Sunday, November 14, 2010


Ok.  I have serious needs of buckets right now.  Let me tell you a story.

As all ya'll know, my life is really hard right now.  We'll know for sure tomorrow, but the changes that my body had been making when it became pregnant have been reversing.  I am 99% sure that I am going to be having surgery in the next short while.  This is being very hard for Hod and I.  Some days are better than others.  Today was a particularly hard day.  It has been hard enough that I have spent multiple hours crying.  Most of you know that is a really big deal for me.

As a result of this trial, I'm struggling to do anything extra.  I mean, I go to the three hours of church, but today just doing that was hard.  I just don't have anything else to give.

There is a kind woman who invited me to do something extra.  It's something that I have plans to do, I just can't right now.  But Hod has been participating in this extra thing.  I know it's not perfect, but that is what we are able to do.  I didn't really want to tell this person why I wasn't able to do extra.  But she just kept pushing.  Hod participating just isn't enough.  They really need me.  So I apologized and said that my life is just really hard right now, and that I would do it when I could.  I was then informed that nothing is more important that this extra event.

So, lacking in charity, my response went something like this:  "Actually, I'm in the middle of a really bad miscarriage that is going to require surgery.  I'm doing the best I can, I just don't have anything else I can give right now."  It shut her up.  I should probably feel bad, but I don't.  I tried to be nice, I told her I'd help when I could.  And yet I was judged.  You don't know my life.  You don't know what is going on.  You don't know me!

I was and apparently am pretty bitter.


Miss Nelson said...

I'm so sorry! Please let me know if I can do anything! I love you!

Leann Nelson said...

I can't even imagine! Love you lots and ditto to what Miss Nelson said!

Laree said...

Aparently I don't have any charity either, because I think your response is flippin awesome. The face of the matter is no one really does know everything that is going on. There is never a time that someone can know everything you are going through. Even if they have experianced something similar, every case in every way, has something diffrent.

You hang in there girl. Don't let anyone else get you down. We're praying for you, and support you whatever happens. Choir can happen at another stage of your life!

Lynn said...

I'm sorry that you were pushed to that point by someone who should have trusted your first response,it sounds like you handled it in the only way it could be understood, I'm sorry that things are difficult, and that we can't get out the duct tape and fix, this, we will continue to pray for your family, Hugs!! love you

Happy Mom said...

Sis, I think you handled it just right. It may be that she wasn't even judging you, just oblivious to anthing other than the "important" thing she wanted you to do. I sure the experience was pretty painful to her (it's awful when you realize you're being a jerk), but unless she's a jerk at heart, she'll be more accepting next time someone tells her no.

You're in my prayers sis!

Kaylee said...

Oh, how I love you. So much! Keep hanging in there, and if you need someone to come and tell people off, I'll do it! You're in my prayers!

Love you lots!