Almost Not Perfect

Friday #1 had a well check.  As I talked with the doctor about how #1 is doing with ... well everything I learned some facts.  First, I learned that I am a pretty good mom.  That is always nice to hear.  I also learned that #1 is doing ok.... for now.  Here is where she is:

Height 75%
Weight 25%
Average the two together and she is only at 20%.  If she gets down to an average of 15% we have a problem.  She is slowly falling off the weight chart.

Walking:  She has done it once for Hod and once for me.  (Well, not actually for us, we have both just caught her doing it once.)  As of right now she is still in the normal range for not walking.

Talking:  She doesn't really.  But she is able to communicate a little, so we are still in the normal range for that.

Sleeping:  She is on a regular pattern, but not yet sleeping though the night.  The pattern suggests that she should be able to sleep through the night, but she just isn't.  For her age that is still considered ok, but just barely.

However, unless we see some major progress in the next three months we get to start meeting with a ton o people.  If she starts to really walk, then they expect her weight will plummet.  If her foot size is any indication she is just going to get taller, so she really needs to eat better or she will fall off the weight chart.  If that happens we will be meeting with a dietitian.  I am going a little bit crazy trying to get her to eat.  The only foods she will always eat are milk and yogurt.  Everything else is so hit and miss it drives me crazy.  I no longer prepare food for myself because I know I will just end up eating what I make for her.  I have a friend who is a dietitian and she has already given me a few tips to get some extra calories in her milk and yogurt.  Coming from a family that has struggled to lose weight it is strange that I am working so hard to get my daughter to gain weight.  I think she gets that from her dad.  (Seriously, before he started a new med that can make you gain weight he could eat pure fat and not gain weight.  You know the stuff you cut off of your steak cause it is just fat?  He could eat it, and enjoy it, and still stay the exact same size.)

If she doesn't start walking by her next well check we will have to meet with physical therapists.

If she doesn't start sleeping through the night then we will have to run a bunch of tests to see if she maybe has sleep apnea or something that is preventing her from really resting.  (And according to my Dr, the answer isn't just to ignore her when she wakes up at night.  We talked about that extensively.  With her current sleep pattern that isn't the problem I guess.)

If she doesn't become more vocal then we will start speech therapy.

Now, I realize we have 3 months.  That is 1/5 of her life.  That is a long time for a kid her age.  I just worry that with #2 showing up any day I will have a hard time working as much with #1 as I need to in order to give her the best chance of making the goals we have set.

I talked to the Dr about possible ... What is the politically correct way to say it?  Is this just a small developmental delay, or is this going to be a permanent life long problem?  In some ways she seems SO smart, but the fact that she is all but behind in everything makes me nervous.  As of now the Dr doesn't think it is anything like that.  But I still worry.  I have quite a few friends with special needs kids.  They go through a lot.  I can't really imagine what life will be like if we join that group and I have such a young baby as well.

I've never really felt like a paranoid parent.  I have actually had a lot of moms tell me that I am super chill for a first time mom.  I'm not so chill anymore.  Most days feel like we are fighting all day as I try to get her to eat or speak or walk before I will help her with things.  I thought we were dealing with possible tantrums before but that was nothing compared to what we are doing now.  I miss my sweet happy girl.  It is so hard to watch her throw fits and have to ignore them.  I know what she wants.  I know how to make her stop.  But then she won't learn.  Then she will just stay behind.

I've had a lot of other moms tell me that I don't need to worry about it.  All of these things will happen when they happen and it isn't a big deal.  That is what I thought too, but apparently if she is behind in all of these things there could be something else going on.

I love #1 so much.  In the past few weeks we have grown closer as I have slowed down to spend more quality time with her.  Our days of just the two of us are rapidly coming to a close and I will miss them.  Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for #2 to join us, but I know that will change everything in our lives.  I cherish the time I have with #1.

So yeah.  That is where we are.  I hope that I'm just worrying over nothing and in the coming months something will just magically switch on and all of our problems will work themselves out.

It is going to be an exciting three months!

Update

Hey friends!

Just a quick update on us:

#2 is doing well and making me just a little crazy. Her heartbeat is very strong, her kicks and wiggles are visible from across the room, and she seems to want to stay for the long haul.  Despite the regular contractions I have (we are taking 5 min apart for 3-5 hours, 4-6 days a week) she is still sitting super high and I am only dialated to a 2.  That really is fine seeing as I am only 36 weeks.  It is just funny to me because at this point with #1 I was at a 4.  However if this girl will stay a few more weeks and be a champion sleeper then I say go for it!  She also has really poppy joints.  It is strange to see/feel her move and hear her pop.  She makes me happy.

As for me, I'm just super pregnant and having to depend on Hod a lot.  When I get on the floor to change a diaper it may take me 10 min to get the energy to get off of the floor, but oh well.  I am becoming an expert on functioning through contractions.  #1 is not a fan of contractions and tends to hit my stomach with a concerned look.

Hod is rocking it at work.  He is also working on finding the lost sheep in our ward.  He does a great job balancing everything and dealing with the crazy needy girls in his life.  He has also become quite skilled at painting my toenails.  I'm pretty spoiled.

#1 is hanging in there.  She seems a little stressed as we get closer to my due date.  As we work hard to give her the attention she needs she is so sweet.  She still isn't walking, and that stresses me out.  Not that I'm worried about development, I'm just worried about having to carry 2 kids around.  It is fun to watch her personality grow more.  Her smiles just melt my heart!

And a few random pictures: a few of #1, and at the risk of copying my sister, a silly picture of me with the new haircut I got right before Christmas.

Lesson Learned

We have lived in our new apartment for just over 3 months. We decided to move those 1200 miles only 4 months ago.  Many of you know why we moved, but we recently found something out that makes this move seem even more right. 

Hod used to be an assistant manager for American Eagle Outfitters in Utah.  He quite liked his job and the people he worked with.  Then one day he was told that he just wasn't cutting it and that he needed to look for another job.  So he looked and looked all over Utah.  Nothing.  We knew we were on borrowed time. Eventually they would find a replacement and we would lose our income and insurance.  After much fasting and prayer the state of our current residence popped into my head. Hod had been applying for jobs all over the country but nothing here. He hadn't gotten anywhere with the other applications, so knowing he had nothing to lose he started applying here.  Within 2 weeks he had multiple interviews and a job offer.  This job came with a raise, better insurance... and most importantly it was a paying job.  Putting our faith in what we felt were answers to prayers we quickly packed, shocked our families with the news of moving so far away and left.  Life has been pretty good since we got here. Yes, I have days where I just really miss my family.  One of my favorite moments of my time here is when one sister called me just to chat for fun.  I miss chatting.  With the lame depression I get while pregnant I have spent a lot of time feeling down and alone.  I can't tell you how many times #1 has done something strange and I wished I could show my Mom to get her opinion.  But here we are. 

And this is where we should be.  For Christmas Hod got a gift card to American Eagle for some new jeans (he sold his old ones to help pay for things to get us out here).  His shopping experience left something to be desired and he called his old store to tell them he missed their great customer service.  He found out that his old store is closing in less than 2 weeks.  They are trying to find places for people to work, but there aren't any open manager spots to be found.  Had we not moved we would be stuck in that situation.  As it is, Hod is enjoying his job, he is working in a company that has growth, we have a stable income, we have insurance, and we are making it.

I often miss Utah, but I am glad that we were able to move here and avoid the situation of losing a job.  As it is, Hod had only one week where he was unemployed.  We spent that week driving here.

How blessed we feel that we were able to follow the direction of the Lord and be able to take care of ourselves.

Timing

Yo mateys!  What up?

So, I got a new doctor.  I'm pretty excited about it.  After my first appointment they knew more about me than my previous doc had in 4 appointments.  I scheduled a return appointment, they gave me some paperwork, and I was on my way.

Last night I was looking over the paper they gave me.  I noticed at the very end of the last page they had my weight and height listed... And THEN they had done the math to tell my by BMI.  Let's just say it was not a pretty number. 

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND THINKS IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO TELL A WOMAN WHO IS 34 WEEKS PREGNANT THEIR BMI?????

I have gained 20 lbs this pregnancy.  My entire pregnancy with #1 I only gained 13 lbs and I had to work hard to get those 13 lbs.  Now, I'm not upset that I have gained 20 lbs.  I have worked hard to be healthy and make good choices, and we just had the fatty holiday season.

I know the BMI listed isn't really accurate but man, it is a bit of a kick in the pants.

So, to anyone who has connections reading this... If your office puts BMI's on patients forms that you send home with them, you should maybe find a way to get rid of it during pregnancy. 

That is all.

Anxiety, Diabetes, Pain, and Advice

Today Hod wanted #1 and I to meet him for lunch. We went to a little burger place and discovered #1 needed a diaper change. They didn't have any sort of changing station. Hod went to change her in the front seat of the car. As I waited for our food he called me in a panic. #1 had MAJOR diaper rash (she had been in the diaper for less than 25 min, I'm really not a major slacker. She had been fine then.) And she had managed to get urine all over the seat. She was actually getting blisters it was so bad. She doesn't have a dr yet so we went to the local urgent care. While there I was in some pretty intense pain. Not labor, but not right. The dr saw #1 and talked to me, telling me I needed to go to labor and delivery.

We called some friends to watch #1 for us and headed over to the hospital.  This is what we now know: I am borderline diabetic. After the three hour glucose test my Dr's nurse called me and told me I was fine. No other details, just "fine". Today I learned that if my numbers had been just one higher I would be listed as diabetic. I'm that close, and you couldn't tell me to limit my hot chocolate? No wonder I have felt so lousy.

Along with this I have "floating anxiety". Basically I am so stressed out that I am hurting myself. This is why I can't sleep and why I am in so much pain. It is bad enough that if I don't figure out how to change something I will have to be medicated or it could harm #2.  Oh, so you mean all the times I tried to talk to my dr about how I was feeling and he quickly told me "your baby has a normal heart beat, you're fine." He was actually wrong? Lame-o. I have been thinking of getting a new dr for a while, and today was the final straw!

After finding all of this out, I talked to the nurse in labor and delivery about doctors. She told me that in an emergency she would love to have my current dr, but if she wanted to be listened to, she would find someone else. So she gave us a recommendation. We asked for the phone number. She just had the dr come in and give it to us. I am very excited to try this new dr! Even just the 5 min we talked I felt like she has learned more about me than my current dr did in a month.  So glad to have a dr I can feel confidence in!

A Letter

Dear #2,

We need to have a bit of a chat.  I know your big sister is amazing, and if you turn out much like her I will be a very happy mom (but no pressure, you can be yourself too!).  However, just because she decided to put me in labor for three weeks does not mean you need to do the same thing.  ESPECIALLY since she started it three weeks later than you have.  Now, trying to rise above and do your own thing is an admirable trait.  This is a time that over-achieving is not something we should be aiming for.  You are not supposed to come out for another 8 weeks.  If you do this to me for another 7 we will be in a fight. I do not enjoy regular contractions 15 min apart for 9-24 hour segments.  We have been doing this for a week now, and I am impressed with your determination and persistence.  But now that I know how determined and persistent you can be would you mind it if we took a break for about a month?  Your big sister is a very active kid.  Chasing her around all day is hard enough while I am almost 8 months pregnant.  Chasing her around all day, getting ready for Christmas, and having contractions all the time is about to do me in!

Also, do you think you could give my ribs a break?  By break, I mean let them have time off from the constant kicking.  I am NOT asking you to break them.  It seems you think this would be a wonderful, and exciting thing to do.  I'm telling you that you are wrong.  Breaking Mommy's ribs is not a kind thing to do.  I know you are a kind girl who wants to make your Mom happy, so please just lay off a bit.

We are very excited to meet you, and for you to join our family.  Just remember these 3 rules:

1.  Stop it with the regular contractions before Mommy goes crazy.
2.  Stay in there for at least 4 more weeks.
3.  Stop trying to break Mommy's ribs.

If you could manage those three simple things we will all be much happier and healthier.

Thanks so much!  Love you!

Your Mom,

Paily

Molding Young Minds

#1 is growing. The top half of our Christmas tree is starting to look crowded as we keep having to raise the low ornaments.

She is also strong. Things are starting to get broken, and the bulk of my day is following her around watching what new items she can reach and destroy today and taking them from her.

She is also determined. Large objects that I can't take away (like the dishwasher) are her favorite toys. The other half of my day is spent trying to help her forget that these objects exist... I'm not very good at it.

These are all great qualities. I just need to figure out how to teach her to use them for good, instead of her current use of driving her mother insane. But man is she cute!

It Had To Happen Sometime.

Before #1 was born, I heard many horror stories of moms hurting their kids while cutting their fingernails/toenails.  Many a mother has cut her child trying to keep the nails short.  I was pretty terrified.  Then I heard from multiple people the easiness associated with biting the fingernails.  With your tongue you can feel exactly where to bite so you don't hurt the baby.  And it worked.  For over a year now I have been biting #1's fingernails, and we have never had a problem.  I have been so grateful for that advice, and grateful for the success it has given me.  It made me so happy to know that I had never accidentally hurt my baby girl.  Today I even decided to try clippers and we still managed to cut her fingernails without any sort of incident.

About an hour ago, I decided that I was going to fix something in my house.  We have Christmas lights up around our main room, because we don't have overhead lighting.  These lights are 2 years old and have been moved 6 times, and have been put up in 4 of those places.  They have been through a lot.  In the past few weeks, half of the lights have turned black and burned out.  We decided to get some new ones a few weeks ago, and haven't gotten around to changing them out yet.  But the darkness is driving me nuts!  Hod has been meaning to help me change them, but he is a busy man.

So, I decided, today was the day.  I got the lights out, pulled out my amazing step stool, and got ready to switch them all out.  I started right above the tv.  I had put on a movie for #1, and here we go!  I climbed up on the step stool, but then had to stand on the TV stand as well to reach the lights.  #1 was holding onto the stool and talking like a cute girl.  As I climbed back onto the stool she started screaming.  I looked down, but couldn't see anything wrong.  She has been a bit ornery lately so I didn't really stress.  I had to get off the stool to move it so I jumped down.  It was then that I realized the stool had shifted just enough to be on top of two of her little toes.  No wonder she was screaming!  I am not a skinny woman.  Oh my goodness it broke my heart!  She cried as I held her, and I cried too.  She is fine.  She is still using her foot like normal, all of the toes bend, you wouldn't even know something had happened.  But I feel so bad!  Yes, it was an accident, but no mom ever wants to cause her baby pain.  Such a bummer!