Being Lazy

So, I was perusing around the internet today, and found a blog called Pregnant Chicken.  I'll be honest, sometimes it uses some inappropriate words.  But man, it's funny!  While reading today, I found a favorite post.  You can read the real version here.

I thought it was time for me to blog again, and yet I didn't really have anything I wanted to say.  Well, I do have something I would love to rant about, but I don't think my mother would approve, so I'm trying to hold it in.  Anyway, because I'm lazy, I just stole something great from someone else.  But it made me happy!

Because I try so hard to be a good little Mormon girl, I've pasted the text here with a small edit for less awkwardness.  Here you go!

Pregnancy Brain

Monday, January 24, 2011 at 7:12PM

Today's post has been brought to you by stark. raving. mad. mommy.

I love her for her wit, kick trash cowboy boots and her ability to poke the bear. She is the one I would have hidden behind in Junior High and screamed "yeah" as she told off the middle aged, creepy guy hanging over the fence to stop leering at us in gym.

She also saved my tooshy on Labour Day by writing a wicked post about labor (with no 'u').

This post is all about pregnancy brain which I totally had when I was pregnant and now I have Mommy Brain.

I chalk the Baby Brain up to hormones, and the Mommy Brain up to toddler water tourture but some people are lucky enough to escape both. To them I say, lucky......blast......what the was the word I was looking for? Doggy-do-do. Hang on a minute. It will come to me....

Enjoy.

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Today I placed my son’s glasses on top of the car, and drove off like that.  In all fairness, my hands were full – car keys, backpack, glasses, and belligerent autistic four-year-old who did not want to go to school.  I put the glasses down because I didn’t want them to break.  Awesome.

This is what we call Mommy Brain.  Mommy Brain accounts for all the things you mess up until senile dementia takes over.  Before Mommy Brain, there is Pregnancy Brain, which is actually worse.  Pregnancy Brain is caused by having gallons of progesterone floating around your body while trying to grow an entire human being in your body.  It’s like the craziest Sea Monkey science experiment evah, and it’s happening inside you.  It’s amazing you can even remember to get up in the morning.

Fortunately, Mother Nature takes over and ensures that you do the bare necessities – your body tells you urgently when it’s time to eat, sleep, and empty out the bladder, which is pretty much all you do during a pregnancy anyway.

However, because your brain is so busy telling you that you have to go #1 like a racehorse right this very second, it stops telling you other things.  Important things, which might affect your employment or your ability to function normally in society.

I had four children in the space of five years, so I pretty much have irretrievable brain damage at this point.  Possibly, when they’ve all gone off to college, I’ll be able to spark some new brain cells by doing lots of crossword puzzles.  Maybe I should start taking some of those souped-up “senior” vitamins (or “geezer pills,” as my parents call them) to try to stave off the inevitable dementia that’s coming my way.

During my first pregnancy, when I was still working, I forgot the email password I had had for months.  It was completely gone from my head, and had to be reset.  I didn’t do too many other stupid things at work because I was so busy throwing up during that pregnancy.

When I was pregnant the second time, I already had two-year-old twins.  I remember lying (on my left side, of course) on the couch, watching Blue’s Clues with my toddlers and being stumped.  Let me say it again: I was stumped by Blue’s Clues.  I was all, “dang, Blue, I have no. freaking. clue. what the heck you want.  Steve, you’re a freaking genius to figure out those fiendish clues.” *Paily's favorite paragraph*

That wasn’t my only proud moment.  During my pregnancies, I did all kinds of stupid stuff.  I showed up for an ultrasound appointment a day early, and an OB appointment a day late.   My daughters missed a swim lesson because I got lost on the way to the pool.  I still have no idea how that happened.

One of my friends is right now pregnant with her fifth girl.  Her oldest is only seven, so she’s been steeping in progesterone and prolactin for the better part of a decade now.  Her round ligaments and her brain are shot.  The other day she stood outside her house, attempting to open the door with her remote car door opener.  She just stood there, clicking and clicking, wondering why the door didn’t beep and unlock.  Poor thing.

My friend L. has the most entertaining Pregnancy Brain evah.  She completely loses the filter that stops you from saying the things you’re only supposed to say in your mind.  *Paily Edit, they SO could have been talking about me!!*

During her next pregnancy, in a meeting with several co-workers, including two company vice-presidents, someone commented on another person’s new haircut.  L. piped up with, “too bad you didn’t do something about those nose hairs.”

L.’s unfiltered mouth when she has Pregnancy Brain is so shocking and hilarious, I wish she would have more kids.  However, it’s astonishing she managed to keep her job through two pregnancies, so she’s decided to stop while she’s still employed.

The best thing you can do about Pregnancy Brain is to prioritize and then enjoy it.  Put sticky notes on everything so that you remember the essentials, then use Pregnancy Brain as the perfect excuse for pretty much anything you don’t feel like doing.  “Sorry, I forgot about that.  I have Pregnancy Brain.”

stark. raving. mad. mommy. blogs about parenting, insanity, and chaos at starkravingmadmommy.com.

Yeah.... We Totally Love You!

So, funny story.

There is a couple at church that Hod and I quite like.  They are just super cute, and we've talked multiple times about getting together.  But we never have.  Sunday, Hod was talking to the MR about how "We should get together."  The MR agreed.  And I could just see it happening like it always does.  "Hey, lets get together, Yeah, let's..."  And then we never do it.  So, I poked my head in and said, "You should actually plan something".  And they did!  We had plans to get together and play games and get to know each other.

6:00 rolls around, I'm thinking about making caramel popcorn to take over, and I turn to Hod and ask, "Dear, can you remind me of their names?"  Now to this point, 98% of all conversations with this couple was Hod talking, and I was normally busy doing RS stuff.  I think I had been introduced to them once, and I liked them, but I'm bad with names.  Hod's response to my question was, "Uh... I'm not sure?"  WHAT??? REALLY???  You have GOT to be kidding me!  We are going over in one hour and we don't know their names?  My mind was racing... do you think they'd notice if we never called them by name?   We spent most of the next hour on our Ward's website, but not every couple had pictures, so we couldn't find it by that.  Hod started calling friends who may have known, I started calling friends (One who did know her name, but we were still lost on his) and FINALLY we found one person who had records so they knew.  And A LOT of people got a really good laugh.  It was such a random strange moment.  Really, imagine this.  You call a friend and the conversation goes like this, "Hey, so we're getting together with this couple tonight... and they looked like this at church, and they are really nice... do you know their names?"  So awkward!

The good news is, we went, we knew their names, I don't think I'll ever forget them, and we had a wonderful time.  I hope we can be friends.  And maybe someday, we will tell them our awkward story.

A Little Laugh From Date Night

(While watching "Return of the Jedi")
Paily: The Ewoks are SO cute!  I want one!
Hod:  I'm pretty sure it's illegal to own a midget as a pet.

The best part to me, is that he said this so matter of factly.  Apparently I say stupid things on a regular basis and it no longer surprises him.

A Lousy Memory

So, we all know that I don't blog everyday. The good news is, between all of the blogs that I do stalk, I always have one to read. Many of my family and friends have private blogs. I totally get that. Some people just aren't comfortable living their entire bloggy life as a bucket. Luckily I have completely embraced my inner bucket-ness. Anyway, the point of this, is Blogger daily asks me if I want to be remembered. Most every day I tell it yes. Every day, I am forgotten. I used to think that maybe it was because Hod would use my computer on a regular basis, cause we weren't married, and he would always come to my apartment. But, married life, and him having his own computer hasn't fixed the problem.  Alas, I seem to be destined to be forgotten. As a result, I feel the need to dedicate a song to Blogger. So, Blogger, dear, kind, free, forgetful blogger. This one is for you. (Seriously, read the lyrics, it totally fits, in a slightly creepy way.)  Oh, and as always, remember to pause the music player on your right before playing the video.  And, I'm pretty sure if Josh Groban had a grave to roll over in, he would after finding out that I just used this AMAZING song to mock Blogger.