DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!

Ok.  I have serious needs of buckets right now.  Let me tell you a story.

As all ya'll know, my life is really hard right now.  We'll know for sure tomorrow, but the changes that my body had been making when it became pregnant have been reversing.  I am 99% sure that I am going to be having surgery in the next short while.  This is being very hard for Hod and I.  Some days are better than others.  Today was a particularly hard day.  It has been hard enough that I have spent multiple hours crying.  Most of you know that is a really big deal for me.

As a result of this trial, I'm struggling to do anything extra.  I mean, I go to the three hours of church, but today just doing that was hard.  I just don't have anything else to give.

There is a kind woman who invited me to do something extra.  It's something that I have plans to do, I just can't right now.  But Hod has been participating in this extra thing.  I know it's not perfect, but that is what we are able to do.  I didn't really want to tell this person why I wasn't able to do extra.  But she just kept pushing.  Hod participating just isn't enough.  They really need me.  So I apologized and said that my life is just really hard right now, and that I would do it when I could.  I was then informed that nothing is more important that this extra event.

So, lacking in charity, my response went something like this:  "Actually, I'm in the middle of a really bad miscarriage that is going to require surgery.  I'm doing the best I can, I just don't have anything else I can give right now."  It shut her up.  I should probably feel bad, but I don't.  I tried to be nice, I told her I'd help when I could.  And yet I was judged.  You don't know my life.  You don't know what is going on.  You don't know me!

I was and apparently am pretty bitter.

Just In Case

So, you know that scene in Toy Story 2, when Mrs. Potato head packs Mr. Potato Head's angry eyes, just in case?

Today there is no "just in case"!

Here's the deal. I'm the mom of an FHE family. We have major issues getting anyone to come to FHE. My co-leader (He's not the dad, that ticks him off) doesn't really have any desire to magnify his calling. As a result, he ticked off all 3 of my roommates last week. But I'm trying to be nice and not take sides and be supportive. But honestly, why would you assign out calling everyone in our group when you have never tried it. In fact, you never have any contact with anyone in our group and you make me do it all every week.

Sorry...

So, we have this great plan, and we are combining with another group, because they also have horrid attendance. We are going to go build a fire up the canyon, roast marshmallows, and the other group is in charge of the lesson. Then this morning Mr. Co-Leader bails on me. No warning, no reasoning, just, "Hey, can we do something else, cause something came up and I'm not going to be there." Oh, sure. It's not like I already announced what we were doing. It's not like the whole fire thing was your idea anyway. Sure. So we change the plans. I am now in charge of the activity and the treats. Bummer. Ok, I'll make it work. So I go to work, work my tail off cause "We're too slow to have this many people here, even though you always get slammed and then people think you are a slacker because the customers have to wait in line, and you don't get all of the cleaning jobs done."

On the way home from work, the leader of the other group says, "I couldn't find anyone to teach the lesson... can any of your roommates do it?" Oh, yeah right. They don't even come to FHE, they all have work till 7. It's fine that I'm tired, and I've been running around like a crazy woman all day. I like being in charge of FHE. With absolutely no help. That sounds ideal. FHE starts in 90 min. So instead of getting things ready (like working out the activity and planning a lesson and going shopping for a treat, and I still need to shower) I'm blogging. If everyone else can be a slacker, I can too!

I'm totally busting out my angry eyes!

(Small update. I don't have to do the lesson anymore. Good thing, cause I did it last week. Yeah!)