Sunday, April 5, 2009

So, This One Time I Saved The World...

Dear people of the Land of Buckets,

I have recently been informed that I am a slacker blogger. I guess it's true. And my past blogs aren't even funny. Sorry about that. Pretty much my life is boring. Good, but nothing exciting to blog about. I'm not running into nearly enough stupid people so I can't blog about them either. I mean, I enjoy being happy as much as the next girl, but it makes me a lousy blogger. As a result, you now get to learn about a dream I had while I was on my mission. It's pretty exciting. And no, a lot of it doesn't make sense, but that's ok. It was a dream.

Once Upon A Time...

*Insert weird music and fuzzy screen time to change to dream sequence*

I was in the Hill Cumorah pageant. Now if you go to the Hill Cumorah, it's a REALLY steep hill. But they build a stage onto it so it's not really that bad. But not this time. It was just really steep. As in if you stepped the wrong way, you would fall, and roll, for EVER cause the Hill was now actually about 300 yards high. I don't know why.

Anyway, We're doing the play, and for some reason I have a baby strapped to my back... and then there is an earthquake. As the Earth trembles, a ginormous crack opens up in the middle of the hill, and all the people are now rolling towards it. I was overly concerned about the baby on my back so I didn't notice everything else that was going on. Then, all of the sudden, amidst all of the chaos a small scary looking man comes flying out of the chasm in a black horse drawn carriage. Oh, and the carriage was flying. He had the most booming voice ever heard and proceeded to announce:

"Good evening all. I'd like to introduce myself. I am the Devil. I was playing a card game with God and I won the hand, so I now rule the earth." (I know, totally sacrilegious, but it was a dream, I can't always control them) "I've decided to shake things up a bit, so now you will all be coming with me"

Suddenly, out of the ground, magical ropes came flying which tied themselves around everyone's wrists and ankles. Then they tied themselves to some sticks above us and we all became human puppets. The magic puppet sticks then walked us all to the gaping hole in the ground, we fell for a really long time and landed in... Hell.

The good news is, we didn't go down without a fight. We were all SO bugged. We kept telling the Devil that he couldn't have us, cause we were still alive, and the whole Hell thing was supposed to happen at death, but he didn't care. Really, the Devil is totally lame. He just thinks he's above the rules. I totally wanted to kick him.

Once he realized that we did kind of have a point, he made a deal with us. We were all lined up around a giant pool of lava. Oddly enough, this pool of lava came equipped with tables and really comfy chairs. The deal was, he was going to play 4 CD's. If one person, just one, could stay awake until the end we would all go free. He then pushed "Play" on his CD player that was hooked up to the coolest sound system ever imagined, did a little victory dance, and left the room.
This is him doing his lame-o dance.

Ok, now do me a favor. You know the classic boring elevator music? How it's totally lame? How if you had one more floor you had to ride, you might just leap to your death because you can't stand the music anymore? Think of that music... and now multiply the lameness and level of boring by... about ten thousand. That would be the music the Devil had. He pushed play and I saw all of the people I cared about make a real effort to stay awake. But they couldn't do it. It was like someone had pumped the entire room with sleeping gas. They just started dropping like flies. And there I sat, in terror as I could see our entire life coming to an end. I just knew I had to do something.

So, I leaned my elbows on the table in front of me, and started drumming. I was kind of drumming to the music, but not really. And I kept drumming. I actually started to have fun. The first CD ended. There were now about 10 people still awake. As the second CD started, they dropped off too. But not me! I just kept drumming. And drumming. I was totally rocking out to the music in my head. About the time the 3rd CD started, the Devil noticed what I was doing. He really wasn't happy about it. He tried getting me to stop, but I wouldn't. Then, in an act of pure evil... he put headphones on me. Those sound canceling headphones so I couldn't hear anything except the LAME-O music that he was pumping through them. And still, I kept drumming, and drumming. The 4th CD started and I was still drumming. After some time, I knew we were close. I wanted to sleep, just like everyone else was, but I knew the entire world was depending on me. As we neared the end of the 4th CD the Devil started shrieking, "NOOOOOOOO, you can't win! I want to rule the Earth, this can't be happening, NOOOOOO!!!!!" All the while jumping up and down. Actually, I think he was doing a pretty good impersonation of Rumpelstiltskin after the girl figured out his name.

The CD ended, everyone woke up, and I had totally saved the world. Yeah, I'm pretty cool like that.

The End.


Laree said...

Ok, I think I needed a great laugh this morning. That was flippin awesome!

Happy Mom said...

Quite the dream!! I can't ever remember mine.