Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Blind Dates

Dear Friends,

So, life is improving slowly.  I know my last post was severely lacking in warm fuzzies.  I wanted something more enjoyable up, so here I am.  But my life is lame right now.  As a result, you get a story from the past.  CRH will recognize this story, as she was there for it.

This one time, I lived in TX.  CRH was dating the Texan, and we had great plans to go on a double date to the local outdoor symphony.  It was free, and who doesn't love the symphony?  I didn't really know any great boys to ask out, so the Texan was given the job to set me up.  Good gravy, did he pick a winner. (Please read that last sentence with extreme sarcasm.)

CRH and I arrived at the Texan's house and I was able to meet my date.  Let's call him Narc.  That is going to be short for Narcissistic.  Seriously.  Narc was SO stuck on himself!  He spent the entire evening talking about himself.  And he has such a lame sense of humor.  As in, he told dead baby jokes.  I considered giving you an example of a dead baby joke, but really, they are so horrid!  I can't bring myself to share them with you.  But let me give you another example of his humor.  He once stopped a little girl and said, "Hello.  I'm a cannibal.  Do you know what a cannibal is?"  And I managed to stop him from his great plan of telling a random girl that he was going to kidnap her.  Wow.  He's high quality.  The concert may have been great.  I'm not sure.  Narc was too busy talking about himself, so I couldn't pay attention.  Lame!

After the concert, we went back to the Texan's house.  By this point I was SO done with Narc, and he had managed to really tick of CRH.  He was laying on the Texan's love sac, and when he moved, I decided to take his spot, cause he was lame.  So I did.  He then proceeded to run and jump at me.  I really thought I was going to die.  My life flashed before my eyes as Narc came flying at me.  I had no idea that death would be so annoying.  I ended up laying on the love sac with Narc.  We weren't touching.  No worries there.  I wanted to leave, but I couldn't, because I was stuck against the couch.  Narc had to move first.  Finally it came time to leave and Narc moved so I could get up.  Only, instead of letting me up, he proceeded to fold the love sac in half, squishing me in the middle.  He sat on top and then announced his joy in making a "Paily taco".  I sat there, inside the love sac, trying to get my head out far enough that I could breathe, as Narc reached down and started tickling my feet.  Really??  WHO ARE YOU???   I don't know you!  Why are you touching my feet?

I eventually got out.  (As evidenced by the fact that I am alive to type this)  I'm not sure what I did to offend the Texan, so he would set me up with someone like Narc.  Texan, if you read this, you SO owe me!

That was pretty much my last encounter with Narc.  Well, except for the time he heard something that I said, and took it out of context so it was completely awkward.  (Yes, I did say, "I'm cute, you know you want me" but that's not what I meant!)

I'm not really anti-blind dates.  They do make some very great stories!


Happy Mom said...

Oh, the awful date stories!!! My worst ones weren't blind dates. Just pitiful me who didn't know how to say no!!!

The narcissistic ones are the WORST!!!

Hope things are going well.

Sure love ya!

Kaylee said...

I remember this story!! SO funny. =D And somehow, it keeps getting funnier with time. :) I don't know how it works, but... it does.

And for some reason, when I read "Narc" my brain jumped to the lovely cartoon of Pinky and the Brain, when Pinky (Pinkie?) would say, "NARF!" all the time. So whenever I read "Narc" it was in that sort of voice. It makes the story ten times funnier. If you don't know what I'm talking about, YouTube it or something. HIL-A-RIOUS

Colorado Red Head said...

We were just telling this story to someone else the other day. It makes me giggle.