I Need Buckets!

Similarities

2012-02-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

#1 loves taking a bath. She loves to kick, and splash, and she loves getting her hair washed. I love what it does to her hair. I think it is so great when she looks at me like this:

Although... I do have to admit... Even though the growth rate of her hair can't keep up with the growth rate of her head, sometimes that face reminds me of this:

found here

It makes me happy.

Living Through the Unexpected

2012-01-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

Well, friends. This has been a crazy week. I've had a lot of time to think, reflect, pray, cry and change. And even though it's been hard, I am grateful for the blessing that I have.

Last Monday, Hod had a rough day. He's been through a lot in his life. Things that have scarred him. When I married him, I knew that he struggled with depression. Soon after we settled into our first apartment he was diagnosed with PTSD. We were unable to get him the help he needed for a while, and because of different events I now have Secondary-PTSD. Last summer Hod and I were both put on antidepressants. And life seemed to get better.

After a few months Hod was having a hard time again. So the Dr upped his dose. And life seemed to get better.

A few months later Hod was having a hard time again. So the Dr. once again upped his dose.

But it just didn't seem to be working.

On Monday, he knew he was loosing control. He couldn't stop the anger and rage, and the overwhelming hurt that was threatening to destroy him. So he came to me, and asked me to call his sister and to take him to the hospital. There he was checked in to the Adult Psychiatry unit.

Last week, I was a single mom, having to rely on loved ones to help take care of #1 so I could visit Hod. I was allowed to call him 3 times a day for 10 min each, and see him for 90 minutes every evening. Because he was a self-admit he was able to see #1 after the first 24 hours.

While there, we discovered that the medication he was on was wrong. Apparently there are 2 common chemicals that go wrong in your brain if you have depression. 1 is the chemical that most people have wrong, and that is what his medication was treating. The other is the chemical most likely to be messed up if you have fried your brains on drugs. Hod has never done drugs. However, while he was serving his mission for the Church he had some medical problems, the Dr's pumped him full of morphine, and then he discovered that he was allergic. It actually messed up the chemicals in his brain. So, all this time, he was on medicine that was giving him too much of one chemical, and not enough of the other. This is why he would lose control.

And now, after a very hard week where I was driving back and forth (Oh, did I mention that the hospital Hod was in was 45 min away?) and trying to take care of things that were beyond what I thought my capabilities were, Hod is back home. We are a family again.

#1 did really quite well with the crazy week. She seems to have grown up a lot. She is crying less (big shout of joy!) and she is actually learning to cope with her life. In fact, today, for the first time, she put herself to sleep. I hope she will keep that up!

Hod has since told me, that out of all of the married people in the hospital with him, he was the only one who had a supportive spouse. He saw multiple divorce papers signed. I just don't understand that. Yes, life with Hod has been less than ideal, but how could I leave a man who was ill, when we hadn't ever gotten him the proper help? I knew that even though it was so hard having him gone, that he could get better. Having him away from me helped me to know how much I truly value him in my life. Things aren't perfect yet, but I finally feel real hope that we can have a healthy relationship.

I am so very blessed to have Hod and #1. They both have caused hardships in my life, and I'm sure I don't always make their life easier. But, this morning, looking at Hod and #1 sleeping next to each other, I realized that I have the greatest blessing in the entire world.

I don't say this to brag. I realize that sometimes I have been negative. There have been times that I have complained about things that some of my loved ones would do anything to have. I just want you all to know that I am really realizing that I have it pretty good.

*And as a random side note, Hod just went back to check on #1 while she naps. She must be having a crazy dream, cause her arms are making her look like she is a Flamenco Dancer. It's pretty great!*

My Happy Place

2012-01-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

Days go by. Some days are great, some days are hard. But most days have at least one moment of this:

And then, for that moment, my day is wonderful.

Cause my baby is CUTE!!

sometimes I just need to brag a little. :)

Are You The Queen?

2012-01-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

Here I am, ready to rant again.

SO, Friday, I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a prescription for #1. (Nothing major, she just takes 1 ml of re flux medicine a day. It's pretty important, but she's not sick or anything.) In our recent move, the closet Wal-mart is always busy. And the pharmacy is insane. Because I was a slacker I hadn't ordered the prescription refill until we were out of the medicine. At the time of this story, #1 had missed 2 doses of her medicine. She was not a happy camper.

There I am, waiting in a super long line to pick up #1's prescription. It was just me, and because #1 had been asleep when I first got there I was carrying her in her car seat. So, she was heavy. But of course as soon as I got in line, she woke up. I didn't want to pull her out, cause then I couldn't carry her, the diaper bag, and the empty car seat. Instead I was crouching on the floor, holding a pacifier in her mouth and rocking the car seat back and forth. It wasn't really working. She still hated it. And she was screaming! I'm slowly moving up in the line, trying very hard to take care of my screaming baby. It was quite stressful. Then, finally, I was next in line! I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Then, a dark cloud covered the pharmacy, and an evil woman swooped down. (Ok, not really, but that's how it should have happened!) She walked over to the drop-off window and I heard her say, "Hi, I need to pick up a prescription." To which the employee responded, "Sorry, ma'am, but this is the drop-off window." Miss Queeny then flashed a flirtatious smile and said, "Yes, I know, but I'm in a hurry, and I didn't want to wait in that long line, so I thought you could help me here." She was told no, and so she started walking towards the pick-up area.

Right as this happened my turn came up. As I went to pick up the car seat, evil-selfish-I-Think-I'm-All-Important-woman rushed in front of me with a quick smile and a "sorry" and butted in line.

EXCUSE ME??? I was in too much shock to really say anything. The Wal-mart employee didn't care and helped her first.

Um... Hello!!! Do you see me? I've been waiting in line for 20 min! And my daughter is screaming! And you're mean! I don't care who you are, get in line crazy lady!

After she was done she turned to me again, and said, "Thanks for letting me go first, I'm just in such a hurry, I'm on my lunch break."

To which I replied "I didn't let you. You jumped in so fast that anyone with less than lighting speed reflexes had no choice, you selfish mean lady." (Ok, I didn't say that. But I wanted too! I think what actually came out was, "Uh... er..." Yep, I'm that good.)

I don't know where this lady got off. That was just mean. I'm sorry that you are in a hurry. But if it is now your lunch break and it is only 2 PM and the pharmacy doesn't close till 9 PM I'm sure you could have come later!

I was very unhappy.

Digital Can Be A Bummer

2012-01-13T11:51:00.000-07:00

I've always been a bit camera happy. This was a problem growing up. If I got a hold of a camera, you could be sure the film would be all used up in a matter of minutes. I remember getting my very own camera. It was red, and had no back til you put the film in it. It was the COOLEST thing ever. My dear sweet Mom had a hard time finding the balance between keeping me in film and throwing her money down the drain because most of my pictures were worthless.

Then came digital. I was a bit slow at being able to get on the bandwagon, but it rocked my knee-highs. I could take all the pictures I wanted without it being a waste! Life had joy. (Well, for lots of reasons life had joy, this was just one more.)

And now, I am blessed to have a beautiful daughter. (Just go with me, I'll connect it in a minute) She is so wonderful. She has started this thing that when she smiles and she really means it, one side is much bigger than the other. In fact, one side will get so big that she has to close her eye. This result in the CUTEST wink/smile face that I have ever seen in my life. I can't help but smile and laugh when she does this.

But, I can't get a picture of it. Every time I try the digital delay misses it. The wink/smile never lasts very long. And every digital camera that I can afford has just enough delay that I can't seem to catch it. It really is such a bummer.

Oh, digital. Such a fickle friend.

The Perfect Storm

2012-01-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

Isn't that the name of a book or something? About how everything lines up just perfectly to make everything wrong?

Well, that's not what I mean today.

I really quite like snow. However, last winter I lived in the frigid north, and I didn't love the snow. Once it snowed in early November, it was cloudy, slick, cold and wet through most of March. After three months all snow should be banished to the North Pole. No, really, they like it up there. It helps hide Santa's workshop.

Anyway, though I live in a place known for "The Greatest Snow on Earth" (just ask the licence plates) we haven't had any snow yet. That made for a very brown Christmas, but with all of the traveling I was doing, I was actually quite grateful.

But last night it snowed! And it was done snowing before 8:00 AM. So then the snowplows were all out doing their business. Just after 9 I went to the store, and the roads were decent. But then, the sun came out! And then the roads were great! And the world looked beautiful! And we didn't have to die cause of dangerous conditions.

It was perfect.

So, here's to you, Mr. Perfect Snow Storm. Please come again.

Oh, and in other news, I cut my hair. I'm still working with the styling, but today it looked like this:

(Please ignore all post pregnancy blemishes... I feel like a teenager)

AND today I made a Cafe Rio Sweet Pork Salad knock off. And it was pretty darn good.

Pintrest. It teaches you great things.

Being a Little Serious

2012-01-05T16:11:00.000-07:00

Ok... maybe a lot serious.

I love #1. I love her more than I ever imagined loving someone besides Hod. Motherhood is one of the best things in the world.

And that's what I tell everyone.

That's what they want to hear. That is what they expect to be true. And it is true. But there is another side.

When you deliver at the hospital that I did, they give you a movie called "The Period of Purple Crying". We were supposed to watch it, but I thought I knew what it was about, so I just never got around to it. But lately I've been more curious. I thought it was just a movie that talked about babies crying and about how to prevent Shaken Baby Syndrome. And it is... but it is about more. Last night, I spent quite a while on their website found here.

See, #1 cries. A lot. And it's not like some babies who have health problems that cause the crying. And there is no real pattern. She will start and stop for no reason. Well, she doesn't often stop. Yesterday (and I'm not exaggerating) from 9 AM to 8:30 PM #1 would sleep for under 15 min, and then wake up and cry until she fell back asleep, and then repeat. All day long. And this isn't the first day. This happens at least 3 days a week. Everyone thinks they know what it is like. Everyone thinks they know what is wrong. I've heard a lot of it, it's re-flux (which she does have), it's colic, it's a way to wind down at the end of the day so she can sleep, she's in pain, she's just an ornery baby, I've heard a lot.

But she's not sick, I asked the doctor. And she's not in pain, I can tell cause that cry is different. And it's not re-flux, cause she's on medicine for that and I can tell a difference when I forget to give her the medicine. But still I feel judged. When I take her to the store people glare at me when she cries, or offer their advice because they know exactly what is wrong with my girl.

It's Purple Crying. It has no reason. It has no pattern. It has no explanation. It's just really hard. I have never wanted to do anything to hurt #1 to get her to stop. And yes, when it gets to be too much I put her down and walk away. But often I just join her. Holding her, rocking her, crying with her. Wondering what is wrong with my baby. Wondering why she doesn't like me because she seems to do better with other people. Wondering how much longer I can take the constant crying.

Sometimes I wish I was still pregnant (but this isn't postpartum that is a whole different story.) just because I can't handle the crying. Sometimes I wish I could leave and get away. I look forward to the days that I have known that I was going to go see my Mom because then I knew I could have a break. As much as I love her, I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Hod has tried to help, but usually after being home for an hour he can't handle it anymore so he gives her back to me. I've felt that there must be something wrong with me. When I've mentioned it to others I'm usually told that I have it easy. Other people have had sick babies who cried a lot. But I can handle the crying when there is a reason.

So, that's the truth. That is how I am doing. Not great.

However, last night Hod gave #1 a priesthood blessing so she would be able to stop. And today hasn't been perfect, but she's been able to sleep for more than 15 minutes. I know eventually it will stop. So I'll keep going.

Sorry to be so serious. I just thought I'd tell you all the truth.

He's Great

2011-12-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

This morning, Hod had to run to work to give his manager some keys.

He came home, and I heard him banging around in the kitchen. He made me breakfast. It was so sweet.

Then, he picked up #1, and said, "We're going to go lay down for a while. Do whatever you want, I'll take care of #1 for you."

What?? I get all morning to myself to do whatever I want? I'm pretty sure that means I should be productive, but instead I'm blogging. I don't really know what to do with myself... but it's glorious anyway.

I love Hod.

Merry Christmas To Me!!

2011-12-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

I just got myself the coolest Christmas present ever

About 3 weeks ago, I was looking on a local website at free stuff. And there was an item that I really wanted! But it was late at night, so rather than calling the giver, I e-mailed. And someone else had beat me to it by 45 minutes. Lame!

Then, about a week and a half ago, Hod found a very similar item for only $20. He was on his way to go pay for the item, thus reserving it, and someone showed up 10 minutes before he got there and took the last one.

Then today, I saw a similar item in the free section of the local website. And it had only been posted online for 13 minutes. I took a risk and called the guy. (Which is big for me, cause I don't call strangers.)

Someone had called him 2 minutes earlier and claimed the item.

SERIOUSLY??? LAME!

But then... Mr. Kind-Giver-Of-Goodness asked me if he could keep my number in case first want-er backed out. I said yes, but I knew that the first want-er wouldn't back out. I mean, it's pretty rockin' awesome!

I was sad. But really, first I missed it by 45 min... then 10 min... then 2 min... so next time it would be mine, right?

Mr. Kind-Giver-Of-Goodness just called be back. The first want-er backed out! So guess what I'm getting!!!!

(I was going to put a picture... but I can't find a good one.)

A PIANO!! It's smaller than normal with about 77 keys instead of 88. And it needs to be tuned... And no one has any idea how old it is...but it's playable, and it's free!

Now I just have to find some people to help me go pick it up.

I'M SO EXCITED!!!

Do-be-do-be-do

2011-12-22T06:24:00.000-07:00

It's 6 AM, and I am awake. For those of you who know me, you will find this odd. I like to sleep. Really. Often, when given the choice between a fun party and a good nap... I'd prefer the nap. Yeah, there may be something wrong with me.

Hod likes to sleep even more than I do. He has helped me to enjoy sleeping even more.

But then #1 was born.

She is super cute, and I love her, but she is totally messing with my sleep problems.

Like tonight. She woke up to eat just before 4 AM, nothing wrong with that. She's a bottle baby, and I used to feed her while I was sleeping, but I kept waking up in a pool of formula only to find #1 asleep, that she had stopped eating a while ago, and was now feeding the bed. I only own so many sheets, so something had to change. So, now I wake up to feed her. I don't let myself fall asleep. This normally results in me being awake for a while after she falls back asleep.

Also, the whole labor/delivery thing has kind of destroyed parts of my body. It's been 2 months, and we just figured out what was wrong with me 3 days ago. After being awake to feed #1, my body with it's post delivery ailments started acting up. A hot shower, and 70 minutes later, I was finally able to start drifting off to sleep. (this was just after 5:30 AM)

I have been Hod's alarm clock our entire marriage. However, there have been times that I haven't been around so he has had to wake himself up. This involves setting everything with an alarm, and making sure the volume is up high. This last Monday morning I was staying at my parent's house because I had a Doctor's appointment 52 miles away from where I now live. Hod had to be to work by 7:30 AM, so he had to set all sorts of crazy alarms. The alarming devices have been turned off the past 2 nights. But, tonight, he forgot to turn them off. And the alarms were still set.

This means, that right after I was drifting off to sleep, a crazy loud alarm went off. He slept through it (He has mad sleeping skills. It's like a super power with him.) but it woke me up. I calmed myself down, only to have another alarm go off 20 min later.

It is now 2 1/2 hours since #1 woke up to eat. She wakes up about every 3 hours. (I can actually already hear her starting to stir.) She had a rough evening, and didn't actually go down for the night til 1 AM.

So, here I am, now it's 6:20, and I have only had 3 hours of sleep.

I have got to figure out some other way to handle life, cause sleep is no longer an option.

But, on the plus side, I have some fun songs in my head!

Well, That's A New One...

2011-12-02T21:26:00.000-07:00

This is a repeat to any of my Facebook friends. But I just had to share.

Tonight I lost my phone.

I've done that before, but I just waited for Hod to get home, and then he would call it, and it was all good.

But now that he is living 52 miles away, working until I can pack up the apartment and join him, I would be waiting a long time for him to get home.

I posted a message on Facebook asking friends to text me so I could find it. And my friends did! I was so happy. I could hear my phone... but it was nowhere to be found. And it kept buzzing, and it kept buzzing, and I kept looking. It was a little muffled, so I knew it was under something.

No matter where I looked, I couldn't find it! (I even looked in the garbage, wondering if in my sleepy stupor I had thrown it away.)

Finally as a last resort, knowing that it was totally impossible, I looked under #1's sleeping form.

And there it was!

I have NO CLUE how I got my phone in the swing and under #1. Nor do I know how she slept through the sound and vibrations going off over and over. But she did. And I found my phone.

Wow... Mommyhood has some special moments.

She's Back!

2011-11-30T23:58:00.000-07:00

*Warning- this post contains some details about #1's bathroom habits... if that's TMI for you then I would advise skipping.*

#1 has been home for about 3 weeks. In that time she has gone from sweet baby to Miss Ornery pants. She is currently being treated for GERD, and that's cool. But it only seemed to be helping a little bit. In the past week #1 has gone from being ornery for an hour a night to 5-12 hours a night. It didn't matter what Hod or I did, she just wasn't going to be happy.

Add in the fact that Hod is now living 52 miles away because of his new job and I am packing up our apartment and then going to join him. This was making the ornery daughter thing much harder. I had no one to give me a break. EVER.

A few days ago I realized that #1 wasn't having wet diapers as often as she should. She wasn't eating less... she was just getting rid of it less. I figured it was because when she would cry and scream for hours on end, she would get really hot and sweaty. So that's where the liquid was going.

Then today, #1 had her first blowout diaper. And it was a mess! I have never seen such a wet, messy, blowout diaper. Seriously, it was the most disgusting diaper ever. My sweet girl turned ornery had some major diarrhea. This was very new to me, so I called the Dr.

I was told to give her Pedialyte on a somewhat regular basis. Oh, and to change her formula. So, on my way to Wal-mart I went. Not so fun when you have an ornery, sick little girl!

I got the stuff I needed, and as I was leaving the baby section I saw something.

Now, I have been wondering if #1 had a touch of colic. I just had no answer for why she has been so unconsolable! She wouldn't sleep in her own bed, and she would scream for hours and hours. Someone had recommended to me that I try giving her Gripe Water to help with the colic. As I was leaving the baby section at Wal-mart I saw some. I've been beyond tired and desperate to do something to help.

And MAN does it seem to be helping! Since giving her some 5 hours ago, she has been sleeping! AND she has been sleeping in her own bed. AND when she wakes up, she does it without screaming! It's like heaven. I can't even tell you how happy I am about this whole situation. It may be temporary, but for now, my girl is resting, I'm happier, and my sweet, un-ornery girl is back!

I sure missed her!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2011-11-28T15:08:00.000-07:00

Well... it's been about 5 months since I talked about big changes. So of course that means its time for more changes in my life!

Here is where we are now:

Hod got a promotion! This is great! We should actually be able to be contributing members of society now. With this promotion comes a move. Yep, for the 3rd time we are moving. Only this time, we are moving with a newborn. That is a bit stressful. Want to hear what makes it more stressful?

Hod is moving tomorrow. I don't get to move til Dec 15th. That means I am packing up the entire apartment by myself. Well... myself and any poor sap who I can convince to help me. So much to do!

But this is good. We have been hoping for this for a very long time. And now it is here! So crazy!

But #1 is doing pretty well. She has some GERD, but we're taking care of that. And she's super cute.. so who can complain!

Aw, Man!

2011-11-22T10:24:00.000-07:00

Hod is pretty fashionable. And being stylish is quite important to him. Apparently a very popular stylish look for men is jewelry. Specifically leather bracelets. As long as I have known Hod, he has had a leather "cuff". (I guess that's a thick leather bracelet? I don't really know.)

Now, something you should know about me, if you don't already, is I didn't really grow up with boys. My dear brother L1, has lived 1500 miles away my entire life. I was raised with 3 great sisters... but they are severely lacking in man-ness. My Dad didn't even wear his wedding ring while I was growing up. That would be the construction man in him. It just wasn't safe. Then in high school I started to become friends with some boys... and my best guy friend then was totally into mechanics and such. So, he didn't wear any sort of jewelry either.

As a result of all of this, the idea of a guy wearing bracelets was just strange. But Hod loves his cuff. I used to REALLY hate it. I mean, it was masculine and all that, but it's so big! I don't do big jewelry, so why should he? But he wears it with attitude, and pulls it off. However, Hod is quite aware of my dislike of this cuff.

Today, Hod was running late for work. Right after he got to work, he called me to tell me that he lost his cuff somewhere outside, and he wanted me to go look for it. So I did. And I didn't find it. And now I have guilt. I just need to learn to never complain about something I don't like. Cause now that it's gone, I feel like it's my fault. And I should be sad about it, cause Hod loves it, and yet... I'm kind of glad.

But now, it could look like I "lost" it. That is such a bummer. Blast!

Here's A Little Secret

2011-11-18T16:43:00.001-07:00

Back in the day, sometime when L1-L4 were young, my parents were financially strapped. As a result, for their Christmas Eve treat they could only afford hot chocolate and toast. The next year, things were better, and my Mom tried to make a fancier treat. However, the damage had been done, and my older siblings revolted asking for the "tradition" of hot chocolate and toast.

And thus the tradition was born.

Every Christmas Eve, this is something I look forward to. (Yes, I know Christmas isn't here yet... just go with me.)

When Hod and I were married, we were given a gift card to a kitchen specialty store. We decided to use that gift card on pure fluff. We just wanted something fun. We narrowed our choices down to an ice cream maker, and a Coco-Latte. The Coco-Latte won. It is pretty much amazing. Though, I do think it makes the hot chocolate a little too hot.

Enter something I learned from my Mom. On Christmas Eve, she would have evaporated milk* for us to use to cool down our hot chocolate.

Today, Hod and I tried the evaporated milk trick. And this is what I learned. 1st, if your evaporated milk isn't chilled, it doesn't cool off the hot chocolate. 2nd, evaporated milk makes even really cheap hot chocolate extra creamy, thus making it seem gourmet for a poor girl's budget.

Who knew? I will now no longer be sad when I buy cheap hot chocolate, cause I can make it taste great!

*(why is it called evaporated milk, when it is still liquid? I've never understood that.)

Now I Get It

2011-11-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize something.

New Moms don't have a hard time getting things done because newborns are super labor intensive and demanding.

They (I) have a hard time getting things done, cause who wants to fold laundry when you can sit with a beautiful baby sleeping on your chest who pulls faces as she dreams. Why would I want to miss that?

The temptation is just to great.

But, really... how can you not love this kid?

Luckily, Hod has the same problem, so he doesn't get mad when I'm not as productive as I could be.

*Sigh* Life is pretty good.

It's The Little Things

2011-11-05T12:25:00.000-06:00

Just a few happy thoughts:

1. I put on a pair of my old jeans today. I can't say that all of my old jeans would fit well, but it feels good to be wearing real cloths again!

2. I love the way the world sounds when it snows. It's so quiet and peaceful. And beautiful.

3. I love to go out to get soup when I know it will be a plastic spoon. I don't know what it is, but I love using those lame plastic soup spoons. It brings me great joy.

4. We put #1 in a little hat today, 'cause it was snowing outside. She is so stinkin' cute!

5. #1 is showing great improvement. This gives us hope.

6. Hod is obsessed with the brownies in the hospital cafeteria. It makes me laugh how much he loves them.

7. Today is my Mom's birthday. She is pretty much the rockin'-ist mom ever. You may think that your mom is cool... but my Mom is the best!

Life is getting better!

Life As We Know It

2011-11-03T17:50:00.000-06:00

Hey, Yo's.

Here's a quick update on us. We are living at the hospital. Literally. Hod an I are sleeping on an air mattress supported by couch cushions and a few foam pads. This allows me to go and feed #1 at all sorts of odd hours of the night. It's a mixed blessing.

#1 will be able to come home once she can gain weight by eating orally. She currently has a feeding tube. This is because she couldn't eat enough to give her enough energy to eat enough, to give her enough energy to eat enough... and so on.

Because #1 is so tired, it takes her quite a while to eat. As a result, I get to sleep for 90 min intervals. This results in a very tired Paily.

But we have made some new friends in the NICU. And we love some of #1's nurses. And someday, I'll be able to sleep in my bed again.

Thanks for caring!

Oh, and just so you can see a face... Here is #1. This picture was taken when she was 4 days old.

The Bucket Family Has Grown!

2011-10-30T00:08:00.001-06:00

Hello friends!

Here I am, home from the hospital, after working hard to bring Bucket Baby #1 into the world! And it was an intense process.

Often when I blog, I try to be witty or something. But this time, I'm just gonna tell it like it is. There will probably be some TMI, and I'm ok with this. Because, this, my friends, is the true story of how #1 came into the world. And it's a pretty long one.

Now, just some FYI, before I actually went into labor, I had been to Labor and Delivery 3 times. Once the On Call Dr told us to go because he thought my water had broke. Not true. The next time my contractions were every 5 min apart and getting closer and harder. But I wasn't progressing fast enough, nor was I full term, so they sent me home. A few days later the same thing happened. It was a bummer.

As of the last time I had gone to Labor and Delivery, I was dilated to 4 cm, and 80% effaced. And I walked around like that for over a week. Not so fun. I kept wondering how I was going to know when I was in real labor, because my contractions were just what the Dr had told me they should be to go into Labor and Delivery. But I always was sent home. I just started to wish that my water would break so I could know for sure. And I just needed something to happen. I had been having painful contractions for 3 weeks. Contractions that followed a pattern, got closer together, got harder, and then would stop after 5-6 hours. Lame!

As you know from my last post, Tues night/ early Wed morning Hod and I went to Walmart. Because of our late night excursions, I slept in a lot on Wed. When I finally did get up, I ate some cereal, and was pretty much just lazy for a few hours. Hod had gone to work, and I was just resting a bit. Just before 1:00 PM I decided to get in the shower. (Don't judge me, I woke up late.) While in the shower I had a moment where I wondered if my water had broke. Either that or I had lost all control of my urinary tract. I climbed out of the shower, and had about 1/2 C of something suddenly come out of me. But I knew if my water had "broke" it should be more than that. Wondering if I had sprung a leak I quickly dressed and called my Dr.

Oh, but wait... they are all on lunch break till 1:30. Lame! I fought with myself for a bit wondering if I should just wait it out. However, the repeat of excess liquid encouraged me to go. I called Hod's cell phone... and heard it ring in the other room. So, I called Hod's work phone... and it was busy. I wasn't having contractions yet, so I grabbed my purse, and jumped in the car. While driving myself to the hospital, I tried Hod's work number again. Success! Only he wasn't allowed to leave until another employee got there because of a company policy stating that they must always have 2 people at work. But he only had half an hour of his shift left, so I told him it would be fine. I got to the hospital and checked myself in.

Hod arrived about 10 min later.

Now, my Dr, who we shall just call Dr. K had told me that if I went into labor, he could augment it by breaking my water. Because it was regular office hours I knew that he wouldn't be sending me home. After running a few tests to make sure that my water had in fact sprung a leak, my nurse wasn't positive about it. She went to call Dr. K but ran into him instead. He told her that I had been sitting at a 4 for long enough and he would just come break my water. I was SO excited!

Around 2:30 he broke my water.

About 60 min later they started me on Pitocin because I wasn't progressing at all.

And we waited. And waited. My contractions were consistent but not progressing me enough. They kept getting harder and harder. And it hurt! Now, I know that some people are all about natural labor. And that is fine for them. I however, had no desire to go through all of that pain. Yes, Labor is supposed to hurt, but I like modern medicine and wanted to take advantage of all of it's goodness.

Just after 5:30 Dr. S came to give me an epidural. This was done with me sitting with my legs hanging over the edge of the bed, and my head on Hod's chest. For not doing well with blood, Hod did a great job of being strong as long as I needed him. And as soon as I didn't, he needed to sit in the chair. But that's ok.

Right before I had my epidural, I had a grape Popsicle. Yum!

Soon after my epidural, I lost my grape Popsicle. Gross!

Watching me lose my Popsicle while I was in a lot of pain, was hard on Hod. He left the room so he didn't join me in the losing of Popsicles, and when he came back I was in a Oxygen mask. #1 didn't react so well to me throwing up. This was even harder for Hod to watch so he called in back-up. My dear Mom was on backup for us because I didn't want to deliver alone, and knowing Hod has a hard time with bodily fluids we invited her to join us. She came for a while, and played cards with Hod. I tried to get a little bit of sleep. She stayed until just after 9:00 PM. By now I had finally progressed to a 6. Really? I had been there for over 7 hours and had only progressed 2 cm? Not cool.

The epidural was keeping me somewhat comfortable... well except for the top of my left leg. It really hurt! I don't know WHY that is where I was feeling all of my contractions, but it was, and I was not a fan. Hod was doing better with everything, so Mom decided to go home and get some rest till the real action started.

Dr. K had predicted that I would deliver somewhere between 10:00 and Midnight. This is because when I walked in the door, I was already half way there. He was wrong.

Hod and I tried to sleep some... and couldn't. The dang blood pressure cuff hated me. It was checking me every 30 min. And it never liked the answer it got. So it would beep. And beep until someone came to check it.

And #1's heart rate was a little bit off.

And I started getting a pretty high fever. (By the end, it was up to 102)

FINALLY at 1:30 AM (only 12 hours later...) I was fully dilated and effaced. They have a policy at my hospital that for first time Mom's if you have an epidural and get to this point, they give you one hour to just sleep and rest before the real action starts. That way, your body can do a lot of work and you won't get so tired.

As the nurse checked me, she tried to see what way #1 was facing. But she couldn't tell.

Hod and I tried to sleep, and failed some more. Finally around 2:00 AM I called my Mom to tell her that the action was starting in 30 min.

I had another Popsicle. (What I love them, and I was hungry and thirsty!)

2:30 we started pushing.

#1's heart rate was still being funky, so we started pushing on my side. That helped her heart rate, but didn't help me progress. But we pushed. And pushed. And pushed. And I lost my other Popsicle. Once again, lame! They normally don't let first time mom's push for more than 2 hours. So that was my goal. As I got tired, I watched the clock and knew I could go for that much longer. We ended up putting me on my back again because baby's heart rate was just being scary. I was also put on oxygen. I hated that mask. At this point, Hod was struggling with the fluids, so we called in another nurse, and he sat down to encourage me.

I also had really random but fun music playing in the background. It was a good distraction for me.

At 4:30, Dr. K showed up. Hod was holding my hand helping me along. Mom was sitting in the background trying to help Hod be ok with things. I was getting very tired, and #1 wasn't really getting all that close to coming. When Dr. K showed up we had a serious chat. He also couldn't tell what direction #1 was facing. He just knew that things weren't quite working out. Now, I have a few family members that cannot have a vaginal birth because of how their hips are. Dr. K knew this about me. And so it was a concern. He asked me what I wanted. I told him that I really didn't want a C-section but if that was the only option, then fine. He asked how I felt about the vacuum suction cup thing. I told him I was fine with it as long as it didn't put her too far down, and then she wouldn't fit and then we would have major problems. He told me that within just a few seconds of pushing with the suction cup he would be able to tell. Trusting him because he had been great so far (though all of his time estimates had been super far off) I told him to try it.

They hooked me all up to the vacuum thingy and I pushed. He pulled... and it popped off. Great. "But," said he, "it helped so I think we'll be fine."

Dr. K also knew that I was anti forceps. But we just still weren't quite going to make it. But, instead of using the forceps to grab #1, he used them to help open up the birth canal.

And I pushed. And pushed some more. I was so done. Between contractions I started crying and gasping for air. My left leg hurt SO bad, and I was just tired. I had only gotten around 5 hours of sleep the night before, and I had been in hard labor for over 10 hours. I didn't know if I could do it. People were very encouraging, but I just didn't know anymore. Hod didn't know if I could do it, and he was crying too. Mom later told me that Dr. K looked at her a few times, almost to ask her if I could make it. But I didn't know what else to do, so I just kept trying.

Because of the epidural, I couldn't really feel that my body needed to push, so I had to force myself to do it. I guess that's what you give up by deciding to go the less pain route.

Finally, at 5:06, after over 15 hours after checking myself into the hospital, and a full 2 1/2 hours of hard pushing, #1 came out. All 7 lbs, 3 oz of her. (Interesting fact, the song playing while she came out was the song I sang to Hod at our wedding.) She had been posterior. That is why labor was so hard. And long. Because of my fever, and #1's funky heart rate, I didn't get to hold her right off. That was sad. I had just worked so hard to get her out, and Hod and my Mom were over playing with her while I sat there. During this time, I found out that I had been tearing towards the front instead of the back. So, to save me a lot of grief, Dr K had given me an episiotomy. Along with that I had a bunch of little tears all around. The stitching process took quite a while. They cleaned up #1, ran a few tests, and decided she was well enough to stay with me for a bit. I finally got to meet my baby! And she was so sweet! And poofy! And had a crazy cone-head. But she was mine! And I didn't have to push anymore!

Unfortunately, because of my fever and her crazy heart rate, we had to drop her off at the NICU on our way to recovery.

And now friends, it is late. We still have more of our story, but alas it is almost midnight. I need to go to sleep so I can get up to go see my baby in the morning. More to come!

It's Not a Myth!

2011-10-26T11:36:00.000-06:00

Did you know that when Wal-Mart says they are open all night, it's true? I had always wondered about that fact. But this is what I learned:

1. Walmart is surprisingly busy at 3 AM.

2. They are in fact open.

3. The lady who preps in the Subway inside of my Wal-Mart must be the SLOWEST prep-er ever. Seriously. When I worked at Subway, and we opened at 10 AM the person opening showed up at 8. However, the Wal-mart Subway opens at 7. And she had bread coming out of the oven at 3:30. I don't get it.

4. I'm pretty sure the 3 AM cashier has seen everything. Cause she didn't bat an eye when we showed up with a gallon of milk, some cold cereal, and a sweater so Baby won't freeze when we bring her home from the hospital.

5. There are going to be a lot of people just "hanging" outside. Personally I'd rather be in my bed, but I guess if you're that comfy when it's heck-a cold outside sitting outside of Walmart, then that's cool.

6. There is no average age of 3 AM shopper. Really, We saw early 20's, late 30's, early 50's, and older.

7. I found that every person I saw I judged. I just couldn't understand why they were there. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

Oh, were you wondering why I was there? Cause I woke up at 1 with regular contractions just painful enough to not let me sleep. So I folded laundry. But then Hod woke up, cause he can't sleep without me in the bed, and he was hungry. He was going to eat some cold cereal, but then he would have used up all of the milk, and he was now wide awake, so we went to buy milk.

My contractions kept going till around 6, and then I was finally able to sleep.

OH, but here is a random. I have no brain right now. And yet, I woke up with lines from a poem that I memorized in 1998. And it's not really a happy poem, it's about a little boy drowning in the sea. I can apparently still recite 60% of it. But don't ask me my own phone number. That's not going to happen without real work.

What A Nice Place!

2011-10-17T10:19:00.000-06:00

I have recently discovered a wonderful place in my city of residence.

You can go, and stay, and the workers there take care of you. Often approaching you just to see if they can get you a glass of water. You have your own bed, and a couch in your room. There is free cable TV, and your own personal bathroom. This room also comes equipped with a personal phone, free snacks for visitors, all you can eat Popsicles, multiple light settings, and a fancy yoga ball to bounce on to your heart's content. Oh, and they have large windows giving you a great view of the city. Doesn't this sound like a place you want to go?

Well, there is one catch.

You have to be in labor. Oh, and progressing.

Just early labor and slow progression isn't enough. They'll kick you out for that.

How do I know this? Cause I have been there TWICE in the past 3 weeks. They are very nice, and each time I am told... "Yeah, you have regular contractions 3-5 minutes apart... but... uh... we're not sure why you're not progressing, so we'll send you home."

Baby keeps toying with me. She's all "Hey, Mom, I'm gonna come visit!" Then after 5 hours of regular painful contractions she decides, "Actually, this is kind of warm and comfy... maybe I'll stay here a bit longer."

Well, Baby, I'm at 37 weeks. That means FULL TERM. There is no reason to be an over achiever and aim for a full 40 weeks. 37 will do. In fact, I think 37 weeks and 1 day is the perfect time to be born. Ready, Set, GO!

I need to be in that nice, fancy room again. :)

Here Fishy Fishy Fishy!

2011-10-14T17:34:00.000-06:00

About a week ago, Hod and I were at Walmart, and we found out that the fish were half off. Hod loves fish. So much that when given the choice between new cloths and a fish, Hod chose a fish for Christmas. (Those of you who don't know Hod won't understand what a big deal this is, but trust me, it's a big deal.)

Sadly, that fish died last April. Rest in Peace, Mordecai. Life has been stressful lately, so when given the chance to get a new fish, Hod jumped at it. After fretting about a name for our newest family member, Hod settled on Mike Chang. Yes, this is a character on the fairly popular TV show "Glee". Oddly enough this really fits our fish. He's a red colored Beta. He also looks a little Asian. Ok, that sounds racist. He looks like the guys on Thoroughly Modern Millie. Anyway... I'm probably digging myself in a hole of sorts.

Uh... We got a fish!

Last Sunday, I noticed that Hod was pretty busy, so I decided to feed Mike. Now, way back in the day, one of my dear friends had Hod and I fish sit. She had a fairly particular way of feeding her fish, New Jeffery Wilbur. This involved holding his food over his bowl and just opening it a little bit. Then some food would come out. I honestly don't have a lot of experience feeding fish, so I copied that method. As I opened the food just a little bit, nothing came out. Well.. thought I, maybe I just need to open it a bit more. So I did. And about 30 days worth of food came tumbling out right into the fish bowl. Mike Chang looked at me like I was an idiot. I stood there for a second, wondering what to do. And laughing. I thought it was funny. I finally decided that I had to try to get some of the food out of there. I turned to the silverware drawer to get a spoon... and noticed that I hadn't emptied out the dishwasher yet and the only spoons in the drawer were slotted. Well that's not going to work. I finally got a regular spoon, and a small cup to pull out the excess food. By now, 2/3 of the food had fallen from floating around the top the bowl to raining down on the plastic Roman like columns decorating the fish bowl.

Mike Chang is set for life!

Ok, Hod was very kind and cleaned the bowl out even though it was my mistake. And Mike is doing fine.

And for those of you who were hoping for a little movie to go with the title of this blog post... Here you go!

Maybe That Should Have Been A Secret

2011-10-10T11:39:00.001-06:00

Hey Yo's.

Still pregnant. (Oh, and Laree a note to you, my Dr. moved my due date up a week, cause baby is measuring big, so I'm not quite as early as things seem. I updated my ticker to show this.)

Every time I take a deep breath, or have a look of concern, Hod is sure I'm in labor.

My contractions are still pretty regular and getting more painful. But I don't think I'm to the "Next Level Of Pain" I was told I had to be at to go to the hospital.

Baby needs to make up her mind. This whole, "yeah, I'm going to come so you'll have regular kind of painful contractions for 3 hours, and then when they just start to really hurt, you'll only have one, and then I'll stop" thing totally bugs. So, now we are disciplining our child for not making up her mind. This involves 3 things:

1- Often now when Hod gets home from work, he puts baby in time out. This entails giving me a kiss but ignoring baby for about 10 minutes. I don't think she notices.

2- After a contraction she tends to kick hard as if to say, "Hey, you're squishing me! Stop it!" I have no sympathy. I normally respond by telling her, "If you'd just come out, you'd have lots more room."

3- We are now calling her Eunice. Not to offend anyone who may have a loved one by that name, but I don't like it. We call her Eunice and tell her that when she comes out she can get a pretty name. But until then, it's Eunice.

Now, I know that I'm still early. I need to get over it. I was really doing fine and planning on something close to the end of October/early November. Then the Dr told me I could go into labor in the next 24 hours. And I didn't. Part of me says, "Oh good, baby has more time to cook, and she'll be healthier." The other part of me says, "I was told that I could be done feeling fat, tired, and sick. WHY is this still going on!"

Being told that the end is here, and then the end not coming is a total bummer. Well... unless we were talking about the end of the world, and you had an awesome date with your hubby planned for the day after the world was ending, and then the world didn't end, so you could still go on your awesome date. That would not be a bummer.

It's strange being a ticking time bomb. I'm just sitting here waiting for my body to start putting me in extreme pain. Wow... that sounds hopeful.

But the end will come! And baby will come! And she'll get a prettier name than Eunice. Until then, we keep going!

Baby Update!

2011-10-05T11:16:00.001-06:00

Alright, Peeps. Here's the story. (And because it's about baby, that means it's about my body, so you have been warned of any potential TMI)

Last night as I went to get ready for bed, there was something... different happening down under. We called the OBGYN on call, and told him what was happening. His guess was that my water had broke, so he told us to go to labor and delivery. We went, got all hooked up to the monitors, they checked everything under the sun, and at 3:30 AM, with my contractions 3 minutes apart, they sent me home. Hod and I were SO tired!

This morning I had an appointment with my Dr. He told me that the different occurrence down under was probably me losing my mucus plug. And with what he described, I agree. However, apparently this is uncommon for first time moms to experience like I did.

After being checked for the 3rd time in 11 hours (And no one ever told me how much it hurts!) we discovered that in 6 hours I went from being a 1 to a 1+, and from being not really at all effaced to being 70% effaced, and from baby being where ever to being at a Zero. Looks like my contractions are actually doing something.

Dr's prediction is that I will deliver in the next 24 hours, or in 2 weeks, or anytime in between.

And as for me: as soon as we are done with Hod's Dr appointment I'm taking a nap!

Toodles!

Please, Teach Your Children

2011-09-26T23:47:00.000-06:00

From the title of my blog, you may think that I'm going to talk about something serious. Well... you'd pretty much be wrong. The venting Paily is back! Don't know if she's your favorite, but she's here anyway :) Today I will be venting about a random teen that I don't really know. This is how heartless I am.

My parents live a short distance from me. Besides a short 2 month time this year, I haven't lived at my parent's house since 2009. During that time, I never really noticed a random kid. He wasn't my favorite. Let's call him... Buford. Buf for short. Now, I honestly don't know this kid's name. If by chance that is his name... well then I feel bad for him.

My first interaction with Buf was right after I went an bought a bunch of furniture at a garage sale. This was while I was engaged to Hod, and I didn't have a place to keep it at my apartment. I called my Dad who was serving a mission, and asked him if I could keep my newly acquired furniture in his mostly empty garage. Being the loving father he is, he said yes. Some dear friends of ours helped us move the furniture with their trailer, and their jeep. As we pulled up to my parent's house to unload the trailer, this random kid came riding up on his bike. This teen was just full of questions. "What are you doing?" "Who are you?" "Where did you get all of this stuff?" "Why are you putting it here?" During all of this time, he never offered to help. But we almost ran him over multiple times as we moved furniture. The female of my couple friend was staying with her 10 month old daughter. She was still in her car seat and sitting by the jeep. This sweet 10 month old has some health problems, and had been unable to gain weight. Because of a cleft palate, she had a hard time eating. To fix this, the Dr.'s put a feeding tube up through her nose and right down into her stomach. It was a little different looking, but it wasn't hard to figure out was was going on. Well, Buf saw the child and immediately became focused on her. He started to reach for her, like he was going to pick her up, and then paused to ask, "What's that thing got up it's nose for?" First of all, wow... you are lacking in English skills. Secondly, Thing? Even though she had a tube going up her nose, she is still very obviously a baby. The good news is, we were finishing up, so we quickly packed up and left.

Buf has become a regular on my street. From that day on, I learned that every time I would stop at my parents house, he would magically appear. He always had the same questions, "Who are you?" "What are you doing?" "Why are you doing that?" It became rather annoying.

During the two months that I lived with my parents this summer, I became very grateful to have access to parking inside of the garage. I learned that if I parked inside of the garage, I could close the door before being accosted by this teenager.

I don't consider myself special though. He is always doing this sort of thing to my parents. My Dad's response is to give sarcastic answers. For example, while weeding in the garden, when Buf ask's my Dad what he is doing, Dad responds something along the lines of, "Picking bananas."

I don't think that Buf is a bad guy. Nor do I think he has unpleasant intentions. However, he has ZERO social skills. Someone really needs to teach this kid!

My Mom has told me that she tries to make sure she is always doing yard work when he's not around, because otherwise he always comes up and starts talking. Sometimes he tries to help. But that is only when he is sure he knows what he is doing... but he normally doesn't. When you try to correct him, he doesn't take it very well.

Even though I have moved out of my parent's house, I have kept the automatic garage door opener. This is so I can visit my parents with a little bit of safety, without having to worry about being accosted by the neighbor kid.

This weekend, we had another run in. And I found it quite humorous. My family has a tradition of going to the General Relief Society Broadcast together. I met my Mom and L5 at my parent's house to carpool up to the Stake Center to watch the broadcast. As we were leaving my parent's house, I saw Buf walking towards us. He was carrying a basketball... and using it to try to hide an apple. My parents have quite a few apple trees. While they were on their mission, we didn't take good care of the apples, and they were normally full of worms. Eventually, they would fall off of the tree and become deer food. However, this year, my Dad has done a great job of taking care of his apple trees. As a result, he has quite a nice crop of apples. My parents are kind, and for the bulk of my life, I remember them telling our neighbors that they could have an apple here and there as long as they asked, and as long as they ate it. Home-grown apples look quite different than store-bought. I wasn't trying to be a tattle-tale, I was just making an observation, and I said to my Mom, "Look, it's Buf... and he has one of your apples."

Mom was not very pleased. She stopped the car and asked him what he was doing. He stammered. She asked him where he got the apple. He stammered some more, motioning over to the trees. Mom pointed out that they were her trees, and she would like him to ask before taking them. Buf responded that they always fall on the ground anyway. But, Mom wasn't backing down. She told Buf that yes, sometimes they do, however, they weren't on the ground, and he needs to ask before taking someone else's apples. Buf looked ashamed, and said he was sorry, then with his tail between his legs (Ok, he doesn't have a tail) he turned towards his home.

I do NOT understand this kid. But this is what he is always doing. He wanders the town, and talks to all of the neighbors. He seems to have no grasp of courtesy, or proper actions.

So, this is my request: Please, teach your children. Just the basics of social skills. Please. And maybe, someday, my parents can be outside without fearing that they will be bothered by a random neighbor kid. And maybe, someday, I will feel like I can go visit my parents without having to run from my car to the house to avoid all of the questions.

Seriously. It totally bugs.

I Need To Tell You Something...

2011-09-22T21:46:00.001-06:00

Many years ago, I was introduced to this song. It has since been a life-long dream to make it a reality. And finally, that day has come. Please, sit back, and enjoy it's goodness.

Life is pretty great. And I'm pretty random.

I'm In Love

2011-09-21T12:48:00.000-06:00

It's true. I'm in love. I love Hod. AND I love this little friend:

Introducing, in her world-wide debut...... Baby Bucket!

Baby Bucket comes to you all the way from my uterus. She enjoys sleeping, doing cartwheels, getting the hic-ups, and kicking me in the ribs. She is currently weighing in at 4 lbs, 14 oz (give or take 1/2 lb for error) and is expected to join our family sometime near the beginning of November.

Hod and I got a bonus ultrasound, because I haven't been able to gain weight. Today I ate a HUGE breakfast trying to get my weight up. As of today, I have gained a total of 7 lbs. That's not a lot when baby weighs almost 5. But she is doing great, so the Dr is no longer concerned.

And I am perfectly enamored with this sweet little girl.

(Sorry it's not a great picture, I was too lazy to scan it, so I just took a picture of the picture with my phone.)

I Will Stop Avoiding You

2011-09-17T19:03:00.000-06:00

Tonight, right after Hod went to work, I went to go fill my car with gas. I am blessed to have a Sam's club card, and as they have the least expensive gas in town, that is where I go. Any of you who have gassed at Sam's know that there is always a random worker, wandering around. They sometimes come over and try to make conversation. Pretty much, it's always awkward, and I usually try to avoid all eye contact in hopes that they won't come over.

As I pulled into the filling station, I noticed that it was completely empty. This is unusual. Especially for a busy Saturday night. I worried that I may have to talk with the random worker, but as my gas light had just turned on, I had no choice. I pulled into the middle station, and started the process of filling up. As I got out of my car, I noticed that another car had pulled up behind me. But this car was very poorly angled to get gas. As I started the gassing up process, the driver got out of his car, looked a little shady, and then climbed into his back seat.

Now, I tend to be pretty unobservant. There have been multiple times that I have been somewhere with Hod and he has had to steer me away from a creeper of sorts. Or, I'm about to walk into someone. All sorts of things. I'm just oblivious. And this whole pregnant thing has made it worse.

Yet, my creeper alarm was going off with this guy. He just kept looking at me. I don't know what was going on in the back seat, but this guy was ... leering I guess. It was just very uncomfortable. I worried that I was just freaking out. It was light outside. And the gas station is right on a busy road. But still something just felt off.

Enter the trusty Sam's Club employee. He walked up to me and started talking. Just every day stuff, but he kept looking over his shoulder at the guy in the car behind me. As my car was almost full, he turned to me and asked me if I was ok. I told him yes. He then told me that he just thought maybe he should come and stand by me "just in case". I was quite grateful for his kindness. I finished putting gas in my car, and wished the employee a good evening as I pulled away.

I don't have a clue what was really going on, but I am glad to the kind employee who came and stood by me to make sure everything was fine.

Thank you Mr. Employee. Sorry that I used to avoid you.

I Should Have Been A Doctor

2011-09-08T10:51:00.001-06:00

Hey, Yo's.

Here's another boring update on my life. For those few readers who don't know me... well you probably don't really care. For the rest of you, who is mostly family, I've been told you like this sort of thing, so here we go!

Here's my story: My job was extended through the month of September. This is very good, cause I like having money. Along with this, for the past two weeks, I have been working every day, instead of every other, because my coworker has a very sick daughter who is in a very special hospital 2 hours away. I'm finding that working every day makes it very hard to clean my house. My days are currently spent working and taking care of my dear husband.

Now about Hod: He was supposed to have surgery last Friday. He didn't. This is because of a Dr who never saw him who said the surgery was optional, and he wanted to leave early, so he canceled it. In the process Meany-pants-heartless-Dr ticked us off, and we ticked him off, so we will never be going to see him again. Tuesday Hod went to a new Dr. We discovered that Hod has a massive infection that is attacking the whole of his digestive system. New-nice-man Dr thinks Hod has had this for 3 years. It is also attacking Hod's prostate. (Sorry if this is TMI, but some people would want to know.) This infection is caused by being put on too many antibiotics, thus killing all good bacteria in your body, and then letting the bad bacteria take over. Ok, so this massive infection is a yeast infection. And it's bad. However, right now Mr. Nice Dr. is very worried about saving Hod's prostate, as he is only 22, and wants to have more kids. So, Hod is on a SUPER strong antibiotic. Mr. Nice Dr is aware that this will make all of the infection symptoms worse. But it is kind of a last resort to saving Hod's prostate. Hod is taking his medication, and is in a lot of pain. He has a fever that is bouncing up and down, and his kidneys are starting to bother him. Hod has been put on Dr. ordered bed rest. Our job is to watch his fever, and pain level. If either becomes extreme, he is going to be admitted to the hospital, and possibly go in for emergency surgery. If none of that happens, then we will see if the antibiotic can save his prostate. If it doesn't, then he'll be having a procedure anyway, (though we aren't yet sure of what one) and we may get to consider the adoption option much sooner than we had planned. They are worried that he may have Prostate Cancer. However, we have been assured through multiple blessings that he'll be healed. So that is helpful in getting through this.

Baby: She's growing strong. I'm not gaining weight, so we have an ultrasound scheduled to make sure everything is cool. But she is very active, and she moves all the time, so I'm not super worried. Last week I got my Rogam (or however you spell it) shot. And it actually wasn't too bad! I've had the shot twice before, and it is just a giant needle they stick in your behind. The two I had before were similar to getting a Novocaine shot, they took FOREVER! But this one was less than 10 seconds. It was pretty sweet!

And that's all for the Bucket family. I'm wishing I knew more about how to take care of my hubby, but we'll trust the Dr's and it will all work out.

Changing

2011-08-31T20:40:00.000-06:00

Once I had a family member tell me about a friend who wanted to be a cartoon character. To further his likeness of a cartoon character he bought 5 of the same shirt, and multiples of the same of pair of pants. This way he was able to wear the same looking cloths every day, just like most Saturday morning cartoon characters.

Well, Mr. Friend. I think I am starting to beat you. Check this out:

I'm not sure why it goes into slow motion. However, just as Pooh bear's tummy noticeably moves when he's hungry, my tummy moves too! That would be Paily Jr. saying Hi. It sometimes startles me how much my belly moves! But it's pretty great!

(PS, I am well on my way to developing another cartoon-y trait. I'll tell you about it when it happens. You should totally be excited!)

The Best Invention EVER!

2011-08-17T11:01:00.000-06:00

I've tried pretty hard to not be a super needy pregnant lady. There are SO many things out there for ladies "with child" and I feel I've done a decent job of going without. Honestly, half of the inventions are lame. There are some things, like maternity cloths, that just weren't optional. Hod also splurged once and bought me some of the best lotion ever. Seriously, it's so smooth, and soft, and smells good, and isn't oily, and makes it so my ever growing body doesn't itch. However, I learned that if you leave it in your car for 5 hours, and it gets hot, then it turns into putty and is no longer usable. Luckily, the lady at the store likes us, so when I mentioned it, she offered to exchange it. Yes!

Anyway, this post was not meant to be about my lotion. (But it really is amazing.) For the past month, I have found that by morning I am excited to get out of bed. Not because I'm rested, but because my hips hurt so dang bad! Most days I would limp around for about an hour and then it would stop hurting. I tried to be positive about it, I mean, you're just supposed to be in a lot of pain when you're pregnant, right? But it just got too bad. When I spent an entire day limping, and wincing with every step I took, I decided it was time to do something.

Hod came home from work, and I told him, we were going to the store. I had needs, and I was done sucking it up. We came home with this:

Only mine is much cuter, cause it has a "reversible" pillow case. (It's not really reversible, as they so willingly advertised. The fabric on the front is different than the fabric on the back. If that's really reversible, then I'm a monkey.)

I am amazed at the difference a body pillow can make! Most maternity pillows are super expensive, but this wasn't. And now I can sleep! And some mornings I even wake up feeling rested! It is the best invention ever! I love it! So, today is celebrate the greatness that is a body pillow. Go ahead, party your own way, but just party. Because this has changed my life!

I'm Roughly The Size Of A Barge!

2011-08-10T13:49:00.001-06:00

Hod's two sisters are quite slim and trim. I remember right before his sister K delivered her son, Hod commented on how large she was. She was quite proud of her size. It made me giggle. For her, YES, she was very pregnant looking. For my family, she looked like she was about 4 months along. Hod said he couldn't wait to see me look like that. I commented back that he, "ain't seen nothin yet."

I started out much larger than K. And I have grown. Despite the fact that I am not gaining weight, I am ginormous! Let me show you how large I am. (please ignore the out-of-proportion-ness of my hand. I haven't yet figured out how to take a good self portrait.)

This is me almost a week ago. Hod LOVES it. And that's good, cause I'm not loving it so much. Having struggled my entire life with being ok with my size... this is a little hard. But at least I look pregnant. No one would look at me now and think, "Wow, that lady is super squishy!" Well, they wouldn't unless they are very uneducated on pregnancy.

Being short, I feel that I waddle like unto an Oompa Looma. However, my skin is a much more delightful color.

The good news: I have less than 100 days left! I am so excited to meet my dear sweet little girl!

That Was A Strange One

2011-08-02T09:52:00.001-06:00

Last night, Hod and I were visiting some friends, and I started having an allergic reaction. I discovered my first food allergy in 2003, and I'm quite aware of my body when it comes to food and possible reactions. Did you know you can have an allergic reaction to something you ate 72 hours before? After much contemplation, I realized that the only unusual thing (Or I can have a reaction when I eat a large quantity of a food... but I hadn't done that) that had entered my body were some crackers I got from a lady in my ward. She is allergic to everything. OK, not everything, just gluten, milk, and I think something else.

Apparently I'm allergic to crackers made for the highly allergic. Strange.

Anyway, while at my friend's house, I broke out in hives. My doctor has told me that once I see hives, I have one hour to get some sort of fast acting allergy medicine in me (think Benadryl or something like that) before my face starts swelling up and I stop breathing. Luckily my friend runs a pharmacy out of her house (not for real life, she just has a little bit of everything) and she hooked me up.

Benadryl always gives me really strange dreams. I hate having drug induced sleep. It does crazy things. Let me share this dream with you.

In my dream, I was waking up at my Mom's house. My sister L6 was there (which is funny, cause she's been staying with my Mom for almost 2 weeks now.) I was kind of delirious in my half awake state (remember that in real life I was still dreaming) and realized that my stomach had shrunk and I couldn't feel anything inside of my anymore. With panic I turned to my Mom and asked, "Where is my baby?!?!" My Mom laughed at me and told me that I had delivered a few hours earlier. I was so exhausted that as soon as the baby was out of me, I passed out. Mom took me into her bedroom to meet my little child. She was pretty darn cute! I picked her up, excited to meet her, and she had the floppy-est head in the world. Despite the fact that her neck looked a normal length for a newborn, her head moved like it was sitting on a 2 foot long piece of cooked spaghetti. Upon further inspection, I also discovered that she had 5 piercings in each ear. I had apparently given birth to a punk rocker.

As I looked at baby, I was considering all of the names that Hod and I are wondering about, and nothing felt right. Even after meeting her, I still didn't have a clue what to name my baby. Then I realized that Hod was missing. I found him passed out on the floor of my Mom's family room. L6 had been keeping an eye on him. I guess during my delivery the blood was too much, so he had passed out. Then I got the story of how baby had come.

I had been sitting at the table, when I just kept moaning like something was wrong. L6 finally realized that I was in labor (yeah, right... cause all I would be doing is moaning a little) and decided she should check my progress. (Also strange, as L6 doesn't have medical training, and this is my first baby, so you'd think they'd just tell me to go to the hospital where I am planning on delivering.) Turns out baby was already crowning, so L6 decided to play Dr and help get the baby here. Everything went really fast, and baby came out looking great. This is when I passed out. Somehow, my unconscious body got everything else out of me, they cleaned up, and let me sleep. The entire delivery lasted under 20 minutes.

I was kind of freaking out at this point, and I was sure I needed to go to the hospital. Really, I had just delivered at 25 weeks, and baby was perfectly fine. That didn't add up in my brain. So, we threw some water on Hod to wake him up. He was too shaken to drive, so he called a taxi service. While waiting for the taxi, baby got hungry, so we decided to try nursing. Of course, that worked perfectly on the first try, and even though I had delivered about an hour before, I had milk. Also strange. Hod wanted to burp baby, so I let him. Oh, here's a random fact, Hod was sporting long hair that would put Fabio to shame. It wasn't a good look for him. Baby spit up in Hod's hair, and he FREAKED out. Apparently he was very attached to his hair.

The taxi came, but the chick was in a hurry, and wouldn't let us put our car seat in her taxi. I was trying to put it in anyway, but she just wouldn't let me. I remember banging on the windows and shouting, "But the hospital won't let me take my baby home without a car seat!" Halfway to our destination, Taxi Driver Lady had Hod sign some paperwork, where we discovered that this 4 mile trip was going to cost us $173. I expressed some concern, and she decided to give us a deal, because she used to be one of my sister's (L7's) band students. But her life had gone downhill. She then played a song that told us her life story. It was a pretty great song, that doesn't exist in real life. It was all very dramatic.

Anyway, we got to the hospital, and no one would really talk to us, because everything looked fine. When I cornered a Dr and explained that I had just delivered at 25 weeks, he just looked at me and said, "So, what's the big deal?"

In the end, Hod and I decided to just go home. A car (with a car seat) magically appeared. During the drive home, I woke up. As in, back to real life, I'm awake now.

Baby is still inside of me, right where she belongs. That was a really strange dream. I'm not sure what to make of it.

I really don't like drug induced sleep.

Boring

2011-07-29T10:29:00.001-06:00

I've discovered that I really am quite a boring person. Seriously. This is why you haven't heard from me for so long. Life just keeps going.

I go to work, Hod goes to work, we come home.

Sometimes I'm a good wife and I make dinner.

There is a gremlin who is in my house stealing my undershirts. I need to find him and kick him out, cause it's causing problems.

My sister L7 introduced Hod and I to a new restaurant. (Ok, she mentioned it, and we decided to go by ourselves, cause she's out of town.) I'm obsessed. I just need to be rich so I can go.

Our apartment is on the second floor. Luckily, this is too far up for big bugs to come join us. I think they are too lazy. But the little bugs seem to love our house. No matter how clean I keep it, I find at least one little bug a day. It's really annoying.

Hod and I are both growing. I'm looking more pregnant every day, and Hod is getting taller. Seriously. My handsome hubby is going through a growth spurt. Good thing I like tall men. :)

The Dr thinks I may be ... I don't remember what it's called, or how to spell it. Basically I'm burning too many calories, so I have to eat more often. All I do it eat!

I've gained 5 whole pounds this pregnancy!

Hod bought me flowers the other day. Just cause they were pretty.

We still aren't unpacked. I should work on that.

I got a lot of my favorite ice cream for super cheap yesterday, cause the machine at work exploded. So happy.

I had a dream the other night that I had a pet unicorn that could talk to me. I was sad when I woke up and it wasn't real.

And... that's about all. Thanks for coming!

Logic... It's a Great Thing

2011-07-15T14:45:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I've admitted that I have pregnancy brain. As a result, I sometimes do stupid things. Hey, I'm pregnant. What's your excuse?

Let me explain. At my job, I work Tues and Thurs, and the other secretary (who is a dear friend) works the other 3 days. She has one of the CUTEST little girls, and she is allowed to bring her to work. Many of the customers enjoy seeing this sweet little girl. I can't blame them. I mean, really, her smile and giggle make your entire day better.

However, she is not my child. As a result, I don't bring her to work. To me this is logical. And yet, at least once a week a customer asks me where the baby is. I don't really look much like my friend, so people should be able to tell us apart. It's like they think the baby comes with the job. Along with being a secretary, we also have a baby-sitting business! Or something like that. But they just keep asking. My response is normally, "Well, she's with her mom." And, I kid you not, I've had people ask me, "Why?" WHAT? Are you really asking me why the baby is with her mom? Yes, I think she's cute, but I'm not going to bring some other lady's daughter to work. Maybe I'm a mean person, but... I think I'd rather work without the cute little girl. (Ok, I actually always bring my baby to work too, and she is also a cute little girl. However, she doesn't really interfere with my job much. She's pretty low maintenance.)

It's special.

Oh, and in other news, this week, I have found two places that I can no longer eat at, for at least the duration of my pregnancy. It is a bummer.

Losing Brain Cells

2011-07-13T11:41:00.000-06:00

I can't even tell you how glad I am that Hod got a new job. Because I NEED him!

Pregnancy brain is such a real thing in my life. Because Hod has been working at least 60 hours a week, I have been taking care of everything in our apartment. And that's fine, because I've only been working around 10 hours a week.

However, it seems I have given all of my current brain cells to baby girl. Let me give you some examples.

I did a load of whites, and they came out smelling gross. I had been a little slow getting them from the washer to the dryer, so I blamed it on that. But it really wasn't that long! However, we have one of those high efficiency washers, so maybe I just needed to clean it? I don't know. Because we have a top loader, it's not supposed to get gross very fast, like I was told I should clean it 3-4 times a year. And we only have had our washer for a month.

We couldn't figure out what it was. Then, while Hod was changing cloths, he realized that his shirt smelled like a mix of Jolly Ranchers (remember this?) and of him. But I was no where to be found. Do you see where this is going? I forgot to put laundry soap in the washer! I have been doing my own laundry for SEVENTEEN years, and I have never forgot soap! Who does that? Pregnant ladies.

I've been demoted, so now it's Hod's job to wash and dry the laundry and I just put it away.

Along with this... I tried to burn down the apartment. Ok... not on purpose, but still. Here's that story.

I have this super fancy hair straightener, that I got from a friend in TX. But the power button is crazy sensitive. I've had this straightener for 3 years, and I just learned early on to always put the power button towards the counter. Then I couldn't accidentally turn it on. For 3 years I've been doing this. And yet, on Sunday, I forgot. Monday, when I went to go get in the shower I tossed my clean cloths on the counter. After my shower, I reached for my cloths, and they were all hot! My pants (and I only have 2 pairs of maternity pants) were burned. It's not horrible, the average person probably wouldn't notice, but still, I burned my pants! If I had taken a longer shower, I would have started a fire and burned down my apartment!

Because there was no real harm in this, I can laugh a bit about it, but it is still a bummer!

Our Goings On

2011-07-09T13:06:00.000-06:00

Oh life. How you keep trucking on. Because I think that I'm interesting enough that you all want to know the every day stuff in my life, I thought I'd fill you all in. :)

I am working part time at an Ice Cream manufacturing plant. I work 2 days a week, for the most part. The other secretary is a long time friend, and I pick up shifts for her when she needs a day off for one reason or another. And it's a blessing. My job ends around Labor Day, but if/when my friend needs a day off she'll still call me! So that's cool. For the next year I am quite likely going to have some random income at random times. Oh, and even after baby girl is born they will let me take her to work. Pretty much the perfect situation? I think so!

Hod is a working machine! Because we don't want me to work after baby is born... well except for a random day here and there, Hod has been working 2 jobs to make enough money to support us. Between the 2 jobs, he is at work for around 70 hours a week. Yeah, sure, he's clocked out for breaks for part of that, but he's not home. It's been rough. I miss my hubby! But then, something exciting happened!

Hod applied for a manager job with a different company a few months ago. This would be a training job, where they teach you how to be a head manager, train you for a year, and then move you to some random part of the country where you are in charge of your own store. During his first interview he was told that he would be given a call for a second interview in about a week. After a week, we heard nothing. This company e-mails you to give you the bad news, and we didn't get the e-mail either. We waited, and waited, and Hod applied for other jobs, and we waited a bit more. Then almost 2 weeks ago, Hod was called in for a second interview. We were shocked! We had given up on this job. He went to the interview, felt it went well, and was told that he should hear back by Wednesday if he got the job.

During all of this, he has been miserable working his full time job. It is not a good job. It is lousy, and they are not nice people. He had given up hope of ever getting out of there. While I am so grateful that he is willing to work a lousy job to support us, it has been hard watching him be so miserable.

Wednesday came and went. No call, no e-mail. Then Thursday, while we were on our way to go see Hod's sister he got a call! He was offered a job. Not quite the job he had applied for. We are a little bit nervous. This current job is a little bit special. It doesn't make quite enough to support us. However, it is kind of a 30 day audition. Because Hod has never worked for this company (which has some commission type stuff, which Hod has never done) they want to make sure he's the right fit for the manager training job. Hod is pretty amazing, so we're not super stressed about him not passing the audition. But if he doesn't, then life is going to be really hard once I stop working in September. But when he does, he'll be salaried! SALARIED! We don't have to stress every time he needs a day off because that includes a pay cut. AND he'll be back to working only 40 hours a week. I get my husband back!

Baby is doing great! She is measuring right on schedule. Both ultrasounds she has been super active, but then again... I drank some juice so she was probably on a sugar high. Everything with my pregnancy is looking good. I have this random infection that you are either born with or not, so I'm on an antibiotic. It's not a big deal, but if it is left untreated it can cause pre-term labor. I take a pill twice a day, and it's all good! I have an anterior placenta, meaning it will still be a while before I can feel regular movement. This is also not a big deal at all, unless I need a c-section. Then it can cause complications, but not really, because you're already in surgery, so any complications would be somewhat expected and they will be able to fix them all.

Hod and I are very excited to have Baby here! And now it's fun that we can start getting the nursery ready.

Overall, life is going great! We are happy and life is only getting better!

Did You Notice The Change?

2011-07-08T13:46:00.001-06:00

Hey, friends! Just a quick update.

Did you notice my ticker change? It has multiple changes. We are now comparing baby to various food items. Also, my due date has been moved forward! Yep, I gained almost a week. I feel really good about that option. And the last change is... IT'S PINK! As in, Hod and I are having a little girl.

I'm pretty happy! I originally wanted a boy first, but when we found out that she is a girl, I wasn't disappointed at all. This is going to be great!

It Makes Me Hungry!

2011-06-26T16:44:00.000-06:00

This post may have a little TMI. Just go with it. It's nothing that bad.

When I was a young teen, I had the unfortunate-ness of having ... shall we say more potent sweat than the average girl. For years, I used this super expensive deodorant that fixed the smell, but had no antiperspirant. It was no fun.

While I was in college, someone I knew with a similar problem went to a dermatologist and was told to use Arrid Gel Extra, Extra something like that. I joined the ranks and was in LOVE! Finally a deodorant with antiperspirant. The only problem: it was mostly for men. Most scents made me feel like a man. I had exactly one option that made me feel girly. But I was happy.

Then they took away one of the Extras. It seemed to be pretty much the same thing... so I kept going.

Then they got rid of the only Extra left. This was becoming problematic.

Then they stopped selling the one girly scent in stores, but I could find it online.

Alas, it is no more.

So, I decided I would have to just smell like a man. It was better than smelling gross!

My trip to the store was very disappointing. They didn't have ANY Arrid at all! What was I to do? However, in my many years of Arrid use, most of the other brands have come out with "prescription strength" options. Looks like I better try one of those. I found a powder fresh option, cause that's my fav, and went home to try it.

And it works! I'm quite happy. However, there is one thing..... it makes me smell like Jolly Ranchers. Watermelon Jolly Ranchers to be exact. I thought I was crazy, so I asked Hod, and he totally agrees. Now I walk around smelling like candy. Do you have any idea how susceptible a pregnant woman's cravings are to suggestions? I've even started dreaming about Jolly Ranchers.

I don't think deodorant is supposed to make you hungry.

You Have Not Been Missed

2011-06-21T20:17:00.000-06:00

I've had a lot of jobs in my life. I guess when you move every 6-12 months, you are bound to have to get new jobs. My last two jobs didn't deal with the general public. It was blissful. Seriously. What is it about the general public that causes such a strong struggle?

I work at a factory that makes ice cream type products. I'm one of the secretaries. I get to share the job with one of my best friends. She works 3 days a week, I work 2, unless one of us has a need to have an extra day off, then we cover for each other. It really is a great situation. Along with basic secretarial duties, we also have a small store where we sell our product. I am the cashier. Normally, that's fine. I see lots of people some are great. But many, many are not. Let me vent a bit.

We sell seconds. SECONDS as in, they have issues, so we won't sell them at full price. However, if you are just after flavor, and not looks or perfection, then they are great. (I'm all about the seconds, personally.) The seconds are super popular, because they are $.10 - $.23 cheaper a piece. Because we are a business, we don't try to make mistakes. We always aim for firsts. This means a few things. 1st - you CAN NOT order seconds. We don't have an employee who's job it is to work in the back and mess things up so you can buy them at a cheaper price. That would be stupid, and said person would probably be fired. 2nd - Because these are mistakes, we can't promise to have a certain amount, a certain flavor, or anything like that. Sometimes we run out. If you wanted them, you should have gotten here sooner. Not my fault. 3rd - When I tell you that we are out, we really are out! I'm not some mean person who enjoys toying with the public's ice cream needs. Sarcastically offering to go in the back to check for me just makes you a jerk. 4th - We sell seconds individually. This means, you need to count as you are throwing them into a bag. You see, I work in an office. I have about 1 foot of clean space on my desk, because we had to make room for the cash register that is about as old as I am. Passing me 2 bags full and saying, "why don't you count them" once again makes you seem rude. Ok, so a lot of places don't trust their customers. We do, and we'll let you count for us. You had to put them in the bag, why didn't you count a little? Could it be because you are wearing shoes, so you couldn't look at our toes to help you? Ok, that was mean. But really, when you have 45 in a box, and you hold the box up, do you really think I can magically count them just by looking? This isn't a carnival game, where we get a prize for the closest guess.

Our store is small. As in, I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that it is about 8ft X 8ft. And this includes 3 chest freezers, 2 chairs, and a small table. On top of the largest freezer, we have a bunch of plastic bags. At least 3 times a day, I have someone ask me if we have bags. PLEASE open your eyes! Really, you have 64 square feet to look through. Can't you glance around?

We sell about 10 flavors. 10. Not 1,000, TEN. So, WHY does it take you 20 minutes to pick one? Heck, we even have 2 different multi-flavor packs to make it easier to be indecisive. AND if you're indecisive, please don't come in 3 minutes before we close. Some of us have family, who have to leave for work 10 minutes after I get home. I would like to see my husband. If you really are sorry, then make a choice!

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to have this job. I just sometimes wish the general public would be a little bit easier to work with.

I Don't Think That is What They Meant

2011-06-19T13:32:00.000-06:00

As many of you know, it is a common thing for pregnant woman to be slightly unaware of their bodies. They used to fit through a spot *this* big, and now they need a spot *TTTTHHHHIIIISSSSS* big. Because this happens so quickly, we tend to be a bit klutzy as we adjust to our every changing bodies.

I haven't had too much of a problem so far. Then today I had a crazy klutzy moment that hurt! But not what you think.

My pierced ears have become quite sensitive since becoming pregnant. As a result, I need to normally wear my very high quality earrings. These tend to be quite expensive, so I only own one pair; my studs. I put them in, and forget about them, wearing them for weeks at a time.

This morning as I was combing my hair, I caught my earring and ripped it out of my ear with my comb. I've had my ears pierced for a year, and I've NEVER done something like that.

I would like to blame it on my ever changing body that I can't keep track of... but I'm pretty sure pregnancy hasn't changed the placement of my ears.

What's With The Pitiful Face?

2011-06-17T20:12:00.000-06:00

Good-Golly-Hormones, Batman!

I've heard that there are crazy hormones that go with the pregnancy. I've been a bit more ... volatile since becoming pregnant. I've been feeling extremes. However, there has been a pretty intense lack of tears. I've never been a crier. According to my sisters, I'm the heartless one in the family. This week I have proved them wrong.

This week I've cried about 10 times. Some of it was real, and for good reason: like hitting the due date thing. Most of it was pointless: like running out of salt in the salt shaker. (Don't you worry, there was more in the cupboard.) The only somewhat redeeming part has been that Hod is working so much to provide for us, that he hasn't had to witness the majority of these breakdowns. I'm really hoping that this is a temporary thing. I'm sure it will happen again, but I am really hoping that this will stop for a while. Cause if I cry twice a day for the next 20 weeks, I'm going to be really bugged.

Life Goes On

2011-06-14T21:17:00.001-06:00

Today, at work, when I finally figured out what day it was, I had this little bell go off in the back of my mind. I worried that I was supposed to do something today, and I had forgotten. But, I was at work, so I just pushed that to the side.

Around 7:00 this evening, I remembered.

Today was supposed to be my due date.

Part of me says that's totally fine, because I'm pregnant now. As far as I know, everything is great with this baby. I'm so glad that I have this today, so I'm not as sad.

The other part of me says that I'm a jerk for forgetting. How could one forget her own child? I feel like a bad mom for forgetting about my angel baby.

For those of you who don't remember, I actually miscarried for about a month before we knew for sure. I bled for a month before we had an ultrasound. There I was able to see my baby's heartbeat. But it was slow. The Dr. suggested we wait a week to see if things would be ok, and then make a decision. The next week the heartbeat was gone, and I went into surgery the next day. Because I had been bleeding for so long, and because there was a large mystery spot on the ultrasound, the Dr. wonders if I miscarried twins. Just that I had miscarried one so much earlier that almost all signs of that baby were gone. It's hard not knowing for sure.

A few days before the first ultrasound, I was very worried. Part of me knew something was wrong. Hod didn't believe me. I'm not sure if that is just because he didn't want to, or if it was because he just thought I was paranoid. Either way, he bought me a gift to make me feel better. We are big fans of the Willow Tree figurines. Hod gave me this:

It's called "Cherish"

It really means a lot to me. This is the one way I was able to hold my baby. To my knowledge, in this life at least, this is the only way I will ever hold my baby. Though that was one of the hardest things I had ever gone through, I will always cherish that pregnancy. I learned a lot from it. It helped Hod and I to communicate better.

I've heard a lot of things about what happens when a woman miscarries, and what happens to that child. I don't doubt at all the revelation some friends have received when they have gone through it. However, I have not received any of the same. So, I just don't know.

But life goes on. I'm pregnant again. I am positive that this baby is not the child I miscarried. Right now, I am the mother of 2 (or maybe 3) children. I pray every day that in 2 weeks when I have my next ultrasound that everything will be great. I saw this baby's heartbeat at 7 weeks, and everything looked good. I hope it still is.

I guess it really is ok to go days at a time without thinking about my first baby. But I will always love that child. And I am grateful to have another baby coming, so I could spend the day working, and being happy and productive. I will always cherish the short time I had with my first. However, I am excited for the time I have had, and will have with my second.

Where's the Remote?

2011-06-13T12:12:00.000-06:00

As previously discussed, I am building a baby. This is rockin' awesome.

HOWEVER, it takes FOREVER!

Ok, I know that as humans we have nothing on elephants. 22 months? That is crazy!

But really, let me explain this to you. The initial "I'm pregnant" excitement has kind of been pushed out with all of the puking, back-aches, swollen feet, and just the general feeling lousy-ness. I'm still super happy about it, I'm just ready for a new phase. And I've been feeling this way for about a month.

In about 2 weeks, we should be able to find out the gender of Jr. This will change things drastically. But I'll be honest, I'm kind of over the whole pregnant thing. Can't I just fast forward to the part where I have the baby? Ready, set, GO!

Why Is That?

2011-06-10T13:02:00.000-06:00

I remember hearing rumors when I was a single lady. I heard once that a man's razor gives you a closer shave. Through price checking, I found that they usually cost more, so I dismissed this rumor. I mean, really, a close shave is really good for a man. However, a man shaves around 5% of his body. A woman shaves closer to 50%. So WHY would they not make a really good close shave razor for women?

Then I got married. We stayed in two different hotels on our honeymoon, and I accidentally left my razor at the first. Hod is a kind, sharing man and he had 2 razors so he let me use one. Great Wheat Thins! The rumor was right! The man's razor is so much better! For quite a while, I used Hod's razor. Then, because we were moving to FL (but we didn't) and because he was having some skin problems under his arms (TMI?) Hod decided to start shaving his armpits. I was in full support of this, cause I have always thought armpit hair was gross. I mean, really, I know they wash it, but armpits in general are gross. Now lets add hair to collect all of the grossness.

So then we started sharing. No problem. Til we found out that Hod is allergic to the body wash I use. So, it's back to me using my own. We went to buy me one, and I wondered if maybe my memory was bad. A woman's razor can't be that bad, can it? I got a woman's razor, cause it's cute and I'm a girl.

And I'm sorely disappointed. I'm sure many of you are just thinking, ok, so go buy a man's. However, I have about 7 spare blades for this razor, and I hate wasting things.

My question is this: WHY are men's razors so superior? All I know, is it's a bummer.

Tales From A Drug Clouded Mind

2011-06-07T11:15:00.000-06:00

Oh, my dear Hod. How I love you.

*Warning this post will include some bodily function details*

As previously mentioned, Hod had surgery on Thursday. He has had a problem in the past with anesthesia shutting down parts of his body. Like his bladder and bowels. And this time was no exception. Because of this, Hod was on an larger than normal dose of drugs. He had the normal pain medication (though narcotics, making things quite exciting.), some supplementary pain medication, an antibiotic, something to help the bowels start working, and something to help the bladder start working. In his crazy, drug clouded mind, he said some pretty funny things. Being the sensitive, loving wife that I am, I have decided to share my favorites with you.

(2 AM out of nowhere, and I have only been asleep for about 45 min)
"Knock, Knock"
(I'm tired enough that I can't get my mouth to work, so I respond with a "mmnnhhuunnhhusnai")
"Who's there?"
(This causes a panic, cause I don't have a clue where he was going.)
*Long Pause* "Oh... I forget"

(One afternoon as he is rolling over in his sleep)
"Tarantula!"
(Quickly followed by)
"Water-lanche! You know, when the rocks and water fall?"
(Uh... do you mean Avalanche?)
"No, Water-lanche. Like Tarantula!"

(As a get well soon gift, I bought Hod some slippers made of fabric that looks like you skinned a Muppet)
"Where are the Velcro Muppets?"
(Do you mean your slippers?)
"No, I need the Velcro Muppets, the ones that you throw at the bed!"
(Seriously this was very important, the bad guys were going to kill him if he didn't give them our Velcro Muppets.)

"I'm not Jewish!"

"I hate drugs. I'm already going through detox! I'm addicted!"
(He had taken a pill 45 minutes before)

(We have a friend who is an EMT and was helping us with a few medical needs at home.)
"Can you call (this friend) and tell her I need her to come tell me I'm not crazy?"

"Whoah! Did you feel that earthquake?"
(There had actually been a small earthquake the day before. However, Hod was sitting in a rocking chair.)

"The blanket is attacking me! The blanket is attacking me!"

And one story that I find quite humorous. Saturday night, Hod was HOT. As in he was going to die because the heat was so great. I had helped him take off his outer clothes, so he was wearing less layers. His hernia surgery incision was located right at the waist band of his underpants. Because of the heat, he had pulled the elastic away from his skin trying to get a breeze. This concerned me, because I could see his hand easily slipping, thus causing the elastic to snap against his skin and the incision. I expressed my concern. Hod was feeling a little vindictive or something, so with a smug look on his face, he stretched the elastic further. And, yes, it did snap. It hurt him pretty bad, and though I had sympathy, it was humorous.

Also, about my start in Urology. I actually have no interest in that field. I don't do bodily fluids. Especially while pregnant. This is why I take great pride in the fact that I removed Hod's catheter. Oh, did I mention that he had one of those? Yeah. And when he was done with it, it was on Sunday, and we called the hospital, and I was told how to get it out. I did most of it with my eyes closed, and almost died when some liquid got on me, until I was informed it was just water. Those are my mad skills.

I May Have Gone A Little Crazy

2011-06-06T18:07:00.001-06:00

Life. It's been busy! Let me share with you:

May 28th we moved. I was SO grateful for the help we had. I was very nervous about this move, because you see, we were moving into a second floor apartment, which isn't too bad. However, when you add in the fact that I'm pregnant and I'm not supposed to lift anything over about 20 lbs, and my husband had a surgery scheduled for the next week to repair a hernia so he wasn't supposed to lift, and my Dad is great and pretty strong, but he is over seventy, I was just really worried. However, with 3 great guys from our new ward, and L5 and L7 we got it all moved in just under sixty minutes! It was great!

Then I should have unpacked, but instead I went with my sisters to a ~~baby~~ *edit for accuracy, I guess I really am crazy* bridal shower. My dear Mom took her moving job seriously so when I got home that night I had a bed all set up and made for me to sleep in! (Thanks Mom!)

Sunday I didn't unpack.

Monday was a holiday, so I didn't unpack.

Tuesday I worked, so I didn't unpack.

Wednesday Hod and I spent a lot of time shopping to get things for our apartment, and things he would need for his surgery the next day. I'm pregnant and tire easily, so I didn't unpack.

Thursday Hod had his surgery. MAN do I have some funny stories about that. These will come later. But for the sake of this post, just know that there was still no unpacking.

Friday was another day of trying to take care of my heavily medicated husband, so I didn't unpack. Then my dear friend came to visit and spend the night. She was kind enough to not complain about sleeping amongst boxes.

Saturday, more taking care of hod. Still no unpacking.

Sunday, I started my potential career as a urologist. And I didn't unpack. OH, but then my dishwasher flooded so we had to clean that up and all of my dishes were still dirty.

Today, more Dr stuff for Hod, and still no unpacking.

Pretty much I need to get busy! Today I am crazy. Really. Ask Hod. He was crazy for 3 days and it's like I felt left out or something.

And that is my life! More details to follow:)

Just So You Know

2011-05-25T13:19:00.001-06:00

I have discovered that I REALLY enjoy driving my car by myself and making race car sounds. Not that I'm really good at sound effects, 'cause I'm a girl. (I know that sounds totally sexist, but in my experience 90% of men are better at sound effects than 95% of women) However, I find a lot of joy making overly dramatic acceleration sounds, and squealing tire sounds as I turn corners.

What do you do to make driving fun?

As Requested

2011-05-19T22:13:00.000-06:00

So, I realize that I already posted today. Sorry about that. It's a two-for-one deal! I have gotten a few requests to post pictures of my baby bump. I also got a new hair cut, so that is in this picture too. Now, I must explain a few things about this picture. Firstly, I am no good at taking pictures of myself. Secondly, I would like to share that before I became pregnant, my tummy was smaller than my ... upper area. Not by a ton, but it was. Thirdly, though this may be TMI my upper area has grown enough that I have already had to buy new under garments. And at the current rate of growth, I will be doing this at least one more time. So, proportionately, I may not look that different. However, my proportions have drastically changed. Honestly, I'm pretty happy about all of these changes.

So, here you go. It's me, and making their blog debut, is Baby Bucket

Random Observation

2011-05-19T11:11:00.000-06:00

Has anyone else noticed that the majority of the time, the "word verification" words ... aren't? As in, sometimes you get things like "Moon" or "Hot Dog", but most often you are given "Moen" or "Hat Dug". They can be so close to being words, but they just got lost on the way. I feel like they shouldn't be called "word verifications", but that they should be called "random-letters-we-put-together-to-throw-you-off verification". I am TOTALLY a human, and half the time I get it wrong.

This has no purpose. I was just thinking about it, and this is my blog, so I can be random if I want to. (And if it was my party I could cry, just cause I wanted to.)

This is getting strange. Thanks for reading! :)

Celebrate!

2011-05-14T21:14:00.000-06:00

Look at the ticker at the top of my blog! Really, GO! Look!

Do you see what I see? Do you see how many weeks have gone by in my pregnancy? THIRTEEN! Do you know what thirteen means? SECOND TRIMESTER! When I was at week 7, we went to the doctor, and because Jr was short, they moved my due date. Had that not happened, I would have been in week thirteen last Monday. And I tell you what, this week was awesome! I'm still kind of sick sometimes, but as a whole, I am only sick when my stomach is empty. So I eat, and eat, and eat. I've always quite enjoyed eating, but now it's kind of getting old. The good news though, is I'm feeling better.

Ok, some people say that the second trimester doesn't start till week fourteen. But because it's about 50/50 I'm going to say I'M THERE! Jr, is the size of a peach and I'm feeling good!

Did I mention I'm really happy about this? Cause I am! I feel like a person again!

Pregnancy Perk #3

2011-05-06T12:31:00.000-06:00

As previously mentioned, I'm a squishy type girl. This is something I have been self-conscious about most of my life. I've been working on it slowly but surely. Then I was blessed with pregnancy, and i am no longer working on it. And yet, there is something really cool going on. You see, I am showing freakishly early. Yes, I am aware that it could be bloat, or water weight. Whatever it is, I look pregnant. Normally, squishy girls take longer to show, and for some strange reason, that's not the case with me.

I've always been the type to kind of avoid looking in the mirror when I get out of the shower. I wasn't happy with what I saw, so I just didn't look. The other day, I decided to take a glance, and this is what I found: I felt beautiful. Here I am, looking larger than I ever have in my life, and yet, I feel pretty. Right now, it's not some horrible thing that I need to try to get rid of. It's something that I have wanted for months. Well, years really. I just knew I needed to get married first. Sunday is Mother's Day, and though I haven't yet met my baby, I am a Mom! I am a mom, with a beautiful pregnant looking body. Pretty much life is rockin' my knee-highs!

Can I Please Plan?

2011-05-03T10:07:00.000-06:00

About a week ago, Hod and I made a decision. You see, we have been living with my parents to save on rent. We are so grateful to them. However, we kind of want our own place. Mom and Dad have been so good to us, and they have let us take over the basement so we can have our own space. But, we still have to coordinate with my parents a lot. That really isn't a big deal, I just don't love having to do it. I guess maybe that's part of being an adult: I just don't want to have to depend so much on my parents. So, even though I've loved spending time with my parents, we're ready to move on.

Hod and I decided that it was time to move out. We decided to stay in this area. Hod got a new job so he could support our family, and I got a part time summer job. We both started working this week. Yesterday we went and found an apartment, filled out the application, payed the fee, all that jazz. I was SO excited! We had a plan! We knew what we were doing for the next 12 months at least. There was joy in my heart.

Then while I was at work, Hod got a call asking him to come interview for a job about 50 miles away. Hod REALLY wants this job. It would be in a great environment (which he may or may not have now... he just started his new job today), it would be something he would enjoy (unlike the job he took to support our family), and he would never have to work on a Sunday (also something not currently an option).

Why must this happen just when I'm planning? I mean, really! A month ago, I was moving to Florida. Then in the course of 48 hours we discovered that we weren't supposed to go. We had no where to live, so my parents kindly took us in. So we made a new plan, and less than 4 hours later, that plan my be over. I'm all about trying to follow the Lord, but I'm getting tired! I want to PLAN!

Ok, sorry to complain. But there are some things I need to figure out. For example, I would really like to get a Doctor. Jr is growing. I can tell cause my tummy is growing and I'm losing weight. Not a lot, don't be worried. I've lost about 5 lbs in just over a month. I just get nervous. I don't know what is normal for me. I've never been this pregnant before. I would love for a doctor to tell me that everything is fine. Part of me knows that it's all good, but I still get nervous. If you don't know where you're going to live, it makes it really hard to get a doctor.

Overall, life really is good. I just have this intense need to plan!

Being Lazy

2011-04-30T16:29:00.004-06:00

So, I was perusing around the internet today, and found a blog called Pregnant Chicken. I'll be honest, sometimes it uses some inappropriate words. But man, it's funny! While reading today, I found a favorite post. You can read the real version here.

I thought it was time for me to blog again, and yet I didn't really have anything I wanted to say. Well, I do have something I would love to rant about, but I don't think my mother would approve, so I'm trying to hold it in. Anyway, because I'm lazy, I just stole something great from someone else. But it made me happy!

Because I try so hard to be a good little Mormon girl, I've pasted the text here with a small edit for less awkwardness. Here you go!

Pregnancy Brain

Monday, January 24, 2011 at 7:12PM

Today's post has been brought to you by stark. raving. mad. mommy.

I love her for her wit, kick trash cowboy boots and her ability to poke the bear. She is the one I would have hidden behind in Junior High and screamed "yeah" as she told off the middle aged, creepy guy hanging over the fence to stop leering at us in gym.

She also saved my tooshy on Labour Day by writing a wicked post about labor (with no 'u').

This post is all about pregnancy brain which I totally had when I was pregnant and now I have Mommy Brain.

I chalk the Baby Brain up to hormones, and the Mommy Brain up to toddler water tourture but some people are lucky enough to escape both. To them I say, lucky......blast......what the was the word I was looking for? Doggy-do-do. Hang on a minute. It will come to me....

Enjoy.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Today I placed my son’s glasses on top of the car, and drove off like that. In all fairness, my hands were full – car keys, backpack, glasses, and belligerent autistic four-year-old who did not want to go to school. I put the glasses down because I didn’t want them to break. Awesome.

This is what we call Mommy Brain. Mommy Brain accounts for all the things you mess up until senile dementia takes over. Before Mommy Brain, there is Pregnancy Brain, which is actually worse. Pregnancy Brain is caused by having gallons of progesterone floating around your body while trying to grow an entire human being in your body. It’s like the craziest Sea Monkey science experiment evah, and it’s happening inside you. It’s amazing you can even remember to get up in the morning.

Fortunately, Mother Nature takes over and ensures that you do the bare necessities – your body tells you urgently when it’s time to eat, sleep, and empty out the bladder, which is pretty much all you do during a pregnancy anyway.

However, because your brain is so busy telling you that you have to go #1 like a racehorse right this very second, it stops telling you other things. Important things, which might affect your employment or your ability to function normally in society.

I had four children in the space of five years, so I pretty much have irretrievable brain damage at this point. Possibly, when they’ve all gone off to college, I’ll be able to spark some new brain cells by doing lots of crossword puzzles. Maybe I should start taking some of those souped-up “senior” vitamins (or “geezer pills,” as my parents call them) to try to stave off the inevitable dementia that’s coming my way.

During my first pregnancy, when I was still working, I forgot the email password I had had for months. It was completely gone from my head, and had to be reset. I didn’t do too many other stupid things at work because I was so busy throwing up during that pregnancy.

When I was pregnant the second time, I already had two-year-old twins. I remember lying (on my left side, of course) on the couch, watching Blue’s Clues with my toddlers and being stumped. Let me say it again: I was stumped by Blue’s Clues. I was all, “dang, Blue, I have no. freaking. clue. what the heck you want. Steve, you’re a freaking genius to figure out those fiendish clues.” *Paily's favorite paragraph*

That wasn’t my only proud moment. During my pregnancies, I did all kinds of stupid stuff. I showed up for an ultrasound appointment a day early, and an OB appointment a day late. My daughters missed a swim lesson because I got lost on the way to the pool. I still have no idea how that happened.

One of my friends is right now pregnant with her fifth girl. Her oldest is only seven, so she’s been steeping in progesterone and prolactin for the better part of a decade now. Her round ligaments and her brain are shot. The other day she stood outside her house, attempting to open the door with her remote car door opener. She just stood there, clicking and clicking, wondering why the door didn’t beep and unlock. Poor thing.

My friend L. has the most entertaining Pregnancy Brain evah. She completely loses the filter that stops you from saying the things you’re only supposed to say in your mind. *Paily Edit, they SO could have been talking about me!!*

During her next pregnancy, in a meeting with several co-workers, including two company vice-presidents, someone commented on another person’s new haircut. L. piped up with, “too bad you didn’t do something about those nose hairs.”

L.’s unfiltered mouth when she has Pregnancy Brain is so shocking and hilarious, I wish she would have more kids. However, it’s astonishing she managed to keep her job through two pregnancies, so she’s decided to stop while she’s still employed.

The best thing you can do about Pregnancy Brain is to prioritize and then enjoy it. Put sticky notes on everything so that you remember the essentials, then use Pregnancy Brain as the perfect excuse for pretty much anything you don’t feel like doing. “Sorry, I forgot about that. I have Pregnancy Brain.”

stark. raving. mad. mommy. blogs about parenting, insanity, and chaos at starkravingmadmommy.com.

Pregnancy Perk #2

2011-04-22T11:14:00.001-06:00

(If you're looking for Pregnancy Perk #1, I didn't actually blog about it. It's just the fact that I'm making a BABY! Could that be any cooler?)

As most of you know, I am a bit squishy. (I don't use the term "fat" that's derogatory. And gross. It just makes me think of a bucket of Crisco, and I'm trying to feel good about myself.) I've never been insanely "Biggest Loser" worthy squishy. Just a bit. But my dear Hod loves me and all of my squishy-ness.

One result of squishy-ness is what I refer to as the "Great Divide". This is the part of my stomach where my pants sit, causing a section of squishy, a divide point, and another portion of squishy. Come on, I know you know what I'm talking about. It's something I've been self conscious about. Any of you who have never experienced the "Great Divide" may be thinking that I just needed to buy bigger pants, and that may have been true at one point, but really, all of my pants were a little too big before I got pregnant, and the "Great Divide" was still there. It is a mystery.

Which leads me to Pregnancy Perk #2. The disappearance of the "Great Divide". I realize what the counter at the top of my blog says, and yes, it's strange to be showing already. It is very possible that this is all bloat. (Although, Hod claims he can tell where baby is, because he found a firm spot.... let us just ignore the fact that the firm spot was my hip bone...) But whatever the cause I am big enough now that the "Great Divide" is no more! It makes me pretty happy. And really, seeing as in many ways this is my second pregnancy (and I've heard you show faster the second time) and I'm actually slowly losing weight (I eat, just apparently not quite enough. But the puking doesn't help either.) and genetically, I know my family, and we tend to be GINORMOUS by the end of things, I'm not surprised that I already look a bit pregnant.

So, at least for now, Goodbye "Great Divide". I can't say that I'm going to miss you. Thanks for the memories, or whatever, but thanks even more for leaving!

My Current Obsession

2011-04-17T23:26:00.000-06:00

Hello friends!

So, this last week I learned that I have a new obsession. However, it is not a pleasant one. Have you ever had something that you just can't stop yourself from doing, even though you know it's not a good idea? I currently have this problem. My newest obsession: Road kill.

Hod and I went on a quick trip with his sister to go see his mom for her birthday. (There was us, and her dog's cousin's, owner's, best-friend's, sister's, hairdresser) I found that the entire drive there and back I couldn't stop myself from looking at the road kill. Who does that? I mean, really, because of Jr's prolonged stay I am pretty much always nauseous. I'm pretty sure if you're struggling to keep your cookies down (not that I eat a lot of those, Jr doesn't like sugar) then the worst thing you can do is check out the decapitated animal on the side of the road. And yet, that is exactly what I have been doing. EVERY TIME. And each time, I think to myself, "Self, this is a bad idea. Look away! Look away!" However, the truth of what happens is my head turns, my eyes widen, and I take it all in. Every last un-enjoyable detail. I just can't help myself.

There is probably a pill I could take to stop it, but it's not safe for pregnant women, like EVERY OTHER MEDICINE ON THE PLANET so I just have to suffer through this malady as well.

All I can say is, if I wasn't getting a super cute kid out of this, it wouldn't be worth it. (And YES my baby will be cute. Do you really want to mess with me, and the hormones? Yeah, I didn't think so. Just keep walkin' buddy!)

Seriously, Dudes?

2011-04-08T16:53:00.000-06:00

With the great blessing of Jr taking a lengthly vacation in my uterus, (Ok, actually what Jr is doing is pretty hard work.) I have come upon a few challenges. One of the more difficult has been prenatal vitamins.

After about 1 week of taking them, my body decided it was done. It suddenly became impossible for me to swallow them. If by some miracle I could get them to start the journey down my esophagus, before it's journey was complete, it would make a mad dash for freedom. It didn't matter what time of day I took them, or the status of my stomach, all attempts ended in me running for the nearest bathroom.

So, we had to think outside of the box. I've never been great at swallowing pills, so I wondered if chew-ables would work. We bought some, and the very clear answer was that, no, they would never work for me. I couldn't even try to swallow them before I was having violent reactions.

Back to the drawing board. I discovered liquid prenatal vitamins. These can be mixed with any liquid, and according to reviews, when mixed with juice, you couldn't even taste them. Desperate for anything to help my baby form in a healthy way, I ordered some.

And then I waited. And started checking labels. Did you know that there are many cereals that have a ton of folic acid? Because cereal and I have formed a great bond, and as of now, it is the one food that my body has never rejected, it became my main staple. However, I have been SO tired! I wondered if it was because I still wasn't getting enough of the right nutrients, and the few I have been getting were being stolen from me, and being used by Jr.

Then today, my vitamins came! I was very excited. So I opened the bottle, and I wasn't too impressed with the smell. Being pregnant, I am quite sensitive to smells. However, I have learned how to plug my nose. Because I haven't found a way to "plug" my taste buds, good flavor is quite important to me. I was quite eager to see if the liquid vitamin would hold up with all of the reviews. I got my spoon so I could measure it and mix it in my juice. I grabbed the bottle and started trying to pour it out. I was greeted with a dark green, very thick, slime.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

I mean, Hello!!! Do you really think that a woman who has turned to liquid prenatals is going to have a positive reaction to the possibility of eating slime? What were they thinking?

Really, though, I had no choice. It is not a perfect science yet, because it didn't really dissolve in my juice, so I had one very slime like swallow. However, I can proudly say that I drank my vitamin over 30 minutes ago, and it is still inside of me. This is a breakthrough. But, I'm still not happy that I'm eating slime.

I Never Thought I'd Say This...

2011-04-06T22:29:00.000-06:00

I grew up in a house with 4 other women. This means that for about 1 week a month, my Dad tried to work extra hours cause his house was full of crazy hormonal females. And we were all very different. One sister cried a lot, one sister yelled a lot, one sister just looked ticked all the time, and my dear Mom tried to be patient with all of us while she was feeling a bit emotional as well. (Ok, it probably wasn't that bad, but as a young teen, it was rough!) I was always the snappy one. I'd be all happy and fine, and then someone would tell me they liked my blue shoes better than my red ones and I'd snap! It was no good.

Not every month was bad. Sometimes I was totally fine. And after almost 16 years of this monthly occurrence (yeah, do the math, don't you feel bad for me?) I feel like I had all PMS symptoms fairly under control. I'm sure Hod would admit some months weren't the best, but comparatively, I thought I did well.

I'm sad to say, I want the PMS back.

Oh, did I mention that I shouldn't have PMS for another 33 weeks? That's because my family is growing! Hod and I are very excited.

However, through this, I really would like the PMS back. And let me tell you why. When I realized I was being ornery and dumb, I knew it was going to be over in a few days. This hormonal orneryness is going to go on for quite a while. Don't get me wrong, after the last pregnancy that ended in heartbreak and surgery, I am SO glad to be going through this. That is why I have been able to smile while I am throwing up. This is such a blessing. But some days I just plain can't control the ornery! And it's over the dumbest things! For example, Hod called me tonight to tell me he was off of work. I like to talk to him, and I like to know when he leaves so I can know when he should be home so I can start worrying. We are currently not living in the same house (but only for 3 more days!!!!!!!!) but I still like him to call me. I am living with my parents, and they live in a black hole of really bad cell phone service. So, Hod calls me, and I can't hear him. I hang up, and grab my parent's home phone. It has free long distance, and then I don't have to worry about losing contact with my dear hubby. Before I could start dialing, Hod called me back on my cell.

There is nothing wrong with that. I mean, really, Hod was trying to talk to me, because he knows that I miss him. And yet, the anger that welled up inside of me because he hadn't waited for me to call him on the land line (which I hadn't told him I was going to do) is completely crazy. The good news is, I calmed down quickly. But why am I angry? Because of all of the STUPID (and by stupid I mean hard for me to handle, and yet SO great because that means I am making a baby, and if you listen to the old wives tales it means Jr is healthy) hormones raging through my body.

All I know, is after November, Hod should get some sort of reward for dealing with me. I hope I get this under control. Seriously, friends. It's bad enough that I tick myself off when I get mad. That's just asking for a never ending cycle of annoyance. So, thanks Hod, for dealing with the crazy that is your wife. Hopefully the normal Paily will come back in about 7 more months.

Bummer.

2011-03-31T23:25:00.000-06:00

*WARNING SUPER LAME-NESS AHEAD*

So. Hod and I have been married 7 months on Sunday. Because of changes in our life I am currently living with my sweet parents, and Hod is staying with friends back in our old town until he finishes his last week of classes. This saves us an entire month's worth of rent. Great for the wallet. Not so good for the heart. In the past 7 months, Hod and I have never spent a night in separate houses. And here we are, 3 hours away, and part of me feels like it's the end of the world. I'm so pathetic! I mean, really, I have a niece who's husband did a tour in Iraq. (and another niece who's husband did Iraq before they were married.) She had to deal with sleeping alone. And then there is my sister, L6. Her hubby is a pilot and is gone for days at a time. She is a single mom for half of her life. And THEN there is sister L3 who's husband died of cancer and she spent YEARS alone before she found her current hubby (whom we all love).

And yet I'm here, being super lonely. I may have cried a bit. I AM SO LAME! This is stupid. Then again, when you have a husband as hunky as Hod, you tend to miss him.

Probably the Best Ever

2011-03-28T10:50:00.001-06:00

I LOVE cold cereal. Hod learned fairly early in our marriage that if he decided to make me a fancy crepe breakfast I would get warm fuzzies, and think it was sweet, but it wouldn't be my favorite. On rare occasions I would prefer waffles and scrambled eggs, but really, just give me my cold cereal. I don't know what it is, I just love it! And I like almost all cold cereal. Fruity pebbles, corn chex, cookie crisp, rice krispies, Oatmeal squares (I LOVE those), honey bunches of oats, they are all good!

Really, there is no point to this. I just had my breakfast and it brought great joy to my heart. Even though I was eating cheap cereal and it kind of ripped up my tongue. It sure tasted good and brought a smile to my face. I should probably get out more.

What's one of your favorite foods? Or favorite kind of cereal?

Opening My Eyes

2011-03-17T11:07:00.000-06:00

I've always considered myself to be a pretty observant person. I don't notice everything, but I often notice things that others don't. Then something happens that makes me realize how wrong I am.

I present to you exhibit A:

Do you see the little red circle? This is my winter coat that I got in December. That is a fairly large envelope holding the spare button hanging from the side seam. Would you like to know when I found it? Last week. Crazy, right? How could I not notice that? Just wait, it gets worse.

I present to you exhibit B:

I have been wearing these pants for a year now. The little tag-holder piece of plastic is much smaller, but I've been WEARING my pants for a YEAR! I found this little friend about 3 days after I found my button envelope.

A normal person would have cut it right out. But I didn't. I'm not sure why. It's like I am attached to my little pants friend who I just met. Yeah, I probably need to get out more.

In other news, I'm packing. Hod and I are moving in with my parents for a month. We have to be out of our apartment on the 31st. Hod is working basically 30 hours a week, and going to school full time. And, can I just share, some of the teachers here are crazy! Hod has one specific class, that is 2 credits. Now in a normal world, that would mean from that class you could expect 4-6 hours of homework a week. Nope. This teacher expects you to devote 12 hours a week to their class. This all means that Hod is crazy busy, and that Paily is doing all of the packing. We have SO MUCH STUFF!!!! When Hod and I got married and moved up here, we were super busy. We didn't sort through all of our belongings, so we are doing it now. Busy, busy Paily.

Tender!

2011-03-14T16:26:00.002-06:00

True Love:

When Hod buys me a super cute polka-dotted cup with straw to aid me in my water drinking goals.

I love him.

That's Not Very Nice!

2011-03-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

This morning I had been awake for about 20 min, when I got a text from a friend. He informed me that my gmail account had been hacked, and I needed to change my password. WHAT? That totally whomps.

Let me explain to you the worst part of this: my gmail account is my "professional" account. The one that is paily.smithsonian25 instead of warmfuzziebunnyslippers. This is the account that I use when I am applying for jobs. Not only was my account hacked, but in the hacking the not nice person decided to email everyone I have ever sent an email too. So, that lady that I sent an email to in 2008 when I was applying for a job in Texas (where I haven't lived for a full 2 years) got a hacked e-mail today. Wow. That looks professional.

So, yeah. That's pretty embarrassing. And, I find it interesting that Person Hacker chose the email account that I had for 3 years instead of the account I've had for 13. I changed the password on my old account today, so I can tell you this now, but when I was in the 7th grade and I made that account I was STUPID and made my birthday my password. I know, you're not supposed to do that. However, in my defense in 1996-1997 I was ignorant, and to my knowledge there weren't that many hackers then. I mean, really, the word "internet" wasn't considered a common knowledge word until 1996. I was totally a cutting edge 13 year old!

The fact that I got hacked really is lame. For me the strangest part is the feeling of violation I have. I know it's just e-mail, but it was personal. What did I ever do to them? You should get your nose out of my business and stop trying to hurt people.

Really, why are people mean? I know, there must needs be opposition in all things and all that, but can't we just quarantine all the mean people together? Then they can be mean, and it's their business, and whatever. The important thing is they would be leaving us all alone. That is my wish.

Stupid hackers. We are totally in a fight.

Learning To Share

2011-03-07T21:06:00.000-07:00

I love married life. Hod is one of the greatest things to happen in my life. Adjusting to married life has been fairly easy for Hod. This is in part because Hod is really good at the whole, "what's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours" thing.

Me.... Not so much. You see, when I married Hod he had lived on his own for about 18 months. I had lived on my own for about 8 years. I was very used to "this is mine, not yours, so stick it" kind of mentality. I'm not sure why I'm not good at sharing. Growing up with 3 sisters, and a lot of nieces and nephews, I was often given the opportunity to share. And I think I did ok with it. I don't actually remember, and I'm sure my sisters will all correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I was a share-er. And then I kind of stopped.

I think that happened when I started living on my own. Back when Mom and Dad paid for things it was much easier to give. When I started paying the bills I suddenly became very attached to my boxes of Mac n' Cheese. I had worked hard for the money to buy it. I became a stickler. I didn't mean to become a jerk of sorts, but I guess I did. This new selfish lifestyle fit me. I liked having my stuff. I really liked knowing that if I had 2 pieces of candy left, they would still be there when I returned. It made me happy to sit something down and know it wouldn't have moved when I came back to it.

Then I married Hod. He is SO good at sharing. If I wanted to wear his cloths, he'd probably let me. No matter what he has, he is willing to let me have/use it. The only problem with this is: I haven't gotten to that point yet. Sometimes Hod will use my stuff, and it bothers me. Really, it's all ours. Not mine. (Ok, the feminine supplies are mine. But really, that's about it.)

This situation is best illustrated in a story. One day, Hod decided he needed a new toothbrush. He threw his away, and then discovered he couldn't find our spares. Not a problem for Hod. He just grabbed my toothbrush, and 2 minutes later, all clean! I could see his logic. I mean, really, we've kissed. I should have no problem at all with his spit. And yet, I can't get over it. Twice Hod has used my toothbrush and twice I have given it to him to keep. Am I crazy? Are you ok with sharing EVERYTHING with your spouse? Or if you have not yet entered the spouse world would you share?

I promise Mom taught me to share. But apparently 8 years of singleness broke me of the habit.

*BUT as a side note, while packing I just found the spare head to my toothbrush... I'm taking it back! :) *

Some Important Warm Fuzzies

2011-03-03T22:38:00.001-07:00

I first saw this about a year ago, after a hard day. I remember standing in my roommate's room, with her and L7 and crying a bit. My dad retired from the military, and I am proud to say that I have 3 nephews who also serve. I feel that no matter what you think about the war that the US is in, you have to support the men and women fighting. They are risking everything. So a great big thank you to all of the Service men/women. Grab your tissues and watch friends!

(And I'm not a fan of the music, but whatev.)

Becoming a Morning Person

2011-03-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I don't really do mornings. Seriously. The 2 weeks of the summer where I had to get up at 6:00 to pick raspberries (actually I had to get up earlier, we had to "be in the bush by 6") were pretty much torture. AND some years, we'd have such a great crop that it would go over 2 weeks. I tell you what, getting up at the I-can-barely-see-it's-still-so-dark crack of dawn to go stand in a wet bush (stupid dew) gingerly picking red berries, and keeping your eyes out for the multitude of spiders, leaf bugs, and grasshoppers that were just waiting to attack you, thus causing you to jump and spill some of your berries, that then caused a panic, because if Dad saw them, you were surely in trouble, and then you REALLY wished you were still in bed and this nightmare was just a dream, was not something this bucketeer enjoyed.

L5-L7 can all tell you stories of me getting up for scriptures, not really paying attention while we were reading (but I got very good at my 6 times tables) and then going back to bed, and not surfacing until after 8. Yes, you heard me, after 8. That was some major sleeping in at my house growing up. My Dad was a really big fan of the whole "early to bed, early to rise" thing.

How I got through 3 years of early morning drama rehearsals, I will never be able to tell you. But I did, armed with pop tarts, or sometimes a Popsicle for breakfast, I would walk on stage and pretty much dance in my sleep. I wasn't popin' but my breakfast was! (I know, super lame joke, it just had to be made)

I remember one morning during my short stay at the MTC, of my alarm going off. I rolled over to press snooze, it was 6:10 AM. I wasn't thinking about how great it was to be a missionary, and that I got to preach the Gospel. I was thinking, "I have to wake up this early every day for the next 18 months. WHY did I do this to myself!" I then started to wonder if it was really worth it. And it was, but that morning, I wanted to become apostate and run far, far away!

Fast forward a few years to last summer. Hod and I both had a not fun job that paid well. I was on a rotating shift where every 3 weeks it was my turn to be to work by 6:30. Pretty lame. And then it happened, Hod got moved to the early shift. Now, Hod, bless his super attractive heart, is not a morning person. I personally believe that some little gremlin comes in the night and super glues his back to the bed. That is how hard it is for him to get up. As a result, when Hod had to be to work at 6:30, I had to wake up at 6:10 and call him to get him out of bed. Roughly translated, this means I never got to sleep in. But I did it, for Hod.

And it set a pattern. Now, every morning, my alarm goes off, so I can wake my dear husband up, to help him get the last of his homework done, or to get him to work on time. (As a side note, I am SO glad that I didn't let him take a 7:30 class. I would have wanted to spit on him every morning.)

I have friends that get up during the 6:00 hour every day. I don't know how they do it. 7:30 is being our earliest. Every day, the alarm goes off and I have to shove Hod out of bed. Every day it is a struggle. "Just 10 more minutes? Just 2 more minutes?"

I'm not really a morning person yet. I feel like I'm just acting. And so it goes. Every day. Probably for the rest of my life. I know once I have kids I'll be lucky to get to 7:30. Maybe someday I will actually make the transition to the ever elusive "Morning Person".

Bodies Are Mysterious

2011-02-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

Our bodies are special things. Really. Think about all of the things that your body can do. Go ahead.

Are you thinking?

All done? Good.

Now lets talk about something with our bodies. Arm hair. I know some people chose to shave their arms, but the majority of people walking this earth have hair on their arms and do nothing to maintain it. I am of the opinion that this is because as we go about our lives, our arm hair takes care of itself. I mean, really, somehow, without trimming, it it never gets that long. If I went that long without trimming my head hair it would be CRAZY long. I think that before individual hairs get too long, they fall out because we do things. We wear them off.

And yet, sometimes, if I actually look at my arm hair, I find one or two that are freakishly long. It's creepy. Why do they do that? Why is that the exception and not the norm? Why don't they make arm hair trimmers?

It really is a mystery.

Oh, Tender!

2011-02-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

Since I am currently unemployed, Hod often asks me to drive him to school. He says it's because he likes to spend time together. I actually think it's just because having someone drop you off at your building is a lot easier than finding a parking spot and walking. But whatever.

Apparently, dropping your spouse off for class is a very common occurrence. Hod and I have a mostly unspoken rule: All goodbyes must be accompanied with a kiss. Don't worry, not something big and sloppy. We keep it clean, and simple, and cute. I'm sure most of you are thinking, "Yeah, Duh, Everyone does that." It's true, they do! And I get to see it. No, I'm not some creeper who is sitting there watching everyone. I just notice it as I drop Hod off. There are always other cars, doing the same thing. Yeah for love!

A Time of Transition?

2011-02-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

Greetings Bucketeers!

Life in the frigid North has been changing. Well, it's maybe changing. We're not sure what is going on for sure. A week ago, I lost my job. That story is not something I am wanting to share here. During the next 4 days Hod had some intense opportunities come up. He is being very seriously looked at for a new job. We are really hoping it works out. Although, if he gets this job, I won't be seeing him until April. He'll still be sleeping here, but I will probably feel like I'm running an upscale bed and breakfast where they will customize meals to your liking, and they do your laundry. With full time school and working all but full time that's just the way it will be. But we feel really good about this opportunity, so we're planning on moving forward if it's offered.

Also, Hod has been applying for internships. And not a one of them is in the state we currently reside. He has interviewed for one. He has applied for others. He has another interview type of thing in March. And we don't know if he'll get anything, or when he will start. Meanwhile, I'm applying for jobs. It's not a fun thing to do, but it's a must.

So, to sum up, Paily: no job. Hod: Has one job, is interviewing for another, and is also interviewing for paid internships that start sometime. It is such a good thing I have a dependable hubby! (And as an added bonus, he is super cute!)

We don't know what is going to happen, we don't know what Hod is going to be offered, nor do we know what we will accept. But for now we're "loading up the car" so to speak. That is from an analogy Hod's mom gave him about not being a parked car so the Lord can do what he wants with you. Right now we figure we've put the car in neutral, and we're packing up the trunk so we can go anywhere. So, right now it's all one giant MAYBE.

Can You Explain It?

2011-02-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

There is one thing in life that has almost always been very important to me. Once I was shown how it would change my life, I have always done what what I could to make this a priority. It is life changing.

Of course, I am talking about decorative socks.

They are cute, they are all the same thickness so you don't have to mate them, and often so soft.

Yesterday I noticed something about them. I must admit I feel betrayed.

Decorative socks are almost always tall enough that they shouldn't be worn with shorts or capris. This I already knew. However, I realized that when you wear pants, and then you wear shoes, suddenly no one can see the socks. Why do you have socks that are so cute when no one can see them? I mean, I guess you know that your feet are cute, but you can't share the goodness.

Why, decorative socks. Why have you suddenly turned on me??

I've Been Tagged!!

2011-02-17T10:49:00.001-07:00

Good Morning Bucket ... Family!

Ok, you're not all family... unless you go to the we're all part of the human family thing. I've been watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition while I've been looking for a job online. (Did I mention that I lost my job? More on that later.)

I have a friend who tagged me! I don't believe I've ever been tagged before. So, to honor this occasion, I'm actually going to make my list. The assignment: list 15 interesting facts about yourself. We may think different things are interesting. Hope I don't bore you. And, seeing as almost all of my followers are family, you probably know most of the facts. Oh, well. Here we go!

1. I met Hod because I dated his best friend for 7 months. 3 1/2 months after the ex and I broke up, Hod and I were engaged. I know that sounds all sorts of scandalous, but it's not. Really. I didn't even consider looking at Hod that way till after the break up. Hod just moves fast, and somehow he got me to move fast as well. I always said that I wanted to date someone at least 6 months before I got engaged.... Yeah that didn't work out for me. Eh, that's fine. Hod is totally worth it.

2. I secretly dream of being a super good chef. I have no desire to work in a restaurant. I just want to be the best chef on the block. In my dreams, I'm all grown up and have kids, and my kids bring the neighborhood kids over, and they all want to eat my food, and it's so good that kids who never eat their vegetables will start, because my veggies are SO amazing! And my pastries. And my main dishes. The problem is, currently I am usually too lazy to really cook. This is mostly because Hod works nights and I don't see the point in cooking amazing things for myself. And I don't really enjoy the dishes. And we have a super small dishwasher, so we can't really put any big bowls in it.

3. My brain has mad skills. Wow, that sounds egotistical. Let me explain. Growing up, I was always taught that if something was in your head, and you didn't want it there that you could hum your favorite hymn (sing out with vigor and vim) or recite a scripture, and because your head can only think of one thing at a time the unwanted thing will be pushed out. Yeah, not so much for me. I can honestly think of 2 or 3 things at once. This means to push out the unwanted stuff I have to be singing multiple songs at once, a scripture, and lines from that scene I took to competition in high school called "Men are Slime". We didn't do well, but it was a super fun scene!

4. As I'm sure you've noticed I like to go off on tangents. Seriously, it can be hard to stay on one subject. I don't know if that's because of my funky brain, or if I do actually have ADD like people have said I do, or if maybe my brain works faster than my mouth... or would that be my mouth works faster than my brain.... it's a rough life. ;)

5. My family is super crazy. Oh, as individuals we are super cool. But as a whole, things are special. Let me explain how this works. All of my grandparents are gone, but when I talk about them, I have 5 grandmas and only 2 grandpas. I have around 42 aunts and uncles. I have over 400 first cousins. 3 of my siblings are old enough to be my parents. I have 2 nieces and 1 nephew that are older than me. This then flows down to my niece who very recently turned one. And honestly, I wouldn't change a thing.

6. My favorite numbers are 3, 7, and another 4 digit number. I would share that here, but that would give you access to all of my bank accounts. Seeing as this is a public forum that would not be a good thing to share.

7. I am actually super happy to have my own little place to run. Even though sometimes I put off folding laundry, I love having an apartment. Hod and I have had fun arranging the furniture, and hanging pictures on the walls, and picking the color scheme for our kitchen. It makes me happy. This place is ours, and that is so fun!

8. While in college I became somewhat addicted to Gilmore Girls. Despite the fact that Hod really wants to live in a city, I want to live in a place like Stars Hollow, where everyone knows everyone, and they all have silly little quirks, and stupid holidays and lame reenactments.

9. I would rather have just enough money to have some wants, and all of my needs, but I want to have to save up to go on a vacation. I have no desire to live in a huge house, have a maid, and be rich.

10. One of my favorite memories as a kid is when we would play "Annie-I-Over" for Family Home Evening. For those of you who don't know this game, it goes like this. You separate into 2 teams, each of you on one side of the house. (this works best with a one story home) Team A throws a ball over the house, and Team B tries to catch it. If they do, Team B runs around to Team A's side and tries to hit them with the ball, thus gaining more members on their team. And that's about it.

11. I am super klutzy. To this day I wonder how I made it through 4 years of high school marching band with large drums strapped to my body, and without any death, broken bones, or broken instruments. I always have bruises in random spots on my body. Hod has commented before that sometimes my legs look like he beats me. He doesn't. I promise. I just run into things on a regular basis. I'm like a young teenage boy still trying to figure out his body so he runs into everything, only I'm 26 and I've had this body for probably 10 years. (As in, my body stopped changing about 10 years ago. I've had forms of this body for all 26 years, no brain transplants, promise.)

12. I am addicted to books and movies. And not just reading/watching them. I want/need to own them. This addiction is being helped while I am a poor newly-wed and I can't afford to feed it. Lets just say, that out of the 95-is movies that Hod and I own I brought about 75 of them into the marriage. I know many people own a lot more movies, but considering the lack of funds in my life since I was 18, that really isn't too bad.

13. I think I'm funny. Sometimes while I am doing hum-drum things like mopping my floor, I am telling jokes to myself in my head. Then I laugh. Then Hod looks at me and thinks I'm crazy cause I'm laughing while mopping the floor. But if you knew the dialog going on in my head, you would be laughing too.

14. I'm really bad at grammar, and yet when I see grammar mistakes it drives me crazy. I really wish people knew the difference between "your" and "you're". Or "to" and "too". I would rather someone scratch their fingernails on a chalk board than have the wrong word on a billboard. Cause the nail scratching will stop, but the billboard will be there forever! Make it stop!

15. I hate gum. I think it's gross. The texture is icky. And when people chew it, they always think that their mouth is closed, but it almost NEVER is! And then you can hear them chewing, and you can hear the slobber, and the squeaky-ness of the gum against their teeth. I believe whoever invented gum should be put in prison. Then they should be put in solitary, with speakers in the room. But the only sound that comes out of the speakers should be the sound of millions of people chewing gum! And they will sit there for years until they go completely mad, thus understanding the travesty they have put on the human race.

So, there you have it. 15 random things about me. Yep, it became random instead of interesting. Oh well.

Have a great day, yo's!

One of Life's Lessons

2011-02-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, to celebrate Hod's birthday, I turned our apartment into a life-sized board game.

This morning I woke up to a regular apartment. I'm not going to lie, I was a little bit disappointed. After living in a board game, regular life seems to be lacking something. Oh, well.

Bittersweet

2011-02-05T11:28:00.001-07:00

Sorry, friends, this is not going to be warm fuzzy.

This week two of my dear friends gave birth. This week, I have also heard through the grapevine of two other friends who just found out they are pregnant. I'll be honest, I feel like I only have five friends up here. The other friend is like me: trying to get pregnant but failing. She's been at this much longer than I have, and I can't claim to really understand her side. But I do know mine.

I realize that I've only been married 5 months. That means I really shouldn't be sad about things at all. I mean, really, 5 months?? Not that long. Yet, I can't stop myself from doing the math and realizing that I should be 20 weeks pregnant tomorrow. But I'm not. I had surgery instead. And now, because of my surgery, my body is basically going through puberty again. Really, I've been breaking out like I did when I was 11. And I'm super CRAZY irregular. How do you get pregnant when you don't know when anything is happening? And this is the second month in a row that I've been 2 weeks late (Ok... only kind of late cause apparently I'm just irregular, but for my old self I'm late) and despite how many pregnancy tests I take I always fail.

Part of me knows that some people have it so much worse. But I also haven't mentioned the other things that have been going on. Those aren't my things to share, so I won't do that here. Just suffice it to say these past 5 months have been the hardest in my life. Not because of anyone's fault. Just because of past things that are coming to surface that now we have to deal with together.

It's all out of my control. I realize that. Part of me knows that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. The other part of me can't see it at all. Hod and I will be ok. But today, I'm just throwing myself a little pity party. And wishing I could hold my baby.

PS I took off comments for this one. Thanks for the warm thoughts, but really, no one can say anything to take away the problem, so I thought I'd save you the trouble of feeling like you had to try.

Love you all!

Blogging For Books, Jumping on the Bandwagon

2011-02-02T11:49:00.000-07:00

Hey there friends!

Laree recently posted a review on a book she received for free from the Blogging for Books Program. Being a poor newlywed who LOVES new books, (Not just reading them, but owning them) I decided this was the perfect program for me. So, without further adieu, here is my review.

Lady In Waiting
By Susan Meissner

This book was exactly in my genre of "I LOVE YOU" books. The story is about a woman named Jane who owns an antique shop. One day, hidden in a shipment of other things she finds a ring inscribed with her name.
*Time Travel To The Past* We then get to meet Lady Jane Grey. Now, I don't know a lot about history, but she was a real ruler in England way back in the day. We followed her life from the view of her seamstress, Lucy. Learning how each of the Jane's progressed in their lives was quite the enjoyable experience. Susan Meissner is very skilled in keeping the reader's attention. Every time I would be completely entranced with Modern Jane's story, I would be dragged back in time to Historical Jane. Then when I was just as interested in her story, BAM back to the future.

Really, read this book. I loved learning about their lives. The story was compelling, and beautiful. As the events unfolded my emotions were surprisingly close. This is the beauty of the book.

My one complaint, I felt that at the beginning of each time travel, Susan Meissner spent a lot of time describing the setting. Almost a little too much description. Luckily, after a few paragraphs the details would become less laborious to get through. But, really, go get this book. It was wonderful!

*Disclaimer*
I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review

Yeah.... We Totally Love You!

2011-02-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

So, funny story.

There is a couple at church that Hod and I quite like. They are just super cute, and we've talked multiple times about getting together. But we never have. Sunday, Hod was talking to the MR about how "We should get together." The MR agreed. And I could just see it happening like it always does. "Hey, lets get together, Yeah, let's..." And then we never do it. So, I poked my head in and said, "You should actually plan something". And they did! We had plans to get together and play games and get to know each other.

6:00 rolls around, I'm thinking about making caramel popcorn to take over, and I turn to Hod and ask, "Dear, can you remind me of their names?" Now to this point, 98% of all conversations with this couple was Hod talking, and I was normally busy doing RS stuff. I think I had been introduced to them once, and I liked them, but I'm bad with names. Hod's response to my question was, "Uh... I'm not sure?" WHAT??? REALLY??? You have GOT to be kidding me! We are going over in one hour and we don't know their names? My mind was racing... do you think they'd notice if we never called them by name? We spent most of the next hour on our Ward's website, but not every couple had pictures, so we couldn't find it by that. Hod started calling friends who may have known, I started calling friends (One who did know her name, but we were still lost on his) and FINALLY we found one person who had records so they knew. And A LOT of people got a really good laugh. It was such a random strange moment. Really, imagine this. You call a friend and the conversation goes like this, "Hey, so we're getting together with this couple tonight... and they looked like this at church, and they are really nice... do you know their names?" So awkward!

The good news is, we went, we knew their names, I don't think I'll ever forget them, and we had a wonderful time. I hope we can be friends. And maybe someday, we will tell them our awkward story.

If You Wouldn't Mind

2011-01-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

Hello happy friends!

So... I've been blog stalking for a while now. And I LOVE that I have friends who want to put a link to my blog on the side of their's. However... I would like to point out something. From the beginning of my blog I decided I wanted to keep my real identity hidden. I even went over a year before I posted a picture of my face. That's how hidden I wanted to be. I decided that the world isn't THAT dangerous, and seeing as how I haven't committed any crimes, I don't believe my face can be found in any searchable face recognition data bases and I was probably being a little over cautious. So, now there are pictures that include my face and my dear Hod's face. There is just one piece missing. Our names. I'm not being Paily instead of Aretha (Man that lady can sing) just for fun. I'm Paily and he is Hod because I don't want our names anywhere.

This is what I am asking. If you have a link to my blog, first of all, thanks! Would you mind checking to make sure that my name isn't on it? Can you say something about Paily and Hod instead of Aretha and Frank? (I have no idea where those names are coming from... and I can't say the real names cause that kind of ruins it too... just go with it.) And along with not putting Aretha and Frank, can you be sure not to put our last name of Smithsonian anywhere? (You may have heard of my super cool museum... yeah, I'm that famous)

Thanks, Yo's. I knew I could count on you!

#39

2011-01-24T11:17:00.001-07:00

Have any of you noticed that if you look at a fellow blogger's profile, and you read through the blogs they follow, any title with an apostrophe shows up as #39? I kind of feel left out. Like maybe I should have named my blog something like "I'm in need of buckets!" so then when it was listed it would say I#39m in need of buckets! How cool is that? But, No, it's just boring and plain and has no symbols that make me think slightly of expletives. Not that I want people to think I'm swearing. (side note, do you have any idea how hard it was to figure out how to spell expletive? That's a special word right there.)

Really... there is no point in this. Just that I feel a little left out of the #39 club. Oh well.

A Little Laugh From Date Night

2011-01-20T21:45:00.000-07:00

(While watching "Return of the Jedi")
Paily: The Ewoks are SO cute! I want one!
Hod: I'm pretty sure it's illegal to own a midget as a pet.

The best part to me, is that he said this so matter of factly. Apparently I say stupid things on a regular basis and it no longer surprises him.

The Chance to Obtain Buckets

2011-01-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

Do you ever meet a person, and your first opinion of them is something like, "Huh. That person sure has a lot of ... character. I'd be OK with it if they just stayed on that side of the room."

We had a new family move into the ward this week. Actually quite a few new families. That happens about this time of year when you live in a college town. There was a specific woman who caught my eye. She made a few comments in class, she seemed really nice, I just didn't know that I wanted to be friends with her. Pretty much I don't have enough charity.

Then, today, I was given the chance to do a service opportunity with her. We talked, we got to know each other, we learned some stuff, and when we left, she told me that she wanted to do something with me again. I gave her the basic, "Oh, uh, yeah... that would be good, although Hod and I are really busy, so it will be hard to find a time..." Pretty much as non-committal as I could get.

I got home, and thought about what had happened. Really, she's nice. She wants to do whats right. She is a newly-wed, and trying to figure out married life. And there I was, being all sorts of mean in my heart. I was kind enough on the outside to make this nice woman think we were friends. Then I turned around and grumbled. Why do I do that? Why do people (Namely me) think that I'm better than anyone? I have issues, I'm not perfect, I do stupid things, I can be hard to handle at the beginning.

So, this is the plan: I, Paily, am going to get over myself. I'll be honest, I don't plan on inviting them to a sleepover or anything soon. But I plan on finding a way to get to know this person. To get past the quirkie outside and find the warm fuzzy center. We may never be the best of friends, but I will come to love her as a child of God. Think I can do it? Here's hoping!

Well That Was Fun!

2010-12-30T16:51:00.000-07:00

So, Hod's car died. After some wonderful interest free help from my dear parents, we now have this:

Our very own 2004 Mazda 6 wagon. We are so happy with our purchase. Now I don't have to worry about Hod's car quitting while he drives home late at night. That's just scary!

Tuesday, Hod and I decided to make a quick trip to see his parents. I had never been to where Hod grew up before, and it was pretty fun! But, can I just share, WOW, they are some giving people. Let me show you what I came home with.

Shoes: 2 pair. The first pair is a pair of heels. I would show you a picture, but they are in the car with Hod at his work, so I can't. But let us look at the second pair. They can almost be seen here ... Only make the top red part going around the bottom pink, and the bottom red part going around the bottom yellow. Seriously, I remember watching Punky Brewster as a kid, and I loved it. Now I have her shoes! Big thanks to Mom-in-Law. She's so nice to buy me shoes!

Coat: Ok, Look at this:

Now imagine it Black. It was pretty great. It goes like this: my coat is old. As in I got it for the winter of '98-'99. It's worked well for me. I wore it my entire mission. And it has character. But it kind of wasn't so super effective anymore. I was super warm as long as I was wearing a sweatshirt or poofy sweater under it. Hod and I had plans to get me a coat in the spring when they were all super cheap. Until then, I would just wear layers. Hey, they're in fashion! Yesterday, Hod, Me, Mom-in-law, and Sister-in-law (I need to come up with some more names) were shopping. I saw some coats, and we looked at them, and I liked them, but we just couldn't afford them. If we hadn't spent $500 on our car this month, it would have helped a lot. Well, a few months ago, Sis-in-law and her hubby decided that they wanted to save up some money to help someone for Christmas. They had prayed and tried to find out who they should help, but they hadn't come up with anyone. So they were just waiting, hoping they would know who to help. After we got home from the Mall, SIL called her husband and talked to him. She then took me and Hod back to buy me a coat, and Hod some new shoes that he needs. And according to her, we were SUPER close to the amount her and her husband had saved up. Yeah for inspiration!

THEN Hod noticed that MIL had a bright red shine-y thing that I happened to want, sitting in her garage. He mentioned to MIL that I really wanted said item. She decided that since she wasn't using it, that she wanted to give it to me. (If you don't already have envy, I think you're about to)

Are you super jealous??

Really, I don't even know how to talk about how blessed I feel. All of this, with the present Mom and Dad gave us, we're going to be able to pay our rent this month! And I don't have to be cold anymore. And I have shoes that don't hurt my feet, and Hod has shoes he can wear to church, and I can bake!

So, here is a shout out to all of my wonderful family members who bless our lives every day. THANK YOU!!!! Hod and I have had some hard months, and it has seemed that no matter what we do, we just can't get ahead. But with everyone in our lives, we are going to make it!!

THANK YOU ALL!!!

Driving 101

2010-11-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

So, I recently moved (recently as in almost 3 months ago) to a new state. As a result, I need to get a new driver's license. Soon. As in I think if I don't get it this week then I'll have to pay a nasty fee. I better get on that. But really, do I have to know what the ok blood alcohol level is? Can't I just say it's 0%? Cause that's what it should be! Yeah, I need to take that test.

Anyway, really this is about me venting. You see, I have read the manual. I know the laws. So, let me teach you all.

For example, let's talk about a four way stop. The first person to get to the stop sign gets to go first. It's not based on how long you have been waiting. I'm sorry that your line of cars had about 10 when you approached the stop sign, and mine only had 2. That means I got to the stop sign before you. So you don't get to go next! Your side just went. You don't get 2 cars in a row. I know this is sad, but it's the law. So stick it.

Round a bouts (I don't actually know how to spell that...) I've lived in a lot of busy cities. I get how to use these. You don't. You see, the speed limit is 15 mph. That means that really, if we were all going the speed limit, 4 cars could safely enter at the same time. This is what makes this an effective traffic control device. But you see, when you enter the round about at 30 mph, it just makes it so no one else can go. Thus ensuring that your line of 39 cars all get to go before anyone else. And that's just rude.

So please friends, stop driving like you have been. (PS, this is really to the locals here... and that involves exactly 2 of you, and I'm not talking about you 2, so no one should be offended about this)

And wish me luck on my driver's test!

A Little Bit of Everything

2010-11-22T00:23:00.000-07:00

Hey, Yo's.

So, firstly, some serious stuff. I was perusing around the internet today (Perusing... that is a great word that I never use, I may have to integrate it into my world.) and I found an article. It can be seen here. I think this kind of best describes how I feel sometimes. I think my favorite part is when the author asks "Why do we have to put a spin on it?" I totally feel that way! I mean, yeah, I know I've said some of the things that she says not to say. I've said them this past week. About myself. But I don't really believe them. My favorite thing though, is how SO many people like to quote statistics to me. Great. I know that miscarriages are common. But honestly, just because Jr didn't get to come visit me in real life, doesn't make him any less real. I loved him, and he will always be part of my heart. And telling me it's common doesn't make it any easier. I mean, really, lots of people have had their mom die. (I LOVE YOU MOM!!) Are you going to tell someone that to make them feel better? "Oh, your mom died? Well that's sad. But it happens a lot." Wow... Feeling so much better.

It's snowing a lot. I actually like snow for the first month. The problem here is though, all of the wind! I mean, really, if the snow wasn't blowing all over the place, there probably wouldn't be that much. But it's blowing. And blowing. As in, we could give Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery day a run for ... his? its? their? Whatever's money. So I'm not really excited to drive to work tomorrow. On clear days it's a 35 min drive. Tomorrow, it may be the drive of eternity. Pack your water folks, and don't forget the potty break, it's going to be a long one! (For example, it took Hod 90 min to drive home today... then again, I have mad snow driving skills, so I bet I can blow his time out of the water!!!! ... Not that it's a contest...)

It's late. And I should be asleep. And yet I'm wide awake and actually feeling happier right now than I have for weeks. Apparently exhaustion makes me happy. Which is strange, cause normally it just makes me beastly. Seriously. I'm an ornery tired person. I also think I would be an ornery drunk. Which is why we are SO glad I'm active LDS and happy about it. There is a severe lack of drugs in me. Well, actually that's a lie right now. The Dr put me on all sorts of meds. And I'm taking them. What is it about a D&C that makes you feel fine for the first few days and then feel like someone has reached up inside of you and is trying to rip you apart using the dullest knife ever invented for the next few days. Hmm... sharing penalty?

So, I like juice. We have it a lot. It's a healthy choice and good for... my insides. (What, it totally is!) But I'm strange. I like cold things. Milk must be cold. Ice cream, must be cold. My pillowcase must be cold. Juice, must not be cold. Which doesn't really work, cause once you open it, you have to keep in in the fridge. As a result, every time I drink juice I pour it and then wait 20 min for it to warm up. It's a hard life.

Hod just accidentally mixed milk and juice. That's gross.

I'm fish sitting this week. Hello fishy friend! (HERE FISHY FISHY FISHY! I always wanted to go fishing and see if that actually works.)

And on that note... I think I better go bed. (I almost typed back to bed, and then I realized that I haven't made it to bed yet. I have issues.)

What Did You Do Yesterday?

2010-11-17T11:47:00.000-07:00

Hello friends! So, since I have brought all of you with me on this little trip, how about I tell you all about what happened?

First of all, I did end up having surgery yesterday. (What did you do yesterday?)

Let's talk about how I feel about this.
-Negative side:
   1. This means I am no longer pregnant. I lost the baby. This is very sad. Cause I loved this little one. And besides a few ultrasound photos that made my baby resemble some sort of alien creature, that is all I'll ever have.

+Positive side:
   1. Heavenly Father has been helping me a lot. I don't know why this had to happen. But I know it's his plan. That doesn't stop the sadness, but it does make it somehow ok.
   2. Growing closer with Hod. This has been really hard. Because Hod and I are living in this city hours away from family, we haven't had anyone else to turn to. So, even though it's been rough, we are closer.
   3. Being done with this issue. Really. I have been worrying, and stressing, and doing everything I could to keep this baby, knowing that there wasn't anything I could or couldn't do.
   4. *WARNING, BIG SHARING PENALTY AHEAD* though I haven't been bleeding for the past 3 weeks, I have had what we have named the brown mucus of death. Instead of blood, this has been coming out. There are some theories that I at one point was pregnant with twins. If that is true, I actually had a miscarriage about 3 weeks ago. And my body has been decomposing Jr. #1 for weeks. Hence the smell of death coming from me on a constant basis. Which is really not fair when you have a pregnant nose so every time you use the restroom you smell death.

So, to recap... This has been sad. But Hod and I both agree that we are glad it's over. We have been so stressed about all of this for a month. And now, we're done.

Surgery was fine. I was completely unconscious. There were no complications. I felt wonderful yesterday, I took some ibuprofen last night before I went to bed, because I've been told that the pain comes a while after the surgery. So I took some just to make sure I could rest well. There wasn't any pain last night, and there hasn't been any today. I'm pretty tired, but I feel great. My mom came up to be with me because we didn't know how I would be, and really, it was kind of like just having a fun sleepover with my mom. And I had an excuse to be a little lazy. That's kind of nice.

So dear friends. I'm good. I've gotten a lot of comfort from the one true place you can get it. And life is good. Thank you for all of your prayers, I know they have helped. But know that I'm good. This will all be fine. I love you all!

DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!

2010-11-14T16:59:00.001-07:00

Ok. I have serious needs of buckets right now. Let me tell you a story.

As all ya'll know, my life is really hard right now. We'll know for sure tomorrow, but the changes that my body had been making when it became pregnant have been reversing. I am 99% sure that I am going to be having surgery in the next short while. This is being very hard for Hod and I. Some days are better than others. Today was a particularly hard day. It has been hard enough that I have spent multiple hours crying. Most of you know that is a really big deal for me.

As a result of this trial, I'm struggling to do anything extra. I mean, I go to the three hours of church, but today just doing that was hard. I just don't have anything else to give.

There is a kind woman who invited me to do something extra. It's something that I have plans to do, I just can't right now. But Hod has been participating in this extra thing. I know it's not perfect, but that is what we are able to do. I didn't really want to tell this person why I wasn't able to do extra. But she just kept pushing. Hod participating just isn't enough. They really need me. So I apologized and said that my life is just really hard right now, and that I would do it when I could. I was then informed that nothing is more important that this extra event.

So, lacking in charity, my response went something like this: "Actually, I'm in the middle of a really bad miscarriage that is going to require surgery. I'm doing the best I can, I just don't have anything else I can give right now." It shut her up. I should probably feel bad, but I don't. I tried to be nice, I told her I'd help when I could. And yet I was judged. You don't know my life. You don't know what is going on. You don't know me!

I was and apparently am pretty bitter.

It's my 100th post

2010-11-08T10:55:00.000-07:00

Hey friends!

Sorry it's been so long. I realized that my next post was going to be my 100th. So I wanted to post something super cool! I waited, and waited for something super cool, and it didn't come. Instead you get this. It is maybe super cool.

*WARNING* This post could incur sharing penalties. You have been warned.

I say maybe, cause I don't know if it's really happening.

First, I need to apologize to L1-L3. You see, I'm probably pregnant. One day, Hod and I decided to tell everyone. Before I got to everyone I ended up in the emergency room. I was possibly miscarrying. As a result, I didn't really want to call anyone and tell them that I was pregnant. That was Oct 23rd. In the ER they took my blood so they could check hormone levels. Then by checking them again on Monday they could know if I was miscarrying or not by how the levels changed. On Monday I went back to the doctor. They took my blood, and tested it, but because my ER visit was so late, it hadn't been a full 48 hours. The numbers went up, but not enough. We decided to blame time and try again. Oct 29th they took my blood again. Saturday they called me and said "Well, your levels are doubling appropriately, so it seems you're ok." Through all of this, no one has told me why I'm bleeding so much. I'm just told to wait and we'll see.

Hod and I have been trying to be positive, but we've still be so unsure. But today we had an ultrasound. This will answer all of our questions, right?? Yeah, that was our hope. Here's what we know now. I am 8 weeks along. However, I'm only measuring at 6 weeks. There is a baby inside of me, with a beating heart, but the heart is beating very slow. Now, if I am really actually only at 6 weeks then this could be fine. The heart is normally really slow at 6 weeks. And we don't know for sure when I actually ovulated because I was just coming off of birth control and that messes everything up. There is also a "spot of bleeding" or something like that. This is a problem. They are wondering if the placenta was too aggressive, and if that is what is the problem. The Dr isn't sure what is going on. At this time, he is leaning towards miscarriage. Still. Even though I got to see the baby. Even though the heart is beating. Even though I am doing everything right.

Now, one thing that I have to tell myself over and over, is what the Dr told me today. He said that if I have been living a normal life, and not doing certain things (Which I haven't been) then there is no way that I could have been having a normal pregnancy and I messed it up. It's just kind of a natural selection type of thing.

So, It's not my fault. But that doesn't make it any easier. Even though we've been waiting for 2 weeks, wondering, praying, stressing, not sleeping, we still don't know. They have ordered another ultrasound for next week. If things continue to look bad then we'll have a decision to make. Wait it out when there is no hope, not knowing what will happen, OR surgery. Basically choose to have an abortion because the baby will not live to full term and will not develop right.

I'm trying really hard to be positive, but some days it's hard. I mean, really, I'm 26. And I'm LDS. I'm already way behind in the whole start a family thing. I don't want to be set back again. I don't want to lose the baby. I love this child. And through it all, there is nothing I can do. But wait.

So, I'll put on my happy face. I'll get in my car and drive through the snow and go to work. I'll do what I can to serve others and think of them. And the entire time I will pray that our baby will be able to stay with us. That's all I can do.

Sorry to be a downer, but there's my life. My 100th post. Big news... and not.

A Few Pictures

2010-10-09T08:51:00.000-06:00

As all ya'll know, I got married just over a month ago. Our amazing photographer is still working on photoshopping our photos, but I thought I'd share a few of my favorite un-shopped photos.

It was an AMAZING day! Thanks to everyone who helped. You rock my knee highs!!

Life

2010-10-05T08:44:00.000-06:00

I recently started a new job. As a result, Hod and I both have to drive independently to a city 30 miles away. Last night, we got off about the same time, and because I had a free meal at a restaurant, we treated ourselves as a happy one month celebration. As we drove home, I was driving ahead of Hod. We missed witnessing an accident by less than five minutes. There was a motorcycle and a large truck involved. As we approached the intersection we could see a dead body lying on the ground. There were a lot of people around, and the police hadn't shown up yet. We didn't want to be in the way, so we kept driving. Right after we got to the intersection, another truck, seeing what we all could see, moved so he was blocking most of the view. I was glad for this. I'm sure there were a lot of children in the cars around us, and they didn't need to see. I called Hod, and told him that I loved him. I'm still pretty shaken up. Life is precarious. But I am glad to have mine.

A Lousy Memory

2010-09-28T20:30:00.002-06:00

So, we all know that I don't blog everyday. The good news is, between all of the blogs that I do stalk, I always have one to read. Many of my family and friends have private blogs. I totally get that. Some people just aren't comfortable living their entire bloggy life as a bucket. Luckily I have completely embraced my inner bucket-ness. Anyway, the point of this, is Blogger daily asks me if I want to be remembered. Most every day I tell it yes. Every day, I am forgotten. I used to think that maybe it was because Hod would use my computer on a regular basis, cause we weren't married, and he would always come to my apartment. But, married life, and him having his own computer hasn't fixed the problem. Alas, I seem to be destined to be forgotten. As a result, I feel the need to dedicate a song to Blogger. So, Blogger, dear, kind, free, forgetful blogger. This one is for you. (Seriously, read the lyrics, it totally fits, in a slightly creepy way.) Oh, and as always, remember to pause the music player on your right before playing the video. And, I'm pretty sure if Josh Groban had a grave to roll over in, he would after finding out that I just used this AMAZING song to mock Blogger.

Amazing Problem Solving Skills

2010-09-22T09:23:00.000-06:00

Last weekend, Hod and I went on a trip down to my home state. While driving on a major freeway, I noticed a strange occurrence. I imagine that the men who are part of the state construction company had a conversation that went something like this:

*Imagine a door slamming as Henry quickly enters the office to talk to his supervisor George*
H: George! We have a Ma-Jor problem!
G: Oh No! What's wrong Henry? (This may be said in a "Did little Timmy Fall down the well" voice.)
H: All of the warehouses are full! There is NO room for all of the construction cones and barrels. What do we do??
G: Oh, silly Henry. That's an easy one. You know that stretch of freeway between this place and this other city?
H: Yes, sir! I am very aware of that area on a major freeway that lots and lots of cars, trucks, and semi's travel everyday.
G: See, this is what you do: Take all of the extra cones and barrels, add in those signs that say you are entering a construction zone and then *giggle* drop the speed limit. It's a "construction" zone, so you should probably drop the speed limit by about 30 mph. Ha! Ha! That will be great. Can you just see all of the commuters, slowing down, driving waiting for the construction zone to really show up, but in never will! Little do they know we're just out of room. We just need a space for our extra cones and barrels.
H: That is a brilliant idea! Wow, George. This is why you're in charge. So resourceful. I'll go right out and do that.
*Scene ends as Henry runs from the office to go to George's evil bidding*

Seriously. We went through multiple "construction" zones. No men working, nothing different on the road, just cones, barrels, and a really slow speed limit. But I get it. If you're out of room, what can you do?

The Life of Mr & Mrs Bucket

2010-09-12T21:22:00.000-06:00

Hello friends!

I'm back! AND I'm married. Yeah, weird. Today I was able to stand up and introduce myself in my new ward. It was really hard to remember my last name. But married life is good. I highly recommend it. Here's a few highlights:

1. On our wedding night (No, this story isn't going there... who do you think I am???) Hod and I had a hard time adjusting to sleeping with another person. Middle of the night, I was actually kicked out of bed. There was a couch in our room so I ended up there. Hod doesn't remember asking me to move, but I was totally bummed. It got cold, so eventually I made him get over it and I got back in bed. Now we can successfully sleep in the same bed without anyone getting kicked out. Although, apparently I can be quite the aggressive cuddle-er. Hod has learned that when I am sleeping and I want to cuddle, he better watch out :) Oh, and can I just share, one of the best feelings in the WORLD is when you're asleep and then a handsome man rolls over just to put his arm around you and pull you close. Sharing penalty? Hope not, cause I love it!

2. We are all sorts of moved in! We really like our apartment, except for the lack of storage. That is a bummer. But we are figuring it out. We hung up all of our art and we look all sorts of ritzy. The sad part is, we are totally the normal poor newlyweds. But we're happy in our poorness!

3. I have successfully cooked twice for Hod now. This morning I tried and failed. I was making french toast. Not a hard thing to make. But I didn't notice that on my brand new pan there was some plastic around the handle. It melted. And it smelled really bad. And we didn't think it was on the food till Hod started eating. He's sweet and tried to be nice and eat it anyway. I made him stop because I didn't want him to die. I may have ruined a pan. And I'm not happy about it. But it was funny.

4. I'm still looking for a job. I don't really enjoy not having work. Actually, it's driving me crazy! But at least Hod has a job. Some nights he's gone late for work and that totally whomps, but some income is good.

So thats my life. Nothing too exciting to report. But life is good. I love Hod, and I am enjoying my life!!

Yeah for the USPS

2010-08-28T20:29:00.001-06:00

I grew up in a pretty small town. Until about 8 years ago, we were the only people on our street with my current last name. (I say current, because it's changing in 6 days!) Once the other Buckets moved in up the street, we started getting their mail. Quite often actually. It's totally lame. And quite annoying.

Time is crazy short, and my dear Mom decided that we should just mail the rest of the announcements. So we did. Once again, our postman messed up. We ended up with some of Mr. Bucket's mail. Guess what we got?? Yep, you guessed it. The postman delivered MY wedding announcement, with my parents return address on it, to my parents house. I tell you what, those are some mad skills. That is SO lame!

So Much To Do!

2010-08-22T09:24:00.000-06:00

I think I may be getting the slacker-iest blogger award. I'm going crazy!! Here's a small update on my life.

Wedding: It's in 12 days. 12. As in if I was a freak and was like the 6-fingered-man only double I would be able to count it out on my fingers. I haven't even started to think about packing. And I have to pack from 2 houses. I still have wedding announcements that I need to deliver. Oh, and let's just make life crazy, listen to this. So Hod and I had decided where we were moving for him to go to school. It's about a 90 min drive from were we currently life. THEN 7 days ago, there was a big shift. We are now moving a 2 1/2 hour drive the opposite direction. Why? Because God said so. I really wish he would tell me things further in advance. The good news is, we already have an apartment in the new location, some of my very bestest of friends live there, and Hod can still transfer for work. I still don't have a job, but I didn't have one before either. Good gravy!

Yesterday we went and took my bridals. That was a lot of fun. I had an entire entourage following me. There was the photographer (L5), her assistant L7 in charge of the reflector, my roomie in charge of my bouquet, the friend who is doing my hair in charge of the veil, another friend who was in charge of posing me, cause I had NO idea what I wanted or should do, and her husband who was watching their baby, and may have joined me in a picture because I needed some manly influence. I know, it's strange. Just go with it. I would post pictures, but Hod reads this blog, and that is not something he is allowed to see.

I still have 5 days left of work. It's a pretty lame job, and though I was SO grateful to get it, I will be glad to leave it. I am totally only working here for the money. But getting this job was a gift, I am very much so done.

My parents get home in 2 days!! I can't even tell you how happy I am about this. At first, I kind of wanted to plan my wedding by myself. Then I figured I would get exactly what I wanted because my Mom wouldn't be around to disagree with me. This is all based on a small disagreement we had about my wedding reception when I was 15. Well, I've grown up, and I don't think we would have fought anymore, and I am now just INSANE because I didn't wait for my Mom. I mean, really. What was I thinking! L2 and L3 have been SO great to help me get things done, but there is only so much they could do. They are crazy busy with their families. L5 has been busy being my photographer, so she hasn't been able to do too much more, L7 has been traveling around the world and moving classrooms so she hasn't been here, Hod is working 52 hours a week, so he's not around to help. As a result, I have probably done 87% of my wedding all by myself. I am SOOOOO glad to have a Mom that I can throw some of the last minute things at. I have to keep working and I have to move, and there is so much to do. But she is coming home so soon from her mission mostly to help me. Mom's are the best, and I sure do love mine! And, I think I just need the rational mind of my Dad. So, Mom and Daddy-o, Please drive safely, and come join me! I only have 10 days with you before I'm a married woman, so let's do all of the fun things we can think of in between wedding stuff!

So, yeah. There's my life. It's crazy, and I'm barely holding on. But it's all going to work out!!

I Have Shoes!

2010-07-25T15:55:00.000-06:00

I'm not dead! I know you were all wondering if I had died. There has been a severe lack of blogging. Sorry about that. You see, my life is just pretty boring. I work, I don't enjoy my work, I go home, I flirt with Hod, I sleep, I try not to be ornery, but sometimes I fail, then I start it all over the next day. Oh, and I'm planning my wedding. That's cool. I'm getting married!!! Good gravy! Wedding plans have been pretty smooth, though there has been one big snag. My shoes.

Now, just so you know, it did all work out. I am actually wearing my shoes as we speak... uh read... as I type. Though it is very probable that by the time you read this, I will no longer be wearing my shoes. Either way, let me tell you of the journey to get these shoes.

Once upon a time, L5 and L7 and I traveled across the mountains to a cute little bridal store to try on wedding dresses. It was here that I found my dress. I am very happy about my dress. They of course, wanted to sell me some of their super expensive shoes. I tried some on, but they weren't my size, nor were they comfortable. The thought I had was, "If I'm going to wear uncomfortable shoes, I really don't want to pay $70 for them." It was agreed upon that they would order in the correct size, I would see if I wanted them and then if I did, I would pay for them. I was also informed that if I bought my shoes there they would be dyed for free. That was quite a selling point. I paid for my dress, (Ok, let's be honest, my mother paid for it) signed my receipt, made an appointment to meed with the alterations lady and try on the shoes and left. When we got to the car, L5 noticed that I had been charged for the shoes and that all over the receipt it said "No refunds, No exeptions". LAME! I didn't really even want the shoes. I was totally tricked. But I did sign everything.

I was a little unhappy, but to make up for it, I decided that I would pay for $70 worth of wedding things. Two weeks later I went down to meet with the alterations lady and try on my shoes. And my shoes weren't in. Really? I just drove all the way down here to try on my shoes. That is so dumb!

I had to pick up the things for the alterations and bring them back to the alterations lady. So I did. I drove back down to the shop a week later, knowing it would only take me a minute to drop off my stuff and try on the shoes so they could be dyed. Once again, the shoes had not yet arrived. Really?? Are we really playing this game again? So dumb.

An appointment was set to pick up my dress. I was told that I could try on my shoes that day and then they could quickly dye them. I would be taking them home wet, but that's ok. I picked a color to dye my shoes (#71 a dark navy) and thought everything was ready.

The day to pick up my dress arrived. Woo hoo! I went to get my dress, and tried on my shoes that had finally arrived. They fit, so I told them to dye them. "BUT." said the alteration lady, "your dress doesn't actually have any navy on it, so you don't want that color." "Uh... Yes, I do" I replied. "No, you really don't. And it's only $10 to have them re-dyed after the wedding" This seemed reasonable to me. So we picked a color that did match my dress exactly. I asked if I could come back and pick up my shoes in about 30 min. I was told no, because no one working that day knew how to dye shoes. My cute future sister in law offered to pick up the shoes for me because she lives in the same city as the shop. Ok fine. So I went to leave. Then I was stopped. "I'm sorry ma'am, but it will be $10 to dye your shoes." What? I had been told that it would be free. Turns out, the day I did all of this the woman helping me was "developmentally disabled". She often makes people promises and they can't honor them. Um... Hello!! Not my fault you have someone making false promises to people. Dye my shoes! But they wouldn't. I begrudgingly paid my $10 and left with my dress.

A week later, I was down visiting my future sister in law. She had my shoes! Yeah! So I looked at them... they were the ugliest shade of blue I had ever seen in my life. Seriously. And the color wasn't staying on the shoes. As in my hands were all blue because I had been touching them. I can't wear something like that under my dress! This is SO not ok! And they are ugly! AAAHHHHH!!! It was after hours, my sister in law offered to take them back, and I went home knowing I had to call the dress shop on Monday.

Monday came. I called the shop, and was told that the color was coming off because the shop had been out of Scotch Guard for about a month. But I could go buy some at Wal*mart and I should be fine. I don't think so! I'm not going to go buy myself a whole can of scotch guard. What in the world would I do with it after?? And besides, they were ugly! I didn't want them! The woman I was speaking to was a little confused, and she asked me if she could talk to a coworker and call me back. I said ok, she took my name and number and I hung up. And she never called back. GRR!!

Wednesday came. I called again. By now I'm pretty darn ticked. I was ready to fight about this one. Armed with some really good arguments I called. The phone was answered by a very nice reasonable woman. When I told her my problems, she said, "Oh, no, you can't wear ugly shoes for your wedding, and we can't let you have shoes that are leaving blue everywhere. Bring them back in and we will re-dye them the navy color you first wanted and spray them with extra scotch guard so the color stays." I asked how much it would cost, she told me it was free cause it was their mistake. That's some customer service! Whoop Whoop!

My sister in law took the shoes back in. A week later (this last Thursday) she went to pick them up. "That will be $10 ma'am." You have GOT to be KIDDING me! She didn't take them and called my fiancée' to tell him the problem. He was in town, and I was driving down to join him later that day. Hod, being the good man he was told me he would take care of it. I had tried being nice and they were being difficult. He was sick of them ticking me off, and he was going to give them a piece of his mind and get me my shoes. So Hod went, ready to fight to the death to make his cute fiancée happy. I sure do love a man who will stand up for you. He walked into the store, told someone he was there to get my shoes, they walked to the back, picked them up, came back to Hod, pulled off the note saying that they were being re-dyed for free and handed them to Hod without any questions. I swear this company is bi-polar.

So, I have my shoes. Let's be honest, they aren't actually navy. They are more of a deep royal. But that's ok, cause it matches my dress. And I will not be going back there to try again. But the color is staying on the shoes. Alright, some of the color that got on the inside comes off on my feet, but it won't be dying the inside of my dress blue. I have shoes! I think getting these shoes has been the hardest part of my wedding. It's so lame!

So... the moral of the story is... well I don't have one. But man, I better get a lot of use out of these shoes, cause they were a pain to get!

The Beginning of All Things Ultimately Lame

2010-06-23T16:18:00.002-06:00

Greetings fellow Bucket-eers.

If you check the countdown in my right hand side bar, you will see that I have just over 2 months before Hod and I will be married for eternity. I am SO stinkin' excited. I am also very attached. Seriously. Monday night, I had this horrible dream. Hod died, and there was a bad man coming after me trying to do bad things. It was no good and I woke up in a very foul mood. Well, part of that was the dream, part of that was the fact that I was getting up so stinkin' early cause a girl at work quit, so I had to cover her shift, but it's also good, cause now Hod is working my shifts, and we get to work together, and now we may actually have enough money that some days we can eat food other than Ramen. Uh... Yeah, I digress.

Because in my dream dear Hod died, I realized that I love this man more than I thought I could. It's kind of crazy. Really folks, this is some super lame, crazy intense kind of love. Not like a creepy kind of crazy. I haven't blown up pictures of him and taped his face to my teddy bear. I just really love him. I assume that all of you married friends understand what I'm saying. As for the rest of you... just trust me.

Where was I going with this? Yeah, I'm not sure either. I guess to show my true devotion... or not really for that reason, here are some of our favorite engagements. They were taken by L5. She has some serious skills.

Oh The Wisdom

2010-06-13T00:23:00.000-06:00

Hello fellow bucketteers. Oh, I like that one.

So, I have a Mom. She's pretty great. She has taught me a lot of things. I remember back in the day when I lived at home, that when she would run the dishwasher, she would never let it go through the dry cycle. I never knew why. I just assumed it was because that took a lot of energy and we were trying to save money where we could. It made sense to me. Maybe that really was the whole reason, but I wonder if there was something else involved.

You see, I live in an apartment with some pretty amazing girls. (Hey, yo's!) All of us have lived on our own for a large number of years, and we have mad skills at some pretty simple things. For example, we can all load the dishwasher. And yet, sometimes in my life, while living with girls with mad dishwasher loading skills, there has been a mishap. During the great and powerful washing cycle, things shift just wrong and land on the heating coil. Then when it goes to dry, your house ends up smelling so bad you get a major headache and then stay up blogging instead of sleeping cause your head is spinning. It's a total bummer.

Though, when I think about it, I don't remember this ever happening in my house growing up. Not only does not using the power heat dry cycle save power, but if something does shift, it won't burn up, or melt down causing the worst smell known to man to take over every inch of the apartment, invading your nostrils and everything you thought to be good smelling and pretty.

The great wisdom of Mom's.

On other news, I spent today doing absolutely nothing. Wedding plans are coming along great. Though, with work and planning all day every day is super crazy booked for me. So, dear Hod was willing to give up some of his time and do nothing with me today. I think this is the first nothing day I have had in over a month. I am very aware that once I'm married nothing days will forever be gone, so I need to take advantage as I can. Spending most of the day sitting in your pajamas, eating waffles, and watching Duck Tales. What more could a girl ask for? So, dear Hod, Thank you for spending the day doing nothing. I could do nothing with you forever and be happy. Ok, not true, I have to much ADD for that. But for today, it was great. I love you sir. (Yes, I realize that is super lame. No one forced you to read it..)

Romantic Words

2010-06-03T08:11:00.000-06:00

So, I'm sick. Or I have food poisoning. I'm really not sure. But I do know that last night during dinner, I became very nauseous, and Hod was perfectly fine. I lay down for a bit trying to get my stomach to settle. Hod was sitting close, but not too close, cause he knew I didn't feel well. After fighting it for 2 hours, I suddenly stood up, walked towards the bathroom and told Hod that I was going to lose it. It's pretty awkward. I really didn't want him to see me like that. There is nothing attractive about puking. Anyway, on my way to the bathroom Hod asks, "Would you like me to hold your hair?"

My hair was in a pony tail, so I didn't need it. Still, the fact that he would offer was sweet. I don't think I would ever offer to hold someone else's hair. I mean, really, that's gross. I don't want to be there.

So, lame line of the week, that for some reason I find very cute and romantic: "Would you like me to hold your hair?" That's real love. ;)

Work, Work, Work

2010-05-25T20:14:00.000-06:00

My day today went something like this:

Only picture this with less chocolate, not nearly as cute outfits, and ice cream bars instead. And they didn't go in my mouth, I just had to keep throwing them over my shoulder. 20 minutes into my shift. It was a long day.

Life Changing Moments

2010-05-16T18:10:00.000-06:00

Guess what dear friends!! I'M ENGAGED!!!!

Here's the story:

Yesterday, (My birthday) I had to go the the large city that is my state capitol. I had a wedding shower to go to. Hod came with me, and he just distracted himself while I was partying with the girls. He came to pick me up with flowers and a giant Slurpee!! I was pretty happy about the Slurpee. We drove to this pretty place downtown and then to a large area that is owned by my Church. ... It's being really hard to be vague here. I guess this is a big state, and you have no idea where I was driving from, so I'll just tell you. We were in Salt Lake City at Temple Square. We parked on one side, and then walked to the other. Hod was in a big hurry. There were lots of pretty flowers, and I was trying to take my time. You know, stop and smell the roses (Ok, they were tulips) and all that.

Because of Hod's mad speed walking skills (He claims he was nervous) we quickly arrived at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. This is when things got a little bit special. Hod sat me down in a chair, and then proceeded to blindfold me. I really don't like being blindfolded, but I did play along. I then found head phones being placed in my ears, and there was a great song playing. It's called "I'm Doing Everything (for you)" by The Rocket Summer. My favorite band. I was then led through the lobby, dodging chairs, people and a giant piano into the elevator. Did I mention I don't like being blindfolded? A strange thing happens when you make me close my eyes. Suddenly, I have no sense of balance. The good news is, I had a very nice man holding my hand keeping me safe. We rode the elevator to the 10th floor where they have really big windows so you can see the view. We went to the east side of the building. That is the side overlooking the city, not the temple. The side overlooking the temple is cliche'. He knelt down next to me, opened the ring box, and told me I could take off my blindfold and look at the view.. Here's the problem though, at this point, I knew he was proposing. He positioned me so I was looking out the window, and he was just out of my line of vision. So I'm standing there, looking at the city thinking, "What in the world am I supposed to be seeing??" I was all sorts of confused. Finally Hod says, "Um, the view's down here!" To which I turned to see him on one knee with a beautiful ring. I jumped back in surprise, even though I knew it was coming. Hod said some very cute things, that I can't really remember cause I was freaking out a lot, and he asked me to be his bride for eternity. My brain was super fuzzy, and I just kept trying to say something in the affirmative. My mouth was having issues. As a result, what came out of my mouth was, "Uh... Yeah... Sure..." I'm pretty sure I'm never going to live that down.

We then went to the Garden restaurant to celebrate. It was an amazing day.

Here's the proof :)

The Green stones are Emeralds. My birthstone :)

This is the side view. Hod's favorite part is the side detail. Oh, and Hod designed it. The bottom is flat because I am hard on rings. He did such an amazing job! I Love him. He's just so great!

Get Over Yourself

2010-05-01T09:22:00.000-06:00

Hello friends!

Sorry that I've been gone so long. I just... haven't had much to say. As for my last post... I guess we're going with Hod. Though it's not his favorite choice, but I think it will work just fine. Things with Hod are going very well. He's great. But that's not the purpose of this post.

I'm in my local institute choir. The easy one that doesn't involve any trying out. My sister L5 is part of the auditioned choir. That choir is led by one Bro. Halibut (Yes, L5 I'm aware that Bro. Halibut's real name has nothing to do with fish, but it's a common mistake others make, so we're going with it.) People who know me, know that I am not really a fan of Bro. Halibut. He's a good man, I just can't really stand to have a conversation with him. That could be because every personal interaction I've had with him has been negative. I know you're in charge, but really, I've been playing drums for 13 years, you may want to trust my judgement, because after going through 5 other steps, you're going to come to the same conclusion that I suggested to you. Sorry, but I digress.

L5 and I are in a concert together this weekend. It's actually the auditioned choir's concert, but they are letting the non-auditioned choir join in. But really, it's still almost all about the auditioned choir. Last night, by the time the performance had actually started, I was a little.... unhappy with things. You know, things like how during our prayer, the speaker asked that we would be able to perform in a way to make Bro Halibut happy, and then he said and in a way to make the Lord happy... I'm thinking that order should have been switched. Then the lady who was announcing things talked about how the auditioned choir was here to represent the institute and how cool they are, and all of us non-auditioned folks were just there to... twiddle our thumbs. Ok, that last part wasn't said, but it sure felt like it.

Being as I already have issues with Bro. Halibut, and I'm not a big fan of how most of the auditioned choir acts like they are better than us non-auditioned people, I wasn't really in the best mood. Well, that and Hod was supposed to be there with me, but then he got called into work, and thats just lame, cause life is always a bit more fun when you have a cute boy there.

This concert really is quite the production, with dancers in their many costumes, L5 being the rockin' awesome narrator and some great choreography. The non-auditioned choir was placed in the fake mezzanines found on both sides of the stage. We were up high. Man did it get hot. Oh well. Seeing as I am fairly vertically challenged, I was on the front row. No surprise there. And I had a kind of cool experience. Where I was sitting, I could see where the boys would stand while waiting to come on stage. This mostly happened to the dancing boys between costume changes. During one song, I saw one of the dancers standing there waiting. He was behind a big screen thing so people couldn't see him. He was far away from any of the microphones. And he was singing with his heart. I could hear him, but I'm pretty sure that no one else could. But he understood the purpose of things. Yes, he was there to perform, but mostly he was there to share his testimony of the Prophet Joseph Smith and of our Savior Jesus Christ.

And there I was thinking about how this whole thing was lame, and I was hot, and my back hurt. Then it hit me. No, I'm never going to be Bro. Halibut's #1 fan. But I love music, and I love the Lord. Sometimes I just really need to get over myself. I needed to understand the purpose of things. It's not all about you, Paily!

A New Name

2010-04-18T13:57:00.000-06:00

Dear Friends!

So... life's been interesting. Here's the story. I am officially 100% done with Scuttle. We had a very nice chat yesterday, and we both had come to the same conclusion. I truly hope that we can be dear friends, because I will always care about him. He has some amazing qualities.

But on to the next part of life... I have a new friend now. He is actually one of Scuttle's friends. (Oh the scandal!) We like each other and have decided to date. He is such a good man. He treats me like a queen, honors his Priesthood, and makes me laugh a lot. Good times, yo. The only problem is: what do I call him? Before Scuttle, I would talk about scuttles. I thought that just making it a real name was a great idea. But now what do I do? Do I just pretend Scuttle the 1st never happened so I can call Scuttle the 2nd, Scuttle? That just seems confusing. And I don't really want to pretend Scuttle the 1st never happened, cause there were some great times. But Scuttle the 2nd just takes too long. So here are some options:

Brazier: it seems like a cool name... but it's also a way that I would probably try to spell an item of women's clothing.

Hod: Simple, easy to spell, but makes me think of HUD. That's a word that L7 got me saying that is kind of the equivalent of Blast... so it may be a bad idea.

Cask: One of my favorite options, but it is usually used to hold alcoholic drinks. That does put a damper on it. So, what do you think? Any good ideas? I'm totally open to other suggestions.

Thanks, yo's.

Paily