Thursday, September 10, 2009

Bust Out The Buckets

Dear People of the Land of Buckets:

I bet you thought I had gone all mushy.  Didn't you??!??  I find a Scuttle and then start talking about all of the great things in life.  Blessings, service, nice people, things like that.  Well, it's OVER!  Ok, not for permanent, but for today.  I started this blog to vent... ish, and I am going to do it today!  Ready?  Set??  GO!

As previously discussed, I work at Subway.  Its not a glamorous job, but there are a severe lack of french fries so it could be worse.  Besides, have you seen the job market out there?  And you don't know my boss.  He totally rocks my knee-highs.  Every single time I have asked for time off, he has given it to me.  And my hours right now... PERFECT!  I don't have to get up early, I can pay my bills, I get evenings off to spend with people, and I haven't had to work a Saturday in over a month.  And free food every day I work.  See, now you're all jealous.

That brings me to the problem.  Subway Customers.  Now many of you are nice.  You are polite.  You can order your sub without being too needy.  Others.... Well, lets make a list of the wrong way to handle things as a customer.

1.  Don't talk to me like I'm 9.  I know, not a hard job.  A monkey could do it.  But I am doing it.  This isn't because I'm stupid.  It's because it works with my schedule.  I know you're a Dental Hygienist/Receptionist/Construction Worker/Teacher/Hair Dresser.  Yes that takes more skill than my job.  I still have a brain.  I'm in college.  I'm smart.  Don't downgrade my intelligence.

2.  Don't tell me where to put the meat.  Seriously.  We're super busy.  We are getting all of you through the line in less than a minute each.  That means 10 people, a 10 minute wait.  That's pretty impressive.  So when I am frantically putting your sub together, I'm sorry if one piece of turkey is not perfectly folded in half, thus resulting in an 1/8 inch hang over off of the bread.  Can you get over it?  There are people behind you... we're working fast.  It's all going in your mouth anyway!  

3.  Think before you say "Yep, that's it."  If you say that you don't want anything else on your sub, we are going to very quickly close it, cut it and wrap it.  Don't blink, because you will miss our super-lightning speed hands.  Why is it every time we are almost done wrapping you have to interject, "Ooops, I REALLY need salt and pepper on that too.  Sorry."  Lets be honest.  You're not sorry.  And why do you have such severe salt and pepper needs?  That's just strange.

4.  Please, PLEASE hand me your payment.  Do you see my hand? Do you see how I am holding it out in the open position so you can easily put your 28 cents into it?  Then why are you putting everything down on the counter?  I'm not hoping to catch some random gold nugget that may fall from the sky.  I want your money.  I want your money so we can get you out of here and help the next customer.  Oh wait... they just asked for salt and pepper.  We have a minute.  But that doesn't mean I want to spend that minute picking up all of the 37 pennies you just put down on the counter. The counter is slippery.  Unless you have amazing fingernails, it is hard to pick up the change.  Really.  Why did you put it down so close to my hand.  See me?  I'm right here!

5.  Please don't expect all problems to be handled in .2 seconds.  I'm sorry that our soda fountain is having problems and the soda is flat.  Meanwhile, we have 20 other people in line.  There are only 3 of us.  That means we can't run outside and change tanks right now.  Sorry.  Drink water.  It's better for you anyway.

Most people are nice.  Most people are reasonable.  Some people are insane.  "Can I have the softest bread please?  Now will you toast it?"  "I know you're still making half of my order, but can I get that sub right now and start eating it?"  "I know that you need to ask me a lot of questions, but I'm going to stand here on my cell phone, popping my gum and twirling my hair around my finger ignoring you.. like, ok?"

AAAHHHHH!!!  Sometimes I want to jump over the counter and slap you.

That is all.  Thank you for taking all of these suggestions into consideration.


Kaylee said...


--A Fellow Perturbed Subway Employee

Happy Mom said...

Okay. This one made me happy! This is the Paily that I know and love talking (very quickly, might I add) about something that stresses her! It's hilarious! I could totally picture the whole thing! You go girl!