Tuesday, February 9, 2010

In Need Of Assistance

Dear Friends,

This is totally not a happy post.  I need your help.  It looks like dear Scuttle and I are done.  Not my choice.  I've been doing a lot of research, and apparently breaking up with someone that you truly love is comparable to death.  Only in this case, it can be worse, because you will keep seeing said person around, still giving you a glimmer of hope, and/or reminding you of what you lost.  The fact is, I lost something great.  I know I wasn't perfect, but it was a learning experience for both of us.  But if one party decided it's not worth the effort, what can the other person do?  So, really, I just need your prayers.  Really, really badly.  Talking doesn't make it better, I have no appetite, so please, don't make me cookies.  Eating just makes me nauseous.  Oh, I'm not becoming anorexic or anything.  I'm just eating less.  But judging by the squish still going on here, I'm not in any harm.  The good news is, I've taken up running.  It's good, because it's better than trying to drown my sorrows in cookie dough.  I didn't know that I could go from couch potato to running 30 min straight.  But that's what I do. And it exhausts me enough that I can finally sleep.  Well, yesterday I only was able to run for 20 min, but today it was 30.  So I'll keep moving up.  Keep waking up, and keep moving on.  It's only been 2 days, and it will only get better, right?  That's what I keep telling myself.  It will all be ok.  I can get through this.  Sorry to those of you who are just finding out like this.  I'm not any good at calling people to tell them.  Just typing this makes me start to cry again.  How lame is this!  I don't know why I'm blogging about this.  I mean, please, do send some prayers my way.  I've been really depressed before, and I really don't want to go there again.  But maybe by blogging, it will help me really say goodbye.  I need to not hope.  And someday, when I hear a text on my phone, I'll stop having a glimmer of hope that it's him.  Because it's not.  And it's not going to be.  But I know that Heavenly Father is aware of me.  He won't leave me alone.  For that I am so grateful.  I love you all, and thank you for your love and support.  The good news is, The Church is still true!  At least that will never let me down.

As President Gordon B. Hinckley said:  It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is.  It all works out.  Don't worry.  I say that to myself every morning.  It will all work out.  If you do your best, it will all work out.  Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future.  The Lord will not forsake us.  He will not forsake us. ... If we put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will Hear our prayers.
        Priesthood Session of Jordan Utah South Regional Conference, March 1, 1997.
The best thing you can do is just keep busy, keep working hard, so you're not dwelling on it all the time.  Work is the best antidote for sorrow.  
         Discussing the death of his wife with Larry King, 2004


Hugs all around,

Paily.

6 comments:

Leann Nelson said...

I am sorry cutie! I wish I could take it all away but I know that isn't what is supposed to happen! If you ever need to run away you can run all the way to my house. :D I love you lots!

Happy Mom said...

Sorry, sis. That's just the pits, but it seems to me that your doing this just the way that you should. It's smart to acknowledge that it stinks and cry some. And then for you to rely on the Lord and remembering Him is so good! Running can really help clear your mind and relieve the stress/pent up emotions. (and it's true that people who do hard physical exercise sleep better).

In my opinion, your handling it with grace and faith and that's a beautiful thing!

You are in my thought and prayers!

Laura said...

So sorry sis. I know this is a hard time, I have wondered how things were going... I am saddened that life is not the way you wish. You are in my thoughts and prayers and know I am proud of the way your are remembering the Lord in your trials... you are a great example to me... Love ya lots!!!

Laree said...

Oh, Girl! I've been wondering how things were going. I just want to give you a giant hug! I'm sending some major prayers you way!

Grandma Nelson said...

The prayers have been coming your way. This is probably a strange reaction, but I feel sorry for him. He will never know what a great life he missed our on. Keep up the running I do it in my dreams, not as good; but it's fun at the time

Sarah said...

Dear Paily,

I love you with my whole heart. Let me know if you wanna run away a little further than Leann's house (although I wouldn't actually recommend running all the way here... ouch).

I'm thinking and praying about you.

All my love,

Sarah