Getting Serious

I love my husband.  He is a kind, caring, loving, funny, spiritual, serving, handsome man.  Though occasionally socially awkward because of his great enthusiasm, he is well liked for being such a fun, happy guy.

Though he doesn't keep it a secret, most people don't know the truth.

He is Bipolar and has PTSD.

Like a diabetic, he has to rely on medications to keep functioning.  He doesn't take insulin to help a failing pancreas, he takes Lithium to help a failing brain.  Not failing like taking tests in school is hard, but failing like, "Hey, this organ controls your entire body and it is missing the chemicals needed to control emotions and make you capable of seeing things the way healthy people do."

If people get in an accident and encounter head trauma a common, and valid, question is: Was there any brain damage?  Everyone accepts that if the answer to that question is "Yes" that  life will be forever different and difficult for all involved in that person's life.

My husband is basically walking around with permanent brain damage.  This brain damage doesn't make it hard to talk, or to use one of his legs or arms.  It makes it difficult to feel love, understand some social cues, cope with stress, and sometimes find a reason to live.

Sometimes people with brain damage can find a way to "re-train" their brain to compensate for what has been lost so they can eventually live a pretty normal life.

If you are bi-polar that is impossible.  You will forever be dependent on some sort of medication or supplement to help you get as close to normal as possible.  But you will never quite hit normal.

If your husband were to get in a horrible accident and be hospitalized, or were to contract some horrible disease, or cancer, everyone who could would try to come to your aid.  Meals are often provided, people will try to set up babysitting so the spouse can be there for the hospitalized as needed, a kind hug and a concerned inquiry of "what can we do" will be extended.  Even after returning home there is often a hand of charity extended for a while as you adjust to your life.

If your husband were to be hospitalized because his medications are incorrect you will be met with a lot of awkward conversations, and maybe a few people offering to help as needed.  No meals are brought in.  No babysitting schedules are set up.  No big hugs and very few inquiries of what can be done to help are received.

This whole thing is pretty messed up.  Honestly, it ways it would be easier if Hod were to have been in an accident and he had broken four bones in his leg.  That is a HUGE deal!  I'm not saying it isn't.  But people know how to respond.  We would know that after so many weeks and probably a few months of physical therapy that life would return to normal.  While working through those weeks and months a hand would be extended to assist as much as possible.  We would have a schedule, a plan, and help.

Instead our schedule is, we don't know how long he will be in the hospital.  Once he gets out we don't know how long it will take to get his medications adjusted correctly.  Once that happens we can hope for some semblance of a normal life, but there is no point where this will no longer be a major concern and problem.  We are aware that the only true reprieve from this will be death, or Jesus Christ coming again and making him perfect.  Whichever happens first.  And our help is me having a few close friends who will try to find a place in their schedule to babysit so I can visit my husband for one hour a day.

I need to stress again, I am not in any way putting down people who have to go through physical conditions.  I'm just saying that they often have available to them amazing help while dealing with their problem.

If your problem is mental you get awkward conversations.

We as a people need to see things like this in the serious light they deserve.  My husband has been hospitalized.  That is a huge deal!  Sure, I've done this once before.  Back when I only had one kid who was only three months old (read slept a lot of the time) and I lived a 60 minute drive from my family, and only 25 minutes away from some of his family.

This time I am ... alone.  But with two kids who are missing their dad.

So, what can be done?  We can work on changing the mentality.  Help others understand that this is a big deal and not just something that a person needs to "learn to suck up and deal with it."

Then if you encounter a person who has hospitalized their spouse help them.  Start with a hug and a real concern when you ask them if they are ok.  If you don't know how to respond try saying something like, "This must be hard to go through.  What can I do to help?"  And mean it!  If they have young kids ask when they need help with babysitting so they can be there when their spouse needs them.  Give them a shoulder to cry on as they feel overwhelmed and helpless.  Help them with their children.  Seriously, that is a huge deal.  I am completely torn between two worlds right now, the hospital world and my husband, and trying to juggle all of the balls he is normally keeping in the air, and the world of my children still here with me trying to give them as much love as possible because they are missing their dad.  Trying to be both parents and disrupt their lives as little as possible.  I am going through everything that a spouse of an accident victim goes through.  I just have to do it alone.

This post isn't for you to say, "Oh, poor Paily."  It is to try to change the world a little.  To try to help someone else who may go through this at one point.  I hope that when you meet someone going through what I am going through you will treat them differently than I have been treated.

A Gift for #1

I truly believe that an all knowing Heavenly Father has a purpose for everything.

Today, #1 was being particularly difficult to put down for her nap.  She kept screaming and waking up her sister.  I went in to encourage her to stop screaming and her room smelled like a messy diaper.  I took her out to the main room and as I went to change her diaper I noticed she was holding her right hand funny.  Upon closer inspection I discovered this hand had been inside her diaper.  It was disgusting.  I changed her diaper, washed her hands 3 times, cut her fingernails, and went to inspect her room.  Luckily she didn't "paint" very much.  She was given the great task of helping me clean up.  She didn't like that much.

I put her back to bed because it was either that or yell at her a lot.  I was ticked.

A few hours later she was playing in the corner and I heard her talking to her toys.  Then I hear, "Thank day, dad dad, mommy, ister, eesus, AmEN!"  This was followed by lots of kisses and a "Nite!"

She has been given the gift of cuteness.

That is important as it makes me love her again when she has been driving me crazy.

Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he made babies and toddlers cute!

Today's Moment

#1 woke up with hair like this. I'm really not looking forward to brushing it out. Tonight we are getting together with friends to watch Wheel of Fortune. One of our friends is going to be on it tonight!

This is mostly pointless.

Big Girl

We had a birthday last week!  #1 turned 2 years old!

Sadly she was sick on her birthday.  We got her a new birthday dress to wear to church, and instead she stayed in her pajamas.

The day before her birthday we went to the zoo.  She is such a fan of the "Amnuls!"  Some of her favorites are the "Pengnnnns"  I didn't take many pictures, cause I was having fun with kids instead, but here is one.

I'm pretty sure I had the cutest girls at the zoo. 

Some of our friends joined us, and they are pretty lucky.  We saw a lot of animals being fed.  They knew all of the right questions to ask, so we were able to learn a lot.  Let's be honest, #1 didn't love that, cause she didn't care, but we found it interesting!

And here she is right before church today.  Man I love this girl. 

Or, if you would rather see her as she travels... You will be impressed by her great style. ;)

A few facts about my two year old.  Her blanket is a girl.  It is a pink blanket she got from one of her great aunts.  It's name is Dee Dee.  All other blankets are "nkets".  I don't know why her favorite has a special name.  Oh, and sometimes Dee Dee is bad.  She was scolded the other day and put in time out.  (Yeah, that happens to #1 too.)

She recently named her pillow.  His name is Charlie.  And yes it is a boy.  I don't know why his name is Charlie.  All other pillows are "Lloowws".  This silly girl.

Oh, and one more story.  About 5 moths ago I taught #1 how to snore when she is "sleeping".  Then when I do it, she says wake up!  And I wake up.  We did that for a week, and then I forgot about it.  At night when we say prayers we always say "help me to sleep through the night."  This is a struggle.  She used to repeat night.  Now instead she fake snores.  It is really hard not to laugh.

When we ride in my car, the girls are on opposite sides.  However, my car needed new breaks.  So, for a week, we used Hod's car.  Here the girls actually fit next to each other.  I wasn't sure how it would go, and sometimes it was less than pleasant.  (#1 liked to put her shoes on #2's face.)  But on Wednesday as I was driving home from dropping Hod off at work I heard giggling coming from the back seat.  They were holding hands and laughing at each other.  How cute is that!?!

I was in charge of my ward Halloween party.  As a result, I didn't get any pictures.  I feel like a slacker.  #1 was a princess.  I was a friendly witch.  A few nights later we went to a Halloween party, and I got a picture of Hod and #2.  They were Waldo and his kid sister Wanda.

#1 was not a princess that night because she couldn't play in her fancy dress.  I was not a friendly witch because I couldn't get down on the floor in my fancy outfit.  So we didn't actually look dressed up.  We were Annie and June from Little Einsteins.  I should have taken a picture.  But it is easy to repeat, so maybe I'll take a shot later and put it up.

Oh, and not to ruin any diets, but did you know this exists? You're welcome. Or sorry. Whichever you prefer.

Regrets

Sunday night after the girls went to bed, I was sitting with Hod enjoying the quiet.  I had the thought that maybe I should paint my toenails.  But I was feeling lazy.  So I didn't.  This fit perfectly with my thoughts in the shower that morning about shaving my legs.  Lazy won then too.

I regret it.

Yesterday I was rushing #1 out into the main room.  She had stolen a toy from #2, and that is not ok.  I was holding both of her hands, doing an awkward waddle (cause she was walking between my feet) moving as quickly as possible.  It was not supposed a fun leisurely walk, she was being disciplined.  We just moved, and I don't have a perfect knowledge of where the walls are yet.  I mean, I can look at them, but you know how when you get comfortable you don't have to look at the walls to avoid running into them?  I'm not there yet.

As I rushed into the main room I hit the corner of the hallway.  And I hit it hard.  It threw me off balance and I accidentally pushed #1 to the floor as I started to fall.  As she hit the ground I could see a small area of ground that I could hit to avoid landing on my child.  I twisted and managed to avoid crushing her.  I hit the ground with a yell.  I was hurting.  #1 was crying because she fell and I had startled her.  #2 was screaming because I scared the daylights out of her when I yelled.  I was rolling on the floor in more pain than I remember being in for a long time.  I managed to crawl over to #1 and help her, and then crawled over the #2 to comfort her.

I texted Hod and told him I had broken my toe.  But then I had to be a mom, so I started walking.  What else could I do?  After a brief conversation I convinced Hod that I had over reacted and that I was going to be fine.  He convinced me to send him a picture of my foot.  I was trying not to look at it because it made me cry.  I'm kind of a baby.  Anyway, this is the picture I sent him.

This may not look too bad to you.  However, my second toe used to touch my big toe.  And that knuckle is super swollen.

I should have painted my toenails.

Later that night I decided we should probably go to Instacare.  I know that for toes they don't normally do much but tape it.  But it was so crooked I didn't want it to heal that way.  We went and they sent us down for x-rays.  I don't have a copy of my x-rays, but let me illustrate what it looked like for you.

See that pretty dark red line?  That is my break.  All the way through.

That is not what I expected.  

The entire time at Instacare I kept thinking, I really should have shaved my legs.  And painted my toenails.

Anyway, I'm pretty lucky.  I'm really not in much pain, and now I get to wear one of those super stylish boots for the next week!

Luckily Hod has today and tomorrow off so I can start to get used to being a mom with this awesome boot!

Life is always exciting at our house.

I really should have painted my toenails.  And shaved my legs.

Success

She rolled over! Finally!

Now she is crying on her stomach. I better go help her.

These Hips Don't Lie!

Today we had an appointment with #2's doctor about her hips.  We don't have to do surgery!!  We are still going to continue OMT, and we are going to start physical therapy, but we don't have to do surgery!!  I am so crazy excited.

 To better illustrate this, here are some pictures.  I don't have really amazing pictures of the before, because I didn't realize what was going on.  So here are a few, and they are both old ones!  I didn't realize how long this had been a problem.

 If you look closely, you can see that her left leg is kind of at a funny angle.  At the time I just thought, yeah, she is a baby, they sit funny.  However, I didn't notice that her left leg was ALWAYS up like that and much higher than her right leg.  As a result, her left leg grew faster to compensate, making her left leg 1/2" longer than her right.

Here is another before.  At the time I just thought it was super cute that she would sleep while holding her foot.  But it wasn't really normal that her leg was always up so high.  The problems were more obvious while she was relaxed and sleeping.

 This is her leg after her first OMT appointment.  I mean, could you see a bigger difference?

This is her at her appointment today.  Look, she can sit up!

Oh, and a great bonus to all of this is, with the OMT helping realign her hips, and because we found this problem so early, her right leg has caught up!  Just like her left leg grew more because her hips were tilted, and as they straightened out, her right leg grew more to even out. 

She still can't roll over, and she doesn't seem close to crawling at all, but surgery is no longer in our plan!  So excited for this little girl!

Little Vacation

Hod was able to get a week off work.  I've been missing family, so we decided to drive to see the family we have that lives the closest.  We had a wonderful time!  My girls were able to spend some time with some of their cousins, and they loved them!  I didn't take a lot of pictures, I was too busy playing, but I think the few I did take were winners!

 #1 playing with her cousin.  This was a fun moment for me because #1 is just getting so she wants to play with people and not just next to them.  Look how cute they are!

 Cute Cousin licking off the beater after we made sugar cookies.  (And I like the handsome man licking a beater in the background.)

We went to a cathedral and it was beautiful!  The girls were really pretty good while we walked around.  This part was #1's favorite, because I actually let her get down and climb on the benches.

A beautiful quote outside of the cathedral.

Sadly I didn't get any pictures with the older cousins who my girls were also big fans of.  Over all it was such a great week!  Thanks for putting us up, L4!

And this is totally random, but last Sunday at church we had our primary program.  They sang all of the verses to Follow the Prophet.  Turns out #1 loves it.  She became quite the distraction as she danced along.  I thought you all may like to see it.  Cause she is stinkin' cute.

And we can't leave out #2!  She is such a sweet girl.  We are still doing OMT on her hips, but she is making great progress.  Next week we will find out if we need to meet with a surgeon.  But through it all she keeps smiling!  Oh, and she FINALLY cut her first two teeth!  So happy for her!

Ladies, Get Over Yourselves

I don't live in Utah.  I used to, but I moved about a year ago.  Sometimes I rely on social media to let me know of the big happenings going on there.  And I recently learned about something that makes my blood boil.  Seriously.  This ticks me off.

http://fox13now.com/2013/08/30/group-of-mormon-feminists-push-to-be-part-of-priesthood-meeting-at-general-conference/


ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!

Ok, so I'll admit, I like some things about the equal rights for woman movement.  I totally believe that women should be able to vote.  Women should be paid the same wages for their work.  It is true that in many situations a woman has to be better at something than her male counterparts to be considered equal.  I experienced that when I was in High School and in College.  It may seem like a silly example to you, but when I was in school, I was a drummer.  In some areas, this has changed, but often girl drummers are not the norm.  I remember a specific example where we were practicing a cadence that my male section leader had written.  He told me it was difficult.  As we were sight reading it, right as we came to the "difficult" part, he stopped everyone.  I was a punk, and I kept going.  The look of shock on his face when he saw that I could play this part was hilarious.  He couldn't even play it.  He figured he would have to water it down to make it playable for me.  HA!  This particular gentleman had been less than kind to me, voicing his opinion that girls aren't meant to play drums.  I knew he thought less of me and my skills because I was female.  Once I showed him that I was actually better than he was, he started treating me with respect.  That entire situation was just wrong!

But the Church is NOT treating woman without respect!  Men who truly honor the Priesthood treat woman as more than their equals.  I DO NOT need to be ordained to the Priesthood to be equal to a man.  And, lets think about this really... Can a man use the Priesthood to bless himself?  No.  So, as a woman, when I already give all of myself to my family, teaching them, trying to care for them, often sacrificing myself... why in the world would I want another responsibility?  Why give me something else that adds pressure, that doesn't even benefit me?  Some people may be saying, "But, Paily, having the Priesthood totally benefits the man!  They have an extra measure of the Spirit when they exercise the Priesthood power."  Heavenly Father is not sexist.  Yes, he gave the men a job that woman don't have.  They are not entitled to extra spiritual experiences because of it!  A loving Heavenly Father will never limit my ability to feel the Holy Ghost.  Only I can do that.

It is interesting to note, that the article mentions that in factions of the LDS church woman have the Priesthood.  I'm sorry, but if you are looking at people that fell away from the Church as an example of what the body of the Church should be doing... You are probably looking at in the wrong place.  Don't you think if they were doing everything right that they would be part of us?

And, let's not forget, Woman can fight for equality all they want, but we will NEVER be the same as Men.  Men will never be the same as Women.

Honestly, not having the Priesthood has done a lot for me.  It has greatly benefited my marriage.  I was 26 when I got married.  I had been living basically on my own for years.  I was working to provide for myself, taking care of myself, and doing anything I wanted to do.  When I met and married my sweet Hod, those attitudes didn't change.  He often felt like I didn't need him.  Men want to feel needed, just as Women do.  He realized that I had more education than he did, I could get a better paying job, I was used to doing it all.  There was one thing I couldn't do for myself.  And that was anything that involved the Priesthood.  Having something that I had to go to him for strengthened our relationship.

Men and Woman are meant to be equal partners.  We are both needed.  If I too held the Priesthood, then I would need my husband for little more than his ability to get me pregnant.  (Sorry if it is crude, but it is true.)  Most woman who have had children will tell you that there is something so sacred about the experience.  Yes, it hurts and is agonizing at the same time, but during and right after the births of my two girls I have never felt closer to God.  Is God sexist because he has allowed me to experience this, and he doesn't let men?  NO!  I am not saying that childbirth is equal to the Priesthood.  What I am saying is, we have different jobs.  We have different responsibilities.  That does not make us less than equal.

I lived in Western New York for 18 months.  During that time I was able to attend the Hill Cummorah Pageant.  This is a commonly protested event.  People that think they know better stand there and try to get things to change.  My first year going to the pageant we parked across the street from the pageant.  We had to walk through all of the protesters to get there.  I will always remember the feeling of confusion and anxiety I felt walking through them.  But then, as I was able to walk onto dedicated ground, I was filled with the Spirit of the Lord.  It left no question in my mind of the truth.  Protesting is not the way of the Lord.  Maybe if you are looking for the Lord to change, you should change.  Remember Jonah in the Bible?  The Lord asked him to do something, and thinking he knew better he did what he wanted.  That didn't work out to well for him, did it?

One last question for those who think Women need the Priesthood.  Why do they need it?  I understand some woman want it, but do they NEED it?  We need to learn to differentiate between our wants and needs.  I often think I know what I need.  Thankfully Heavenly Father doesn't listen to me, and instead gives me what I really need.

If you have questions, take it to the Lord.  But don't throw a fit trying to get your own way.

A Word of Caution To This Tale

#1 loves to play with my phone.   I let her sometimes.  She really enjoys texting.  Most often she texts her dad, because I'm texting him most of the day.  She pokes at the keyboard for a while and makes random non-words.  It makes her happy, and we like that.

However,  it appears that she has figured out how to add words to my phone's dictionary.  Not a huge deal, but I text by Swiping.  I run my finger over the letters and all sorts of gibberish pops up now.

So, when you get random words from me (Like now my phone always tries to say "sui" for "so") just know that is a bit of love from #1.

A Little Hope

Today #2 had another doctor appointment.  We visited her doctor for what is called an OMT appointment.  I don't have a clue what OMT stands for.  It is hard to explain what these appointments are like.  By applying constant, gentle pressure, the doctor aligns different things in the kids bodies.  They generally focus on the skull.  It is slightly like a chiropractor... only to the untrained eye (like me) it really doesn't look like anything is happening.  The average appointment involves about 20 minutes of adjusting.  And they do the entire body from hip to head.  Today it took 25, and almost all of that was on #2's hips.

And I can see a difference.  The doctor taught me some things I can do to help keep it aligned.  If we can continue to keep things right, and if we can keep getting this much change at each appointment, we may be able to avoid surgery!  It is going to be hard work to get here there, but there is some hope!  I would MUCH rather have lots of doctor appointments and be inconvenienced by having to change the way I do things and do lots of stretching and adjusting here at home, than do surgery.  We were meeting with the doctor every six weeks, we have switched to every two.  For now we are keeping our appointment with the surgeon, just in case.  But, if things continue to change then we will be able to cancel!  SO HAPPY!!

Giggles

#1 and #2 are really starting to enjoy each other.  Not always, but sometimes, most often when we are in the car, I will hear giggles coming from the back seat.  They aren't doing a lot.  They just look at each other and smile.  #1's smile makes #2 giggle.  #2's giggle makes #1 smile.  It is a beautiful cycle.  I love it.

In other news, we finally got an appointment with the surgeon for #2.  Unfortunately, the next open appointment is on October 5th.  That is really far away.  Something about this city, if you are good at all, your next available appointment is always at least a month away.  It totally bugs.  So... guess we just try to keep her comfortable and happy til then?  She is starting to get frustrated when her body holds her back.  She tries so hard to roll over, but then ends up giving up with the saddest little cry.  Poor kid.  She is such a sweet girl!

 #1 has decided she really likes my shoes.

Just playing under the coffee table.  #2 scooted herself there.  She lays on her back and pushes herself around with her heels.  Way to adapt kid!

So, my phone does this thing where if I take a bunch of similar photos in a row it puts them together into something like this.  #1 really felt the need to do my hair.  (I hadn't planned on all of the pictures being put together, so please pardon my crazy faces!)

Little Help

So, in about an hour I am going to the hospital with #2.

A few weeks ago, I started noticing that something wasn't quite right.  #2 can't straighten out her body.  If she is standing up her little bum is sticking out.  When she lays on the floor she always has her legs up.  If I try I can force her legs down, but then she has to arch her back. She also can't roll over.  Her top half can do it, but she can't get her legs to follow.  I could tell something was off.

She had a well check today and I talked to her doctor about it.  We currently know very little.  Her left leg is longer than her right.  And something is off with her hips.  We are going to the hospital for x-rays to see what is going on.  In a perfect world, everything is normal and we just need some physical therapy to get her hips to work correctly.  In an imperfect world we will find out that she needs surgery.

I'm kind of freaking out, and trying not to.  I mean, really, in every other way she is perfect.  I just hope a little physical therapy is all that we need.

So, if anyone feels inspired to pray for my sweet girl that everything is fine, that would be great.

*UPDATE 7 hours later*  I heard back from the Doctor, and I guess the x-rays aren't awesome.  They didn't take shots of what the doctor wanted so she couldn't see everything she hoped to see.  However, she did say that the hip is where it is supposed to be, and nothing looks broken.  (I didn't even know broken was an option!)  She is still pretty concerned, because there is obviously something unusual going on.  I just keep hearing that her "hips are really tight!"  I don't know what that means.  The doctor wants to meet with us next Wednesday morning to look at her hips some more.  For now, she is thinking that we should probably meet with a pediatric orthopedic surgeon because they would have a better idea of what to look for to figure out what is wrong.  So, I guess we still don't really know anything except that the obvious isn't the problem.  We'll have to keep trying to figure this out.  Thanks for the kind thoughts and prayers!

Accidentally Inactive

While serving my mission, I met a lot of women who thought they were still active in the Church.  They hadn't been to church for over a year, but because they knew the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, they still felt they were active.  They had just gotten out of the habit of going to church.  I never understood those women.

But I'm starting too!  (Don't you worry, all, I'm not losing my testimony or anything.)

The month #1 turned 18 months old (yeah for being able to go to nursery!) Hod switched positions at work.  Now he has to work two Sundays a month.  I have learned who is willing and able to help me during Sacrament meeting, so we still go.  I get a little help during that meeting, and then for the rest of church #1 is in nursery so I'm fine!

But, you aren't allowed to go to nursery if you have a cough or a fever.  Lately about once a month #1 has both.  Now, because we have 1:00 PM church, I always miss Sunday School.  #2 does not like to sleep while being held, and that is nap time.  Because of this it takes me about 30 minutes to get her to sleep.  Our Sunday School teachers are very enthusiastic, (which is awesome!) and their loud voices wake her up.  When Hod is at church we trade off who gets to go to Sunday School.  #2 is usually super happy during Relief Society, so it is all good there.  Our building is currently under construction, so as of last week, only the Chapel, the Nursery, and the Bishop's office have doors.  If you have a crying kid in the halls EVERYONE can hear you.  Because of all of this, if Hod has to work, and #1 gets sick, we just stay home.

Now, I did try going to Church one week by myself with a sick #1.  We left half way through Sunday School.  After 20 minutes of screaming by both girls I just took them home.  We weren't getting anything that day.  It has been a full 6 weeks since I have been to church with Hod.  Either he has to work, or #1 is sick so one of us stays home.  (Usually me, cause I get to go to church more than he does.)

I miss church.  Have two under two while your hubby works is hard.

In other news, someone tried to break into our apartment last night.  They pulled the screen out of #1's bedroom window.  The window was locked so they couldn't open it.  I called dispatch to have someone come and look at it, but there isn't really anything we can do.  SO glad we put our 60 day notice in last week!  I'm giving sick #1 a few extra kisses today.  (cause she is sick and because someone tried to break into her room.)

#2 can sit up, and can stand.  She still can't roll over.  But she is getting close.  She seems to not have any desire to crawl at all.  When I put her on her tummy she holds her head up for a while, but then she gets all pitiful and plants her face on the floor and cries.  It is pretty sad.  She is such a cute kid!

I think #1 is getting close to being ready to toilet train.  We decided to start sitting on the toilet, just to get her used to it.  She hates it and screams.  I think she is afraid of falling in.  We need to get one of those little toilet seats to help with that.  I wish she could communicate better.  But we are getting a referral for a speech therapist.  Just waiting for the nurse to call me back.  (Well, not today, cause it is Sunday.)

The other day our couch broke.  So, we went window shopping.  Looks like it is time to start saving up!  We actually found a couch that we both like.  Seriously, that is a big deal, we have very different tastes.  It is a couch where we don't have to touch each other, and we can both be comfortable.  We feel old that we are to that point.  Sometimes, at the end of a long day, you just need your own space.

I am FINALLY feeling like a non crazy person again.  Yeah for being 6 months postpartum!  So glad to feel like myself.

Hod is working hard.  He is kind of over his job, so he is looking around for a new one.  And he starts online school in a few weeks.

Busy times at our house!

The Monster

#1 has always been a champ.  Don't get me wrong, when things aren't the way she wants them she can throw a fit with the best of them, but she has dealt with a lot in her little life.

I guess between Hod and I, we refer to #1 as the Ornery One, and #2 as the Happy Camper.

It seems those days are changing.

#1 is finally starting to get over her orneryness.  #2 is just starting.  What is the culprit of #2's orneryness? Teething.  When #1 was teething it wasn't ever a big deal.  We'd give her some teething tablets, and she'd go to sleep, and life was good.  #2 can't handle it though.  We try teething tablets, we try Tylenol, we try everything.  And the poor girl can't get a break!  The only thing that relieves her is chewing on a cold bottle of water.  Currently that is the only way I can get her to sleep.  This is making for long nights.  A bottle of water only stays cold so long.  And then she moans and starts chewing on her hands, but then she bites too hard, so her life keeps being sad, and there is no hope in her world.

My sweet little girl is turning into a bit of a monster.  But I can't really blame her.

I mean, how can you be angry when she gives smiles like that?

 And This?

 And a little of this.

And just because I have two cute girls, and I can't leave #1 out.

These Girls rock my knee highs.

Parenting

#2 is a pretty sound sleeper.  Our apartment has really thin walls, and we have noisy neighbors.  She also has a pretty loud big sister.

However, there are certain very quiet sounds that she easily wakes up to.  The hardest one for me: the sound of my jeans swishing as I walk.  You see, I am not a super skinny girl.  My thighs touch.  I'm good with it.  But when I walk, if you really listen, you can hear the denim of my shorts swish.  This is a problem because #2 still sleeps in my room.  In our home, you always have to go through a bedroom to get to a bathroom.  If #1 is asleep, I can't go use her bathroom, because the door sticks and wakes her up.  #2 can easily sleep through the squeaky bedroom door, the closing of the bathroom door, all noises made in the bathroom (like hand washing and flushing toilets) all of that.  However, the sound of my jeans wakes her up.  I have now adapted with this really awkward walk where I space out my legs and squat down a little so as to not let my jeans swish.

I just ran through her room to get my phone that was ringing.  (She won't sleep through that.)

I think I pulled something doing my awkward "don't let the thighs touch" move.

The things we do for our kids. ;)

The Fam

Well, I am not really a regular blogger, am I?  I just feel like my day to day life isn't cool enough to report.  However, I have had family members tell me that reports of my normal days are fun for them, because they all live so far away. So, let us chat about what the family has been up to.

Hod is working hard.  This month he is doing an AMAZING job with his goals.  He is a selling machine!  He is looking into online school so he can get his Associates degree.  When not at work, he is playing with the girls, and they love their Dad!

#1 is a handful!  She loves to make friends, but she has very selective hearing.  This can get us into trouble.  She has finally reached the stage where she enjoys picking up, so that is exciting.  We have been talking both of the girls to an OD.  She adjusts their hips, back, and skull.  I feel as a result of this, #1 is finally progressing at a normal pace!  She is now doing complex babbling, and also works hard to mimic the sounds that Hod and I make.  Granted she should have been doing that way before 20 months, but I am just glad it is happening!  It seems her current goal in life is to be a parrot.  She screeches a lot, and likes to try to climb up and sit on my shoulder.  She asks to blow bubbles every day, and her favorite way to pop them is with her mouth.  I think that is gross, but she loves it!  She is pretty obsessed with all things sheep.  Right now she is walking around with her favorite pink blanket on her head.  That is a common occurrence, and as long as she doesn't run into the wall she is great!  She loves it when we style her hair, and gets excited when it is time to brush her teeth.

#2 is huge!  Between 3 and 4 months old she grew almost 2 inches!  She is in the 95% for height and 50% for weight.  We have started her on solids, and she doesn't get it.  But we will keep trying!  #1 always thinks she needs in on the rice cereal action... til she tries it.  #2 can hold her own bottle, however she doesn't yet really understand that when she pulls her hands away the food goes too.  If she understood the concept of holding onto things, she would be able to stand by herself for about 45 seconds.  She refuses to roll over.  She is such a bright point in my life, and has a ready smile for anyone who decided to look her way.

As for me... well, I spend my days trying to keep up with my crew!  My current project is learning to cook without using anything that could produce any sort of heat.  I'm failing at that.  Our apartment air conditioner is pretty much useless.  This makes for an unhappy family most afternoons and evenings.  We spend a lot of time letting #1 play in the children's place at the mall.  It has a good AC.

Anyway, here is a little movie I made of the girls.  It has very little editing, just cutting out the parts when I called the girls by name.  We have been working very hard on animal sounds with #1.  #2 likes to growl... I think it is adorable.

Sorry it gets so shaky at the end.  #1 was trying to climb up on my shoulder.  Oh, and it is #1 that says "Hi," not #2.

On another note... Any of you know of a great tutorial of how to add sleeves to things?  I used to just put a onsie under everything, but the girls have been getting heat rashes with those.  We put on sweaters when we go places, but that is too hot, and they are unhappy.  I would really like my girls to have sleeves!

Say What?

#1 is not much of a talker. She wants to talk, but she is super behind on the skill. We practice, and she is improving.  She says hi, bye, mom, dad dad (she always says it twice), no, and a new word:

Num-nes

Any guesses what she is saying?  After a few guesses from you, I'll tell you in the comments.

Great Day

Today is my birthday! (And apparently national chocolate chip day... how cool is that!)

The girls had a rough night last night. By 7 this morning (when #1 got up for the day) I had only slept 45 minutes without a baby in my arms. I was tired, and honestly didn't have great hopes for the day.  Hod had spent a lot of time planning our activities, so I put on my happy face and tried to get excited.

We took the girls to a babysitter, put on our fancy clothes, and went to a nice lunch. I am almost positive that was the first time Hod and I have had a nice baby free meal together since... well when I was pregnant with #1. Not that she was high maintenance those days, but I am just uncomfortable while pregnant. Our lunch was just delightful. I don't remember at all what we talked about. However, I do know that during that meal, not one person threw food, screamed at me, spit out their food, or cried, and I got to eat with two hands! I was with an amazing man, and I just got to enjoy him.

After lunch we hurried to change clothes and went on probably the coolest date I've ever been on. We went to a glass blowing school and made flowers! We didn't actually "blow" glass. That is a tricky thing that takes much longer than 20 minutes to learn. We did get to heat and shape glass though, and it was heck-a cool.

We were given a walk-through of what was going to happen, and then we jumped right in.  I went first.  The expert guy put the clear glass on the long pipe (I don't remember what the non-blowing pipes were called, but they have a cool name) cooled off the pipe so I could handle it, and then gave it to me.  I will try to explain this with pictures.

He brought me the clear glass, and I rolled it in chips of colored glass.  First was the color I picked for the stem of my flower.  I picked white.

After rolling it in the color, I pushed it into the hot box thing that runs at about 2000 degrees Fahrenheit.  During all of this, we were constantly rolling the glass.  Because it was almost liquid we had to constantly roll it so gravity didn't pull it off, or bend it it ways we didn't want it.

The expert then shaped the glass by rolling it on top of a metal cart.  (Sorry I don't have that picture.)   Then we went and got more hot clear glass.  

Next we pressed the hot glass into our second color choice.  This was the color for the flower petals.  (We didn't get a picture of me doing this, so here is my handsome hubby doing this step for his flower.)

The glass expert heated this all together while I got situated on the special bench.  I grabbed my tongs and excitedly waited.

Once the glass guy brought me my super hot glass, he rolled it while I pinched in the petal details with the tongs.  When the tongs started to stick, I had to hurry and dip them in cold water sitting behind me.

(Look how fast the color changes!  And my flower is actually a dark purple, not bright red.  That is how hot it is!)

After one more heating, I then got to start pulling on the glass to get the petal layer of glass apart from the stem layer.

We let gravity help us a little bit.

This is what my flower looked like right before he tapped it off of the metal pole.  Those are the colors that I picked for my flower, and though it looks cool, it is still sitting at about 1400 degrees.

This picture is really busy.  My flower is upside down.  It has dark purple petals, and a white stem.  In the orange cup on the right is some water.  That is used to "shock" the joint where the glass is going to break.  They then used the blow torch you can see in the bottom of the picture on the broken part of the glass to smooth it out.

Because the flower was still so hot, I have to wait til tomorrow to get it.  They put it in a special hot box that slowly brings it to room temperature. (That takes about 21 hours.) It has to do it slow because if it changes temperatures too fast the glass breaks.  

Tomorrow I am planning on going to pick up our flowers.  I'll post a picture of the finished product as soon as I can.

Then, to end my birthday, we had some friends over for games.

It was a wonderful day!  

 And if any of you want to come visit, I'll take you to a glass class and you can make a flower too!

Day To Day

I love my girls.  Sure, when I was younger I never thought I would want or have 2 kids under 2.  Especially when I haven't even been married three years yet.  However, my family is my world, and I wouldn't change the size or age of my family for anything.  We always have our adventures.

Example:  Going to the grocery store.  This has never been one of my favorite tasks.  Now I pretty much hate it.  Figuring out how to maneuver a grocery store with two girls was a struggle.  But I think I have it down.  Oh, but I just told you I hate it.  Why would I hate it?  Because of all of the lame people!

I realize where I live that a family like mine is unusual.  I'm used to the surprised looks.  I'm fine with people asking the ages of my girls.  We can be a bit of a spectacle.  It is normal for me to hear someone comment on how cute #1 is, to then have them look with surprise when they realize there is a baby in a carrier right behind her.  But really, friends.  Can we work on a few things?

For example:  Today I went to Aldi.  It is a great grocery store with awesome prices.  There are a few quirks for those of you not in the know.  They don't bag your groceries.  They take the food right off the belt, scan it, and put it back in the cart.  Also, you have to "pay" a quarter to get a cart.  You get your quarter back when you return the cart.  We made it through the store with #2 in the car seat at the front of the cart, and #1 in the main part of the cart.  She loved that I kept handing her new toys to play with.  "Oh look!  A box!  And a can!  And another box!!!  My life is awesome!"  (I'm pretty sure that is what she was thinking.)  We even managed to buy eggs and get them home in one piece.  (Well, 12 pieces.)  While shopping I had quite a few of the normal comments I get.  That's cool.  #1 was squealing a lot.  But she was super happy so I didn't stop her.  It's not like we were at the library or anything.  I heard (and I guess that there were more comments I didn't hear) one woman say under her breath "she could probably keep her kid under control if she didn't have two to deal with."  EXCUSE ME?  Who are you to say something like that?  My girls were both being very well behaved.  If you are allowed to make any noise, then so is my 18 month old.

When I went to return my cart I had both girls with me.  It is getting hot here, #2 was asleep, and I knew if I put the girls in the car and when to return the cart #1 would scream and wake up her sister.  The problem was, you can't get your quarter back if anything is in the cart.  I pushed the cart to the return area and passed a couple that was smoking.  "Oh, look how sweet" the lady said.  "She is adora... wait!  Is there another baby there?"asked the man.  I smiled and told him that yes, there were two and they are both mine.  He then proceeded to watch me struggle to return the cart while holding a squirmy toddler and a baby in a car seat.  While I was doing this he commented that I, "must have a really hard time doing normal things like grocery shop with those kids."  Huh.  Ya think?  Maybe you could put down your cigarette for a minute and return my cart for me?  I realize that you may have had to step about three feet to do this, but that would have been much kinder than just watching me struggle and commenting about it.

Oh, and probably my favorite comment I get from people:  "Did you know you don't have to have your kids so close together?  There area ways to prevent that...."   oh... gosh... I'm so embarrassed   I didn't know that.  I sure wish I had known you before so you could have imparted your great and wonderful wisdom earlier.

Maybe we should just be nice?  Maybe you don't have to approve of the spacing of my children but you could just keep your opinion to yourself?


And just one more story.  This last week Hod and I were out shopping for Mother's Day.  He wanted to get me some jewelry with an emerald.  Right after finding out the ages of the girls (18 and 3 months) the sales lady perked up and asked, "Oh, so do you want an emerald because that is their birthstone?"  Ha!  Nice math lady.  But if this month is May and emeralds are the birthstone for this month.... how can an 18 and 3 month old have May birthdays?  People are funny.  At least she was nice. :)

Just A Moment

#1 and I had some time this morning, just the two of us before #2 woke up. #1 likes to play with me for a while,  go do her own thing, and then come back to me. She walked to me and I scooped her up into a snuggle-hug. She rested her head on my shoulder and used her little arms to pull me just a tiny bit closer. As she let out a little sigh it hit me. That feeling of overwhelming peace, joy, and love. Ahhh... there it is. That is why I love being a mom. Best job ever.

Wrinkles

I remember one summer day when I was a young teen, lounging on the couch reading a book when my Mom came up to me and starting rubbing my eyebrows....

Yeah, that was my reaction too.  She was trying to smooth them out because I furrow my brow when I read.  (And apparently when I type too...)  She was worried that I would get wrinkles.  I didn't listen to my mom.  I wasn't really worried about the wrinkles. Now I totally have them.  Not a big deal.  I'm fine with it.

However, I have found myself trying to smooth out #2's wrinkles that she is getting for the same reason.  It is funny to see her furrow her brow so often.  Maybe there is something in the genetics?  Whatever.  Wrinkles are in this season, right?

And now some random pictures.

 "I look down my nose at you, ma'am.  This I do because I am incredibly cute, and I can get away with it.  Now go fetch me some nourishment."

"Why am I chewing on a belt?  Because it exists, thus it must go into my mouth."

Opposites Attract

Hod has always been a night owl. Me, not so much. Not that I don't enjoy staying up, but growing up I was trained to be an early riser. While I was in high school I always had somewhere to be by 6 am on school days. You would think I would sleep in on Saturdays to make up for it. Not so my friend! Saturday mornings my Dad always went to an early session at the temple. He got home between 8 and 8:30 am. I always knew I had to be awake by the time he got home. Then, during the summer my Mom would wake us up by 8 to read scriptures. There was no sleeping in at my house.

When we were first married this resulted in Hod trying to get me to stay up late, and me being lonely in the mornings.  It was no good.

#1 is much like me. She goes to bed by 8 pm, and she is up by 8 am. 

Turns out #2 is like her Dad. Late nights and late mornings. This was proving to be problematic for me. I was going crazy staying up late with one kid to turn around and get up early with the other.

Not anymore. Hod now stays up with #2, I go to bed early, and I get up with #1 while Hod sleeps in.

I like it when we can work together on this parenting thing and we both get what we want.

Adjusting

Oh, the life of a mom of 2 young girls!

I love my girls so much.  #1 has a few little quirks.  For example, when she is really sad she will find her favorite pink blanket and bite it.  I don't know where that came from.  This morning I had #2 on the floor as I was changing her diaper and she was screaming.  #1 came over, and though at first I wondered if she was trying to smother her sister, gently offered her favorite pink blanket for her sister to bite on.  Yesterday #1 tried to sit on #2.  We had a very quick, very firm talk about why that wasn't ok.  She went to the other side of the room and sulked for a minute, then came back and gave #2 the sweetest little kiss and pat on the head.

Today we have all been awake for less than three hours.  So far I have given 3 baths, changed 5 diapers, and changed 4 sets of clothing.

Last night I got 2 1/2 hours of sleep.

This morning I had a beautiful 10 minute cuddle session with #1.  She smiled at me and gently rubbed my cheek.

Monday #1 threw up on me.

After a lot of work, I have gotten #2's schedule to shift about 5 hours.  She came home from the hospital almost completely nocturnal.  She is starting to respond a little to me.  Blinking her big eyes and pursing her little lips into the sweetest "O".

I taught #1 how to tickle #2.  Not that she laughs yet, but #1 thinks it is the coolest thing ever.

#2 is already obsessed with her pacifiers.  #1 was never really into them.  This is awesome because it is really quite easy to calm her down.  It is a little less awesome because if the pacifier falls out at just the wrong moment she kind of loses it.

#1 is doing marginally better with eating.  She will now eat chicken and beef.  Now we just need to get her to sleep.  She was doing great, but then we brought home her sister and threw her entire world upside-down.

#2 has the hiccups.  It is so cute!

I almost can't believe how my heart has grown to love my family.  Yeah, I'm exhausted.  Yes, most days there are moments where all three of us are crying.  But I am blessed to have two amazing daughters and one supportive husband that deals with the craziness.

All The Gory Details

Well, all, #2 is here!

Seeing as pretty much all of you are either family or friends I'm sure most of you know this by now.  I was pretty detailed about my birth experience with #1, and I am glad.  I don't have a memory right now, and I'm glad that I have that record.  So, here we go again.  This is more for me and the future #2 than anyone else.

Saturday, Feb 2, I was having some pretty hard contractions in the morning.  However, these contractions weren't close enough together to warrant going to the hospital.  I let Hod know what what going on, and he decided to come home for his lunch.  While he was home I wasn't have a single contraction.  However, my lower back was KILLING me!  He was pretty worried about me.  I'll be honest, I was too.  Something just didn't feel right about my body.  After some prayer, Hod decided we needed to go to the hospital.  I readily agreed.  That is unusual in and of itself.  I am kind of anti hospitals.  Well, not super anti because I would never consider delivering anywhere else.

We called some friends to take #1 and off to the hospital we went.

We got there, around 4 in the afternoon, I was hooked up to monitors and even though I couldn't really feel them I was having regular contractions.  I was already dilated to a 4 and the bag of waters was bulging and ready to pop.  We decided to stay for a few hours and see what would happen.  60 min later I was at a 5, and having painful contractions.  We got the official word, they were keeping me!  #2 was on her way!  When we had sent #1 away with friends we hadn't given them everything they would need to watch her more than 5 hours.  Hod went on a quick run to take care of all of that while I waited.

I was enjoying some HGTV when they came to tell me they were ready to augment my labor,  We waited for Hod, and then quickly broke my water, started pitocin, and got an epidural.  I had an epidural with #1, and loved it.  It didn't work perfectly but it was still pretty great.  But this time it was a little funny. Everything started sounding really metallic.  I realize that doesn't make much sense, but I don't know how else to describe it.  I felt really light headed and I'm still not sure if I passed out.  (Wow... that sounds kind of scary now that I mention it.)  But the pain was gone and I appreciated that.  Also, pretty soon the metallic sound and light headdedness left too.

However, a few hours later the pain was back.  And it was back in full force.  Because of the pitocin the contractions were really hard.  Knowing that I was getting an epidural I hadn't practiced any other sort of pain management techniques.  This is the one unperfect part of the delivery.  It took about an hour to figure out what the problem was.  Turns out ... well I don't really know I guess.  All I know is that they ended up moving my epidural and then I could handle my life again.  That hour... man.  It was no good.  However, once they took care of it life was blissful again.

When I arrived at the hospital, #2 was still sitting posterior.  But my amazing nurse had me doing some acrobatics to get her to flip.  And it worked!

Just before midnight chaos broke out in the maternity ward.  There were at least 3 other woman laboring at the same time as me.  Within minutes 2 of them were moved into the OR for emergency C-Sections.  Sadly my amazing nurse, and my doctor had to go with one of those women.  But the new lady was nice.  One of the first things she did was check me again, and I was fully ready to start pushing.  Turns out the other lady laboring who didn't need a C-Section was ready too.   So, instead of immediately starting to push, they let me labor down on my own for a bit.  (I say "let me" even though I'm pretty sure they wanted to get a little more organized because everything was happening all at once.  Whatever, I didn't mind.)

Once everything else had calmed down, and they found me a new doctor we got ready to push.  Sadly, I did end up needing to be on oxygen again.  Hod had an easier time than he had during our first delivery.  He was able to watch the birth without getting light headed.  He said it was really amazing.

To help get me in the correct position, I had an exciting tug of war party with one of the nurses.  She was rather impressed with my upper body strength.  I do have some pretty amazing shoulder muscles from all the heavy drum carrying I did in High School.  I actively pushed for only 45 minutes.  That was worlds better than the 3 hours I pushed with #1.  #2 came and she was beautiful!  No vacuum  no forceps, just an easy delivery.   The only sad part is, right as #2 went to gasp for air some more amniotic fluid came out, so she got it in her lungs.  This made it so I couldn't hold her immediately as they had to take care of her.  They took her away to attend to her, stitched me up (Yeah, I tore again, but only a stage 3 this time!) and then Hod and I waited for them to return our girl to us.

This experience was so different than #1's.  And I'm glad.  The entire time in the hospital from check in to baby was only 9 hours.  We did end up with a few hic-ups.  The results for my group b strep test were inconclusive so we were both treated for that.  That meant we had to spend an extra night in the hospital.  As for healing, it is going pretty well.  The nurses in the hospital thought I was crazy.  I haven't ever needed anything more than strong ibuprofen to fight the pain. Heck, the part that hurt the most was my arms from my awesome tug of war fight.  Over all it was quite the pleasant experience.

Life at home is exciting.  Well, that is one way to put it.  Today is my second day home all alone.  It was hard to see my mom go.  So far we've all only cried once!  I'm excited and nervous about this new part of life, but ready or not, here it is!

(I was going to post pictures too, but I can't figure out how to activate something on my phone so it will let me connect my phone to my computer and my amazing phone guru {AKA my hubby} is at work.  I'll see what I can figure out for later.)

Almost Not Perfect

Friday #1 had a well check.  As I talked with the doctor about how #1 is doing with ... well everything I learned some facts.  First, I learned that I am a pretty good mom.  That is always nice to hear.  I also learned that #1 is doing ok.... for now.  Here is where she is:

Height 75%
Weight 25%
Average the two together and she is only at 20%.  If she gets down to an average of 15% we have a problem.  She is slowly falling off the weight chart.

Walking:  She has done it once for Hod and once for me.  (Well, not actually for us, we have both just caught her doing it once.)  As of right now she is still in the normal range for not walking.

Talking:  She doesn't really.  But she is able to communicate a little, so we are still in the normal range for that.

Sleeping:  She is on a regular pattern, but not yet sleeping though the night.  The pattern suggests that she should be able to sleep through the night, but she just isn't.  For her age that is still considered ok, but just barely.

However, unless we see some major progress in the next three months we get to start meeting with a ton o people.  If she starts to really walk, then they expect her weight will plummet.  If her foot size is any indication she is just going to get taller, so she really needs to eat better or she will fall off the weight chart.  If that happens we will be meeting with a dietitian.  I am going a little bit crazy trying to get her to eat.  The only foods she will always eat are milk and yogurt.  Everything else is so hit and miss it drives me crazy.  I no longer prepare food for myself because I know I will just end up eating what I make for her.  I have a friend who is a dietitian and she has already given me a few tips to get some extra calories in her milk and yogurt.  Coming from a family that has struggled to lose weight it is strange that I am working so hard to get my daughter to gain weight.  I think she gets that from her dad.  (Seriously, before he started a new med that can make you gain weight he could eat pure fat and not gain weight.  You know the stuff you cut off of your steak cause it is just fat?  He could eat it, and enjoy it, and still stay the exact same size.)

If she doesn't start walking by her next well check we will have to meet with physical therapists.

If she doesn't start sleeping through the night then we will have to run a bunch of tests to see if she maybe has sleep apnea or something that is preventing her from really resting.  (And according to my Dr, the answer isn't just to ignore her when she wakes up at night.  We talked about that extensively.  With her current sleep pattern that isn't the problem I guess.)

If she doesn't become more vocal then we will start speech therapy.

Now, I realize we have 3 months.  That is 1/5 of her life.  That is a long time for a kid her age.  I just worry that with #2 showing up any day I will have a hard time working as much with #1 as I need to in order to give her the best chance of making the goals we have set.

I talked to the Dr about possible ... What is the politically correct way to say it?  Is this just a small developmental delay, or is this going to be a permanent life long problem?  In some ways she seems SO smart, but the fact that she is all but behind in everything makes me nervous.  As of now the Dr doesn't think it is anything like that.  But I still worry.  I have quite a few friends with special needs kids.  They go through a lot.  I can't really imagine what life will be like if we join that group and I have such a young baby as well.

I've never really felt like a paranoid parent.  I have actually had a lot of moms tell me that I am super chill for a first time mom.  I'm not so chill anymore.  Most days feel like we are fighting all day as I try to get her to eat or speak or walk before I will help her with things.  I thought we were dealing with possible tantrums before but that was nothing compared to what we are doing now.  I miss my sweet happy girl.  It is so hard to watch her throw fits and have to ignore them.  I know what she wants.  I know how to make her stop.  But then she won't learn.  Then she will just stay behind.

I've had a lot of other moms tell me that I don't need to worry about it.  All of these things will happen when they happen and it isn't a big deal.  That is what I thought too, but apparently if she is behind in all of these things there could be something else going on.

I love #1 so much.  In the past few weeks we have grown closer as I have slowed down to spend more quality time with her.  Our days of just the two of us are rapidly coming to a close and I will miss them.  Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for #2 to join us, but I know that will change everything in our lives.  I cherish the time I have with #1.

So yeah.  That is where we are.  I hope that I'm just worrying over nothing and in the coming months something will just magically switch on and all of our problems will work themselves out.

It is going to be an exciting three months!