DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!

Ok.  I have serious needs of buckets right now.  Let me tell you a story.

As all ya'll know, my life is really hard right now.  We'll know for sure tomorrow, but the changes that my body had been making when it became pregnant have been reversing.  I am 99% sure that I am going to be having surgery in the next short while.  This is being very hard for Hod and I.  Some days are better than others.  Today was a particularly hard day.  It has been hard enough that I have spent multiple hours crying.  Most of you know that is a really big deal for me.

As a result of this trial, I'm struggling to do anything extra.  I mean, I go to the three hours of church, but today just doing that was hard.  I just don't have anything else to give.

There is a kind woman who invited me to do something extra.  It's something that I have plans to do, I just can't right now.  But Hod has been participating in this extra thing.  I know it's not perfect, but that is what we are able to do.  I didn't really want to tell this person why I wasn't able to do extra.  But she just kept pushing.  Hod participating just isn't enough.  They really need me.  So I apologized and said that my life is just really hard right now, and that I would do it when I could.  I was then informed that nothing is more important that this extra event.

So, lacking in charity, my response went something like this:  "Actually, I'm in the middle of a really bad miscarriage that is going to require surgery.  I'm doing the best I can, I just don't have anything else I can give right now."  It shut her up.  I should probably feel bad, but I don't.  I tried to be nice, I told her I'd help when I could.  And yet I was judged.  You don't know my life.  You don't know what is going on.  You don't know me!

I was and apparently am pretty bitter.