Proper Response?

Lately #1 has been unwilling to say her prayers.

The entire house has been sick and dealing with stuff, so there have been a lot of priesthood blessings.

I was sitting on the couch doing homework while the girls played. #1 climbed behind me, and put her hands on my head. Suddenly I realized what she was saying, and it was remarkably like the prayers we encourage her to say at night.

I have no response to that.

Yesterday

Yesterday at 7:45 #1 woke me up.  This is a perfectly normal time for her.  I got her out of her room, and brought her to the bed.  She saw Hod and sweetly said, "Daddy shcleeping! Bed, Huggles!"  I've always told her that I love to snuggle with her after she wakes up.  She calls them huggles, and I think it is the cutest thing ever!

A few minutes later #2 woke up.  I could hear her giggling and playing, so she soon joined our morning "huggle" fest.  I was feeling really good as #2 had slept through the night, and #1 had only woken up once.

The previous evening Hod's car wouldn't start so he had to get a ride home from work.  This meant we had to figure out how to get his car back to our house while it was still warm outside.  (Sometimes it just doesn't start in the cold.  It isn't the battery, and it doesn't happen every time.  As soon as it warms up the car is fine.)

I started a batch of laundry, and we ran to the store as a family so Hod could take my car to work (After he drove his car home on his lunch break.).  As we were checking out the cashier dropped a gallon of milk that splattered all over.  #2 got a cute splash on her face.  We all laughed as she looked confused about what had happened.  As the adults were laughing #1 joined in with her own little forced laugh.  She didn't get the joke, but she wanted to be included.  After all of the adults finished laughing she continued on, then became confused that we had stopped laughing.  Ha, kids are cute.

I took Hod to work, and drove home.  #2 started falling asleep on our drive.  She is so cute when she sleeps in the car.  She falls asleep with her arms on the edges of the car seat much like you would imagine an evil King sitting on his throne looking down on his subjects.

We got home, I unloaded the car, handed #1 the box of crackers we bought for her to carry, handed #2 the new sippy cups we bought her, and had to ballance a box of muffins between her head and my chin as I carried her into the house.  We got inside, and I walked into the kitchen to put things down.  I heard a splash splashing behind me.  #1 was splashing in a huge puddle on the floor.

How did that get there????

Turns out the drain leaving our apartment from the washing machine was frozen.  When the washer drained, the water had to go somewhere.  We ended up with water all over our kitchen floor, and a funky, not really square, but I don't know how else to describe it shaped wet carpet spot about 8x8 feet.  I grabbed a towel to try to mop it up, and quickly realized I didn't have enough towels to fix this, and then if I used all of my towels I couldn't wash them anyway.  So I called the office.

They said the would send someone right over.  I built a barricade to try to keep #1 confined and waited.

HA!  Using chairs to keep a 2 year old in one place?  Funny.

They sent people over, thawed out the drain, shop-vac-ed some of the water, and left us with a huge carpet drying fan.

We spent the day playing in the fan and getting wet on the carpet.  It was very cold, but the girls didn't seem to notice.

#2 learned how to climb up small rises when there is the promise of food to motivate her.  Take away the food and she is somehow incapable.  Silly girl.

Just an average day at our house!

Over PC

You know how being politically correct is all the rage?  People get offended over everything so you have to be so careful about what you say, whom you say it to, how you phrase it, what position the moon is in, and how late the train is from Nashville?

I'm over it.

Sometimes a girl just needs to have an opinion.  But you can't vent about anything.  Why?  Because people will find one part of what I'm venting about and think "Sure, A-Y is hard, but I wish I had Z so I'm going to be offended by what you say and take it as a personal attack, or at the very least think that you are insensitive."

Kids are being hard today?  Well, what about that couple who has been trying to get pregnant for years!  They would do anything to have kids driving them nuts.

Was your kid just diagnosed with something that is going to change everything about your life?  Too bad, because that family over there has a kid with 5 problems, and they would KILL to have only one problem to deal with.

Husband bipolar and that makes things really hard some days?  Well at least you have a husband!

Hubby has a to take medication that make him sleep late and then his job is having him work long shifts so you are basically a single mom every day of your life?  Well that woman lost her husband so you should just be grateful that you have a warm body in the bed next to you.  AND at least he has a job.  Because that guy down the street has been looking for work for such a long time.

Being unhappy because you splurged and went to Wendy's and they were out of baked potatoes and that is all you really wanted?  You are the devil because you had $2 to spend on food and that family just applied for food stamps because times are hard.

I'm over it.

Look, I know that I have basically healthy kids, an employed husband, and sometimes I have a few extra dollars at the end of the month.  I realize those are GREAT blessings.  Having just one of those things means that I am luckier than a lot of people, but having them all means my life must be perfect, right?

Wrong.

Some days are really hard.  But I can't say anything about it because all of my trials are linked to a blessing.  I am expected to be perfect and never think that my life has struggles because I have so much more than someone.

I'm not perfect!  And until I am, I need to be able to vent on hard days.  That doesn't mean I'm not grateful.  That doesn't mean I don't realize how great my life really is.  But it does mean that right now, in this moment, I am struggling.  You don't need to take every trial of mine as a slap in the face because you have it worse.

Why can't we have sympathy for someone who is having struggles?  Why does my trial have to be taken as a personal insult to you?  It has nothing to do with you, so stop being offended!  I realize that sounds incredibly selfish, but I have realized that I am never going to make everyone happy.

I'm a talker.  I need people.  But I can't talk to anyone because there is some part of my life that everyone wants.  To be less than perfectly happy with all of my life is a reason for someone else to be hurt.

I'm over being politically correct.  I still want to be nice, I still care for others, but if I have had a really hard day because my 2 year old is having her 4th complete meltdown in 3 hours because of who knows what, and we are working on getting her tested for sensory processing problems because she shouldn't be reacting the way she does, that means that this moment right now is hard.  It is not something that you need to be offended by because you are struggling with infertility.  It is not my responsibility to pretend to have a perfect life so I don't offend you a little.  Because you know what?  When you come to me complaining that your layover for your trip to France was super long and you got bored in the airport, part of me does think, "wow, I wish I could afford a trip like that," but that doesn't lessen the fact that it was hard for you.  Why am I making your problems all about me?  Am I really that selfish?

Stop taking it personally, and think about someone else.

(I realize that this entire post was about wanting people to think about me more and that is incredibly selfish, but I couldn't think of another way to get my point across.)

And, YES, I realize that my life is pretty awesome.

2013

I have my phone so it automatically backups all of my photos to Google.  On Christmas Google sent me this.  I just barely saw it, and thought it was so great!  Enjoy!  (And some day I will actually update this blog for real.)

(Also... I noticed it says my name.... I can't take that off.  Oh well.)

Getting Serious

I love my husband.  He is a kind, caring, loving, funny, spiritual, serving, handsome man.  Though occasionally socially awkward because of his great enthusiasm, he is well liked for being such a fun, happy guy.

Though he doesn't keep it a secret, most people don't know the truth.

He is Bipolar and has PTSD.

Like a diabetic, he has to rely on medications to keep functioning.  He doesn't take insulin to help a failing pancreas, he takes Lithium to help a failing brain.  Not failing like taking tests in school is hard, but failing like, "Hey, this organ controls your entire body and it is missing the chemicals needed to control emotions and make you capable of seeing things the way healthy people do."

If people get in an accident and encounter head trauma a common, and valid, question is: Was there any brain damage?  Everyone accepts that if the answer to that question is "Yes" that  life will be forever different and difficult for all involved in that person's life.

My husband is basically walking around with permanent brain damage.  This brain damage doesn't make it hard to talk, or to use one of his legs or arms.  It makes it difficult to feel love, understand some social cues, cope with stress, and sometimes find a reason to live.

Sometimes people with brain damage can find a way to "re-train" their brain to compensate for what has been lost so they can eventually live a pretty normal life.

If you are bi-polar that is impossible.  You will forever be dependent on some sort of medication or supplement to help you get as close to normal as possible.  But you will never quite hit normal.

If your husband were to get in a horrible accident and be hospitalized, or were to contract some horrible disease, or cancer, everyone who could would try to come to your aid.  Meals are often provided, people will try to set up babysitting so the spouse can be there for the hospitalized as needed, a kind hug and a concerned inquiry of "what can we do" will be extended.  Even after returning home there is often a hand of charity extended for a while as you adjust to your life.

If your husband were to be hospitalized because his medications are incorrect you will be met with a lot of awkward conversations, and maybe a few people offering to help as needed.  No meals are brought in.  No babysitting schedules are set up.  No big hugs and very few inquiries of what can be done to help are received.

This whole thing is pretty messed up.  Honestly, it ways it would be easier if Hod were to have been in an accident and he had broken four bones in his leg.  That is a HUGE deal!  I'm not saying it isn't.  But people know how to respond.  We would know that after so many weeks and probably a few months of physical therapy that life would return to normal.  While working through those weeks and months a hand would be extended to assist as much as possible.  We would have a schedule, a plan, and help.

Instead our schedule is, we don't know how long he will be in the hospital.  Once he gets out we don't know how long it will take to get his medications adjusted correctly.  Once that happens we can hope for some semblance of a normal life, but there is no point where this will no longer be a major concern and problem.  We are aware that the only true reprieve from this will be death, or Jesus Christ coming again and making him perfect.  Whichever happens first.  And our help is me having a few close friends who will try to find a place in their schedule to babysit so I can visit my husband for one hour a day.

I need to stress again, I am not in any way putting down people who have to go through physical conditions.  I'm just saying that they often have available to them amazing help while dealing with their problem.

If your problem is mental you get awkward conversations.

We as a people need to see things like this in the serious light they deserve.  My husband has been hospitalized.  That is a huge deal!  Sure, I've done this once before.  Back when I only had one kid who was only three months old (read slept a lot of the time) and I lived a 60 minute drive from my family, and only 25 minutes away from some of his family.

This time I am ... alone.  But with two kids who are missing their dad.

So, what can be done?  We can work on changing the mentality.  Help others understand that this is a big deal and not just something that a person needs to "learn to suck up and deal with it."

Then if you encounter a person who has hospitalized their spouse help them.  Start with a hug and a real concern when you ask them if they are ok.  If you don't know how to respond try saying something like, "This must be hard to go through.  What can I do to help?"  And mean it!  If they have young kids ask when they need help with babysitting so they can be there when their spouse needs them.  Give them a shoulder to cry on as they feel overwhelmed and helpless.  Help them with their children.  Seriously, that is a huge deal.  I am completely torn between two worlds right now, the hospital world and my husband, and trying to juggle all of the balls he is normally keeping in the air, and the world of my children still here with me trying to give them as much love as possible because they are missing their dad.  Trying to be both parents and disrupt their lives as little as possible.  I am going through everything that a spouse of an accident victim goes through.  I just have to do it alone.

This post isn't for you to say, "Oh, poor Paily."  It is to try to change the world a little.  To try to help someone else who may go through this at one point.  I hope that when you meet someone going through what I am going through you will treat them differently than I have been treated.

A Gift for #1

I truly believe that an all knowing Heavenly Father has a purpose for everything.

Today, #1 was being particularly difficult to put down for her nap.  She kept screaming and waking up her sister.  I went in to encourage her to stop screaming and her room smelled like a messy diaper.  I took her out to the main room and as I went to change her diaper I noticed she was holding her right hand funny.  Upon closer inspection I discovered this hand had been inside her diaper.  It was disgusting.  I changed her diaper, washed her hands 3 times, cut her fingernails, and went to inspect her room.  Luckily she didn't "paint" very much.  She was given the great task of helping me clean up.  She didn't like that much.

I put her back to bed because it was either that or yell at her a lot.  I was ticked.

A few hours later she was playing in the corner and I heard her talking to her toys.  Then I hear, "Thank day, dad dad, mommy, ister, eesus, AmEN!"  This was followed by lots of kisses and a "Nite!"

She has been given the gift of cuteness.

That is important as it makes me love her again when she has been driving me crazy.

Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he made babies and toddlers cute!

Today's Moment

#1 woke up with hair like this. I'm really not looking forward to brushing it out. Tonight we are getting together with friends to watch Wheel of Fortune. One of our friends is going to be on it tonight!

This is mostly pointless.

Big Girl

We had a birthday last week!  #1 turned 2 years old!

Sadly she was sick on her birthday.  We got her a new birthday dress to wear to church, and instead she stayed in her pajamas.

The day before her birthday we went to the zoo.  She is such a fan of the "Amnuls!"  Some of her favorites are the "Pengnnnns"  I didn't take many pictures, cause I was having fun with kids instead, but here is one.

I'm pretty sure I had the cutest girls at the zoo. 

Some of our friends joined us, and they are pretty lucky.  We saw a lot of animals being fed.  They knew all of the right questions to ask, so we were able to learn a lot.  Let's be honest, #1 didn't love that, cause she didn't care, but we found it interesting!

And here she is right before church today.  Man I love this girl. 

Or, if you would rather see her as she travels... You will be impressed by her great style. ;)

A few facts about my two year old.  Her blanket is a girl.  It is a pink blanket she got from one of her great aunts.  It's name is Dee Dee.  All other blankets are "nkets".  I don't know why her favorite has a special name.  Oh, and sometimes Dee Dee is bad.  She was scolded the other day and put in time out.  (Yeah, that happens to #1 too.)

She recently named her pillow.  His name is Charlie.  And yes it is a boy.  I don't know why his name is Charlie.  All other pillows are "Lloowws".  This silly girl.

Oh, and one more story.  About 5 moths ago I taught #1 how to snore when she is "sleeping".  Then when I do it, she says wake up!  And I wake up.  We did that for a week, and then I forgot about it.  At night when we say prayers we always say "help me to sleep through the night."  This is a struggle.  She used to repeat night.  Now instead she fake snores.  It is really hard not to laugh.

When we ride in my car, the girls are on opposite sides.  However, my car needed new breaks.  So, for a week, we used Hod's car.  Here the girls actually fit next to each other.  I wasn't sure how it would go, and sometimes it was less than pleasant.  (#1 liked to put her shoes on #2's face.)  But on Wednesday as I was driving home from dropping Hod off at work I heard giggling coming from the back seat.  They were holding hands and laughing at each other.  How cute is that!?!

I was in charge of my ward Halloween party.  As a result, I didn't get any pictures.  I feel like a slacker.  #1 was a princess.  I was a friendly witch.  A few nights later we went to a Halloween party, and I got a picture of Hod and #2.  They were Waldo and his kid sister Wanda.

#1 was not a princess that night because she couldn't play in her fancy dress.  I was not a friendly witch because I couldn't get down on the floor in my fancy outfit.  So we didn't actually look dressed up.  We were Annie and June from Little Einsteins.  I should have taken a picture.  But it is easy to repeat, so maybe I'll take a shot later and put it up.

Oh, and not to ruin any diets, but did you know this exists? You're welcome. Or sorry. Whichever you prefer.