A New Way To Walk

Walker number two is here!

#1 was a late walker.  I think we were almost stretching it when I called her a walker at 17 months.  But I wanted to fudge it because I really didn't want her to have to be in therapy.  (And now she is in therapy anyway, and I love it.)

When #2 had all of her hip problems I figured she would be jumping on the therapy train.  I mean, really, she couldn't roll over until after 9 months.  However, once she started rolling, everything just took off!  She loves walking, and now often chooses to walk instead of crawl.  She can walk the entire length of our apartment (assuming she doesn't trip on any of the toys along the way).  She is still doing the stiff legged walk, but it is SO cute!

I often call #2 Zoots, and we have been very vocally encouraging as she is walking.  Now when she walks, #1 often gets excited and says, "Good Walk, Zoot!"  I love it.

#1 likes to mimic #2.  She follows her around copying the stiff legged walk.  I love that they are finally being friends and enjoying each other.  Sisters are awesome.

And, just in case the title made you think of it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-7ZJjLy5D8

Glass

I've been taking beginning glass blowing for almost three months. It is one of the coolest things I've ever done. I haven't taken many pictures of my stuff, but here are two of my favorites. 

The rose plate I made in January. It is hard to tell from the picture, but the rose is actually 3D. It started out as a clear flat square and I added the color and dimension.

The small pitcher started out as molten glass at about 2000° F. I shaped the main part (with tools and blowing), and then added the base, handle, and the glass wrapped around it. It took about 30 minutes. It is the piece I am the proudest of.

I love my class!

I also love my husband.

So Many Pictures!

I recently posted a photo of #2 on Facebook and I was informed that she was unrecognizable. I guess I don't post enough pictures... So, here is a catch up of our last 4 months in photos.  They are all pretty random.

Cute smiles in December 

This is at a museum here.  Hod and #1 being cute.  (Click picture to enlarge... I think...) 

When we put #1's hat on her, she used to freeze like she wasn't allowed to move in the hat. 

#1 on Christmas Morning 

Hod and #2 on Christmas Morning 

#2 smiling for a picture to send Daddy. 

Hod asked me to send a picture of myself, but told me "No faces".   I thought I was funny. 

 #1 playing with her new blocks.

#1 watching a little TV with a super messy chocolate mouth. 

#1 loves to hide under the sink. 

Just being a cute girl. 

Morning "huggles" with daddy. 

I just think she is cute when she sleeps. 

Daddy made breakfast.  #1 was a really big fan. 

 She is wearing one of my hats, and was so excited.

 Just riding the car in her princess crown.

#2's Birthday.  She loved her cake. 

#2 loves to put things on her head.  She is so proud when she succeeds. 

Family Pajama Movie Party! 

 Hod's car died, so we bought a van, and now he drives my car.  #2 is getting so big!

 She climbed up all by herself!

I pulled out my old drumsticks one day.  #1 thought they were the coolest thing ever.  I may have another drummer in the family! 

Coloring with my ginormous pen. 

We cut her hair, and she looks so grown up!

Also, #1 is becoming quite the little singer.  If there is music, she is singing along.  When she doesn't know the words she just mumbles.  It is adorable.

Oh, and one more story.  I wish I had a picture of this.  Last night we had put the girls in bed, and #2 started SCREAMING.  That is out of character for her, so I went to check on her.  She stood at the side of her crib, (the side facing the wall) and had a blanket on her head so she couldn't see.  I have no idea what was going on, but I laughed really hard, and then helped calm her down.

And that is our life!

Accountability

This is not a happy post.  As soon as I can find the pictures, I will post details about our amazing Disneyland trip.  That was awesome.  Today's post?  Not as fun.

Hod has been sick for months.  But it was winter, and we all kept getting sick, so I didn't think too much about it.  But when there was a lot of pain with the coughing, I decided he needed to be checked out.

He went to an urgent care where they took blood, gave him a breathing treatment, took x-rays and sent us on our way.  The doctor thought it was just pneumonia, but said he would call us the next day if the x-rays showed anything.

The radiologist looked at the x-rays and saw a nodule in his left lung.  The doctor called us and told Hod to go to his primary doctor to get a CT scan referral.

There is a medical school close to us, and they are Hod's primary doctor.  He went, they redid everything, and the student doctor said that he could see something on the x-ray.  He had to get it all cleared by the attending physician, but he was pretty sure that we would be getting a CT scan.  This was on Monday.

They didn't call, and they didn't call.  On Friday, Hod started calling them.  But the attending was always busy.  She just didn't have time to look at the x-rays.  Hod called every day for a week.  He was very polite, but finally asked the receptionist what was going on.  She had been very kind, and instead of leaving another message went directly to the attending physician.  A few hours later she called him back.  With an annoyed tone, she told Hod that it was just a fissure and he should be fine.  Except he wasn't fine... he was in a lot of pain.

We thought about just letting it go, but we were confused.  We had one real doctor, a student doctor, and two radiologists who all agreed.  Then one attending physician who wouldn't look at the x-rays and seemed to just say whatever to get Hod to stop calling.

We decided we needed to get another opinion, and once we had two certified doctors that agreed we would go with their answer.

So, after seeing another doctor, and he looked at the previous x-rays, he agreed with the first doctor, that we needed to get a CT scan.

That took time to schedule, and Hod had that on Monday.

In the 6 weeks since the first set of x-rays, and in the 3 weeks since the second, another nodule has formed.

Hod's doctor has been doing a lot of research for us, so we can know what to do now.  The second nodule is right on one of his lymph-nodes, so now time is very important.  We have to catch this before it spreads.  The next step is a biopsy, and they are trying to schedule it for tomorrow.

The Doctor is pretty hopeful.  As of now, there is nothing in his blood.  And he only has 2 growths.  Normally with lung cancer it is much more advanced before it is discovered.  But he is pretty sure this is lymphoma.

We are trying to be hopeful, but we have both lost family members to lymphoma.  My sister L3 lost her husband to lymphoma almost 15 years ago.  I saw her strength as they worked together to fight it, but sadly it didn't work.  I think of her and wonder if I have that strength.  I hope I can be as great as she was.

But I guess we are still waiting on a biopsy, so maybe all of the worrying is just a waste of time.

Hod has never smoked.  Ever.  But we are looking at the possibility of lung cancer.  All smokers need to quit.  They aren't just hurting themselves.  I want to shake every smoker I know and beg them to stop.  But instead I'm sitting here, crying on and off, and researching lung cancer treatments.

I just wish someone would be accountable and that could make it go away.  Maybe the coworkers who smoke around Hod all the time.  Maybe our last apartment complex that puts smokers on the bottom floor and if you complain about smoke they show up with a roll of duct tape to try to seal off your floor.  Maybe the attending physician who wrote this off as nothing back when there was only one nodule.  Just someone so we didn't have to be sitting here worrying.  I want someone to admit this was their fault and for them to fix it.  But that's not the way it works.

So, there are the details.  Hopefully in a while this will all just be an unpleasant memory as Hod and I sit on the couch and cuddle.

Proper Response?

Lately #1 has been unwilling to say her prayers.

The entire house has been sick and dealing with stuff, so there have been a lot of priesthood blessings.

I was sitting on the couch doing homework while the girls played. #1 climbed behind me, and put her hands on my head. Suddenly I realized what she was saying, and it was remarkably like the prayers we encourage her to say at night.

I have no response to that.

Yesterday

Yesterday at 7:45 #1 woke me up.  This is a perfectly normal time for her.  I got her out of her room, and brought her to the bed.  She saw Hod and sweetly said, "Daddy shcleeping! Bed, Huggles!"  I've always told her that I love to snuggle with her after she wakes up.  She calls them huggles, and I think it is the cutest thing ever!

A few minutes later #2 woke up.  I could hear her giggling and playing, so she soon joined our morning "huggle" fest.  I was feeling really good as #2 had slept through the night, and #1 had only woken up once.

The previous evening Hod's car wouldn't start so he had to get a ride home from work.  This meant we had to figure out how to get his car back to our house while it was still warm outside.  (Sometimes it just doesn't start in the cold.  It isn't the battery, and it doesn't happen every time.  As soon as it warms up the car is fine.)

I started a batch of laundry, and we ran to the store as a family so Hod could take my car to work (After he drove his car home on his lunch break.).  As we were checking out the cashier dropped a gallon of milk that splattered all over.  #2 got a cute splash on her face.  We all laughed as she looked confused about what had happened.  As the adults were laughing #1 joined in with her own little forced laugh.  She didn't get the joke, but she wanted to be included.  After all of the adults finished laughing she continued on, then became confused that we had stopped laughing.  Ha, kids are cute.

I took Hod to work, and drove home.  #2 started falling asleep on our drive.  She is so cute when she sleeps in the car.  She falls asleep with her arms on the edges of the car seat much like you would imagine an evil King sitting on his throne looking down on his subjects.

We got home, I unloaded the car, handed #1 the box of crackers we bought for her to carry, handed #2 the new sippy cups we bought her, and had to ballance a box of muffins between her head and my chin as I carried her into the house.  We got inside, and I walked into the kitchen to put things down.  I heard a splash splashing behind me.  #1 was splashing in a huge puddle on the floor.

How did that get there????

Turns out the drain leaving our apartment from the washing machine was frozen.  When the washer drained, the water had to go somewhere.  We ended up with water all over our kitchen floor, and a funky, not really square, but I don't know how else to describe it shaped wet carpet spot about 8x8 feet.  I grabbed a towel to try to mop it up, and quickly realized I didn't have enough towels to fix this, and then if I used all of my towels I couldn't wash them anyway.  So I called the office.

They said the would send someone right over.  I built a barricade to try to keep #1 confined and waited.

HA!  Using chairs to keep a 2 year old in one place?  Funny.

They sent people over, thawed out the drain, shop-vac-ed some of the water, and left us with a huge carpet drying fan.

We spent the day playing in the fan and getting wet on the carpet.  It was very cold, but the girls didn't seem to notice.

#2 learned how to climb up small rises when there is the promise of food to motivate her.  Take away the food and she is somehow incapable.  Silly girl.

Just an average day at our house!

Over PC

You know how being politically correct is all the rage?  People get offended over everything so you have to be so careful about what you say, whom you say it to, how you phrase it, what position the moon is in, and how late the train is from Nashville?

I'm over it.

Sometimes a girl just needs to have an opinion.  But you can't vent about anything.  Why?  Because people will find one part of what I'm venting about and think "Sure, A-Y is hard, but I wish I had Z so I'm going to be offended by what you say and take it as a personal attack, or at the very least think that you are insensitive."

Kids are being hard today?  Well, what about that couple who has been trying to get pregnant for years!  They would do anything to have kids driving them nuts.

Was your kid just diagnosed with something that is going to change everything about your life?  Too bad, because that family over there has a kid with 5 problems, and they would KILL to have only one problem to deal with.

Husband bipolar and that makes things really hard some days?  Well at least you have a husband!

Hubby has a to take medication that make him sleep late and then his job is having him work long shifts so you are basically a single mom every day of your life?  Well that woman lost her husband so you should just be grateful that you have a warm body in the bed next to you.  AND at least he has a job.  Because that guy down the street has been looking for work for such a long time.

Being unhappy because you splurged and went to Wendy's and they were out of baked potatoes and that is all you really wanted?  You are the devil because you had $2 to spend on food and that family just applied for food stamps because times are hard.

I'm over it.

Look, I know that I have basically healthy kids, an employed husband, and sometimes I have a few extra dollars at the end of the month.  I realize those are GREAT blessings.  Having just one of those things means that I am luckier than a lot of people, but having them all means my life must be perfect, right?

Wrong.

Some days are really hard.  But I can't say anything about it because all of my trials are linked to a blessing.  I am expected to be perfect and never think that my life has struggles because I have so much more than someone.

I'm not perfect!  And until I am, I need to be able to vent on hard days.  That doesn't mean I'm not grateful.  That doesn't mean I don't realize how great my life really is.  But it does mean that right now, in this moment, I am struggling.  You don't need to take every trial of mine as a slap in the face because you have it worse.

Why can't we have sympathy for someone who is having struggles?  Why does my trial have to be taken as a personal insult to you?  It has nothing to do with you, so stop being offended!  I realize that sounds incredibly selfish, but I have realized that I am never going to make everyone happy.

I'm a talker.  I need people.  But I can't talk to anyone because there is some part of my life that everyone wants.  To be less than perfectly happy with all of my life is a reason for someone else to be hurt.

I'm over being politically correct.  I still want to be nice, I still care for others, but if I have had a really hard day because my 2 year old is having her 4th complete meltdown in 3 hours because of who knows what, and we are working on getting her tested for sensory processing problems because she shouldn't be reacting the way she does, that means that this moment right now is hard.  It is not something that you need to be offended by because you are struggling with infertility.  It is not my responsibility to pretend to have a perfect life so I don't offend you a little.  Because you know what?  When you come to me complaining that your layover for your trip to France was super long and you got bored in the airport, part of me does think, "wow, I wish I could afford a trip like that," but that doesn't lessen the fact that it was hard for you.  Why am I making your problems all about me?  Am I really that selfish?

Stop taking it personally, and think about someone else.

(I realize that this entire post was about wanting people to think about me more and that is incredibly selfish, but I couldn't think of another way to get my point across.)

And, YES, I realize that my life is pretty awesome.

2013

I have my phone so it automatically backups all of my photos to Google.  On Christmas Google sent me this.  I just barely saw it, and thought it was so great!  Enjoy!  (And some day I will actually update this blog for real.)

(Also... I noticed it says my name.... I can't take that off.  Oh well.)