the story of the place we were moving to: Old renter trashed the place.  So, we got all new flooring, new toilet, new sink, new ceiling fan.  Sounds great, right? I don't have to worry about #1 learning to crawl on a gross floor, cause it's all brand new!

However, not only was she a very messy person, she was also irresponsible.  Three examples:

1.  We moved in on Saturday.  Monday morning we had a loud knock on our door.  It was someone from the Gas company telling us that he was turning off our Gas because of lack of payment.  WHAT?  We quickly got on the phone and told them that we have a 6 month old baby and we can't live without hot water.  They said it would take 24-48 hours to turn it back on.  We prayed, and somehow the gas kept going.  Whew.

2.  We called to get the internet.  I went to pick up all of the pieces and found out that because of lack of payment, there was a hold on our apartment.  Because of this we had to wait a few more days before they could come and take our hold off.  That's just lame.

3.  Today we got home and we have a package from Direct TV.  It's for the previous tenant.  Sent Fed Ex.  So now I have to figure out how to return it.  (I have no idea where the closest Fed Ex place is.)

So, moral of the story is: be a good tenant so you don't seriously inconvenience the person moving in after you.

In other news:  I got a new phone.  That's cool.  Except I still haven't figured out where my alarm clock is.  So we use our phones.  Except if we use Hod's it wakes up #1.  (I know there are ways to prevent this... but they aren't an option.)  The nice people at the phone store told me that it was very important that I let the battery die before I start charging my phone.  Just this one time.  But it won't die!  It's been telling me it's about to die for an hour.  I just want to go to bed.  Dumb phone.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Being Selfish

As most new Moms would tell you, the days of selfishness are over.  Really.  You don't get to do anything just for you.  Even the things I do for me, I tend to do so then I can be a better mom.  (Like making sure I remember to eat.)

However, today, I found something that I am doing just for me.  #1 is teething.  She only kind of likes her teething ring or any other toys.  Her choice would always be to chew on my finger.  And I let her.  It's not a big deal.  I wash regularly.  Today I took that privilege away from her.

Now that the top of her front right tooth has broken through her bites hurt a lot more.

From now on, my fingers are for me only!  ... Not that I chew on them, but you get the point.

Yeah teeth!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

So Blessed

#1 is sick.  I was sick, but I am getting SO much better.  Hod has been sick too.  I'm not sure why, but I just thought that #1 was at the same point in this sickness as I was... meaning that she was getting a lot better.  However, today, I learned that I was wrong.  It's been a long day.  We missed church, cause she is SO sick.  She hasn't been able to breathe well, cause she was so congested.  Her diapers made me very concerned about dehydration.  She hasn't been able to sleep, so she's kind of just been a beast.  I've felt so bad for her!

#1 doesn't cry herself to sleep yet.  But we're getting close to that.  During the time that we've lived in this apartment (a whole 8 days!) this has been our bedtime routine:  We get on pj's, read, sing songs, pray, and then have a last bottle.  She normally falls asleep during the last bottle.  (I know, you're not supposed to let that happen... but it works for us.)  Now, it used to be, that after I took the bottle out of her mouth, I'd wait another... 15-20 min until I was SURE she was very deep asleep, then I would move her the 1 1/2 ft to her own bed.  However, in this apartment, right after I take the bottle out of her mouth, I stand up, and put her in her crib.  She wakes up during this, but I just leave the room and she goes back to sleep.

We tried that today, but as I was giving her her bottle, instead of the long, relaxed breathing that normally accompanies sleep, there were very short, laborious breathes.  When I put her in her crib, and she woke up, she didn't go back to sleep.  She was so sad.  And crying... loud.  As I listened at her door, I realized that not only was she sad, but I could hear her struggle to breathe.  It has been such a long, hard day, and I wondered if we just needed to run to the Emergency Room.  My poor baby couldn't breathe!

I said a little prayer, asking for guidance, and was reminded of something.  I have, in my house, a man who has been given power from God to heal.  He has the Priesthood, and can use it to bless those around him.  I ran to my hubby and told him my concern.  Then I asked him, "Will you please give her a blessing?"  This was done.  As I cuddled #1 close afterwords, and got her back to sleep, I noticed a change.  As she calmed down, I could literally hear her nasal passages clearing up.  Instead of short, laborious breathes, she was taking long, calm ones.  I was able to put her in her crib and leave my sweet baby in the room with just a cute, quiet snore letting me know that yeah, she's still a little sick, but she is breathing.

What a blessing this is in my life.  How great it is, that a loving Heavenly Father has given worthy men the power to bless others.  I know that #1 is still sick, but she finally resting.  Her little body is getting the rest, and air, that she needs to heal.  I am so glad to have Hod in my life and for his dedication to living a Christlike life so he can bless us.

My life is pretty great.