Tales From A Drug Clouded Mind

Oh, my dear Hod.  How I love you.

*Warning this post will include some bodily function details*

As previously mentioned, Hod had surgery on Thursday.  He has had a problem in the past with anesthesia shutting down parts of his body.  Like his bladder and bowels.  And this time was no exception.  Because of this, Hod was on an larger than normal dose of drugs.  He had the normal pain medication (though narcotics, making things quite exciting.), some supplementary pain medication, an antibiotic, something to help the bowels start working, and something to help the bladder start working.  In his crazy, drug clouded mind, he said some pretty funny things.  Being the sensitive, loving wife that I am, I have decided to share my favorites with you.

(2 AM out of nowhere, and I have only been asleep for about 45 min)
    "Knock, Knock"
    (I'm tired enough that I can't get my mouth to work, so I respond with a "mmnnhhuunnhhusnai")
    "Who's there?"
    (This causes a panic, cause I don't have a clue where he was going.)
    *Long Pause*  "Oh... I forget"

(One afternoon as he is rolling over in his sleep)
   "Tarantula!"
(Quickly followed by)
   "Water-lanche!  You know, when the rocks and water fall?"
   (Uh... do you mean Avalanche?)
   "No, Water-lanche.  Like Tarantula!"

(As a get well soon gift, I bought Hod some slippers made of fabric that looks like you skinned a Muppet)
   "Where are the Velcro Muppets?"
   (Do you mean your slippers?)
   "No, I need the Velcro Muppets, the ones that you throw at the bed!"
(Seriously this was very important, the bad guys were going to kill him if he didn't give them our Velcro Muppets.)

"I'm not Jewish!"

"I hate drugs.  I'm already going through detox!  I'm addicted!"
(He had taken a pill 45 minutes before)

(We have a friend who is an EMT and was helping us with a few medical needs at home.)
"Can you call (this friend) and tell her I need her to come tell me I'm not crazy?"

"Whoah!  Did you feel that earthquake?"
(There had actually been a small earthquake the day before.  However, Hod was sitting in a rocking chair.)

"The blanket is attacking me! The blanket is attacking me!"

And one story that I find quite humorous.  Saturday night, Hod was HOT.  As in he was going to die because the heat was so great.  I had helped him take off his outer clothes, so he was wearing less layers.  His hernia surgery incision was located right at the waist band of his underpants.  Because of the heat, he had pulled the elastic away from his skin trying to get a breeze.  This concerned me, because I could see his hand easily slipping, thus causing the elastic to snap against his skin and the incision.  I expressed my concern.  Hod was feeling a little vindictive or something, so with a smug look on his face, he stretched the elastic further.  And, yes, it did snap.  It hurt him pretty bad, and though I had sympathy, it was humorous.

Also, about my start in Urology.  I actually have no interest in that field.  I don't do bodily fluids.  Especially while pregnant.  This is why I take great pride in the fact that I removed Hod's catheter.  Oh, did I mention that he had one of those?  Yeah.  And when he was done with it, it was on Sunday, and we called the hospital, and I was told how to get it out.  I did most of it with my eyes closed, and almost died when some liquid got on me, until I was informed it was just water.  Those are my mad skills.