Monday, November 8, 2010

It's my 100th post

Hey friends!

Sorry it's been so long.  I realized that my next post was going to be my 100th.  So I wanted to post something super cool!  I waited, and waited for something super cool, and it didn't come.  Instead you get this.  It is maybe super cool.

*WARNING*  This post could incur sharing penalties.  You have been warned.

I say maybe, cause I don't know if it's really happening.

First, I need to apologize to L1-L3.  You see, I'm probably pregnant.  One day, Hod and I decided to tell everyone.  Before I got to everyone I ended up in the emergency room.  I was possibly miscarrying.  As a result, I didn't really want to call anyone and tell them that I was pregnant.  That was Oct 23rd.  In the ER they took my blood so they could check hormone levels.  Then by checking them again on Monday they could know if I was miscarrying or not by how the levels changed.  On Monday I went back to the doctor.  They took my blood, and tested it, but because my ER visit was so late, it hadn't been a full 48 hours.  The numbers went up, but not enough.  We decided to blame time and try again.  Oct 29th they took my blood again.  Saturday they called me and said "Well, your levels are doubling appropriately, so it seems you're ok."  Through all of this, no one has told me why I'm bleeding so much.  I'm just told to wait and we'll see.

Hod and I have been trying to be positive, but we've still be so unsure.  But today we had an ultrasound.  This will answer all of our questions, right??  Yeah, that was our hope.  Here's what we know now.  I am 8 weeks along.  However, I'm only measuring at 6 weeks.  There is a baby inside of me, with a beating heart, but the heart is beating very slow.  Now, if I am really actually only at 6 weeks then this could be fine.  The heart is normally really slow at 6 weeks.  And we don't know for sure when I actually ovulated because I was just coming off of birth control and that messes everything up.  There is also a "spot of bleeding" or something like that.  This is a problem.  They are wondering if the placenta was too aggressive, and if that is what is the problem.  The Dr isn't sure what is going on.  At this time, he is leaning towards miscarriage.  Still.  Even though I got to see the baby.  Even though the heart is beating.  Even though I am doing everything right.

Now, one thing that I have to tell myself over and over, is what the Dr told me today.  He said that if I have been living a normal life, and not doing certain things (Which I haven't been) then there is no way that I could have been having a normal pregnancy and I messed it up.  It's just kind of a natural selection type of thing.

So, It's not my fault.  But that doesn't make it any easier.  Even though we've been waiting for 2 weeks, wondering, praying, stressing, not sleeping, we still don't know.  They have ordered another ultrasound for next week.  If things continue to look bad then we'll have a decision to make.  Wait it out when there is no hope, not knowing what will happen, OR surgery.  Basically choose to have an abortion because the baby will not live to full term and will not develop right.

I'm trying really hard to be positive, but some days it's hard.  I mean, really, I'm 26.  And I'm LDS.  I'm already way behind in the whole start a family thing.  I don't want to be set back again.  I don't want to lose the baby.  I love this child.  And through it all, there is nothing I can do.  But wait.

So, I'll put on my happy face.  I'll get in my car and drive through the snow and go to work.  I'll do what I can to serve others and think of them.  And the entire time I will pray that our baby will be able to stay with us.  That's all I can do.

Sorry to be a downer, but there's my life.  My 100th post.  Big news... and not.


Kaylee said...

Lady! Oh my lanta, what an intense ride! I'm very excited for you, but very scared and nervous for you as well. You'll be in my prayers! No matter what, the Lord will be with you and He will comfort you through your trials. Love you!

Laree said...

Hey girl- we've been praying for you around here too. I wish I had words to say that would actually help, but I don't. Any loss/stress is like that. But I love you, and we'll keep on praying!

Miss Nelson said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now! I love you, and I'm praying for you, your hubby, and your sweet baby! Keep me posted! Love you!

Grandma Nelson said...

We were hoping to hear much more encouraging news, but I still believe in hope. It's one of the big 3. I know you have faith, I believe you have charity; so hang on to hope and know we are praying for all of you.

Lynn said...

I would love to talk with you sometime, so call me if you get some free time, I check you blog often and I am excited to hear about your happenings, sorry that you are gong through this scary time, we will keep praying for your little family

Aubrey's Outlet said...

Just wanted you to know I love you both and will be sending up a few prayers on you behalf too!! I am so sorry things are so scary right now. But remember Heavenly Father is aware of ALL of you!!

Love you ALL!

Thompson Family Blog said...

Your hubby's mom said you had blogged about your feelings so I decided to come and read about it (found the link through your husband's blog). Nate and I went through the same thing between our 1st and 2nd births. I was 8 weeks and the baby measured 6 weeks. The heartbeat was slow. We began to pray that the Lord would take the baby if he was going to have a bad heart. At 11 weeks the baby measured 8 weeks and the heart had stopped beating. It was a hard time for me. However, I had one of the most beautiful experiences of my life after that. First, I was filled from head to toe with peace from Heaven. Then, I was given a strong confirmation that it was a bad body but my baby's spirit would come right back (but with a new body). Little Alan came very soon afterwards. I know that the Lord is watching over your family and will take care of you just as he did us. We love you and are praying for you.

Love, your new sis, Shelli

Happy Mom said...

Sweet sis,

Big ouch!!!

I have known more than one woman who was definately going to miscarry but never did. One woman (this was on our Israel trip) bled so much that the two nurses on our trip argued, one that she had already miscarried and the other that she hadn't. She delivered a heathly baby boy months later.

There is hope and peace in the knowledge that God knows you and your good husband. I choose to believe that all will be well, but take comfort in the knowldedge that if this pregnancy doesn't go the way we all want, he will strengthen you both and help you find peace.

Sure love you two! Lot's of faith and prayers from our end.