A Bad Case of the Lazies

AKA I Win!

Ok, so here is the deal. I have basically become a blog stalker. I follow so many blogs. I just have a lot of friends... and a few total strangers who fill my heart with joy as I read about their lives. But, many of my friends don't have a "Follow My Blog" section anywhere on their blog. Now I can be pretty lazy, but when it comes to following blogs, I am very lazy. I want to click on my little dashboard button, and know who out of the 3 million blogs I follow have updated. Alright, you caught me, I don't follow that many. This has been a conundrum for months. My poor little pointer finger has been exhausted from trailing over my touchy-mouse-pad-thingy that I'm sure has a name to find out what all of my friends are doing. I know, you are saddened by my plight.

Sorry, I digress. Not that this is an unusual thing for me. I am like the Queen of digression. Wow... is that really a word? Cool!

A-hem.... Today I discovered a great thing! All of you probably know about this... but if you don't, let me share my great fountain of knowledge. If you are signed into blogger, and you go to someone else's blog, at the very top of their blog you have a little bar of goodness and joy. It shows your e-mail address, and provides a link to your dashboard, all of that great snazzy stuff. Also, on the left hand side there are some cool things too. You can search, go to the next blog (but don't worry about that, it's probably in some strange language) Flag a blog because it's eeky, or.... Follow the blog you are on! There is a cute little follow button there!

So take THAT all of my non-followable friends. I thwarted your evil plan and now I am following you! (Well, all of you except for half of L6, cause one of her blogs just has issues, and even though I am following it I NEVER get updates. It's totally lame.)

I can save my pointer finger the extra stress of having to go to File, and New tab, and then bookmarks, and then down that list to the file of Blogs, and then finding that blog... It's a long journey that I can now skip!

So in other words... I WIN!

Uh....

That would be the word that I heard the most this evening. I know, I say it too, but wow. That was a lot of "Uh"-s. Where was I that I heard this so many times?

On a date with Bob.

Yep. It's true. We went on a date. And I have to be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to it. But I tried to be positive. Then he picked me up 30 minutes late. As I got in his car, he told me he wasn't sure what we were going to do. We ended up going bowling. He told me his life story. Let's just say I was very grateful to have been so blessed in my life. Because of the great example of my family I haven't experienced pretty much any of the things he has. I lived in only one house, I went to church every week, I went on a mission, I lived with good family members. I didn't go to jail, I didn't do drugs, and I didn't get fired from lots of jobs. I've also never stolen from anyone. The good news: Bob has learned the importance of the Atonement in his life. As a result, he is trying to see if he can go on a mission.

He's a nice chap. But we did have one problem. As you know, I talk quickly. And I make little jokes. Not to be proud, but I consider myself some what of a wit. Bob... not so much. He talks SO slow, thinks a lot before he starts talking, and he didn't get a single one of my jokes.

He doesn't know anyone our age who lives here. He hasn't lived in this area for 12 years. So, Bob needs some good religious friends that will help him get his life in order. And I, Paily am very happy to be able to help him in this worthy endeavor.

So for now, dear people of the Land of Buckets, that is the end of our Bob saga.

For our next installment, maybe I will attempt to understand why the cosmos are running after me. I had a blind date last weekend, a basically blind date this weekend, and a friend just informed me that she gave a guy my number and we may have a blind date next weekend too. I am SO over the blind date option. Oh well. It makes for some fun stories.

Leave A Message After The Beep

Please! Just do it! When you get my voice mail, use it. It's a nifty little tool that CRH's dad ... I forget, invented? Came up with? Provided the money for? Soldered (and that word is pronounced "sauttered" yeah, didn't know how to spell it, and if you just try to google "sauttered" you come up with a whole bunch of NOTHING!) the computer parts for? Something cool. And I think we all should use it.

Seriously, in the past two weeks, I have received no less than 9 calls from random phone numbers. And not ONE of these calls has resulted in a voice mail. One number even called me 4 or 5 different times. That makes the calls seem important, but not important enough to leave a message? I'm not trying to be an inattentive jerk. You just keep calling me when I'm at work, or in a church meeting, or in class. It's not my fault you have lousy timing. I really would answer if I could. And besides, getting voice mails makes me really happy. So, let us all celebrate the marvel that is modern communication (I totally stole that... well it was something close to that) and leave voice mails as a tribute to CRH's dad. He's pretty cool. And then I will stop going crazy wondering who is calling me.

I know, I could call them back, but that is so awkward! "Uh... Hi... My name is Paily, and someone from this number called me..." And then it would put me in the stupid position mentioned here.

Basically everyone should leave voice mails. Everyone else should check their voice mails, and then I will have one less thing to bug. We all win! So, please, leave a message after the beep.

Update on the Bob Saga

Don't get too excited. It's nothing too big. Bob called me. He wanted to do something tonight. I actually had a blind date. We may be doing something next Sat. Unless he takes Friday off work to do something. I'm not available Friday, but that didn't seem to matter to Bob. He still wants to take it off to do something. Yeah, I don't get it either. Oh, and PS, Bob did get a job. He is now employed.

(And if you're wondering if this 70 second phone call resulted in a 30 minute freak out moment by Paily, you would be right.)

I Wish My Life Were A Musical

Here's a fun movie my sister, L5 showed me. (You may want to pause my music player first, cause if you don't, it just sounds weird.)

An Update On My Lame-ness

So... "Bob" came into work again today. I was once again working the register, and was quite nervous about talking to him. But I am an adult, so I was determined to make it through this. I did not need to run. He got to the register, I said "Hi" and he apologized for not calling me yet. He's just been really busy trying to find a job. And he also mentioned that he has way too many credit cards. (Can we say, yes! A winner! Hook me up! :p ) He's going to try to call me soon... I'm not sure how I feel about that. But the good news is, Bob is either deaf, unobservant, or really slow... And he doesn't know that I accidentally said mean things.

Then I went to the bank to deposit my check. The teller.... whom we shall call Fred was nice. That's cool. But then as I went to leave, he said, "So, you get paid every two weeks, right?" "Uh... yeah..." "Cool, well, my name is Fred, and I'll be sure to help you when I see you in two weeks!" "Uh... OK..." "Goodbye Paily! I'll see you soon!" This was followed by a crazy big smile and a hint of a wink.

Apparently, the trick for picking up men, is to have a lame job, wear ugly cloths, have bad hair, don't wear make-up, and smell of freshly baked bread. I've been playing this game wrong my entire life! Freshly showered, nice cloths, cute hair, a little bit of nice smelling stuff... ALL WRONG! I'm so glad to have had my eyes opened to the truth.

I Found Somone Lame To Blog About

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AND IT'S ME! (Ask and ye shall receive?)


Ready for a totally Lame story? Cause I am an IDIOT! Ok, here we go.

So, today, I was at work, and we were CRAZY busy. I don't have a great job. I work in food services. I never look cute at work. Why wear make-up when I have to wear a hat and have my hair in pigtails. No mascara is going to fix the uniform I have to wear. I was working the register and working hard and fast. But I am a little brain dead today. I'm helping a customer who we will refer to as... Bob. I finish with Bob and he turns to me, and asks, do I know you? I had been thinking that Bob looked familiar. He asked me my name, I asked him his name, and I knew. "Did you take percussion in the 7th grade at *insert my middle school here*?" "Yeah, I did, what was our teacher's name again?" So I told him. I'm now trying to help the next customer, but Bob is still talking to me. He then asks, "Hey, can I get your number?" and pulls out his cell phone. I'm like a drunken sailor and say, "Uh... Sure, it's: ###-####". He then turns and leaves and I realize what I have done.

Now I'm sure that Bob is a nice guy. But I haven't seen him since the 7th grade. And we weren't exactly friends in the 7th grade. We weren't not friends either, we just... You get the idea.

About a half hour later, it gets slower at work, and I turn to a co-worker and tell her that I shouldn't have left my house today. She asks why, and I start freaking out and telling her about my little issue. Included in this conversation are comments like, "I don't even know him!", "I gave him my real number, now why did I do that?" and "What was I thinking?!?" My manager was listening in on the conversation and softly said "Hey, Paily, isn't that him sitting over there?"

Time slowed down as I turned my head to see him sitting at a table close to the door with 2 other people. WHAT? You've got to be kidding me! Now I sound like the biggest jerk! It's not that I don't want to go on a date with Bob. It's that I am just retarded and can't believe I gave my number out to an almost perfect stranger. Who does that? Not me! But now, if Bob over heard it, he just thinks that I am the biggest jerk known to man. I don't know for sure that he heard what I said. But let's be honest, I talk loud. Now, the radio was on, and he was talking to the other 2 people at his table, but good gravy! What is wrong with me?!?! Pretty much I am the lame-est person to walk the earth. Oh, blast.

So, This One Time I Saved The World...

Dear people of the Land of Buckets,

I have recently been informed that I am a slacker blogger. I guess it's true. And my past blogs aren't even funny. Sorry about that. Pretty much my life is boring. Good, but nothing exciting to blog about. I'm not running into nearly enough stupid people so I can't blog about them either. I mean, I enjoy being happy as much as the next girl, but it makes me a lousy blogger. As a result, you now get to learn about a dream I had while I was on my mission. It's pretty exciting. And no, a lot of it doesn't make sense, but that's ok. It was a dream.

Once Upon A Time...

*Insert weird music and fuzzy screen time to change to dream sequence*

I was in the Hill Cumorah pageant. Now if you go to the Hill Cumorah, it's a REALLY steep hill. But they build a stage onto it so it's not really that bad. But not this time. It was just really steep. As in if you stepped the wrong way, you would fall, and roll, for EVER cause the Hill was now actually about 300 yards high. I don't know why.

Anyway, We're doing the play, and for some reason I have a baby strapped to my back... and then there is an earthquake. As the Earth trembles, a ginormous crack opens up in the middle of the hill, and all the people are now rolling towards it. I was overly concerned about the baby on my back so I didn't notice everything else that was going on. Then, all of the sudden, amidst all of the chaos a small scary looking man comes flying out of the chasm in a black horse drawn carriage. Oh, and the carriage was flying. He had the most booming voice ever heard and proceeded to announce:

"Good evening all. I'd like to introduce myself. I am the Devil. I was playing a card game with God and I won the hand, so I now rule the earth." (I know, totally sacrilegious, but it was a dream, I can't always control them) "I've decided to shake things up a bit, so now you will all be coming with me"

Suddenly, out of the ground, magical ropes came flying which tied themselves around everyone's wrists and ankles. Then they tied themselves to some sticks above us and we all became human puppets. The magic puppet sticks then walked us all to the gaping hole in the ground, we fell for a really long time and landed in... Hell.

The good news is, we didn't go down without a fight. We were all SO bugged. We kept telling the Devil that he couldn't have us, cause we were still alive, and the whole Hell thing was supposed to happen at death, but he didn't care. Really, the Devil is totally lame. He just thinks he's above the rules. I totally wanted to kick him.

Once he realized that we did kind of have a point, he made a deal with us. We were all lined up around a giant pool of lava. Oddly enough, this pool of lava came equipped with tables and really comfy chairs. The deal was, he was going to play 4 CD's. If one person, just one, could stay awake until the end we would all go free. He then pushed "Play" on his CD player that was hooked up to the coolest sound system ever imagined, did a little victory dance, and left the room.

This is him doing his lame-o dance.

Ok, now do me a favor. You know the classic boring elevator music? How it's totally lame? How if you had one more floor you had to ride, you might just leap to your death because you can't stand the music anymore? Think of that music... and now multiply the lameness and level of boring by... about ten thousand. That would be the music the Devil had. He pushed play and I saw all of the people I cared about make a real effort to stay awake. But they couldn't do it. It was like someone had pumped the entire room with sleeping gas. They just started dropping like flies. And there I sat, in terror as I could see our entire life coming to an end. I just knew I had to do something.

So, I leaned my elbows on the table in front of me, and started drumming. I was kind of drumming to the music, but not really. And I kept drumming. I actually started to have fun. The first CD ended. There were now about 10 people still awake. As the second CD started, they dropped off too. But not me! I just kept drumming. And drumming. I was totally rocking out to the music in my head. About the time the 3rd CD started, the Devil noticed what I was doing. He really wasn't happy about it. He tried getting me to stop, but I wouldn't. Then, in an act of pure evil... he put headphones on me. Those sound canceling headphones so I couldn't hear anything except the LAME-O music that he was pumping through them. And still, I kept drumming, and drumming. The 4th CD started and I was still drumming. After some time, I knew we were close. I wanted to sleep, just like everyone else was, but I knew the entire world was depending on me. As we neared the end of the 4th CD the Devil started shrieking, "NOOOOOOOO, you can't win! I want to rule the Earth, this can't be happening, NOOOOOO!!!!!" All the while jumping up and down. Actually, I think he was doing a pretty good impersonation of Rumpelstiltskin after the girl figured out his name.

The CD ended, everyone woke up, and I had totally saved the world. Yeah, I'm pretty cool like that.

The End.