I Love Cereal!

Greetings friends!

This is a short post.  There is a girl that I work with, who participated in a CRAZY cool project for her senior class.  I was able to go and see it, and I would like to share it with all of you.

This is the close up version.  Notice the nice dark, rich color of the Coco Dino Bites, and the contrasting paleness of the Tutti-Frutties, and the subtle accent of the Frosted Mini Wheat

Now, here is the whole picture.  Seriously.  That is the huge gym from my High School.  There is about 4000 lbs of cereal on that floor.  All donated by Malt-o-Meal.  This picture really doesn't do it justice.  Oddly enough, seeing a great masterpiece reproduced by breakfast cereal is quite awe inspiring.  (Really, click on it. Let it fill your screen, stand back, and tilt your head to the left.  Now do you get the full effect?)

Sometimes life really does have fun little surprises.

Oh The Scandal!

So, I'm a little old.  Ok, not really.  I'm only 25.  I'm in the prime of life!  Or something like that.  I don't really know the specifics.   But I have fun and then I get to say 25!  And though I don't get $7 when I say it, it still makes me happy.

When I moved into my apartment with L7, she gave me a gift.  It is a cute stuffed bear from Build-A-Bear Workshop.  Super cute and soft and cuddly.  His name is Vic.  Like Vic Firth.  I love Vic Firth!  My favorites are 5A's with an Acorn tip.  Yep, I'm talking about drum sticks.  My IQ may have just dropped a few points, but I still love drums.  

And this has nothing to do with drums... It's just late and I can't seem to stay on topic.  Most nights I sleep with Vic.  Yep, I'm 25 and I still sleep with a Teddy Bear.  I don't have to, but I just love to have something to wrap my arms around.  Don't you worry, I will stop this habit when I marry.  Then I'll just wrap my arms around him.  I sure hope he's a cuddle-er.  I guess before I worry about that, I should try to figure out who he is...  Details.  They're so overrated.

But the point is:  Vic wears these really cute blue jeans.  Most mornings when I wake up, Vic's pants are falling off.  The jeans have a cute hole in the bottom for Vic's tail... and they are always way past his tail.  Apparently I am actually a scandalous person.  Every night I try to undress my Teddy Bear.  I don't know what Vic did to deserve this humiliation, but there it is.  (Did you know if you spell humiliation wrong, the second word that Chrome suggests for you is assimilation?  REALLY?  Yeah, they are totally close.  I don't get it either.)

So, here is my apology to Vic.

Dear Vic,

I am so sorry that every night as we cuddle, your pants fall off.  I promise I'm not doing it on purpose.  And every morning I fix it, so you can be modest all day.  Thank you for your constant forgiveness.  Even though last night your pants were falling off, tonight you'll still let me cuddle with you.  That's true devotion right there. I'd like to promise it won't happen again, but... it probably will.   Let's be friends.

Paily.

No One Knows Why I'm Doing This

Dear Friends,

I don't really know why I'm writing about this.  But I just feel like I should share the things that I've been learning.  I have an AMAZING Book of Mormon class taught by a Member of the 5th Quorum of the Seventy.

Two weeks ago, we learned about Anti-Christs!  (I know, it's pretty much the coolest subject ever!!) We learned about Humanism.  That is the doctrine of emphasizing a person's capacity for self-realization through reason, one who rejects religion and the supernatural.  Focusing on the assumption that you cannot know what you do not see.  I even learned how to fight the Anti-Christ.

Sometimes, I think I try to do too much.  I try to reject the Lord.  He's doing all he can to help me, but I try to do it alone.  And why do I try to do it alone?  There is a reason I have family, friends, bishops, priesthood blessing, things like that.  And yet, I still try to do it alone.  That is a very bad idea.  But then this week, we learned a better plan.

Some days I feel very lost.  I feel like I don't know who I am.  C.S.Lewis said (though I am paraphrasing) The best way to find yourself, is to look for Christ.  If you look for yourself, you will find despair and ruin.  If you look for Christ, you will find peace and Love, and he will find you.  "Christ says, 'Give me all. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it.' "

Alma 33:19-23 talks of the importance of looking to Christ.  Specifically talking about the Children of Israel and the staff that was a type of Christ.  How if the Children of Israel would look to that they would live.  If we look to Christ, and feel the swelling of faith grow, your burdens will be made light.  All this ye can do if ye will.

Alma 34:31  Come forth and harden not your heart any longer.  For behold, now is the time and the day of your salvation.

Why do I stop myself?  Why don't I just look now?  I'm really pretty good at looking for a bit and then turning away.  But I can do this.  I can do this if I will.  It's up to me.  So.. I will do it.  I will stop letting my heart be hardened.  The days that are good days are the days that I look to Christ.  The days that I don't stress about my troubles, and I just have faith.  Sure the troubles are there, but so are the answers I've been given.  And no matter how much I ask, I keep getting the same answers.

We'll see if I can really do it.  But that's the master plan.

Pretty Much I Like Fire

Tonight I went to the ballet.  That's pretty cool.  I've only ever been to one ballet before.  It pretty much rocks my knee-highs.  Although, I will say that I am VERY glad that they put a synopsis in the program.  I just didn't really understand that language.  I think that I need to attend many, many more, so I can figure out what they are saying.  That would be a great idea.  But the dancing was great.  And now I feel all sorts of cultured.  I'm high society, Yo.  (All the hoity-toity posh people say things like "Yo".)

My favorite part of the show was the music.  Really, I love this song.  Though their version was much shorter, it was still pretty great.  So, now for your viewing pleasure, listen to this and just feel the greatness.  Someday I want to be an orchestra and play this song.  If I could play the timpani part... Just thinking about it gives me shivers.  I love it!  I think the last three minutes are my favorite.  Just close your eyes and let the beauty pour over you.  Come on... you know you want to!

And I Know This Is Random...

Dear People of the Land of Buckets,

Greetings!  So, it's crazy late, and I'm sure I should be sleeping.  But you see, sleeping is something that I seem to have misplaced my talent of.  That's a bummer.

OH, but I do have a great new pillowcase.  CRH made it for me and I got it during my "Let's run away from  your problems" trip to TX.  It's pretty great.  Argyle.  That girl knows me!  Well, let's be honest, most all of you know me and you all know that I love argyle.  Really, what's not to love?  The good news is, I am even using the pillowcase now.  It's not my #1, but getting closer.  There is an adjustment period to me and pillowcases.  You see, when I am sleeping I need to have something familiar next to my face.  Many people take a pillow with them when they travel.  All I really need is a pillowcase.  Mmmm it makes me feel all cozy just thinking about it.  Anyway, when I get a new pillowcase I have to ease myself into it.  I sleep with 2 pillows, so the new case goes on the bottom.  But my pillows are angled so sometimes I'll end up on the bottom pillow.  Then my subconscious cheek gets used to the new pillowcase, thus making it so I can move it up to #1.  It's pretty intense.

And that my friends, concludes the really random portion of our program this evening.

I just have to share, how grateful I am for the Priesthood.  I have had two blessings in two weeks.  That's pretty much a record for me.  But they were both good.  I kind of had to be talked into the one tonight, but it was perfect.  Good news for me:  I'm not crazy!  You see, I've really been questioning all of the answers I've been given.  Hence, the reason the blessing was so good tonight.  I was told that I will be able to do what I've been asked.  And that the answers I've been doubting were real.  That I can have faith in them, because they will come to pass.  So... Here we go!  Hold on, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!  (No, I'm not a creepy talking shrunken head.)  So, thanks for my friends who can give me a blessing at the drop of a hat.  You totally rock my knee-highs.

Oh, and I was pretty much proposed to on Facebook tonight.  Too bad it was by a guy who hasn't taken me on a date for over a year.  The joys of Facebook.

PS, the title of this post can be found in one of the songs that plays on my blog.  Just tying all of the Buckets together!

A Few More Rules

Ok friends!  I have some more subway rules for you all!

Rule #1:  When you step up to the glass, please know what you want.  Now, I realize, there are a TON of choices at our shop.  You may walk in and have no clue what you are in the mood to eat.  I understand that.  That doesn't concern me.  BUT when you step up to the glass, you should know what you want.  ESPECIALLY if you come into our store 20 min before we close.  We have a lot to do.  I really, really don't want to be standing there waiting for you to figure it all out.  Our rule is that if you are standing away from the glass, we can keep cleaning and working on closing.  We all are trying to have a life.  As a result, I would like to leave about 10 min after we close.  Please do what you can to assist in this great work.

Rule #2:  It is great that you want to come and get healthy food late at night.  Sure, bring the whole family.  But please keep your children in control.  When you come with your friends, and you put your two 3-year-olds at their own table, they are very likely to start running all over.  Please, control them.  It is very hard for us to do our job when your children keep coming back into the employee area.  And, because you spent so long choosing what you want, we are running behind, so there are quite likely going to be knives flying around.  You really don't want your kids coming into this.

Rule #3: Don't lie to me!  Here's the deal.  I've been doing this for a year.  I am very aware of how to best put your sandwich together so it is the neatest, and easiest for you to eat.  So, when you tell me you want all of the veggies, I need to put the sauce on first so it's all nice and neat.  This is why I ask you, "What sauces would you like?"  DO NOT tell me that you don't want any sauces.  Really, if you say those words, then I'm not giving you any sauces.  Because, when you tell me that, and then you ask for all of the veggies, and you want extra of 3 of them, your sandwich is busting out all over the place.  NOW you want to add 3 different sauces?  REALLY?  Who do you think you are?  You point blank lied to me!  That is so lame!  And yes, being the nice person I am, I'll give them to you, but then, when we close the sub, all of the sauces are going to fall out with your loads green peppers, thus making the sauces pointless.  But now they are all over my gloves.  Thanks for that.  LIAR!  You are so fired.

~As for an update on my life, just in case any of you were wondering.  Here's the story:  I'm ok, ish.  Some of you are aware that I was looking into possibly getting some counseling, cause I've been pretty depressed.  Well, I talked with my bishop, and he doesn't think that I need that.  We talked a lot about other options, and we came up with a new plan of attack.  I don't feel like I should be sharing that here, but I feel really good about things.  I'm pretty sure things will get a bit worse before they get better, but I'm feeling better.  I'm still working on having the faith I need, but some days are really good.  Sure, there are still hard days, but I'm still having some hope.  Thanks to all of you for caring and keeping me in your prayers.  I love you all! ~

I Don't Know Where This Came From

Recently I have been thinking about serious things.  Oh, wait, that would be funny if it wasn't true.  Cause this is all just crazy stuff.

I have been thinking about these:

Ears are crazy things.  Really.  Think about it.  Some funny shaped skin and then we can hear?  Who came up with that plan?  And some people have really, really, funny looking ears.  I have a theory about that.  I don't think people know what their ears look like.  Have you ever really looked at your ears?  Cause my eyes just plain aren't able to go there.  I guess I've probably glanced at them when I've used mirrors to look at the back of my head, but I've never really noticed.  Wow.  I could have totally freakish ears and not even know it.  What kind of friends are you?  You never told me about my freakish ears?  Wait... never mind.  I can't afford any sort of plastic surgery, so we'll just play ignorance.  That way, if anyone ever asks me about my freakish ears, I can play stupid.  Thank you all for protecting me.

I was watching a movie the other day, and I noticed that the main character had totally mis-matched ears.  Really, they were completely different.  I know that we aren't supposed to be symmetrical.  So, that's all cool and stuff.  It's just strange.  

I guess I never think about ears too much.  Mine are pretty lousy, too much drumming, not enough ear plugs.  As a result I pretty much need to be facing people when I talk.  I do a lot of lip reading.  Some people are totally into earrings.  I think they look nice and all, but they aren't really my thing.  That may be because I don't have pierced ears.  I do have 3 pairs of screw back earrings though.  They are pretty cool.  But they are all really sparkle-y and all that.  Sometimes I'm into sparkles but most of the time I'm a plain Jane.

Not sure where I'm going with this.  Ears.  They're pretty cool.

Avoiding the Whale

Dear Friends,

So... remember back when I was funny?  Yeah, maybe those days will come again.  But today is not one of those days.  Today I need a little bit of advice.

Life's been pretty rough for the past month.  The hard part is, in many ways, rather than getting better, it's getting harder.  Here's the thing.  I have had many very significant experiences with Heavenly Father.  He has answered my prayers in many ways, ways that I think are impossible to misinterpret.  (For example, the day I chose to give up, and just walk away from my problem, I went to a fireside and Robert D. Hales spoke.  His topic was having faith through our trials and never giving up.  How else could I interpret that?) Through all of this, I have come to know that He is VERY aware of me, and I am oh, so grateful for that.  The problem is, He has told me things that seem perfectly impossible.  I know He's a God of miracles, and I see miracles in my life, but this one really, really big miracle that He's told me will happen just seems like it's too big of a job.

How have you dealt with something like this?  I have no problem believe in miracles in other people's lives.  I know that they happen.  And I've heard about a miracle that happened in my life.  But I was only 6 weeks old, so I don't remember it at all.

I guess... Well, Heavenly Father has asked me to do a lot of things.  He told me where to go to college, he asked me to go on a mission, he asked me to move to Texas, he asked me to move back.  Some of those things were very scary, and I didn't understand them.  I didn't know if I could really do them.  But I had faith, so I moved forward and did what I was asked.  And they all worked out.

What he has asked of me now is the hardest thing yet.  It hurts.  Every day I question the answers I've been given.  I've had people tell me that Heavenly Father doesn't want me to be unhappy, so why would he be asking this of me.  But he has.  And it doesn't make sense.  It's not easy.  I don't have perfect control.  When I was told to go on a mission, I started working on papers.  I had control over it.  Sure, I had to be living a good life, and pass all of the interviews, but I had control.  I don't have any control over this.  I just know the idea of what I need to do, but not how to do it.  And it really involves someone else who, to my knowledge, hasn't asked or received the same answers.  They don't want the same answers either.

So, what do I do?  How to I find the balance between having faith in something so hard, that I just can't see?  It's not logical, and right now, I don't even really want it.  It would be so much easier to just turn around and walk away.  That way my heart wouldn't have to break, over and over.  But I know what I've been told.  How do I have hope, and faith in something that seems so impossible?  How do I come to believe in miracles in my own life?

My dear sister, L7 bought me a book.  It's called Believing Christ.  So far it's good.  But it's mostly about believing in the Atonement to cover your sins.  I know I'm not perfect, but I don't really question that.  There have been some things that have really touched me in the book, but I'm not quite there.

Don't think I'm questioning the Gospel.  I'm not.  I'm just questioning my ability to do this.  So, dear friends and family, how have you done it?  Because I don't want to give up.  When the Lord tells you something and you do something else, you get swallowed by a whale.  That would be a total bummer.

Ok, so the big question is:  How do you have faith in the impossible?  How do you get yourself to believe in the illogical?  And how do you find the strength go keep going when everything else around you is telling you to just move on?

"If you are helpless, He is not.  If you are lost, He is not.  If you don't know what to do next, He knows.  It would take a miracle, you say?  Well, if it takes a miracle, why not?" ~ Boyd K. Packer, Conference Report October 1970